"Wexaaaaa!!" My nephew enzo exclaimed while running to me as soon as I walked into my oldest brothers house.

"Hey handsome!" I exclaimed back at him.

He picked his arms up and made grabby hands telling me that he wanted me to pick him up.

" give me huggies and kisses" I said as I picked him up.

"Paw paw" he exclaimed pointing to the living room, which meant he wanted me to go watch paw patrol with him.

"Hey sis" my brother said walking over to me to give me a side hug.

"Hey, just came to visit the kids for a bit" my oldest brother would have four kids by now but one of my nephews passed when he was only three years old, I miss him endlessly every day.

Today my sister in law Janett put on the group chat that my smallest nephew Enzo woke up crying cause he wanted aunt wexa which is what he calls me. Hes only one but I feel like he's growing up way to fucking fast.

"Thank goodness he was crying all morning and afternoon" my brother said while going back to his room where he was probably watching Netflix.

"Hi alexa" my other nephew Elliott is 5, all of my nieces and nephews don't call me aunt cause we all consider eachother siblings, its pretty great how big of a bond I have with them.

"Hi handsome" I ruffled up his hair as I sat down on the couch and sat Enzo down on my lap.

After a couple hours I than drove over to my only blood related sister to than visit my three princesses.

"Knock knock" I just walked in cause I knew I was welcome anytime anyways.

My three nieces names are tessa the oldest which is 9 hannah which is the middle child with 7 yrs old and the smallest is jessica only 5 yrs old.

A couple years ago I was like their mother to them for abt a year since their mom had to go on a long business trip and than got offered really good deals over where she was at and ended up having to stay there for almost a year but than she couldn't come back right away cause she got extremely sick and was hospitalized for a couple months and than was finally able to come home after a year.

"Oh hey alexa is here" the youngest yelled to the other two as she ran to hang on my legs

"Hey tigger, winnie the pooh and piglet!" I used to call them that all the time cause it actually fit them perfect, the oldest is tall and skinny, the middle child is shorter and chubby and the youngest is the smallest and in between their weight almost.

"We're watching barbie if you wanna join!" Hannah exclaimed while grabbing the bags I had in my hands.

"What are these?" Tessa asked looking through the bags.

"Clothes for your twin baby sister and brother that will be coming into this world soon" I forgot I wasn't talking to a one year old anymore so they looked at me kinda weird when I said it like if they were babies who didn't understand.

"And of course some toys for you guys too" I said handing them their early Christmas present since I knew I wouldn't be here to give it to them in person.

"Thanks!" They all ran to me and gave me a hug.

"Go on, I gotta get home and make grandma some food before she calls me and gets mad" my mom has been a total dick lately more than ever.

"Okay!" They all said almost at the same exact time.

I walked out and got in my car backed out of their driveway and turned the corner and burst out into tears knowing that I only had two more days.

I can't, there will be no reason for me to live anymore!

Slowly by slowly I've been saying my goodbyes to everyone without them even realizing it was a goodbye.

Don't get me wrong, my friends are wonderful but it's their parents that are complete homophobes.

The night before my birthday I packed a few things and all my money I had left, made sure and packed clothes shoes my tooth brush soaps shampoo, everything I could think of that was necessary and put it in my car that my brother let me have a few months ago as a early gift.

I woke up to my phone ringing like crazy.

"Hello?" I asked my voice all groggy from crying all night, I didn't even look at the caller ID.

"Hey bitch, you better not leave without saying goodbye to me" Bianca's voice was enough to make me tear up again remembering that I'll have to say goodbye to my bestfriend since we were 5 yrs old.

"Bitch, I would never!" I said trying not to laugh.

"Get your fucking ass over here eat some breakfast drink some coffee and let's talk for a bit" all I could think about was how amazing she's been to me even after coming out to her.

"Bitch what ever, I'll be there in 30" I said before hanging up.

I looked at the time and read 10:06 am.

Ughhh this is gonna be hard as shit.

I got up brushed my teeth took a quick hot shower and changed into a black cargo pants and a black crop top sweater put my hair into a high pony grabbed some black and white Jordan's and grabbed my small bag with my wallet charger headphones and a few other stuff.

"I guess this is goodbye" it was currently 4pm and Bianca's grandma was in the hospital and she needed to go take a turn watching her.

I looked down trying to hide the tears that were screaming to come out, "yeah.." was all I could let out and I thought she didn't even hear it by how fragile and low I whispered it.

"Hey!" She yelled at me for being all emotional.

I looked up whipping away the tears that were pouring out of my eyes, "what?" My voice trembling.

"We're still gonna call everyday, I'll sneak out every weekend and if you haven't found a place with jn tomorrow I'll lend you some money" she said her voice sounding lower and lower almost trying to hide the shakiness in it.

I walked out to my car and just before I got inside my car I looked at her and saw tears pooling out of her eyes just as mine were as well she flipped me off and I smiled flipping her off as well and just as I was gonna get inside my car she ran to me and hugged me as hard as she could and started crying so hard her neighbors could hear us sobbing like if we were two little girls who didn't get invited to a birthday party.

"I thought-t you said it-t was best we-e didn't hug caus-se it would make it mo-ore like a goodb-bye" I said during my sobs

"Not all goodbyes stay as a goodb-bye" she said as fast as she could trying not to stutter like me between her sobs.

After a few minutes we calmed down and I finally got in my car but not without her telling me to call her tonight if i don't find a place.

I looked at how much money I had in my wallet and it was only enough for one night at a cheap hotel, so I went there didn't take much stuff out of my car just the important stuff, and lied down and cried, and cried, and cried, and cried, I looked at my phone and it read 11:47pm so I decided to take a quick shower.

I got in turned some music on my phone, I discarded my clothes and set them aside and I was lucky that the hotel atleast had hot water, I put the water on hot and as soon as I stepped in and the water hit my body I felt like I could finally let my mind relax and just decide on what to do next.

After I showered I got out and decided to look at the many messages I had from distant family and friends I hadn't seen in months or years wishing me a happy birthday, I got other messages from friends asking where I'm at and others saying homophobic stuff... guessing my mother told everyone that I was gay.

Fuck you and you and you my ringtone hot girl bummer from blackbear startled me and I jolted up not even remembering when I fell asleep.

"Hello?" I didn't even bother looking at the caller ID even though i probably should've.

"Hey bae" as soon as I heard her voice I was more awake than I could ever be.

"Hailey?"