Cause nothing can ever, ever replace you, nothing can make me feel like you do

-Justin Bieber

Two days of misery.

Two days of not seeing him.

Two days of not talking to him.

I was suddenly transported to that time when he'd left and I'd been regretting not telling him my true feelings. But this time it was worse. It was worse because he'd gone away believing something that wasn't true. And I hadn't even got a chance to explain to him everything. What made it worse was that I knew he was at the penthouse but I couldn't go over. He hadn't even come to uni since that day.

I had called him even though he'd asked me not to. If he thought I'd just let him go especially over something that wasn't true then he was wrong. I'd called him almost hundred times but he never picked up. I'd left him messages but he never answered. And then I started thinking if I'd lost him for good. But I shook away that thought just as soon as it had come, there was no way I was letting him go. He needed space, I'll give him that. But he wasn't leaving me.

Uncle Mason had returned a day before so I was back at my house. My stuff was still at the penthouse, and I was too much of a coward to face Theo, so I didn't go to get it. I didn't want to see him because I was afraid he'd leave me. I was too afraid to let than happen.

There was a series of knocks at the door. It was afternoon, Uncle Mase was at work, so I didn't know who it could be. When I opened the door, a small smile lifted my lips up. "Scott."

He gave me a hug, coming in. "How have you been? I feel like I haven't seen you in days."

"I've been okay, I guess?"

He raised an eyebrow. "Have you really?"

I sighed, I guess it wasn't news that Theo and I'd had our first official fight, a very bad one for the record. And somewhere deep inside me I knew Scott was here to sort it out. I could see by his body posture, by the way he sat and took a deep breath, clasping his hands, elbows on his knees. He looked up at me with a solemn face.

"Is he okay?" I asked hurriedly. "Please tell me he's okay. I don't like the way you're looking at me. Did something happen to him?"

"He's fine." He said, waving a hand. "Physically." He added softly.

"What does that mean?"

"He's...not okay, actually. He's, uh-"

"Just spit it out."

"He's drunk." He said bluntly. "He's been drunk for the past two days. He has not eaten, he has not come out of his room. He isn't talking to anyone."

I clutched the back of the couch tightly to support myself. A wrecked sob erupted from my throat at the thought of him being in pain because of me. Theo rarely drank, and even when he did he'd always be sober because of the small quantity.

"I don't know what happened with you two. But I know that both of you are miserable. Both of you are in pain. And both of you need to resolve things."

I looked down.

"Not talking isn't helping." He said softly. "I can see it on your face that you're not okay."

"What do I do? He doesn't want to talk to me-"

"What do you do?" Scott raised an eyebrow and scoffed. "What you do is make him talk to you. Let's face it, he never listened to you when you asked him to stay away. Why the fuck are you listening to him?"

"I don't- I don't want to mess up more." I whispered. "I'm scared that he'll leave me once I see him."

"You think not trying is the solution?" He asked. "And he's not capable of leaving you, you know. You literally are his life. He can't walk away from his life."

"He's so angry at me, Scott." I whispered so softly that I doubted he heard me. "He looked so mad. He-he looked like-"

"Okay so it's your fault, then?" He shook his head. "That's all the more reason for trying. You cannot spend another day assuming things."

When I closed my eyes, feeling the tears, he shifted his body and faced me. "Talk." He said more forcefully this time. "You guys need to talk."

His words filled me with deep guilt and remorse. I felt more pain than I was feeling before. I was reminded of the time when Theo chased after me, and didn't leave even when I ran. We wouldn't be together if he'd given up or if he'd listened to me. And I was giving up by listening to him. I was losing him. And I couldn't let that happen.

I stood in front of the penthouse, closing my eyes and taking a deep breath. I'd not bothered to change or dress up, I was still in shorts and a lose crop top. I rang the bell even though I knew the code. When I heard the door open I took one last deep breath, gathering all the courage I had.

Tobias looked bad. He still had that charming vibe in him, so anyone who didn't know him would feel that he was okay, but I knew he wasn't. He didn't look goofy like he always did. His eyes looked a bit surprised when he saw me. "Hi."

"Hi, Tobias." When he moved to the side, I went in.

"He's in his room." He said quietly. "He might be drunk so just be careful."

Each step I took towards his room made my heart beat faster. I didn't want another fight, I hated fighting with him. I wanted to clear things up, I needed to explain things to him. He might still be angry at me after I explained, but at least he'd know everything.

I was about to knock at his door when the door was swung open. I found myself staring at my favorite pair of forest green eyes, but I didn't miss how drastically they'd changed. They were bloodshot, red, and glossy. They'd lost the spark. Purple bags surrounded those beautiful eyes, a light stubble on his jaw telling me he hadn't shaved.

"Angel." He pulled me inside, hugging me. I wrapped my arms around him, letting him bury his face in my neck, clinging onto me tightly. When he pulled back, he sat me down on the bed and kneeled down in front of me, resting his head on my lap. I gently stroked his hair back, and smiled when he sighed contently.

I smelt the lingering stench of alcohol. When I looked around my surroundings I saw the numerous beer bottles at the corner, feeling my stomach drop at the thought of him drinking all of this because of me.

"Theo, we need to talk. But I think I should come back later after you get some sleep?" I asked softly.

"No!" He said urgently. "No, don't leave me, please. I won't let you because then you'll leave me for him. Don't leave me, angel. Please, I'm begging you." His hands tightened around me, but they weren't tight like him. He didn't feel like he was Theo.

I softened my eyes, stroking his cheek. "I'm not leaving you."

He got up and started pacing back and forth. I didn't miss the look of madness in his eyes. "I knew he was here to take you away from me. He even convinced you to kiss him. But you can't leave me. I won't let you."

"Theo-"

He dropped down on his knees again and hugged my legs. "Please, I'm sorry baby. I promise to kiss you more. I-I promise to take you out more. Was I not good enough? I promise I'll treat you better. Please don't leave me. Give me another chance and I-I promise you I'll be a better boyfriend."

"No, Theo, baby, please." Seeing him like this was killing me. I couldn't see him so broken. I couldn't see him so helpless.

"I promise I will be good for you, Mia. Better than him."

"You are, you are-"

"Why are you leaving me?" He whispered softly.

I felt that I imagined something wet against my thighs. But when I grabbed his head and looked at his face, my heart stopped and I froze. Even in the direst of situations, Theo knew how control his emotions. So when I saw the tears rolling down his cheeks, I broke. When I saw how shiny his eyes were, and realized they shone from tears and not his usual spark, I felt tears of my own.

"Mia?"

I wiped away the tears from his face, biting back a sob. "Please don't cry. It's killing me. Please, I'm not leaving you. He doesn't mean anything to me. I love you, only you."

"You were kissing him." He cried in my lap. "You were, I saw you-"

"I was trying to convince him to take back his complaint. Theo, please listen to me. Go and take a shower. It's better if you're sober when we have this conversation. Please go and take a shower."

"No!" He shouted and clutched me tighter. "No, I'm not going anywhere. You'll leave me if I go."

"Baby, I'm not going anywhere." I said more forcefully this time. "I'll be right here when you come back."

He looked up, his eyes still shining with tears. "Promise?" He asked me in a small voice.

"I promise you."

I didn't move when he got up and pressed a kiss on my forehead. I didn't move when he grabbed his towel from the chair and went over to the bathroom. I didn't move when he glanced back to make sure I was keeping my promise. I stayed in the same position when I heard the shower go on.

And I hadn't moved when he came out, the towel draped around his waist, water droplets clinging to his hair. He still looked tired, but at least he looked a little bit like Theo, like my Theo. And his eyes had lost the previous glossy look, instead he looked a mixture of upset and angry. I knew at that time that he wasn't still drunk.

He stood frozen. I waited a few minutes for him to say something, anything. When he didn't, I opened my mouth. "I'm sorr-"

"Just tell me why." He sighed tiredly.

"I was trying to convince him to withdraw the complaint."

"By kissing him?" He asked incredulously.

"Theo, I'm sorry. I know that was wrong. But he gave me no other option. He told me he'd withdraw the complaint if I gave him a kiss."

"And you were going to do that? Mia, I don't want to get back on the team by begging him. I don't want to play on his terms. I told you that you're more important to me."

"But playing is important as well!" I got up and faced him. "You may say you'll live without it but I know what it is to lose something you love. And you love football. And you'd been kicked off the team because of me-"

"I told you I don't blame you."

"-but I do!" My chest heaved up and down as his mouth shut close at my words. "I blame myself. And I had to do something. I couldn't just sit back and see you in pain."

He closed his eyes. "Did you kiss him?"

"No. But I was going to, if you hadn't come I would have. And even though I know it would have made me cheat on you and there was a huge possibility of you leaving me after that, at least I'd know that I got you back on the team. At least you'd still follow your passion."

"Leaving you is never an option." He said, but his eyes were still closed. He was still upset with me.

I sighed. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry but I couldn't find any other way. But I was going to tell you. I wouldn't have hid it from you. I hated it. I hated every second of being close to him. I swear when I say this that I never wanted to kiss him, I was only doing it to get him to withdraw the complaint."

"I trust you, Mia." He said softly.

I looked down, tears falling down from my eyes. I felt him move closer to me. A second later he lifted my chin up, looking in my eyes. "I trust you." He repeated.

That made me cry more. I flung my arms around his neck as he held onto my waist. "I thought I'd lost you. I thought you'd leave me." I sobbed in his neck.

He stroked my hair. "Leaving you is practically impossible for me, angel. I thought you had left me. I thought you'd leave me for him."

"No, no. I can't, I won't." I cried. "Please, I'm sorry. I won't ever do that again. Please, I love you. It's always going to be you."

"I love you, angel. You're everything, always."

*

I felt a lot better after I wrote this.