"I'll see you again in the new year, Josephine." Alice smiles politely while holding open the door. "You did good today. Have a lovely New Year's Eve."

"Thank you, Alice. You too," I tell her before walking out the door. The moment it closes behind me, I take a deep breath. I feel drained. Empty. My chest hurts from crying and my eyes burn but I did it.

Today, we had a breakthrough. Or better said, I had one. This was the third therapy session, and where Alice was very patient with me the first two sessions, she was more assertive this time.

For the first time, she asked me about what happened to me. It was straight to the point, and she didn't give me a way out. And surprisingly enough, it's what I needed to find that courage talk.

I've told her about what happened in Australia. Every little thing I can remember, every small sherd that holds a memory of my parents, my sister, or even my stuffed rabbit, I've told her about them. It's was emotional, but on the other hand, it felt good to talk about them. It felt good because it makes them real. They existed, and although I've lost them, the memories -how uncomplete and vague they might be- are here for life.

Alice senses my feelings and moods as if she's known me for ages, and therefore, she never crossed a line. Today, we only talked about the nice, loveable memories. The memories that formed the happy small girl I was. Once I'd told her everything I can remember and the first memory of Leonard floated into my mind, she detected that I was about to panic.

And she helped me control it. With just simple encouragement from her as well as some tips, I managed not to let the fear and pain take the upper hand. I fought it, and after a few minutes, I felt I was winning.

And while I'm now tired and empty, I do feel as if I've made a step forward today. It's a tiny step, but one that faded the threshold that held me back every time. There is an opening now, and I hope that the small crack we've created will help me next time.

I walk through the hall towards the exit, nodding my head in goodbye to the receptionist that's sitting behind the large desk. When I open the door, the cold December breeze hits my nose and cheeks, and I once again inhale deeply as if I once again take a moment to realize that I can feel the fresh air after being locked up for so long. Something cracked, and I feel better.

A few feet away from me, at one of the parking spaces, the familiar silver-grey car of Hero's mom is already waiting for me. Just like the last two times, Hero is leaning against the hood while the engine is still running which tells me that Daisy is asleep in the backseat.

Hero is wearing a black beanie and his padded black jacket is zipped up all the way so he can hide his chin and mouth in it. The moment he spots me, his expression turns into one that's the same every time I walk out of this door. It's hopeful but anxious, and the last two times the worry took over the moment I subtly shook my head while I fought the tears.

This time though, I straighten myself and give him a small nod. My lips curl in a relieved but careful smile, and in answer, he pulls his face out of the high collar of his jacket while a huge relieved smile covers his face.

He pulls his hands out of his pockets and I feel my legs move faster without intending to. Tears well in my eyes again, but this time its relief. Relief, because I can finally tell Hero that it wasn't as bad. It wasn't good or easy, but it was far from bad.

The moment I'm within reach, his arms lace around my back and pull me against him flush. He bows his head so his face is resting in my hair, and he whispers a hopeful, "how did it go?" which makes me smile.

I look up at him, my hands flat on his buff jacket. "Good. It feels as if I finally broke through a wall. I've told her about Australia."

His head pulls from my hair and his hands slide over my teddy coat up to my cheeks. "I'm so proud of you, love." His cheeks are a little pink which could be from the cold, but for some reason, I think it's the excitement.

"I still have a long way to go and I'm sure it won't be like this always," I mumble, feeling the nerves rise. It's him calling me love, along with the excitement that is written across his face. I don't want to disappoint him. The thought of disappointing him makes me nauseous.

But he shakes his head and waves my attempt to weaken what happened away. "Don't do that. Don't downgrade what you did. Every small step is a step forward still. You have to tell me everything." He looks eager for information, and I once again question how lucky I am that he of all people kicked in that door.

"I will, once we're home," I promise him to which he smiles. "How was Daisy?"

Hero's smile turns brighter at the mention of her name, his eyes lighting up as well. "She's perfect. Slept on my chest the whole time." He beams, his reactions only confirming once again what I've known ever since she slept on his chest for the first time; he likes it just as much as she does.

"She wasn't hungry?" I ask, remembering the second time he was alone with her when I went to therapy. She didn't want to drink from my breast before I left, and when I was gone she cried the entire time because she was hungry. When Hero picked me up later that day, he drove straight to the supermarket to get formula and a bottle for when I can't feed her. He also called Mercy to ask if feeding Daisy with a bottle would make drinking from my breast difficult for her. Mercy assured us that it would be fine since Daisy is used to drinking from me now.

Hero's devotion warmed my heart.

Hero shakes his head while his hands travel down to my waist once more. "Nope. We've been lazy for an hour and a half. And we are not sorry."

I giggle. The need to thank him takes over and I can't stop myself from lifting to my tiptoes and kissing him on his lips. It's something I've never done before this spontaneously, but somehow I don't feel conscious about it. It's because the talk with Alice made me feel different. A little more confident maybe.

My action take Hero by surprise as well. His eyes are wide but his lips form into an enormous smile the moment my mouth leaves his, and his arms circle my waist once more to prevent me from moving away from him completely.

He doesn't comment on my spontaneous peck which I appreciate. "I was thinking," he starts instead, his eyes moving from my eyes to my lips for just a split second. It's an action that twists my stomach. "Do you fancy going shopping for a bit? We can have lunch somewhere too? Maybe we can find you some clothes for tonight as well?" His hopeful expression has returned, he even looks excited now.

Tonight is New Year's Eve and when I asked Hero what he normally does on this night, he immediately told me that he always spends it with his friends. Right after that, he added that he wouldn't leave me alone to spend time with his friends on this night, almost as if he'd sensed that it was exactly what I wanted to tell him.

I tried to convince him to do what he always does multiple times but he refused wholeheartedly. He even got a little mad at the end. Eventually, he started to negotiate and proposed to invite some of his friends to his house if I was okay with it. That way, he could spend the evening with both me and his friends.

And even though the idea scares me like nothing has ever scared me before -all things considered- I know deep down that it is another step I need to take. I need to gain confidence in talking with other people, and what better way to start that than with people that Hero speaks so fondly of and knows all of his life?

So, I agreed, also because I don't want him to put his life on hold for me and Daisy any longer. It's time for me to be brave and become stronger. Tonight around five, a few of Hero's friends come over, along with his mum since she would've been alone else. Mercy might drop by for an hour or two as well before meeting her friends.

"We don't have to," Hero interrupts my thoughts, no doubt mistaking my silence for something negative. "You can wear the comfy clothes if that feels good. I swear, they won't care. I just thought that maybe it would make you feel a little better to dress up. Not that you need it, but just for your feelings, you know?" His rushed tone is endearing and it somehow pushes away the tension my thoughts left behind.

"I'd like that," I tell him honestly. "But what if Daisy gets hungry? Or if she needs a clean diaper? And how are we taking her?"

A proud grin appears on Hero's face. It turns bigger and brighter after every question I ask. "I've packed a bottle and one feeding, but if you want you can feed her in the car before we go. I've got a bag with clothes and new nappies ready, as well as the baby wrap you got from Maisie. We're good to go if you're up for it."

I'm staring at him with what I imagine is an open-hanging mouth and surprised eyes. This guy has known my daughter for just two weeks, yet he sometimes seems more comfortable and skilled in taking care of her than I am. But where the first time I saw him hold Daisy I felt jealousy, I'm now only feeling love as I see how involved and sweet he is for her. He's told me he loves her twice now, and at first, I doubted that he could love her as much as I do. But the more I see him with her, the more I'm starting to believe that he loves her like she is his own.

His thumb slides underneath my eye, over my cheekbone. "You okay?" His face sports a worried frown, and I only realize a tear escaped from the corner of my eye when he's already wiped it away. "Yeah." I nod while giving him a reassuring smile. "Yes, I'm fine. Sorry. I'd like to go out for a bit."

He scans my face intently for a short moment as the worry slowly disappears. When his smile once again breaks through, he leans forward to kiss my forehead. It's an action that heats my whole body, and I can't help but lean into him a little more so his lips linger against my skin. I think I hear him chuckle because of it, but the sound is so soft that I might've imagined it.

"Come on," he eventually says after his lips finally left my forehead. "You must be hungry."

I'm looking at the menu in front of me and I feel as if a whole new world opens right in front of my eyes. I've never eaten in a restaurant and half of the things on the menu I didn't know the existence off. There are fifteen different sandwiches, seven different soups, salads, and even lunch plates, and I can imagine what I must look like right at this moment.

Amazed and probably with a little drool in the corner of my mouth.

Across from me, Hero chuckles, and when I lift my head I find him looking at me, his lips curved in a satisfied smirk. Daisy is laying in his arms; she is awake and she's holding his thumb in her fist.

Hero insisted on carrying her so I have my hands free, and I can't deny how handsome it made him. He hadn't closed the zipper of his jacket so Daisy was pressed against his shirt-covered chest, and he'd made sure she was warm enough by wrapping her in a blanket before he'd put her in the carrier. He was walking around with his hands in his pockets, looking completely at ease while ever so often pressing a kiss on top of her cap-covered head.

The sight made me feel proud in a very unrecognizable way.

And right now, I still feel the same. He's wearing a long-sleeved black shirt, and he's pulled his beanie from his head. Because of it, his messy, brown hair is hanging over his forehead. His biceps seem more pronounced in this shirt, and because Daisy is small, it looks even bigger. He is now curiously looking at me with amused eyes, but a moment ago he was softly talking to Daisy. They were in their own little bubble completely, and if I wasn't as astounded by the menu I would've probably cried because they looked so cute.

"It's good, huh?" Hero asks, and for a very short moment, I think that he is referring to himself. Of course, I snap out of that thought immediately, but my cheeks heat up anyway which I try to hide by burying my nose in the menu once more while my heart almost beats out of my chest.

What is this feeling? What is happening to me?

I clear my throat as I try with all my might to hide the effect he has on me. "I have no idea what to chose."

Before he has time to respond, Daisy starts to squirm in his arms while letting out soft whimpers. I recognize it immediately; she's hungry and within seconds she will start crying properly. Hero seems to catch on too, because his gaze crosses mine while he asks, "should I give her a bottle, or do you want to do that?"

Even if I wanted to do it myself, I don't think I would've had the heart to take her from him right now. He looks too relaxed, too comfortable, and too happy with her in his arms. So, I reach for the bag that's standing on the lounge sofa next to me and take out the bottle and formula that hero's put in a small container. "You can do it. We just need warm water."

Hero nods and raises his hand to someone behind me, his arm with Daisy on it slowly bobbing up and down to postpone the crying a little longer. A short moment later, the man that led us to our table appears next to us again. "Have you decided?" He politely asks.

"Not yet," Hero pipes up. "But could you fill her bottle with water? We need sixty cc, and we usually put it in the microwave for thirty seconds."

The waiter nods and I give him the bottle, ignoring the nerve-like feeling that rushes through me at hearing Hero's little order for Daisy. He is just overwhelming.

"Sorry," he sheepishly says when the waiter has left with the empty bottle. "I shouldn't overrule you like that."

It's not at all what it felt like for me, so I shake my head furiously. "Don't be. I like that you're this involved." My cheeks heat up at my confession as I realize that it's the first time I'm saying this out loud and to him.

He clears his throat and leans forward a little. He seems nervous all of a sudden. "I uh... I just want to tell you again how much it means to me that you let me come this close to her. And I like to be this involved. It's... It's special. She's special."

"I know." I smile, my eyes flickering to Daisy whose fists are clenched around Hero's hand while she's still not very happy. The movements Hero make keep her quiet though. "And it means a lot to me that you've allowed her into your life like this. I'm happy she has you."

And just like that, another image of Hero and Daisy flashes in front of my eyes, just like it did on Christmas Day. This time it's not as far in the future as that time; it's Daisy that's calling him daddy. It shocks me as much as it's a revelation; if he continues to be in her life like this, she will most likely call him her dad, unless we decide not to allow that.

But as I look at them together and focus on how her tiny hands clench onto him desperately which acts as a metaphor for how we both depend on him at this very moment, the realization hits in quite unexpectedly and with the force of a wrecking ball.

If there is anything that I would want for her, it's that he'd be there for her, as her dad. I want him to be her dad.

"There we go," the waiter appears out of nowhere, shocking me slightly. "I hope it isn't too warm considering your daughter is hungry." He smiles at his little joke, and I can tell Hero is caught off guard as his eyes flicker from the waiter to me while his lips are slightly parted as if he's ready to state that she's not his daughter.

Before he has time though, I smile at the kind man while taking the bottle from him. "Thank you, I'm sure the temperature is fine."

"What are you thinking of getting? Do you want jeans? Or leggings? Or a dress?" Hero sums up while we stroll through the third clothing store. He tries to hide the desperation in his tone, but he fails, and it's making me nervous because I have no idea what I want to wear.

I've never felt the need to impress someone. Hell, I've never felt the need to look nice since I never meet anyone, but right now the idea of making a good first impression doesn't leave my mind. For some reason, the thoughts of Hero's friends matter greatly to me, and I know it's because he is so fond of them and so close with them.

What if they don't like me? And what if Hero's opinion about me and Daisy changes because of that? The thought alone almost sends me straight into a panic attack.

"What will your friends wear?" I ask him, and he rolls his eyes. He doesn't even try to hide it, but he softens the action with a chuckle.

"I've already told you, my mates will be casual, but Elif and Miryam will probably go all out. It's the thing girls around here do on New Year's Eve."

And that answer makes me even more nervous. Does it mean that I should wear a dress too? I saw some dresses in the previous store, and they were very revealing; cut low and very short, and some of them were covered in glitters. I don't want to wear that, but I don't want to dress like a girl that's been locked up her whole life either.

As if Hero senses my inner battle, he pulls me against him by my arm. Daisy's sleeping in the carrier against his chest, and therefore she is pressed in the middle. "Wear what makes you feel comfortable. We'll be home all night and I swear they will love you. Felix, Morgan, and Alex can't wait to meet you."

His words are sweet but they don't relax me fully. I just feel out of my element here since I've never gone shopping for clothes. At this point, I don't even know where to start.

"How about we just grab a few things and you try them on and see how you feel in it? Maybe that gives you an idea of what you want?" Hero suggests, and I nod my head because that sounds like my only option right now.

"Okay, let's both pick some things."

A good twenty minutes later, I'm standing in the changing room while I look at someone I don't recognize in the mirror. I've tried on three different pairs of jeans, and they all looked okay. They weren't suitable for tonight, but Hero insisted on buying them because they are great for normal days. I've also got two blouses and three other tops that I can combine with the jeans. I've tried on a dark blue blouse dress, but I didn't even come out of the booth because I felt way too exposed, so that one ended up on the no-go pile where various jeans, leggings, and tops didn't pass the selection.

And now I'm wearing a black dress. It has a turtle neck and it stops just above my knees. It accentuates my torso but the skirt is wide, and the sleeves are long. The fabric is soft and I'm sure warm too, especially because I'm also wearing black tights. They are not showing any skin, and to my surprise, I feel comfortable in them. It feels as if I'm wearing leggings, but I look decent.

"And?" I hear Hero mumble from the other side of the curtain. Since I didn't come out while wearing the last dress, he must wonder what's going on.

I take a deep breath and then slide the curtain to the right, and the moment he sees me, his eyes widen. A soft "wow," escapes, and I think he didn't mean to say it out loud because his cheeks color just a little.

"I think I like this," I tell him, and he nods immediately in response. "It's classy but comfortable."