A/N: TRIGGER WARNING

I wish I could just let myself be fucking happy, I wish I could just tell him everything.

But I keep holding myself back.

5years ago

"Let me go" I screamed as I shuffled around vigorously.

"Shut the hell up" He hissed, as he pinned my arms over my head. It was moments like this that I wish I was just a normal human, not bound by a pack or someone who thought they were entitled to your body just because they held a title.

"Now make sure to be on your best behaviour for your Alpha" he grimaced sadistically, a tear ran down my cheek, I knew what was going to happen next, I'm a broken thing to everyone around here. Weak, and shy, I'm the one people can push around without getting in trouble. I just wonder if the pain will ever stop.

It was days like those that made me go numb. Every time I was used and thrown to the side I broke a little more.

When I left, I promised myself that I would never let anyone make another choice for me or use me like he did. I was going to take charge of my own life.

So I stopped feeling, I stopped thinking so lowly of myself, everyday was just about survival.

And it's no different now, I'm still an inferior little girl trying to get through life. So I have to put on my big girl pants, put a smile on my face and make sure nobody can ever sense weakness.

I didn't realise that tears were trickling down my face, I don't think I've cried in a long time, it was overwhelming, I've never had the time to feel so much, I was always on the run.

And now that I'm not, I don't know what to do with myself.

I ran the water and jumped into the shower.

The boiling water poured down my body, soothing my muscles and engulfing me in steam.

This is exactly what I need right now...a very powerful shower head.

If you get catch my drift.

Some Time Later

"How you doing from the beating today" Lilliana laughed as she lay on my bed with a bowl of popcorn clasped tightly between her paws.

"Sore" I groaned.

"You need to exercise more. No offence but you're sort of flimsy" she flexed her arm marvelling at her muscular and toned biceps.

"Show off" I mocked, "not all of us can be built like a model Lil" I grunted.

"Well, I wouldn't say model. Maybe more like Goddess" she smiled proudly checking out her bod, I mean you can't disagree with that, she is definitely a sight for sore eyes.

"On another note. Hows things with you and the Alpha" she questioned as she shovelled handfuls of popcorn into her mouth.

"He's mad about the whole headlock suffocating thing" I rolled my eyes thinking about our argument.

"And then he started ranting about mating and me being a Luna. Which is not happening anytime soon"I plopped besides her and snatching the bowl away.

"Why not? I think you'd be a good Luna" she shrugged.

"I'm 19, I don't want to be a goddamn Luna" I scoffed, I am practically a kid! I'm not leader material.

"It's just a title. You wouldn't really have to do anything besides be nice to people" I guess she does have a point, I mean it is mildly sexist, their still hasn't been a single female Alpha yet, ugh the patriarchy. You'd think coming from an entirely different world would come with a few advantages.