I'm shaking, falling onto my knees

-Shawn Mendes

A strong arm was wrapped around my waist. I felt soft kisses being pressed on my shoulder. My hair was tucked behind my ear and warm lips kissed my cheek. I smiled and turned around, making Theo unwrap his arm from my waist, but when I faced him he pulled me closer again and traced patterns on my stomach.

"Good morning, angel."

I fluttered my eyes open, making him smile. I gave him a lazy smile in return, pushing my head in his neck. "Hi."

"Did you sleep well?"

"Hmm." I mumbled.

"Let me make you breakfast. What do you wanna eat?" He asked.

I clutched my hands around him. "No, no. Don't go. Stay."

He chuckled, kissed my hair and stayed for a while. After that he convinced me to get up and take a shower. He didn't have practice today, so he went over to work out at the gym while I freshened up. When he took longer than expected, I went over to kitchen to make an omelette. I still preferred his cooking.

He came back looking all sweaty and hot. A towel was draped around his neck, his hair was wet. He gave me a kiss on the lips. "I'm gonna go take a shower. Join me?"

"I had a shower, baby. Go." He frowned when I didn't come, but went nonetheless.

He was acting weird. He didn't say a word the whole time we ate, just stared into space. I had to shake him a couple of times when he didn't respond to me. I didn't know what was wrong. I tried asking him but he shut me out.

"Theo," I pulled him away from the sink when he was doing the dishes. He turned around to face me, but looked down. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing."

"Don't shut me out. Talk to me. What happened?"

"Coach called." He muttered. "He said I can't play anymore."

I froze, stiffening up. I felt my heart stop. "Wh-what?"

"He said I needed to take a temporary leave. He didn't say how temporary it would be." He looked down.

I couldn't say anything. I couldn't say because I knew I would choke up. He was paying for what he did, he was paying for standing up for me. I am the reason he can't play. He hit Noah because of me, and now they've kicked him off the team.

"They've made Rider the captain in my absence." He smiled softly, though I knew he was hurt and in pain. "At least they made someone worthy of being a captain."

"Theo, I can't- I don't- I'm sorry." My lower lip quivered.

"It's not your fault." He replied softly.

I knew he'd said that I was more important to him than football, but football was one of the most important part of his life. And I knew how hard it was to lose something you'd worked so hard for your entire life. I knew how painful it was to give up something. Football was the only thing he'd always be excited about, and it broke me to see him so upset. It completely broke me.

He was in this mess because of me. And so I will be the one to get him out.

"Theo, look at me." I grabbed his face. "You will play, I will make sure of it."

He looked at me with painful eyes. "How?"

"Don't worry about that. I won't let that bag of shit ruin your career. I won't let him take away one of the most valuable things in your life. I promise you."

He smiled softly. "You called him a bag of shit. I love you."

I bit my bottom lip to to stop my smile. "I love you, baby."

He drove me to uni despite the mood. I clutched his hand tightly in mine all the way, not letting go once. I was hurt and sad, but I was angry at the same time. Angry at Noah. I had known he wouldn't let Theo punching him slide away so easily. Even though I had hoped he wouldn't go to the board, deep down I'd known he would. He wasn't the one to take embarrassments easily. And at the same time I was angry at Theo's Coach for letting him think hitting Noah wouldn't get him off the team. He had assured him he wouldn't allow the board to kick him off, and he'd backed out now.

"Please don't think it's your fault, Mia." He said softly to me when he'd parked the car outside uni. "I don't blame you. I did what I did because I was angry. It's on me. Please don't blame yourself."

I blinked back tears, taking a deep breath. I looked at him and tried to give him a big smile. "You will play."

I gave him a kiss on the cheek and got out of the car. I looked back to see him making his way over to the other side of the building, and I turned around to get to business. I went over to the legal reasoning class, glancing at my usual seat to see Ethan was not here yet. That was good. I looked towards the seat on the side.

"Noah?"

He looked up, his ocean blue eyes meeting mine, and for a second I saw surprise in them. His face was bad. His eyes were purplish black, lips swollen, a huge bandage covering his nose. I knew it would be swollen beneath it.

"Can I talk to you?"

"You want to talk to me?" He said slowly, testing the words on his tongue. "What could you possibly have to say to me? You were very clear the other day. You don't reciprocate my feelings and are happy in a relationship. I left you alone."

"I need to talk to you." I said through gritted teeth.

"Please, I'm all ears."

"Not here." Ethan could walk in any second and if he saw me talking to Noah, he'd lose it first, and if he tells Theo everything would blow up. So we went over to an empty classroom. I reminded myself I was doing this for Theo, I had to fix this up. I couldn't see him broken everyday.

"Take it back, the complaint." I said to him the moment he shut the door.

He looked back at me, an eyebrow raised. "What?"

"Withdraw the complaint."

"And why would I do that?" He looked amused.

I took a deep breath. "Because I'm requesting you."

"I would do anything you ask me to, Amelia." He said. "But this is about my self respect. You know how much I value it."

"He punched you because you were disrespecting me. What fucked up kind of love is this where you talk so disgustingly about me?" I spat out.

He had the shame of looking embarrassed. "I accept I stepped out of the line. I apologize for that. But-"

"No, I don't want this kind of an apology. You can apologize to me by withdrawing the complaint."

"You don't fight fair." He smiled. "Okay fine, I'll take back the complaint. On one condition, though."

"What condition?" I sighed.

He took a step closer to me, I took one back. His lips bent down into one of the smallest frowns, but it was gone the second it came. He straightened his back, looking into my eyes and smirked. "Kiss me."

"I'm not kissing you, Noah."

"I'm not withdrawing the complaint then." He shrugged indifferently.

"Why are you doing this?" I asked. "Do you seriously think you would manage to break us up if you get him kicked off the team? You weren't like this before. You used to be so understanding. What changed, Noah? What the fuck happened?"

"I used to be understanding when I had you. What changed is that I lost you to someone else. And it kills me to see you with someone else. You won't breakup, but I do know getting him off the team will cause him pain, just like he is causing me pain by being with you. It's called payback."

"Payback?! You fucking talked about pleasuring me in front of him. You would have punched anyone similarly if they talked about your girlfriend that way."

He sighed. "I shouldn't have said that. I am sorry for that, Amelia. I just got angry and-"

"You got angry and you disrespected me. He got angry and he punched you. Just because he had a different way of showing his anger doesn't make you the victim here. Withdraw the complaint, please Noah."

"I'm asking for one kiss, Amelia." He smiled softly. "Is it really that hard to kiss me?"

"I will not cheat on Theo. I won't kiss you."

"He doesn't need to know." He whispered. "I promise you I won't tell anyone. And I promise you I will take back the complaint."

I reminded myself I was doing this for Theo again. I knew I shouldn't be even thinking of kissing my ex boyfriend, but I couldn't let Theo not play because of me. I am the one he did this for, I have to get him out of this mess I created. I took a step forward, making Noah step towards me. He was smiling.

"You will withdraw the complain." I repeated.

"I will."

I will tell Theo. He would lose it, but I think he'd understand I did it for him. I chuckled in my head, I knew he'd be furious, I knew there was a huge chance that I'd lose him, but I had to fix things up.

We stood a few inches away from each other. I looked at him, then back at the ground. I had a visual of how worse Noah would look once Theo found out, but I let that thought vanish. If he would withdraw the complain, I'd find a way to make Theo understand.

I moved closer. The strong smell of rain entered my nose. I clenched my fists at the side, taking a deep breath, exhaling slowly. He moved closer. I felt his breath. Our noses were almost touching.

The door to the classroom opened and I froze. I heard the sound of books falling down on the ground. I sprang away from Noah, looking towards the door, feeling my heart stop. I felt the ground underneath me vanish.

He looked at me, his mouth opening. And then he looked at Noah. He looked at me again. I saw his face drop, I saw his expression morph into anger, and then hurt. Emotions like pain and betrayal passed in his eyes. He turned around and stormed away without a word.

"No, no! Theo!" I ran after him. "Fuck! Please, listen to me."

His one step was equal to my two, so I was losing him. He was walking away from me and I wasn't able to catch him. I needed to explain, I knew what the scene must have looked like and I had to explain.

"Theo, please. It's not what it looks like, just let me explain."

He whipped around so quick that I would have crashed into him. He moved back, away from me. "Yeah? Please explain to me what you were doing with your ex boyfriend alone?"

"I-I was talking to him about-"

"You were about to kiss him!" He shouted. "You were leaning in. You were so fucking close to him! Look in my eyes and tell me you weren't about to kiss him. Tell me, Mia."

I looked down, feeling the tears in my eyes. "I-"

"What the fuck do you expect me to do? I want to go over there and fucking kill him but I can't do that. Because he wasn't forcing you. You were about to kiss him. You!"

"Please, just trust me." I whispered.

"I trust you, I do. But I cannot un-see what I just saw. If I hadn't come, if I hadn't opened the door to that classroom, you both-" He broke off. "You both would be kissing right now."

"No, no Theo-"

"I thought we were cool, Mia." There was a crack in his voice. I looked up. Betrayal was the only emotion I saw on his face. "I thought we were in love. I thought you loved me."

"I do. I do-" I made a move to grab his hand but he moved away.

"I can't- I can't do this. I need space." He whispered.

Color drained away from my face. I'd lost him, again. I'd fucked up so bad. "Don't go. Please. Let me explain to you. I swear it isn't what it looks like, Theo. Please, just don't go."

He closed his eyes and moved farther. "Please don't call me, or text me, or come to my house. I need space."

The haunted look of betrayal in his eyes never once left as he turned and walked away from me.

*