《Falling In Love With My Sugar Mommy》Alexa // Ten (and i think last one)
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I'm sorry in advance.
Alexa's POV
It's been a year now since Ally came into the hospital, which means she could be having her last breath anytime soon and no one will truly know when but her.
Jack and I have been on edge a lot lately, we feel like the water is already rising and were already starting to drown, desperately gasping for air.
These last few days I've been staying at the hospital with Ally and Jack.
Jack talked to my mom and convinced her to let me stay here for as long as it takes for Ally to... you know... stop fighting.
No matter how much pain she's in right now she's still trying her best to talk like if everything was normal, and laughed like of her days now aren't limited, she still has that sparkle in her eye that she always have had.
Lately I havent left her bed unless I have to use the bathroom, other than that I eat in her bed sleep in her bed stay in her bed, we talk and visit in her bed, everything I try to do is in her bed cause I'm afraid to leave and come back and her be gone and me not being able to say goodbye.
(Guys I'm already gonna start to cry just by knowing what all imma put in this chapter)
Usually If Jack is sleeping and than I'm awake even if Ally is asleep, and if I'm sleeping than Jack is awake, him and I agreed on that, and that way someone is always keeping an eye on our girl.
"What are you thinking of?" The nurse grace asks, I went out to grab our yogurts real quick but it seems I zoned out once again.
I just look up at her with tears already forming in my eyes, "Ally" I say with a bug lump in my throat, tears start to fall from my eyes, and she gives me warm smile and pulls me in for a hug.
Lately this has been our daily routine, I zone out and either jack or grace asks what I'm thinking of and I burst into tears and they have to calm me down.
"I get it dear" she says as she gently runs my back.
Grace is around thirty or mid thirties, so I look up to her a lot.
After a few minutes I calm down by her helping me match my breathing with hers.
She gives me a tissue and I wipe my eyes with them, she pats me on my back and gestures for me to go back to Ally, I thank her go on my way to her.
I walk in as Jack walks out, "I need to use the men's restroom, I'll be back in a bit" I smile knowing that he's probably gonna go talk to grace, I've seen how him and her talk with eachother, it's cute.
I go and gently lay down on her bed, before I can give her her yogurt I hear little sniffles, "what's wrong baby?" I ask as I put the two yogurts on the shelf beside us.
" I thought you left me" she says between small sniffles.
Than I freeze when I get a Flashback.
-flashback-
I hear her sniffling, "what's wrong baby?"
"I thought you left me" she says with small sniffles
"Aweh baby I would never leave you"
Her sniffles get louder and soon turn into small sobs, "hey baby, baby, listen to me, I love you okay, and I'd neve leave you"
She just nods and wipes her face on my chest, I wrap her arms around my neck and lift her up, she wraps her legs around me and I take us to her bedroom.
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-end of Flashback-
Tears are now running down my face so rapidly that it's like a running river, I look down and see Ally sobbing as she grips my shirt tightly with her head on my chest, I feel my chest wet with all her tears, "hey baby" I say to get her attention, "I'd never leave you" I say trying my best to not let my voice crack from wanting to burst into sobs.
She stops for a second and opens her eyes and stares like if she just realized something, than she speaks, "you- you never did leave my side, and- I just- I wish- I had more time- i- I wanted to marry you- and I still want to- I was- I was- gonna propose to you- on- on your birthday but than- i- i found out- that I'm sick and- I ruined everything-" she says with hiccups from sobbing so hard earlier.
I wrap my arms around her as gently as possible, "you know what baby? I was gonna ask you to marry me too, I was thinking of doing it a couple weeks after my birthday, I was starting to plan it out" she sobs even louder, "hey hey, look at me," I try to get her attention so she can calm down and not waste all of her energy, "look at me, now breathe, okay? Here put your head like this," I help her lay her head better on my chest so she can hear my heartbeat, "now try matching my heartbeat okay?" She nods as small hiccups leave her mouth.
"Try to match it as you just listen to me okay?" She nods and so I continue, " you know, I think the reason why we weren't supposed to grow old together was because I know that I would do anything for you, and I know you'd do the same, I know that if you asked me to go kill a nurse right now I'd do it, and I'm sure you'd do the same for me, and I think that... it would be pretty unhealthy wouldn't it? Also the fact that we both wouldn't want to hurt one another so we'd both just bottle stuff up and, that wouldn't be right either, I know you want to be with me for the rest of my life just like I've been here for the last time you will take your last breath but, just know that.... you will always be with me, no matter what you will always have a part of my heart and I will forever love you, in a way you will always be with me till the day I take my last breathe" i feel her gripping my shirt again.
"I know but- it- it hurts, I love you and I just want to spend the rest of both of our lives together- and i- I wknt be able to- and- I-"
I gently start to rub her back as she sobs again, I try my hardest to not cry and just be the shoulder for her to cry on.
After a while she calms down and shes back to small hiccups, "baby?"
"Yeah?" She asks with her tired voice.
"Why are you telling me all of this now?"
She decides not to answer me and just close her eyes, "shhhh... I'm tired"
"Okay but don't pull any tricks on me and leave me"
She just nods and I feel her breaths soon turn into her small sleep breathing.
A few minutes later Jack walks in and whispers, "I heard it all, you must be exhausted, get some sleep I'll be right here" he sits down on the couch in front of us and pulls out his book.
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I just nod and slowly close my eyes, soon the last thing I hear is the beeping from Allys heartbeat, and than it all turns into nothing but silence as I fall into a deep sleep, forgetting when the last time was that I had a good sleep.
"Hunny" Jack whispers to me as he gently wakes me up.
"Yeah?" I ask with my eyes still closed.
"Ally is awake"
"Dad I told you that its fine if she still sleeps, I dont even remember the last time I got to see her sleep peacfuy" I can still tell in her voice that its tired.
I soon fall back to sleep forgetting what they said.
A hour later I hear small sniffles so I force my eyes open, already prepared for the worst, "what's wrobg!?what's going on, where ally!?" I say as I sit up with my eyes still closed by not being used of the bright sunlight that's pouring into the room.
Ally slightly giggles as me and my messages hair, I open my eyes and blink a few times.
I look at Jack and I see him with tears streaming down his face, "what's wrong?" I ask him.
"I'm gonna miss that beautiful voice of yours" I look at Ally and my heart sinks as I realize why she said that, and why she had finally told me all that stuff, its cause she realized its now her time, it's her time to leave us, she can't keep fighting for us, she can't be here any longer, shes gone through too much and she cant handle it anymore.
I than realize that I had zoned out for a while and when my hearing finally comes back I hear Jack sobbing, "Please! Please don't leave us babygirl! Dont leave me!" I feel my thighs wet and I look down and realize that theres tears streaming down my face.
Even though everyday for the passed year I've been trying to prepare myself for when this day came, I still had some hope that it wouldn't ever have to come, or that I would just wake up one day and it was all just a very horrible nightmare, but now here we are.
Ally's POV
With tears running down my face as my dad pleads to me to not leave him or the love of my life I can't help but wish I knew what was going through Alexas mind, I just see her staring down with tears streaming down her little delicate face that I love so much.
"Dad, I'm tired" is all I say for him to stop pleading me to stay.
I see Alexa look at my dad and than she turns to me, my heart breaks as I just see her with tears running down her face so fast that it's almost like if someone was pouring water down her face, I gently put my hand on her cheek, tears now wetting my hand, she leans in and gently presses her lips to mine, our tears mixing with each others.
Halfway through she pulls away and rapidly puts her head between the crook of my neck and I feel her tears already wetting my neck and them falling down to my chest and into my gown, I hear her sobbing than she hold her breathe for a second and says, "its okay" and just by hearing that I burst into sobs again, my dad grabs my hand and gently caresses it.
"I love you baby girl" my dad says.
"I love you dad"
Than alexa speaks again, "I know you're tired, and it's okay baby, you can sleep now, you can rest in peace, but not without knowing that Jack and I love you with all of our heart, we love you more than anything and anyone"
"I love you both with all of my heart too" I respond, they both engulf me in a hug as we all sob.
I turn my head to Alexa and whisper, "be good to yourself, and fall back in love with someone, do what you want to do and be happy, for me, for yourself and for the next person you fall in love with, I love you" after those last words I say to her I finally close my eyes for the last time.
I take a Breathe for the last time, my nose being satisfied by being able to smell the two people I love the most for the last time, I remember this feeling for the last time, I hear the tell me that they love me for the last time and k hear their heartbeats for the last time.
Alexa's POV
*beep beep beep beeeeeeee* is the last thing I hear before nurses are rushed into here, and before I know it Jack and I are in the room, for the first time it being just him and I, no more ally, just him and I, I stare out of the window, zoning out, thinking of everything and nothing at the same time.
I hear a voice in the distance and than I hear it closer and closer and than everything comes back to me and I jump when I suddenly feel Jack's hand on my shoulder and all my hearing if back,I hear all the nurses talking, even my mom and Bianca are here, I didn't even realize they had come, I like back out of the window and realize that it's already getting dark, and I think "how do this possible?" It was just morning a few minutes ago, have I been standing here for that long?
"Honey? Are you okay?" Right jack.
I just nod and before he can say anything I pull away and walk out of Allys room, I let my feet take me to wherever they take me, soon I'm outside of the hospital, I start walking, and walking, and walking.
Soon I find myself in the same situation I was a year ago when Ally told me she was sick, I feel nothing, I hear nothing, and I think about nothing.
Before I know it I'm running, I'm running as fast as I can and before I know it I'm back at the place where it all started, the big hill, I look up it and climb up, I stand there overlooking the city in front of me, tears now streaming down my face what seems like the hundredth time today, I look up and feel nothing but emptiness, I feel no happiness, no sadness, no angryness, no confusion, no love, no nothing.
And than, the sky fills itself with stars, and withing seconds I see a lot of shooting stars all at once, and it all comes back to me, everything I ever felt towards her came back to me, I got filled with chills and goosebumps and fall to the ground, I cry and yell more than I ever had before.
Five hours later I finally stop, I finally stop crying, I finally stop punching the floor, I finally stop thinking of every little thing we had in our time together and walk back to her house.
Once I get to her house I use my key to open the door, the house is empty, it looks like Jack hasn't come home yet, I walk through the house and everything looks just like it was the day we left to take Ally to the hospital.
The last place I go to is our room, after a while of us dating I stayed over here a lot and so she said it was now our room not only hers.
I walk in, and I see that the galaxy lights are still on from the night before we took her, everything was the same, There was still a glass of her water on the nightstand, her phone was still there too, our clothes were still on the floor, the bed was still all messy, her shoes were still by her side of the bed and so were mine.
I take my other shoes off and close the door behind me, I take my pants off and walk over to her clothes on the floor, I pick her shirt up and smell it, it still smells like her, I take my shirt off and replace it with hers, I go to our bed and lay in her spot, it also still smells like her, I grab her pillow and hug it, i grip it so tightly that my knuckles turn white, start to breakdown again.
"COME BACK TO ME BABY!"
"DONT LEAVE ME HERE ALONE!"
"COME BAAAACKK!!"
"I CANT DO THIS WITHOUT YOU!!!"
"PLEASE BABY!!! COME BACK!!!"
"DON'T LEAVE ME!!"
"DONT LEAVE ME!!!"
"PLEASEEEE!!!"
"DONT LEAVE MEEE!!!"
I get a flashback from more than two years ago.
-flashback-
(From the beginning of Ally and Alexa part of this book)
"Dont leave me" ally said as she ran back into her house to get her phone
-end of Flashback-
"DONT LEAVE ME!"
"DONT LEAVE ME"
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