"Do you want me to walk you up?" Hero nudges his head to the entrance of the Psychology Practice Brixton. It's an ancient-looking brick building, and if you don't know its psychology facility then you wouldn't guess it by the looks of it.

We've been standing next to the car for five minutes now, and I can't seem to move my feet. I can't seem to pull myself over that huge threshold in my head. The closer I come to the entrance, the harder I want to run away.

I want to get into that car and have Hero bring me home. To his home, that feels like our home too. I want to drink tea while I sit on his couch and watch the Christmas tree flicker while Hero and Daisy are sitting in the corner with his legs stretched on the lounge.

I throw a glance at Daisy, who is sleeping in her car seat in the back. Hero's left the engine on so she doesn't wake up, and the simple yet thoughtful action warms my heart because it shows me how well he knows her.

"Jo?" Hero asks, pulling my attention back on him. "You want me to go with you for a sec?"

I shake my head. "No, you should stay with Daisy. I'll be fine." It takes every ounce of strength to mutter out those words, but I know I have to do this on my own. I doubt that Hero's presence will help anyway; I'll probably hide myself in his chest and pretend I'm not here.

As if he senses how I desperately want to hide myself in his chest, he pulls me against him by placing his hands on my sides, and when my front touches his, he moves his arms around me. I clasp the front of his jacket and lean into him. I close my eyes, take a deep breath to smell him, and just enjoy how he makes me feel safe.

He doesn't let me go. He doesn't say anything. He just holds me and lets me feel that he is here for me, and even though I hate the thought of letting go, this does help me. It's giving me strength.

After a good minute, I take another deep breath to pull myself together before I slowly step out of his embrace. Only when he feels I'm stepping away, he lets me go which I think is the sweetest gesture he could have shown.

His hand slides underneath my chin and lifts my head so I'm meeting his green, worried eyes. "You will be. I know you will," he says, referring to what I said before he took me in his arms. He offers me a small smile and then leans down so his lips touch my forehead. "Dais and I will be right here when you're done."

I nod once, wishing that the two hours were already over and that they were waiting for me now. "Okay."

"Hey," he whispers, his head leaning down and putting his forehead against mine. "You can do it. I know you can." With another kiss on my forehead, he pulls away and steps back so he isn't touching me anymore. "Go," he mumbles, giving me an encouraging nod and smile.

I give him a small smile as well before taking a deep breath. I throw one last glance at Daisy, her sleeping form bringing a bigger smile on my face as I realize who I'm doing this for. It's all for her. I need to do this, for her.

I need to do this so I can be the best mom for her. So we have a good future. So she won't ever suffer from my trauma.

I turn and walk to the door, not looking back because I know that if I do, I'll run back and start the whole charade of saying goodbye again. Way too soon I reach the entrance, and after taking another deep breath I push open the door.

Inside, I'm met with an interior that I didn't expect given what kind of facility this is. I expected white walls and plastic furniture, but it's the complete opposite. The walls are a light-brown shade, and there is a big, yellow couch to my left. On the wall hang numerous paintings, all with bright, happy colors. My surroundings help me calm somewhat, and the nerves have subsided a little as well.

"Good morning," a voice to my right greets me, and when I turn my head I find a brown information desk with a young woman behind it. "Welcome to PPB, how can I help you?"

I take two steps so I'm standing in front of the desk. "Good morning. My name is Josephine and I have an appointment at eleven."

The girl nods, her smile still present. "Do you know who you're having an appointment with?"

I shake my head, feeling my cheeks heat up. "Uhm, no. Sorry. I just know that I have to be here at eleven."

"That's okay, don't worry," she answers, sensing my slight panic. "We'll figure it out. What's your date of birth?"

"August eighteenth, 1997," I tell her, my hands clasped and laying on the counter in front of me as I watch her type on the laptop.

"Yes, I've got your information right here. Josephine, you're having an appointment with Dr. Alice Brown. She'll be with you shortly. You can take a seat on the couch."

I nod and thank her before turning and walking to the couch. Just before I want to take a seat though, the door across the couch opens, revealing a grey-haired, friendly-looking woman. She looks in her fifties but because she's dressed in jeans and a blouse with white sneakers she could pull off younger.

"Josephine?" She asks while offering me a small smile, and when I nod in confirmation, she holds the door open. "Please, come in."

I walk through the door and find a room with a similar style as the waiting room. The walls are the same shade of light-brown, and unlike the yellow couch in the waiting room, there are two yellow lounge chairs in front of a big window that looks out over a green field with trees.

"Please have a seat," the woman behind me says while closing the door. "Would you like something to drink?"

I walk to one of the lounge chairs and take a seat. "Water is fine," I tell her, and she nods before walking to the small kitchen unit in the corner of the room.

She takes two glasses out of the cabinet and then walks my way, placing the glasses in front of me on the small coffee table before sitting in the lounge chair across from me. "So, welcome." She smiles, and I nod in answer. "My name is Alice."

"I'm Josephine," I say, my voice weirdly soft. I don't sound the same as usual, and it confirms that the nerves are back in full force.

"Josephine." She nods. "How are you feeling today?"

I take a breath and grab the glass from the table to take a sip. The cold water is refreshing and it helps with my dry mouth. "I'm okay. Nervous."

Alice nods again. "Why are you nervous?"

I take another gulp of water. "For this. I'm nervous about talking. I don't know..."

Alice's expression stays friendly, her hands folded in her lap. "I understand. It's not easy to talk to someone you don't know. Let's just get to know each other first, okay?" She looks at me expectantly, and when I nod, she continues. "My name is Alice. I'm married to Eamon, and I have three children. Two boys and a girl. They're all grown up now."

I smile at the random and unexpected information she's giving me. I like that she didn't start with me. It relaxes me somewhat.

"I've been a psychologist for almost twenty-five years now. I love to read, and once a week I babysit my three-month-old granddaughter," she continues, eyeing me carefully. "I've heard you have a daughter too?"

I nod my head, a smile breaking through at the mention of Daisy before I can stop it. "I have. Daisy. She's thirteen days old."

"Oh, so she's still tiny," Alice smiles. "How is she doing?"

I see what she's doing; she's trying to get information out of me. But not in the way that I expected her to do it. It feels as if we are just talking, and it makes me feel at ease.

After taking another sip of water, I answer, "she's doing good. She's eating and growing."

"And you? How's recovering going? I know delivering a baby is a tough job."

I notice how she doesn't write anything down. She's just sitting across me with her folded hands in her lap. It's confusing. Why isn't she writing anything down? I'm sure she should.

"Uhm, yeah. I'm okay. I'm still recovering because I had surgery right after Daisy was born. But I'm starting to feel better each day." I gulp the last three sips of water down in one go before placing the glass on the small table. "Why aren't you writing anything down?"

She chuckles and then leans back in her chair. "Today we're just getting to know each other, Josephine. And whenever you want to talk, we talk. We're not here to solve everything in one session. Rome wasn't built in a day either."

Relief rushes through my body. I don't have to tell her anything today. "Does that make you feel more comfortable?" Alice smiles, no doubt because she sees my reaction.

"It does," I confess. "I was worried about talking about everything. I'm still processing everything myself so talking about it feels forced."

"And that's the last thing I want," she insists. "So, tell me more about Daisy. Where is she now?"

Another smile forms my lips, now a little less tensed one because I know I don't have to talk about anything today. "She's with Hero."

Alice raises her eyebrow. "Hero? And who is Hero?"

"He is..," I start, but then stop myself. What is Hero? Is he my friend? Do friends act the way Hero and I act around each other? Surely they don't kiss like we do? Or do they?

I'm almost sure they don't. Especially after what happened last night. I felt how he reacted when I kissed him. I've seen it before, at the five. And while it made me sick when they reacted like that, and while with them it was always a harbinger of pain and fear for me, it was different last night.

Last night, it didn't frighten me. Hero didn't scare me. It confused me slightly, yes, but I knew he wouldn't do anything with it. I trust him and I feel safe with him. He wouldn't do anything that those five did.

But shouldn't it frighten me? After what I've been through, shouldn't I be scared for every type of contact in the first place? Why am I craving to be close to him while all I should be doing is keep distance.

"You look confused?" Alice pipes up. She's eyeing me carefully while she leans forward a little, obviously paying close attention.

"I... I am," I confess. "Hero is... Hero is the one that found me. He's the police officer that helped me deliver Daisy and... And he took care of her when they brought me to the hospital."

Alice nods knowingly which tells me that she did read a file or something that tells my story. "And he is your friend?" She asks.

"Daisy and I are living with him while they are searching for a place for us to stay," I tell her, not mentioning that Hero said that I'm not going anywhere. I'm not sure if he even meant that, although I hope he did. I've been with him for almost four days now, he probably will want to have his house back for himself eventually.

He's putting his whole life on hold for Daisy and me. He told me he has friends, yet he never leaves to visit them. He even canceled their Christmas tradition to be with me and Daisy. He can't keep putting his life on hold for us, and he's going to miss his old life. A life without a baby and a traumatized woman that's been locked up for the majority of her life.

The thought makes me sad, and I push it away for now. I'll just have to enjoy living with him until he says we have to leave.

"Josephine?" Alice pipes up once more. "Are you alright?"

"Yeah," I answer while nodding my head frantically in hopes she won't see all the confusion and questions and insecurity. "I'm fine. I'm sorry."

She smiles and shakes her head. "Don't apologize." She leans forward and grabs her glass to take a sip. "So Daisy's with Hero?"

I nod. "Yes. She is." I'm so confused. My thoughts are running from one side to the other. One moment I think that everything will be fine and that everything is looking a little better than the day before, and just seconds later my mind turns dark and shows everything from a whole other -more depressed- perspective.

"Does that mean you trust him?" She presses.

"Could I have some more water please?" I ask instead of answering her. She nods in a friendly way and puts her glass on the table before taking mine in her hand and walking to the small kitchen unit in the corner.

"I trust him," I begin. It's slightly easier to admit it now that she isn't looking at me. "He proofed that I can trust him."

Alice appears once more and gives me a full glass of water. "How did he do that?"

I expected her to ask this. Of course, she would ask this. I just hope it stays with that question only. "He's always done exactly what he promised me he'd do." It's a short answer, but it literally covers everything. He's never disappointed me. He's never lied to meet. He talks with me, not about me.

Alice smiles and nods her head, and I take another gulp of my water. Silence then fills the room. Unlike the silences that sometimes fall between Hero and me, this one is awkward. At least, it feels awkward for me. Alice seems completely comfortable with the silence. She's looking at me and has a smile on her face still. I'm not sure if she's waiting for me to talk, or if she's waiting to ask another question. And just as I want to excuse myself to the restroom because I can't take the silence any longer, she starts talking again.

"Has he told you about what happened yesterday?"

Without her naming details, I know what she means, and it takes me off guard. She told me we were just getting to know each other, and now she is indirectly asking me about him. Immediately I feel the nausea rise. I hate talking about him in general, but talking about him to someone I don't know just doesn't feel right.

"He has," I softly whisper, looking down at the glass of water in my hand. I can't muster looking at her right now. I feel sick as I think about how he is that close to me. I feel sick when I think about how they are questioning him about what he did. I feel so scared when I think about what he's going to say. I know he won't ever tell the truth.

What if they think I wanted this? What if he tells the police that I wanted him to do all those things?

What if Hero thinks that I wanted all those things?

"Josephine," I hear Alice's voice in the far distance, but my ears are drumming more. My eyes water and my chest tightens, and it feels as if I'm frozen into my seat. "Josephine, try to take a deep breath."

I try to focus on her voice, but I can't. I hear him. I see him. His brown eyes and evil laugh. He's mocking me. "You know you wanted it, Josie,'' he grins, his yellow teeth making me gag.

I feel tears fall onto my cheeks, and my breathing is completely out of control. I try to take long, steady breaths, but instead, my body only allows short, superficial tugs that hurt my throat. My head hurts, especially behind my eyes, and there is a heavy feeling on my chest that I can't shake off no matter how I sit on my chair.

It feels like I'm having a heart attack.

My hands move to my chest while I lean over, now almost gasping for air. And all the while, he doesn't leave my mind. All the while, he is laughing at me, enjoying the way I'm struggling. I know he's not really here; he's only here in my imagination, but at the same time, it feels so real. It feels so real and scares me.

What is happening to me?

I feel two hands on my shoulders. They push me up so I'm with my back against the chair once again. "Josephine." It's Alice, I hear her a little more clear now. "Breath in through your nose and out through your mouth." She's pushing something in my face, and it makes the panic even bigger. What is she doing?

"Josephine, breath," she orders, her voice demanding this time. Her tone is so strict, that I can't help but do what she says. I try to blink the tears away so my blurry vision disappears, and eventually, I see Alice's worried eyes in front of me. "Breath," she repeats, and I take a deep tug of air through my nose.

I blow the air out of my mouth, noting that it goes easier now. Alice is still holding something in front of my face, but it seems to help me to control my breathing so I stop fighting against it. I wouldn't be able to fight against it anyway; my muscles feel heavy and exhausted all of the sudden.

"Very good, Josephine," Alice compliments, her voice now returning to normal too. She doesn't sound mad anymore.

My heartbeat starts to slow down, and the heavy pain behind my eyes disappears as well. "That's it," Alice says again.

My breathing slowly but surely returns to normal completely, and when Alice notices this, she pulls her hand from my face. I look at her hand, and I see she's holding a small paper bag.

"What was that?" I manage to ask, my face wet from tears. I feel weird. Completely drained.

"You were hyperventilating," Alice states. She's sitting on the coffee table in front of me, her elbows leaning on her knees. "The bag helped to regular your breathing."

"I'm scared," I admit. "It felt as if my heart..."

"That's common." Alice nods reassuringly. "The moment you panic and your breathing spikes, your whole body reacts to that. Your heartbeat increases and your muscles clench. It's a natural reaction."

I move my hand over my face, noting that my forehead is wet. A cold shiver runs through me, almost as if I'm having a fever all of the sudden. "How did this happen?"

Alice stands and grabs my glass from the floor. There is water everywhere, and I only now realize that I had it in my hands before I panicked. "I think your thoughts triggered it."

She walks to the kitchen unit and places the glass in the sink before taking a new one out of the cabinet. She fills it with water and then returns to me, offering me the full glass.

I take a few big gulps, only now realizing how my mouth was dry and my throat is sore. "I was thinking about him."

"I figured," Alice answers. "But let's not talk about him anymore for today, shall we?"

A wave of relief washes over me. "Okay."

For a moment we both stay silent. I drink my glass of water, Alice cleans the floor. After that, she takes place on the chair across from me again.

My breathing has returned to normal completely, and aside from the fact that I feel tired and sore in a way, it's as if nothing happened. The cold shivers and the pressure on my chest are gone, as well as the picnicking need for more air. The only thing I notice is that my eyes feel a little dry.

"I think we should call it a day, what do you think?" Alice eventually asks, the friendly smile back on her face.

"Can we? I mean, if I need to stay here I suppose-"

"Josephine," she interrupts me while leaning towards me. "I want you to know that in here, you don't ever have to do anything you don't want to. I'm here to help you, and we are doing this at your pace entirely."

I nod, feeling slightly better that she has once again reassured me that we have time. "Okay."

"And as for now, I think you need some rest. You're still healing." She stands from her chair and looks at me expectantly. When I stand too, her smile grows.

"How long have I been here? Hero is coming to get me at one." I search for a clock on the wall, but I don't find one.

"It's just a little over twelve, but don't worry. We can call him." Alice smiles and walks to the door.