"And this is my old room," Hero says while opening the last door on the first floor. He then steps aside and moves his head for me to walk on first.

Daisy is protesting in my arms as I walk into the room; she is hungry, and after Hero noticed that, he offered me to show his old room so I can feed her in private.

His room is somehow exactly how I imagined it to be even though I previously haven't given it any thought. There is a queen-sized bed in the corner, and next to it is a small desk with a chair in front of it. Above his bed hangs a poster of two crossed hammers, and on the floor at the end of the bed lies a football. Next to his bed on the wooden floor lies a brown carpet, and two big windows offer a view onto the square that must be the one that Hero told me about.

"It's nice," I smile while walking to the bed and sitting on the edge before I take my breast out and offer Daisy my nipple. Her squirming and little cries made me nervous so giving her what she needs as fast as possible is probably best. "Sorry, she was hungry and I wanted to avoid a huge charade."

Hero chuckles, his gaze lingering on Daisy for a moment before his eyes find my face. "She's a persistent little thing, isn't she?"

I nod and smile. "Your old room is nice. Very much like you."

He smiles and looks around the room again before strolling to the chair behind the desk. He sits down, his face towards me and I turn slightly as well so we can look at each other. "It is. I love this room. I hated the idea of moving out."

"Really?" I ask surprised, to which he nods his head. "Then why did you?"

He shrugs and moves his hand through his hair. "I figured it was time. I was twenty-two, had a decent job, and an apartment came free that was just too good to be true."

"How long ago was this?" I ask, trying to figure out a time frame. Also, I just realized that I don't even know how old he is.

"A little over a year ago. Don't get me wrong, I love my apartment, but sometimes I just miss home, you know? Or maybe I miss the times where everything was simple and I was just a kid that came home to a decent dinner and a clean bed."

I smile and nod, even though I have no idea what that must feel like. Having a decent dinner and a clean bed is not something I was privileged to have since I left Australia. It's a sad and sickening thought, and I shake it off as fast as I can. "So you're twenty-three?"

He nods his head. "Yeah. November sixth." He hesitates for a moment before he asks, "you?"

Even though it's very common to return the question, I'm surprised that he does. He's never asked me something personal; he always lets me decide what I want him to know. It's one of the reasons I feel as comfortable with him as I do. He doesn't pressure me in any way and takes my feelings and limits seriously.

"I'm twenty-three, too," I tell him. It's surprisingly easy, to be honest; I want him to know things about me as well. "My birthday is on August eighteenth."

"Really? So you're older than me?" He grins, and somehow his expression is contagious. "I guess so." I smile.

For a moment silence fills the room, the only sounds that disturb the quietness are the ones that come from Daisy, who sometimes whimpers or sobs while she drinks.

"Your family is very nice. I feel so welcome and I'm so thankful that your mom invited Daisy and me. I couldn't wish for a better first Christmas for her," I tell him while looking at him. His face lights up immediately, clearly pleased that I'm feeling comfortable in his childhood home.

"I'm happy you feel that way." He smiles. I feel like he wants to say more, but he doesn't. Instead, his eyes flicker from my face to Daisy again where his gaze lingers. Surprisingly enough, I don't feel on display.

Now that I think about it, I didn't even give it a second thought when I took out my breast to feed Daisy. I know Hero doesn't mind, but most importantly, I feel so comfortable around him, that it doesn't bother me that he sees me that way.

I'm stunned by that revelation, but I think it's a good thing and maybe even progress. I shake off the thought, for now, promising myself that I'll think it over when I'm alone.

"And the presents were so kind. I'll buy them something too when I can," I tell him, changing the subject to something a little lighter.

"Don't worry about that. Mercy already had the presents, and I think my mum and Titan and Maisie did too since they didn't have time to get them today. It's just something they do. You don't have to feel bad about not having a present for them; you being here is enough. My mum likes to care for people, and now that you're here, she can give you and Daisy a nice day. It's making her day I'm sure." He chuckles and then looks at my face again. "You're making mine too. I'm happy that you're here. I want you and Daisy to be happy and I hated the thought of you two alone on Christmas Day. So, Thank you for coming."

I softly chuckle while shaking my head, my eyes burning with the tears that suddenly dwell in the corners. This humble man -that saved us both from the most horrible situation you can imagine- thanks me for being here. He truly has no idea how I should thank him, every hour for the rest of my life, for what he does for us.

"Hero, I'm the one who should be thanking you, not the other way around." I sob out the words, unable to keep the tears from falling even though I do really try. "Stupid tears," I mumble, more to myself than to him.

"Hey, that's okay," he says while rolling the chair right in front of me. His hand finds my cheek, and an unusual shiver runs over my spine. I lift my eyes, finding his green ones staring at me directly. "You shouldn't hate your tears. They're there for a reason."

I don't respond to his words, not because I don't want to, but because the fact that they are true is hitting me hard. He is right; these tears are just a result of what happened to me. They are the liquid scars that probably won't ever go away. They are a result of years of pain and fear, and I shouldn't hate them because they are a part of me, whether I like it or not. I'm broken and those tears are only a small part of the proof for that.

"Jo." His soft voice pulls me away from my thoughts, his other hand now on my other cheek to force me to keep my eyes on him. "If you ever want to talk to me, about anything, you just have to come to me, okay? If you ever need to lose those tears, please promise me you'll come and find me so I can help you through it."

I nod my head, even though I know I won't ever hold that promise. I can't, and if he knew how my nights are filled with tears, he wouldn't have made me promise that either. It feels as if the only time I'm not crying, is when he's around. At night, when Daisy is asleep in her cot and I'm lying in bed alone in the dark, the tears just come without warning. They soak my pillow and make my eyes raw. And the worst part is that they bring back all the memories.

They bring back their hands; I feel them all over me. They are squeezing me and leaving a burning trail of disgust on me. I feel how the need to fight against them takes over, but how my hands won't allow me to because they are captured in the cold metal. I feel how they shamelessly make me theirs, without caring for my pleads and cries to stop.

I hear them laugh, literally laugh because I'm begging them not to hurt me. I even feel how they eventually always shut me up, using parts of their body that make me feel like their personal doll.

And I feel his eyes. His light brown eyes that are watching everything from the corner of the room that I called my home for too long. He is sitting on the chair he dragged in, and he is enjoying what he sees. He doesn't say anything, but out of all of them, he's enjoying it the most.

Daisy roughly lets go of my nipple, and it snaps me out of my thoughts but not in a good way. I jump back, the combination of her sudden movement and Hero's hands on my cheeks overwhelming and somehow threatening.

Daisy starts to cry, and when my tear-blurred vision can focus, I see that she is in Hero's arms. I've recoiled onto the bed, my legs pulled up against my chest and my back against the wall. I'm shaking; even though I know Hero won't hurt me and I'm safe here, the fear that my memories woke is still rushing through me.

Hero's eyes are slightly wide, but he doesn't say anything right away. He first looks down at Daisy and offers her his pinky finger. She starts to suck on it, her hands clasped around his hand as her eyes are wide and focussed on him. He manages to calm her down, and when she is laying in his arms completely relaxed, he moves his gaze to me once more.

"I... I'm so-sorry," I stutter. How could I do this? How could I just throw her out of my arms?

"It's okay," Hero reassures me. "She's okay. Look. She's already forgotten it."

I look at Daisy once more, and she looks fine indeed. Her eyes are clear and still looking at Hero's face, no doubt because she's just heard his voice.

"I don't know what happened," I mumble, wiping my cheeks and stretching my legs in front of me to get rid of the tensed and rushed feeling.

"You zoned out," Hero says as he sits on the bed. He still keeps his distance but turns Daisy so I can look at her. "And I think this little girl got a little offended that your attention wasn't on her completely," he chuckles, bringing some lightness into the situation.

I let out a soft laugh, relieved that he is pulling me away from the dark memories that took the upper hand moments ago. My heartbeat is slowly returning to normal, and the fear is slowly fading as if my mind is saying; I'm here, with Hero. And I'm safe.

"I think she still wants something to drink though," he says while looking at me questioningly. I nod my head and he scoots closer. When he takes his pinky finger out of Daisy's mouth, she starts to cry, so I hold out my hands so he can give her to me. As if she knows I'm the only one that can feed her, she turns her head towards my breast and starts searching for my nipple which she finds easily since I didn't even cover up when I jumped away from her.

"I'm sorry that happened," I apologize again when I've positioned Daisy and she is drinking contently. "Sometimes memories just crash my thoughts."

It's the best way I can describe what happened. They crash in like bulldozers, destroying every happy and comforting thought along their way and leaving one chaotic, painful mess in its wake.

"No worries." He shakes his head. "You don't have to apologize, you know. It's not your fault."

I shrug, not entirely sure how to respond to that. I know it's not my fault what happened to me. What they did, is not my fault at all. I was way too young when it started to have anything to do with it. But it is my fault that I let the memories take control of me like that. That they wipe out everything around me, including my daughter who should be safe with me, is most definitely my fault. And even though it scares me to death, it does make it very clear that I need help.

A knock on the door forces both Hero and I to break our eye contact. I wasn't completely aware that we'd kept staring at each other in the first place which is odd.

"Yeah?" Hero asks as answer to the knock, and Mercy's voice pipes up from behind the door. She doesn't open it though. "Mum says dinner is ready when you are."

Hero looks at me, and I nod my head. "Okay, Daisy is almost done."

While Mercy goes downstairs again, Hero waits for me. I quickly switch Daisy to my other breast, where she drinks for another five minutes. When I feel the suction subside, I know she's had enough to drink. I gently pull her off and cover myself up before I look at Hero. "Can you let her burp? I have to use the restroom for a second."

As always when I ask him to hold Daisy, his face lights up as he eagerly nods his head. "Of course. The bathroom is the second door to your right. Should I wait here?"

I shake my head and stand from the bed. "That's okay, you can go downstairs. I'll be down in a sec.",

He looks at me for a short moment, no doubt trying to figure out if I'm okay after what happened. When I give him a reassuring smile, he nods his head and stands from the bed as well. Daisy is out cold in his arms, hanging over his shoulder with her arms and legs stretched like a little star.

"Take your time," he tells me, and when I've given him another nod, he walks out the door.

I walk out as well, opening the door that Hero said was the bathroom. Inside I throw some cold water in my face and look at the mirror for a moment. The weirdest thing about seeing myself in the mirror is that I don't look like the girl that's so broken and messed up.

I'm starting to gain weight again which is clearly visible in my face; my eyes aren't as shallow as they were before, and my cheeks are a little fuller as well.

The dark circles around my eyes are almost gone, and my eyes have a little shine in them. My hair is in a ponytail, and although I definitely need a haircut, it doesn't look as bad as it should. Overall, I think I look like a new mom. A tired new mom that hasn't slept enough because of the broken nights that are caused by her newborn daughter.

I fill my hands with water and take a few sips, laying my wet, cold hand in my neck next and taking a deep breath. I'm okay. And I'm safe. It's a mantra I repeat a few times until my heart has stopped racing completely and my body is relaxing once again.

I'm okay now. And Daisy and I are safe.

When I come down, everybody has already moved to the dining room. When I walk in as well, there is a big table decorated beautifully. Titan and Maisie are sitting next to each other, and Mercy is sitting on the head next to Titan. Next to Mercy is Hero, and I think I'm supposed to sit next to him because that seat is empty. On the other head of the table, and next to me, is Martha.

They are all looking at Hero, who is still holding Daisy. Martha has folded her hands underneath her chin while she looks at her son and my daughter endeared. "She is very comfortable in your arms," she comments just as I walk in.

"She is." I smile as I make myself known. "I think Hero is her silent lullaby. She hardly ever cries when she's in his arms."

Martha's whole face lights up at my comment, and Titan and Maisie smile as well. Titan even gives Hero a subtle wink which I'm sure I wasn't supposed to see.

''That's beautiful," Mercy mumbles, and when I look at Hero, I see that his cheeks are slightly pink while he looks down, his nose touching Daisy's head.

"Josephine, you're sitting next to Hero," Martha interrupts the silence, and by that pulls the attention away from Hero. She then stands from her seat. "I'm going to get the first course."

As she walks out of the dining area I take my place next to Hero. Right after, we all indulge in small talk until Martha brings in the first course. Hero places Daisy in the car seat and then puts the seat onto a chair so she is on eye level with all of us. It's a sweet gesture, although Daisy couldn't care less; she is sleeping once again.

When Martha emerges into the dining room once more, she is holding three plates, and Mercy takes it as her cue to stand from her chair and get the other three plates from the kitchen as well.

"It's smoked salmon with cream cheese and chives," Martha proudly states when everybody has a needly made plate in front of them.

"It looks delicious," I say before I think it over. It's coming straight from my heart though; I've never eaten smoked salmon before but it looks so good.

Hero then lifts his glass -everybody has white wine and I have water- and everybody follows his lead by raising their glasses too. "To family," he says.

He gives me the fastest wink, one so quick that I'm the only one that noticed it, before everybody repeats his toast while clinking their glasses.

"To family."

"I'm so full," Maisie complains, her hands roaming her belly which she purposely puts out to prove her point. "But it was so good."

"So good," Mercy agrees while nodding her head. "You did a good job mum." On cue, Titan, Hero, and Mercy snicker, and Martha rolls her eyes while she takes another gulp of her wine.

Maisie moves her arm around Martha's shoulder and leans against her. "It's okay, we still love you."

Everybody laughs, and I chuckle as well. While Martha served the main course, she proudly stated how it was Beef Wellington. Titan and Hero immediately erupted into laughter and Mercy tried to hold back her giggle while Maisie frowned and asked her if she was sure.

When Martha said she was, Maisie mentioned that the dish looked more like Beef Roulade, and that's when Martha indignantly blabbed out that she'd ordered Beef Wellington.

Every Christmas, she pretends to cook while she actually orders at her favorite restaurant, and while she thought that her children didn't know this, they knew it all along.

"If it helps, I was completely convinced that it was Beef Wellington too," I add, hoping that Martha feels a little bit better because I too had no idea.

Everybody laughs once again, and Martha grabs my hand to squeeze it in thank you. "Well, I also have ordered dessert," she says, clapping her hands together. "Everybody in?"

Titan and Hero -who is holding Daisy on his arm once again- nod their heads immediately. Mercy, Maisie, and I are a little more reluctant since we're really full.

"Come on, girls, just a small bite," Martha offers, and because she looks so excited, I nod my head. "A little bit," I give in, followed by Mercy and Maisie who both agree to have a small portion as well.

"She's too curious to give in to sleep." I smile as I look at Daisy. She's laying on Hero's arm, her fingers in her mouth and her eyes wide open. She's focussing on the lamp above the table, and even though I know she is tired because she's slept for just thirty minutes after I'd fed her, she looks wide awake.

Hero chuckles and lifts her a little, so she is a little more up straight. "As she should."

I lean a little closer, trying to catch her attention. "Are you having fun, sweetie?" I ask her, my voice in the tone that I reserve only for her. Before Daisy, I had no idea I could even talk like that, but the moment I first held her, it came naturally.

The lamp is too interesting; her eyes do not flicker away from the light once. It makes both Hero and I chuckle, and before I know what I'm doing, I lean my head against his shoulder.

I feel him tense for just a second before he shifts slightly so I'm more comfortable. My action surprised him just as much as it surprised me.

A bright flash of light pulls our eyes away from Daisy, and when I look at where the flash came from, I see that Mercy is holding her phone. She has a smile on her face, but her eyes look slightly guilty. "Sorry, the three of you just looked so cute."

I'm not sure how to respond to her compliment or her action. It's not that it makes me feel uncomfortable; I'm just not used to having pictures taken of me. I am curious about what that picture looks like. And as if Hero reads my thoughts, he says, "send it to me, Merc. You have a reputation for making shit photos of me."