Huge arms enveloped around my body, as my head came into contact with a hard chest.

We were moving somewhere, with me cradled in his arms. He had a firm grip on me, but he was gentle. Nothing like the times Robert would pick me up, and drag me across the floor. Or chuck me onto the surface of anything; hard or soft.

What if it was Robert? Had he come back? Was he here to hurt me? Maybe he was tricking me?

I flinched as I was gently placed on something soft, my bed maybe?

I tried to fight free from his arms, but he kept a firm grip on my shoulders. I was gasping for air, pushing, desperate for him to move.

"No. Get off me, please your not supposed to be here" I yelled, and pleaded through tears. I was choking from the tremor inside my body, it wasn't until I heard his voice that I began to calm down.

"Shhh, Daisy you're okay it's me"

Nate

Oh god.

I felt the shame crawl up my skin, embarrassment drowned my cheeks with colour. I wanted the floor to open up, and swallow me whole. He must of thought I was a complete freak.

I was surprised when he did the opposite of what I expected (to run for the hills). He held my face, and cooed to calm me down. "Daisy it's okay, you fell asleep I was bringing you home to bed"

"Daisy?"

Amanda shot through the door with a sympathetic wince when she noticed Nate. She'd heard it all.

Oh no. Hope.

I broke my attention from Nate, who was still cradling my face with a concerned expression, to alert Amanda of Hope.

"She's fine" I went to open my mouth, but she already knew what was about to come out.

I exhaled in relief, my panic attack was about to start again until she said that.

The last thing I needed was Hope terrified. I've already scared the one man I had trust to date, without a doubt his brain was overcome with all sorts.

"I'll just go double check on her, and then I'll be back" she offered as she carefully shut the door for our privacy.

Nate was still watching me intensely, concern etched all over his features. His eyes were wide, searching for something. It was as if his eyes were trying to get inside my head, and see all the corrupted, terrifying, shameful images that's lead me to this. His pulse was thumping out his neck. I'd terrified him. Great.

I gulped, then licked my lips trying to remove the dryness before I spoke. Only I didn't know where to start. How do I explain this? How do I tell him that he caused me two panic attacks because my ex was a complete psycho?

After realising I couldn't physically talk about it yet, refusing to shame myself anymore, I looked down and sniffed away the tears that were floating on the brim of my eyelids.

"I didn't mean to scare you, you just looked so peaceful." His voice was desperate, like he needed me to understand. But I already did. He hadn't done anything.

He was sweet. Utterly, completely, amazing.

"I'm sorry Nate" my voice cracked as I tried to succumb the tears, but failed.

"You don't need to be sorry, I scared you"

He was trying to reassure me it was his fault, but little did he know it wasn't. He had no idea. My stomach sunk as my chest tightened. I wasn't about to have a panic attack, but I felt awful inside lying to him.

"I just forgot where I was that's all" I shook my head, inhaled, then wiped my eyes, to pretend I was okay.

"It's more than that, and I don't want to pressure you but I care about you Daisy"

"I want to make sure you're okay. Take care of you"

He had no idea how much I wanted that too.

I'd kissed him with all the passion left inside me, more than I thought I had after Robert, while longing for more. I wanted to do more than kiss him, I wanted to strip us both naked and let him show me how much he wanted me. I was completely taken back by my confidence, and how comfortable I'd naturally been with him. I hadn't been able to feel that free in a long time, so I wanted him more than he thought. I just didn't know how to tell him.

"I'm going to go, I think you need some sleep and time to relax. I'm sorry Daisy I really didn't mean to scare you" he got up, then turned towards the door. He stopped before continuing, my eyes glued to his every move. I didn't want him to leave, I wanted to invite him to stay, I wanted tell him how much I wanted him, show him, but I didn't have the strength. The fear that I might not be able to go through with what I feel, or I might not be able to overcome all my fears, I might even ruin him and hurt him, sent me into overdrive of panic. I couldn't show him how I felt, or tell him after this. I needed more time.

The kiss earlier was perfect, but irrational. I should never have gone that far. Not now. Not now he's seen how messed up I am, anything could happen between us. I could scare him away, or myself.

The thoughts were coming quick. Spreading through me like fire, as they burnt my insides. I'd already hurt myself by not telling him, and now he was about to leave.

"Good night gorgeous, thank you for a perfect night" he pressed a tender kiss on my lips, not taking it too far, but it was still enough to send flutters round my insides. My whole body tingled wanting more.

"Good night, Nate. I loved every bit of it"

We gazed into each other's eyes, and then he turned around leaving in one swift blink of an eye.

Amanda came in not long after, and I groaned at what was coming. But not from her, from me. I needed to talk to someone.

"I'm a mess Mandy."

She jumped into bed next to me, tucking us both under the blankets.

"Let's turn the light off, talk, and then sleep. Your eyes look pained"

Thanks Amanda.

"I saw that eye roll, and dirty look, but they do" she said while shutting the light off.

"So tell me, what happened"

"Honestly, I don't know. I felt cared for, comfortable, and safe until I thought about how Robert used to be the opposite with me. Long story short, I panicked it was Robert tricking me to hurt me, and freaked out."

I said it so matter-of-fact. In fact I scoffed a slight giggle at my ridiculousness.

"Oh Daisy. I'm sorry" she squeezed my hand under the quilt, and my thoughts just blurred out with the tears.

"I really like him, Mandy. I just can't physically tell him. I'm scared. He kisses me, I want more, so I kiss him back with so much need. But then I'm too scared to show him any further or tell him. Especially after this. He probably thinks I'm damaged goods. Which he would be right"

"Don't you ever say that! Daisy you are not damaged goods. You are beautiful, innocent, and definitely not damaged. Just because you've been through something that's changed you as a person, does not mean you are damaged" she firmly made it clear, anger rippling through her words.

"Thank you, Amanda. I can't help how I feel though"

She exhaled before responding.

"Honestly, I think you would benefit from talking to someone. Professionally"

"How am I supposed to trust a stranger?"

"Trust me, as soon as you enter that room you'll feel so comfortable you will want to reveal all. They're good like that, they make you feel safe Daisy"

Maybe I could try talking to someone? Maybe it would help overcoming everything, and eventually allow me to tell Nate. That's if he hasn't decided to stay away, I wouldn't be surprised.

That thought hurt. What if he did? I didn't want that, I wanted him to stay. Only time would tell.

The next morning I woke with a sickening feeling in the pit of my stomach. The dreaded thoughts of last night were still lingering through my sleep.

At one point I'd actually dreamed Nate walking away, and never talking to me again. Surprisingly Robert never appeared in any of my nightmares, which was strange because usually something like this would trigger one with him.

I lay feeling sorry for myself, and mortified, until I heard my phone chime. The typical Apple iPhone ding filled the room, and startled Amanda from her peaceful sleep.

I leaned over to retrieve it from my night stand, when I realised it was still in my bag from last night.

Grunting from thought of having to get up so soon, I slowly sat up then patted my feet across the room.

I didn't really consider who could be texting me so early, it was Saturday so it could of been something from work for Monday, or just a random text from an advertisement. Only the name, that was taking over my beautiful lock screen of me and Hope, was Nates. Excitement built inside me, until I realised this could be a text to tell me he doesn't want to see me again. That he's had all night to think about what happened, and he doesn't want to get involved. Probably providing some excuse that I didn't seem ready for a relationship from my outbreak.

I typed my password in, as Face ID had decided that my morning face was so horrifying it couldn't recognise me, and shut my eyes in anticipate for the text.

My heart pounded, my fingers shook, and my eyes twitched to open.

I slowly opened them, and I had to scrunch my eyes, blinking rapidly to adjust to the words on the screen. I was completely shocked.

Nate: I'm sorry for scaring you last night. I want to make it up to you. I know it's soon, but what about a coffee today? Or even just a walk in the park? You can bring Hope too. I'd honestly love if you did.

My heart was swelling from his proposal. He wanted to see me, and he wanted me to bring Hope. As much as I didn't want to expose Hope to a stranger, she's already met him as long as we're careful around her I shouldn't have to worry. And I'll feel safe with Nate. Despite my outbreak last night.

I rushed a response too excited to wait.

Me: I'll see you around eleven? Also you don't need to be sorry x

Maybe I seemed a little eager straight up proposing a time, but I couldn't wait. All my fears had vanished.

I just needed to get ready.