"If you want to help, Ryder, stop looking at me like I'm a meal." I snapped at him as I kicked a balloon out from under me. "Go put Rowan to bed and read him a book." I smirked as I picked up another balloon.

Ryder growled as he took Rowan and went down the hall.

I tied off the last of the balloons and let it fall back to the ground. Sighing with my hands on my hips, I looked around. I think I've done all I can for the night.

I poured myself a glass of Shiraz and sat on the bar stool. I had the birthday cake on the bench cooling and a bowl full of frosting next to it.

Taking a couple gulps, I filled my wine glass back up and felt the cake. It was finally cool enough to ice.

It was a long rectangular sized cake and I whacked on the green icing, smoothing it out.

I got out the chocolate icing and since Rowan was now in bed, I got out a shopping bag I had hidden and pulled out the trucks I had secretly purchased. Rowan can have them after his cake tomorrow.

I placed on a dump truck, with its back down and dropped some chocolate icing into it then milo granules to make it look like loose dirt.

I placed an excavator and a loader on, making them look like the were moving the 'dirt' plus adding a bulldozer before adding the people figurines.

"That's pretty good."

I turned my head to see Ryder standing by the end of the hall.

"How long have you been there?" I asked him while fixing up one of the workers.

"Just long enough to see the concentration on your face." He smirked as he stood upright and came to me.

I went to lick my fingers clean from any icing when Ryder stopped my actions, taking a finger in to his mouth.

I gasped with wide eyes as I took back my hand. "Don't." I warned him as I turned to the sink and washed my hands instead.

"What? I like icing."

I inwardly groaned.

"Rhea, how many times must we go through this? We are just going in circles, around and around. Like we are on a merry go round." Ryder said as his hands went to my shoulders. I frowned. "It doesn't matter how many horses you sit on in the ride, you still get off where you got on."

"That's a carousel, you idiot." I snapped as I stepped out off his reach.

"What?"

"A carousel has horses. A merry go round has a variety of characters or animals." I opened the fridge and picked up the cake, sliding it in to the last free spot in the fridge. It needed a whole shelf.

"What did you make last year?" Ryder asked. "For Rowan's birthday?"

I frowned again. Ryder sure knows how to spin me completely off topic.

"Uh, a train." I stuttered as I shut the fridge. I went in to the lounge room and pulled out a photo album. "Here, look at that." That should keep him busy while I clean up.

Ryder took the album and sat on the sofa, looking at the photos.

"When was this?" He asked. I dropped my head and went back to him, sitting next to Ryder, making sure I wasn't touching him, I looked at the photo.

"That was my birthday." I answered him. "Rowan was only a month old."

"This one?" I saw the smile play on his lips. I looked at the photo he pointed to and it made me smile.

"Rowan's first halloween. I went as Betty and Rowan was -"

"Bam Bam."

I turned to Ryder. "Yeah."

"You always liked dressing up."

I looked into Ryder's blue eyes. "Well, yeah." I grinned. "It's an escape. Even if it's only for a couple hours."

"What about this photo?"

My eyes went down to the album. "Rowan's first trip to the beach. He was only 11 months, just learning to walk." I kept smiling. "Gabriel and I went for the weekend. Poor Rowan, he kept getting knocked down, but he kept getting back up, not letting the waves keep him down."

"Stubborn."

I looked back at Ryder. "Just like you."

"You." He grinned as he turned the page. I saw another photo of Rowan and me, at my birthday, showing Rowan the candles. But this one was from last year. The next photo was just Rowan, sitting up, smiling, his four front teeth showing.

I slipped the photo out and looked at it. I felt happiness looking at these photos and at peace. "Here." I told Rowan. "You can have this one." I said.

"Thanks." Ryder took the photo and looked at it.

"Yeah, well, you're his father." I shrugged as I turned the page and made myself more comfortable. I pointed to a photo, telling Ryder the story behind that one.

He was watching me intently as I spoke, I never realised my words were getting slower and I was losing my focus. My eyes went to his lips, back to his eyes then lips again. I didn't notice I was leaning closer to him and him to me.

The room was silent and I lost strain of thought on what I was saying. I felt a strong need of wanting to feel safe and I thought I could find it with him before he kicked me out.

It was in that senses that I was brought back to reality and leaned away, brushing hair to behind my ear the same time my front door opened.

I quickly jumped up, leaving the photo album in Ryder's lap. "Gabriel! Finally. I've been waiting for you to return so I can go to bed."

She eyed us off suspiciously. "I bet." She let out a small grin. "Ryder."

"Gabriel." Ryder returned the greeting. "How are you?"

Gabriel raised an eyebrow. "In a better position than you." She grinned as she took my arm and led me away. "What is he doing here?" She whispered.

Ryder came in to the kitchen. "It's okay. I'm leaving. I'll see you tomorrow, Rhea."

I just nodded as I hid my face in a hand. I waited till the front door closed. "He was here visiting Rowan." I sighed.

"I'm not judging. I meant what I said. That if you want to go back with him, I'll be here for you, I just don't want to see you get hurt."

I smiled and hugged Gabriel. "I know." The truth is, I don't know what I want.

Flashback

Rhea paced the hall, going back and forth. Her eyes filling with tears as she angrily wiped them away.

"I'm a terrible mother!" She told Gabriel on the phone.

"No, honey. Your not a terrible mother." She coaxed me. "If I could be there, I will be."

"No. Don't fly out. I have another friend coming here, soon." Rhea looked at the door before doing another lap.

"What happened?" She asked Rhea in concern.

"I don't know. I left him for a minute to get the laundry. Then a huge crash. I found Rowan on the floor, the TV next to him, the shelf on him." Rhea sobbed out.

"Was he climbing?"

Rhea took a deep breath. "I think so. Oh god."

"He is okay. He will be fine. He is a fighter."

"He is just like his father." Rhea mumbled.

"No. Rowan is just like his mother. A fighter. He is too stubborn to give up."

Gabriel's words of comfort helped Rhea. "Maybe I should call Ryder. Tell him."

"If you think that's best. It's been two years since you saw him last. He doesn't know about Rowan. What will he say?"

Rhea stilled from her pacing. "I don't know." She whispered. Her eyes snapped at the doctor. "I've gotta go. I'll call you." Rhea didn't let Gabriel answer as she hung up. "Doctor? How is he?"

The doctor came up to Rhea. "He will be fine. Just some bruising, thankfully."

Rhea let out a gasp of relief. "Thank goodness. Can I go see him now?"

The doctor nodded as Rhea sprinted to be by her sons side.

Now

"Thank you for coming." I smiled as the last of my guest left. Ryder's parents left twenty minutes ago, the other parents from my work and Rowan's day care now gone, as I watched Sasha's car drive away.

I closed the door as I sighed. Now to rip Gabriel one. Ryder was cleaning up for me, a new way to suck up as Gabriel watched Rowan play with his new toys in the backyard.

"Gabriel." I called as I came outside. "Why did you say I was seeing someone?"

Gabriel gave me her mischievous smile. "Did I forget to mention he was Bali?"

I groaned loudly. "No, you mentioned that too, plenty of times. But Luke isn't my boyfriend." I pointed out.

"No one else needs to know the truth." She whispered quietly, enjoying her wine. She patted the seat next to her. "Sit. Don't be angry with me." Gabriel pouted. "Besides, I leave in two hours. I've gotta go back home to my other life in New York."

"You mean Mark?"

Gabriel grinned at my teasing. "Well, yes. Him too. It's only been four days and I need sex! I miss it!"

"What, sex or Mark?" I squinted at her, teasing her about her booty call that Gabriel refuses to register as a boyfriend. "I don't know why you're complaining."

"That's right, you've gone all nun."

I gasped as I pushed her playfully. "I have not."

"Yeah, the drought would have broken if I didn't walk in last night."

I looked away. I don't know what happened last night. I was so tempted to kiss Ryder.

"Look, these feelings you say you get from him, I'm not saying let them over take you, but, go for a little ride. Splash around in the little pool for a while. Take advantage."

"You're giving me advice?" I coughed out. "That's rich."

Gabriel snorted. "The best advice columnist in the state if not the continent and you don't know how to take your own advice." Gabriel slapped my knee and got up. "I'm gonna go make sure I have everything."

I watched her walk inside and patted Ryder on the shoulder. "Don't let her turn into a nun." I heard her laugh at Ryder.

"Gabriel!" I shrieked out. "I heard that."

"You were meant to." She laughed again.

I groaned even more as Ryder came outside with a puzzled look. "Ignore her." I told him as I got up.

"Everything is cleaned up." Ryder told me as I kept watching Rowan.

"Thanks."

"I was wondering, if I can have Rowan for a few hours next week."

I turned to Ryder in surprise. "Doing what?"

"Just him and I, doing whatever."

"I don't know." I said as I thought about it. I did tell Ryder he has to earn my trust. "I will think about it."

Ryder came closer to me. "Please do." He whispered. I looked back at Rowan, sweeping hair to behind my ears before turning back to Ryder.

Ryder didn't make any attempt to touch me, which I was grateful for. "Rhea, I really want to apologise, for the way I acted years ago."

I felt myself soften at him as I nodded.

"I was an idiot. Blinded by jealousy."

"Ryder, please don't." I warned him. "Apologising for your actions from four years ago won't change my mind about us."

"I know." He looked sad and it made me feel the same way.

"I'm going to help Gabriel. She's leaving soon." I felt like I've hardly spent any time with her. I left Ryder outside with Rowan as I went to the spare room.

Don't cry, I told myself. Don't cry, it's in the past and I need to move on.