It's almost thirty past three when we walk into my apartment. I'm carrying the car seat with Dais; it's a routine that's become natural, and Jo is carrying the three shopping bags with all the clothes we got for her and Daisy. I'm fucking happy that she's let me buy her some clothes, I could tell she felt nice while trying on something different than those comfortable clothes that Mercy bought for her. These clothes are hers, and I think she needed to have something that's completely hers.

I hope that the dress she bought will make her feel a little more at ease tonight. I know that Elif and Miryam go all out on New Year's Eve, and given how Jo reacted on Christmas Day when she wore leggings to my mum's, I know she would feel underdressed and very uncomfortable tonight if she wears just leggings while the others wear dresses.

On Christmas Day, I'd briefed my family and told them to wear trackies as well so Jo wouldn't feel uncomfortable. And because my family is so amazing, they agreed without hesitation. But today, I can't ask my friends to come in chill mode since they will leave after twelve to go out. Also, I doubt Elif and Miryam would willingly wear leggings and sweaters on a night like this.

I'm curious how tonight will unfold. The boys have been nagging my head off since they know Jo's staying with me. They want to meet her, and while I've tried to be relaxed about it to Jo, I have to admit that the closer it comes, I'm starting to feel a bit nervous too.

It's not that I'm worried or anything; I know they'll like her. Fuck, what's not to like? Jo is amazing, and when I saw her in that black dress, she took my breath away. She looked gorgeous, and for the first time, I saw what could've been. I saw a young woman that -if her life wouldn't have taken that drastic turn all those years ago- I could've met during a night out. Or in the restaurant where she could've worked. Or in the park where she would walk and where I would play football.

While she wore that dress -one that isn't supposed to be sexy in any way, but still is sexy as fuck without her flaunting anything- I saw a girl that I would've made work of. I would've pursued her. I would've wanted her in my bed for one night. And after that one night, I would've figured what an amazing, fun, sweet, and interesting girl she was, and I would've asked her for her number. In that alternative universe, she could've been the one that stayed longer than just that one night.

Ever since I met her, I've seen the girl with the baggage. And since just a few days, I know what that baggage contains and how fucking strong this woman is. After everything they did to her and everything she's been through -a true hell on earth- she now fights for a better life for her and her daughter. She never complains, and she never uses her past as an excuse. If anything, she's too hard on herself. And every day that passes by, I'm more and more in awe of her and the way she fights.

But when she tried on that dress today, I saw her differently. And it made me more smitten than I already was.

It's exactly the reason why I'm starting to feel nervous about tonight; Jo and Dais mean so much to me, and I want my friends to like them too. Because I know that they are here to stay. Josephine and Daisy won't leave unless they want to themselves.

"Thank you for today, Hero," Josephine says when I've put Daisy's car seat onto the floor. I'm unbuckling her belts, and I can feel that Jo is watching us. "I had fun."

"Me too," I tell her honestly while I take Dais out of her seat and lay her against my chest. She's still a bit sleepy, but she is squirming.

The moment I turn to face Jo, her eyes widen, and a second later she starts to giggle. "Oh Gosh. Be careful, she-"

My hand moves to Daisy's back, not fully registering what Jo says, and immediately I feel something warm and wet. Jo starts to giggle harder, and I can only imagine what I've got all over my hand right now.

I swear to God, this tiny lass has some serious horror nappies.

"Oh no, it's even in her hair," Jo laughs, her eyes even tearing slightly. I've never seen her laugh like this, and it makes me fucking happy even though I have a hand full of shit.

I throw a glance at the car seat and sure enough, that's filthy too. When my eyes find Jo once more, she's just wiping her tears from her cheeks. "I'm sorry, I don't mean to laugh, it's just so..."

She can't finish her sentence because another fit of giggles takes its control, and I can't help but laugh along. "This is what she did when you were at therapy the first time. I swear I didn't know where to begin."

Jo nods in understanding, taking a deep breath to control the laughter. "Here, let me take her so you can wash your hands," Jo says before taking daisy from me. She lays her in her arms, not caring about how her clothes will be dirty that way too, and I can't help but smirk as I see how Daisy is sucking on her two fingers while her bug, blue eyes are focussed on her giggling mom.

She's giving zero fucks, and I think it's beautiful. That's my girl right there.

"Good thing you bought me a dress," Jo cheekily says, her cheeks red from giggling. "I think we all need a bath."

I nod, my hand still hanging mid-air. We all need a bath. I don't know why, but something about that sounds suggestive while I know she doesn't mean it anywhere near where my dirty mind goes right now. Of course she doesn't, she's holding her daughter.

Me and her. In the shower. Together. I could soap her and show her how fucking amazing someone's touch can be if you truly want them to touch you. If one's touch isn't done with force and solely to inflict pain. Christ, here I go again. I'm a fucking moron.

"I... I uhh.. I'll go clean my hand." I stumble over my words at the same time as make my way towards the bathroom so I can wash my hands. I see how Jo frowns slightly, but I don't react to it because what the hell am I supposed to say? Sorry love, while my hand is covered in shit and you're holding your newborn, I'm sporting a giant semi because I thought about taking a shower with you? She would run out that door and never come back, I'm sure.

I yank the door of the bathroom open with my clean hand and walk to the sink. I open the lit and start washing my hands, all the while meeting my reflection in the mirror. "Keep it together, FT. Fuck," I mumble -more lipsync- to myself. My cheeks are fucking red and my eyes seem darker; it only serves as proof of what I already know. This woman has the power to drive me crazy with her innocent words.

I can only imagine what she could do to me when she's turning me on on purpose.

"Hero?" Jo's voice calls, and a second later, she appears in the mirror as well. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to laugh that hard. Or at you."

Christ, she has no idea.

"No, Jo, that's okay. I laughed too," I reassure her, closing the tap and wiping my hands dry by using the small towel that hangs next to the sink. I don't give her any explanation further since I can't.

"Okay," she whispers, giving me a small smile. Her happy expression has lingered; her cheeks and nose are red from spending a few hours outside,

And it has done wonders.

"I can fill the sink for Dais," I tell her as I turn around, breaking our eye contact through the mirror and finding her eyes moments later face to face.

She nods and bites her lip. "Uh, yeah. That's good," she agrees. "Or I could... I could maybe..." She seems to struggle with what she wants to say, but her expression doesn't change. She wants something, but she's nervous about it.

"Yeah?" I ask, encouraging her to spill it out. I don't know what she wants to say, else I would've said it to help her.

She takes a deep breath, her eyes moving to Daisy who is still contently sucking on her fingers. It's remarkable really, considering the situation on her back. "I can maybe take a shower with her? Like you did with her too?"

My heart jumps, but at the same time, I wonder why she is asking me. She doesn't have to ask me anything regarding her daughter, I hope she knows that. "Of course, you should!" I reply enthusiastically. "I know she would love that. And you too."

Pride rises in my chest, just as relief. She's taking yet another step, and after today's therapy session that went well too, I feel like I'm on cloud fucking nine. I'm so fucking proud.

Finally, after she's been so closed off and hurt, scared and angry, we seem to enter a phase that offers some kind of perspective.

"Okay," she nods, seemingly nervous. "I'll need your help, if you don't mind?"

"Of course," I reply without thinking. The need to make this experience with her daughter just as beautiful as I've gotten to know it is overwhelming and dominant as hell. "I'll help you."

I'll help you, I said like the confident studmuffin I am. I'll help you, as if it won't be any fucking problem. But as I turn on the shower and feel how the cold water slowly turns warmer on my hand, I realize that I hadn't properly thought it through when I promised to help her.

Because how in fuck's name will I be able to control my thoughts when she will be in the shower when I can't even keep it together when she's just commenting on how we need a bath. Because we're all covered in Dais' explosion.

I have no idea how she will do this either, which is why I'm nervous too. I don't know if she'll wear clothes or underwear, or if she won't. All I know is that she asked me to fix the water before she walked into Daisy's room.

Daisy's room, since Jo has been waking up in mine.

The door behind me clicks open, and for a moment I'm frozen to my spot. My hand still hangs underneath the -now warm- stream of water, and I wait for her to tell me what to do. I know she is nervous too, I feel it. She's just opened the door, but the bathroom is already filling with tension.

It's not an unpleasant tension perse, at least not from my side it isn't. It's a nervous one, sure, but I'm excited too because I've been wanting this for Jo ever since I showered with Dais. I so badly want her to have those little moments with her daughter while she's still tiny like this.

"Okay, we're ready," Jo pipes up from behind me, and I take a breath before slowly turning around, promising -more like forcing- myself that whatever I find her in, I'll focus on her face. On her face and on Daisy.

When they come into view, I feel how my breath gets stuck in my throat, and it has nothing to with what Jo is wearing. They are standing in front of me, Daisy wrapped in a beige towel with a cap that I haven't seen before, and Jo wrapped in one of the grey towels from the shelf. Her hair falls over her shoulders, and two pairs of the most beautiful blue hues I've ever seen are looking up at me. Daisy is still sucking on her two fingers, and Jo has sucked her lower lip into her mouth.

I swallow, fighting the dryness in my mouth. "I think the temperature is good," I tell Jo while nodding to the shower behind me. There is already forming some steam in the bathroom, and I'm happy that I took off my shirt since that was dirty too.

Jo's eyes flicker from Daisy to the shower, and then she frees her lower lip from her mouth. "So, how do we do this?" She asks, sounding slightly nervous. Her cheeks are red too, but I know that's also because of the cold outside still. And maybe even a little because of the steam.

I clear my throat. "You can give me Dais and then you can hop in. When you're ready, I can hand her to you," I propose, and after thinking over what I said for a second, she nods her head in agreement. "Okay."

I smile and hold out my hands, and Jo hand me Daisy right after. "Hi, sweetheart," I mumble while looking down at her. Her blue eyes follow my voice, her fingers still in her mouth but not sucking on them anymore. "You're going for a shower?"

I try to focus on Daisy so Jo has some privacy. It's not much, considering I'm standing right in her personal space and the bathroom isn't big, but I take a step to the right so she can walk into the shower. In the corner of my eye, I see that she slowly drops her towel before stepping underneath the warm water. She contently sighs which means she is happy with the temperature, and after that, a silence falls.

I'm still looking at the fluffy bundle in my arms, the steam around us making sure there isn't a proper view anymore. I'm not sure if I should turn around and give Daisy to Jo, or wait until Jo tells me to hand her over. After a good minute, I decide to ask her. "Everything good?"

"Yeah," Jo's voice fills the bathroom after a moment. "Sorry. Um, you can give her to me."

I turn around, my gaze still on Dias. When I slowly lift my head, I see that Jo's standing underneath the shower stream, her arms folded in front of her chest. Her soaked hair is falling down her back, and even though I'm standing right in front of her while she isn't wearing a top, I don't detect any discomfort.

"Okay, so," I begin while I unfold the towel from Daisy. "Can you take her out?"

Jo nods and then slowly unwraps her arms from her chest. And I swear I try not to look. I try to focus on Daisy and how I get her safe and sound in Jo's arms, but fuck, I'm only human.

I'm only human and in front of me, the girl that's on my mind twenty-four-seven -the girl that I'm completely smitten with- is standing underneath the water stream, soaking wet, and without wearing anything but grey panties.

And I know I've seen her breast before when she fed Daisy, and I also know that this moment is anything but sexual, but I can't help it. She is beautiful. Fucking stunning, and the fact that she now -as she takes Daisy from me- doesn't feel the need to hide herself from me, only adds to the pride I was already feeling. She is the strongest and bravest person I know, I'm sure of it.

"I'm scared that I'll drop her," Jo mumbles. I'm still supporting Daisy's bum, but Jo is holding her underneath her arms. "When we are both slippery from the water."

"Don't worry, you can do this," I tell her, dropping the towel Daisy was in, and taking a step forward so I'm close enough to help her properly. The water is tickling on my arms and chest, and it only then dawns on me how close to her I actually am. "You should lay her against your chest."

As we maneuver Daisy to Jo's chest, she doesn't make a sound. It's as if she feels that her mother is a little nervous, and therefore she's making this as easy as possible. I'm sure it's the mother-daughter bond they share since she wasn't granting me this ease the first -or second and third- time I was in Jo's position.

"There you go," I mumble when Jo has cradled Daisy against her chest. I'm still holding her bum, but Daisy's eyes close as she feels the water cascading down on her head. She looks utterly at ease, and she is enjoying the water. "I'm gonna let her go, yeah? You've got this."

Jo nods and slides her hand underneath Daisy's bum before I retreat mine. Her touch sends a shiver straight through me, but I ignore it. Instead, I focus on the sight in front of me, thanking whoever the fuck needs to be thanked for letting me witness this moment.

They look perfect. So fucking perfect and pure, it's hard to believe that they wouldn't have been here if it wasn't for the horrible events that took place.

Daisy's nestled herself against Jo completely now, once again sucking on her fingers contently while her eyes are closed as she enjoys the warm water. And Jo, my gorgeous, strong Josephine, has bowed her head and presses her lips against her daughter's dark brown hairs. Her wet hair falls down her back, her eyelashes resting on her cheeks.

The rush of arousal that shot through me upon seeing her topless moments ago has disappeared completely, and it has made room for endearment and love. There is nothing sexual about this anymore, but it's so full of love that my chest hurts.

This is without doubt one of those moments that I wish they were completely mine and that everything that happened to her didn't exist. If this was just a moment of a loving boyfriend and father who watched his girlfriend and daughter have a shower, I would've grabbed my phone and made sure this sight was made permanent forever. They almost look artistic; their pale skins standing out against the dark tiles of the bathroom walls.

As if she feels how intently I'm studying them, Jo lifts her head slightly and then leans her cheek on Daisy's head so she is looking at me. She gives me a small smile, but I can tell her eyes are filled with tears. "What's wrong?" I whisper. Somehow I know it's nothing serious; she feels too calm, too zen.

"I just... I'm so happy I'm doing this. It feels so good." Even though her face is wet from the water, I can still make out how a tear leaves the corner of her eye. She closes her eyes for a brief second, soaking up the feeling of being with her daughter like this after carving it for so long. "For the first time, it feels as if there is light at the end of the tunnel."

I can't describe how fucking happy it makes me that she's voicing the thoughts I've been having since she walked out of that door this morning after therapy. I feel it too. I see it too, that light.

"Because there is," I mumble. I feel my eyes burn too. I've never felt this emotional by just a vision. "You've taken such a big step today, Jo."

She opens her eyes and nods. "I know."

I smile, happy that she -for once- takes credit for what she did. Normally, she would've said something among the lines of thanking me, I know she would. It's just one of the things I've noticed; whenever she's doing something that goes over her limit or fear, she thanks me and tells me it's because I was here. It's almost as if she's afraid to take credit herself.

But here she is, owning the fact that she made a giant step towards the light today. "I'm so proud of you, love."

She smiles, a sob leaving her lips too while she nods her head and blinks away the tears. She keeps her eyes steady on me as she slowly moves from left to right, swaying underneath the warm water. I can tell Dais is completely relaxed; her legs hang against Jo's belly, even swaying a bit to the rhythm because she doesn't tense at all. She's not sucking on her fingers anymore, but the corner of her mouth prevents them from falling. She's asleep in her mother's arms, the heat of the water serving as the perfect blanket.

I'm leaning against the end of the shower wall, feeling some of the water splash against me. And what's even more amazing than watching them is that Jo is allowing me to watch them. She doesn't hide and doesn't seem uncomfortable. She's even closing her eyes on occasion so she can let the water fall onto her face, and all the while she keeps swaying softly. There isn't a trace of discomfort or shame, and I'm confident enough to take some of that credit because it's me. She feels that comfortable around me. Only me.

"We should wash her." Jo's whisper breaks the silence after I don't know how long. "Can you do her back?"