With an enormous bouquet of roses in one hand, I stepped out the elevator, walking with a bounce in my step. Determined she would listen, I'd gone over and over the words I wanted to say. Outside her door I gave myself one final pep talk before opening the door to Riley's room. Stepping inside, there was no holding back my smile.

My feet slammed to a halt, and my smile evaporated.

Empty.

A restless surge of panic ripped through my veins as I lowered my hand, still gripping the flowers tightly. I looked around the room desperately searching for something to make me believe I was wrong, that she hadn't left without talking to me first. I stopped looking, staring when they landed on the empty bed.

Inhaling sharply, the only thing left was her sweet peach scent, it lingered flaunting my obvious failure.

I was too late.

She's gone.

She'd left me.

My eyes wouldn't move from the half-stripped bed as someone shuffled into the room behind me.

"Hey there Doc," Reluctantly, I turned to meet a familiar face, Tanner. He was one of if not the longest standing orderly's here at Mercy Heights.

"Hey Tanner," my voice was low and strangled.

He reached inside his pocket. "She said you'd be comin' by." He pulled out a small envelope. "Said to give you this." Stepping toward me, extending his hand. "Don't make them as sweet as that, nowadays, Doc," he hummed.

No, they didn't. I took the envelope, which had my name neatly written on the front.

"I'll come back and finish up when you're done, Doc."

I barely glanced up. "Yes, thanks Tanner." Then I remembered the flowers in my hand. "Tanner."

He turned. "Yeah Doc?"

Holding out the flowers. "Can you find these a home? Perhaps a patient who has no family visiting?"

"Sure Doc." He took them from me, lifting them to his nose, inhaling. "Real nice, must have set you back a penny or two."

As he turned I was opening the letter before he'd closed the door.

"Fuck," I muttered, expelling an uneasy breath. She'd left thinking that she hadn't meant a damn thing to me. My eyes followed on from where I'd paused.

Live life without regret.

I sat down on the bed, her letter clasped in my hand. Defeat enveloped me forcing me to face the truth. There was no fixing it this time. I'd missed my chance. I'd lost her.

Cold fear washed over me. Those four words would no doubt haunt me.

Six weeks. Six weeks and one day and eleven hours. Not that I'd been counting.

I scoffed at my reflection. Who the hell was I trying to fool? I'd counted every single hour. And It felt so much longer than six weeks since I'd seen her, held her—more like an eternity.

Shutting my eyes, I remembered the feel of her soft curves pressed up against me. Smooth skin, silky hair. Her laugh and infectious smile.

A dull ache settled over my chest. But I had no one to blame here, that all lay at my feet.

Razor in hand, I ran my hand over the scratchy feel of the beard I was currently growing. Not that I was intentionally aiming to grow a beard. But since Riley had left and they suspended me from work pending a full board review, I spent my nights in a drunken stupor before passing out.

I'd passed out a lot recently. I was in the middle of a fucking storm, and I couldn't find my way out.

Losing Emma had shattered me but I'd got through my days with work. But having had that ripped away. I was in limbo—lost. Although this afternoon my fate would be decided without my presence as today was the day the hospital review board met and no doubt fired my ass.

I wasn't the type of person who indulged in self-pity, But twice now I'd lost someone and it fucking hurt. I wouldn't allow myself to think about Riley losing the baby. But I'd started to notice young families whenever I stepped outside the house and I'd find myself wondering the sex of our child.

I grumbled to myself, staring hard at my reflection. Had I been crazy to get involved with Riley?

I shook my head. No, I don't regret that.

Riley brought me out from a dark place. Allowed me to breathe for the first time in months. I also had no regrets punching the bastard that had hurt her, even though in reality it had served no purpose but to make me feel better. In truth as Chris had predicted, the town had closed ranks, looking after one of their own and nothing had come of it. He was questioned and released without further investigation. I couldn't imagine how Riley must feel.

I'd seen him a few times since that day and the smug asshole even had the audacity to drive past my house slowly, smirking.

I didn't like the fact that he knew where I lived, but I wasn't frightened of him.

Ears pricked, I heard the front door open, and slam shut. It would be Chris or Danny. No, it couldn't be Danny. He'd said he was visiting friends and wouldn't be here until the weekend.

"Adam!" called out Chris.

"Up here," I answered blankly.

"Your lazy, drunken ass better not still be in bed, you bum!"

I rolled my eyes.

Putting the razor down, I splashed some water on my face and patted it dry, dropping the towel on the floor, not caring as I left my bathroom. "Be down in a few, asshole. Make yourself useful." I called out, my voice still groggy from sleep.

"Already on it," he tossed back from the kitchen.

A few minutes later, I found him sitting with his feet on one chair, fingering through the box of doughnuts he'd brought. He looked up. "When are you going to lose the beard, Adam? The homeless look isn't working for you."

He pulled no punches as I let out a forced laugh and scrubbed the growing stubble on my jaw. I plodded to the table and pulled out a chair, dropping as he pushed a mug of coffee my way and the box of doughnuts.

"Don't take the lemon and lime cream. I'm hankering for something with a little more tart to it this morning." He grinned.

This man and his sweet tooth... I zoned out as my eyes scanned over the six or seven doughnuts that stared back. None of them looked appetising, but then again my appetite had left with Riley.

Picking up my mug I leaned back as Chris rambled whilst still eating.

"Did you know?" He swallowed. "A study showed that people perceive bearded men as fifty-one percent less cheerful than clean-shaven men."

God help me. "Where do you come up with this nonsense, Chris?"

He wagged his finger, cracking a smile. "In your case, it's true."

Less cheerful? I was way beyond that. Black hole of misery was more fitting. "Fine, if it offends you that much, don't look at me—problem solved."

He slurped his coffee. "It doesn't. What offends me is that you won't snap out of this funk you're in."

He locked eyes with me.

"No one asks you to come around and supervise my miserable ass. I think I can be miserable all by myself."

"Adam, it's sucked you back into that dark hole and we're losing you again. This is just as bad as when you lost Emma."

It was hard as fuck but I tried to hide any emotion from face, but within seconds I failed, throwing him a threatening look, my eyebrows practically locked together. "Don't. I don't want to hear it, Chris."

My words fell on deaf ears.

Chris's eyes widened in perplexion. "Why are you doing this to yourself, Adam?"

My eyebrows raised, as the muscles leapt in my jaw as I stared at him. "Doing what?"

"Not getting your ass on a flight and over to New York?" He threw up his hand, doughnut included. "Or at the very least pick up a phone and fucking call her."

Here we go again... "We've talked about this. Riley left. She's better off without me." My shoulders tensed.

"But are you better off without her?" A moment later he blew out a long breath. "Look at you, man."

All my frustration bubbled up. "Look at me, what!?" I snapped.

"I'm serious, Adam, she needs to see or hear how fucking bad you are since she left Lockwood— left you!"

I gaped at him in shock. "I'm not doing that bad." I was.

"The fuck you aren't. Don't peddle that shit with me, man." He shook his head before tearing off another chunk of doughnut, cream oozing out, dropping onto the table.

"Chris, things between Riley and I—I shouldn't have—" I stammered my way through excuses, but his face told me he wasn't buying it.

"I liked seeing you happy again, smiling. Fuck she gave you something to grab onto. And be pissed off at me all you like. But she was meant for you—a second chance."

His words pierced my cold heart, making it hurt like a bitch every time I swallowed. "I can't do that to her, Chris. I can't offer her everything she wants. It's not fair."

He slammed his mug down. "Why the hell not!?" his voice rising. "Don't you think when you finally get your head out of your ass and realise how special she really was, then it will be too late. She will have moved on and met someone."

He wasn't listening to anything I had to say. But every time the thought of her being with another man cropped up, it twisted the knife deeper.

My shoulders dropped, tiredness suffused my body. "Can you please drop it?"

Chris expelled a frustrated sigh but lowered his voice as he leaned back in his chair. "Look. I'm only doing this because I want you to be happy, Adam. I care. And clearly you're not fucking happy."

He was right, but I was not about to change my mind.

Chris let his head roll back before meeting me head on. "Fine. You win. What time is the board meeting today?"

Another subject I'd rather not talk about. "One."

"Are you sure you don't want to be there?"

I shook my head, knowing it's pointless. "Let's be honest. We both know the devil's decided my fate and the rest of the schmucks will vote the way she tells them too. It's a done deal." I took a breath. "I'm out."

Chris looked at the time. "No point in sitting here waiting. Let's distract ourselves and grab a game of golf."

Today when I peeled my eyes open, I'd already decided what I needed to do. "I want to clear out the master bedroom." It was time to put Emma's things away. That room had been a shrine long enough and if I had to leave Lockwood. Then there was no point putting it off.

"Yeah?" Chris asked, pleased.

"Yeah." I drank down my coffee, not tasting it all.

"Do you want any help?"

I shook my head. "Nah, I got this." It was something I needed to do—alone.

"Okay, well I'm gonna shoot off. Message me if you change your mind and I'll swing by and pick you up."

I wouldn't change my mind.

By three in the afternoon I'd heard nothing. It was safe to assume they were going to write to me instead of doing me the courtesy of a phone call. "Cowards!" I mumbled to myself, holding a picture of me and Emma in my hands.

"You would have given them hell?" I spoke to the picture. It had been taken on our last visit to the cabin.

But did it really matter? The outcome was the same either way.

My eyes flicked up when a knock landed on my front door.

Putting down the picture frame, I headed downstairs, hoping it wasn't Tiffany. The woman found endless reasons to darken my door, but never once had she got through it.

Flinging it open, ready, it shocked me to see Riley Jo's Nana Em standing on my doorstep.

She pulled her head back slightly. "Is that you Doctor Matthews hidin' underneath all that fur?"

I ran my hand across my beard. "Guilty, Mrs Lockwood."

She waved her hand. "I think I recall tellin' you to call me Em?" She threw me a quizzical look. "Ain't you gonna invite me in doctor?" Casting a look over her shoulder. "I don't like to air my business for everyone to hear."

I smiled despite myself standing to one side. "My apologies... Em. Please come in."

Stepping over the threshold. "I haven't caught you at a bad time, Dr Matthews?" sauntering past me, her eyes wandered around.

"Please, call me Adam and no. Not at all." She strolled, running her hand over a side table before stopping to admire a picture. I didn't have a clue why she was here. A knot erupted in my stomach. Was Riley okay? "Are you here because of Riley? Is she okay?"

She stopped and turned. "We spoke only this morning. Riley Jo did that what's-a-name thing." Clicking her fingers. "Face-time." She shook her head. "Ain't modern technology a marvel?"

I nodded, but she hadn't answered my question.

"And she tells me she's doin' fine."

A relieved breath left me, followed by words that were meant to stay in my head. "Did she ask about me?"

"No." she answered, her eyes warm but sympathetic.

My stomach dropped, but it raised the question—why was she here? I suddenly remembered my manners. "Can I get you a drink?"

"No, I'm not staying. Howard's in the car waiting on me to take me home."

"What is it I can do for you?"

She turned to face me fully. "You'll be happy to know that you can start back to work this comin' Monday."

What? "I'm sorry? Back to work? But I thought—"

Huffing. "People may think my daughter has all the muscle in this town, but that hospital is still mine to run." She pushed her shoulders back. "Mercy Jane may strut around like she owns it." Bristling, she tilted her chin up. "But I put them straight today." A victorious smile ran across her lips and my jaw dropped, unsure of what to say.

"Why? Why would you help me?" It dumbfounded me that she would help after me hurting her granddaughter.

Her smile remained in place whilst I absorbed the news. "I know a good man when I see it and your reputation is nothing short of outstanding doctor." She nodded her head slowly. "The board just needed a little reminder of that."

"I don't know what to say." I blinked rapidly, repeating what she'd said in my head. "...Thank you."

Her brow creased, her mouth tightened. "I know what you tried to do for Riley, punching that Henderson boy." Mouth twisting, she shook her head firmly. "Never been right, that one. His daddy should have dealt with him a long time ago."

Shrugging, half-heartedly. "Didn't do any good."

Em gave a quiet weary sigh full of heartache. "Tell me, Adam. Why let my Riley Jo walk away?"

For a second time, I didn't know what to say, but I would be honest. "Riley deserves someone who can give her the world. And someone better than me."

Her steps brought her closer. Lifting her hand, she placed it over my fast beating heart. "I know you struggle with loss and we never get over great losses. We absorb them and carry them in our hearts." She patted my chest. "But don't let that stop you from loving again." She gave me a thoughtful look. "Did my Riley Jo make you happy?"

More than happy. Alive. "Riley Jo is an amazing young woman and yes, I was happy."

Head tilting, she dropped her hand. "Then ask yourself. What are you waiting for?"

With a subtle, sad smile, I shook my head. She was asking the same question as Chris. "It's been six weeks. I wouldn't know what to say... where to start."

"And by the looks of you... six long ass weeks." She chuckled, despite the sadness in her voice. My Riley Jo may tell me she's fine, but those eyes of hers haven't sparkled since she left Lockwood." She sighed in resignation. "But I do agree she deserves the world and if you don't feel it, then you're right to let her go." She inserted a breath. "But if you do feel it, do something 'bout it."

She walked past me to the front door, reaching for the handle. "And Doctor?"

"Yes?"

"You don't have to choose one over the other. They can both have a place in your heart."

Riley had never asked me to choose. Thinking back, Riley had only ever asked about Emma. It was me who had chosen. "I wouldn't know what to say. She probably won't want to talk to me again—never mind see me."

Turning. "If you want it bad enough, it's worth a try."

I gulped.

Adding, "and try grovelling if she won't listen to reason." She chuckled again, opening the front door as sunlight flooded in and she stepped outside.

I followed her outside like a lost puppy, my mind suddenly clearer, although no less fearful. Her friend got out of the car, tipping his head in my direction as he walked around to the passenger side, opening the door.

She thanked him and then turned one last time to face me. "And Adam."

"Yes?"

"Lose that god awful facial hair. Your face is much too pretty to be hidin' underneath all that." Her friend shook his head as she dipped inside the car and he closed the door behind her.

Watching them pull out my drive, I reached inside my pocket and pulled out my phone.

Should I call her?

No.

Instead, I searched for flights. I would go to New York and find her.