Its been 2 months since I left Germany. Not even a single day has passed when I did not missed my Sierra Jaan..I will not take Rehan's name because I am very angry on him.

But whenever I see a couple walking around in the street I think, "what it would have been if Rehan also loved me like other husbands love and care for their wifes.."

My initial days here were very difficult I just used to cry and cry because I was not forgetting that night.. It has been like a horror in my mind. I was feeling so helpless when he kicked me out but I made myself strong and because of my Allah,

here I am today, safe and sound..

I work in a cafe, in a library. And also work online as an accountant in a firm. I know you might be thinking that why do I do such hard work,

It is because I am running away from my pains and trying my best to forget the person who did not even once trusted me. I will make myself so busy that I will not even remember him for once.

As I have been away I realised one thing, that when I was with Rehan I started to fell for him. His smiles, his mischevious talks his beautiful eyes and not to forget his handsomeness...

Even his shoutings and rude behaviour did not really affected me. But know I dont know if I still love him.. because he himself lost the place he made in my heart.

Yeah so I was on when I came here, after leaving the airport I did not know where I will go. As I did not know anyone in this city. I decided to take a stay in hotel for few days then search for a small rented house. As I did not have enough money to take a stay in hotels for a longer period of time.

After few day I found out about a rented appartment, it is a very small rented appartment with only one room. In the rest of the rooms my landlord has kept her stuff. So I can use only one room.. But it is more than enough for me.

I thought once to call my bestfriend Jennie and inform her all this, but then I thought that, she might be busy in her own life. Why should I tell her all this and even make her worried about me.

Today I have holiday so I decided to go and have a view of Fanshawe Lake in London. I changed my clothes and got ready in my winter clothes with my hijab as it can anytime start snowing, because winters have already started..

I decided to walk till the lake so that I can even enjoy my surroundings.

Finally after so long walk I finally reached. I was looking at the lake, it was so peaceful and I felt lively after so long..

Many times I thought to end my life. But then I remembered that, I was the one who told Rehan that day, that all these stupied acts are done by cowards. And I dont want to prove myself as a coward.. So I will fight with the situation..

I was standing near the railings when suddenly someone caught my legs from behind and said,"I caught you Mommy.." I froze.. as the voice was same like Sierra Jaan.

I turned my head towards the side and saw a little girl holding my legs and smiling.. But before I could say something I heard a man, "No darling..she is not your Mommy.. You have to catch you Mommy.." he said smiling at that girl.

He then turned to me and said, "I am sorry Ms. We were playing and she caught you thinking you are her Mother.."

"No Sir its okey I understand.. no need to apologize.." I said with a small smile.

That little girl left my legs and said "Sorry.." with a cute smile.

She was a such a cute girl, she reminded me of Sierra on how she used to say Sorry.. But my betu was very small compared to her as she could not even talk properly..

Suddenly her Mother came and that girl ran to her mother shouting.. "Mumma.." thats when I couldn't control my emotions anymore..

I excused myself and came a little far from them.. "Sierra Jaan, My betu.. Mumma miss you so much.. Mumma is sorry Jaan, she have to stay away from you.." I cried looking towards that mother and daughter.

"Sierra I want you now.. Sierra I miss you betu.." I said in between my sobs..

Many people were passing by and were giving me looks on why I was crying.. but right now that word,"Mumma.." really hit me hard and bursted out my bottled up emotions..

"Sierra Jaan I need you Chanda.. Otherwise I will die without you.." I was begging as if she could hear me..

I just wanted her, Whatever may be the consequences but I wanted my daughter back..but can I do anything..No.!

I cried on my helplessness..

I completely lost all the calmness and peacefulness..And decided to go back in that apartment.

I sat in a public bus and again got lost in my own thoughts..

I reached home and till then It was time for my Esha prayers. I took a bath and changed to my comfortable clothes..

I then laid my praying mat and then started praying.. After I finished praying I raised my hands for dua, "Yaa Allah though I am angry with Rehan for the things he did to me but I still pray for his well being.. Allah please I want you to show him the real culprit and and prove my innosence..

Allah please keep my Sierra Jaan away from all harm and danger. Take her under your protection as she is still very small.. She does require someone to take care of her.." I completed my prayers and said 'Ameen..'

I kept back my praying mat and removed my hijab. As I was passing by I glanced towards the window,

I saw the full moon..

I kept looking at it then whispered,"Yaa Allah you have your Chand..(moon) but I dont have my betu my Chanda..(my moon)" I chuckled sadly and kept starring the moon..

I got out from my thought because of a phone call.. I wondered who would call me, as my colleagues mail me, if it is anything that they want to inform.

I picked up my phone and the number was not from UK it was from some other country. I was thinking whether to pick up or not but decided to go with the earlier part..

"Hello.."I said nervously..

"Sania.. this is me.."he said and I immediately recognised the voice, it was Rizwan..

"Rizwan.. how are you..?" I asked getting so happy to finally hear him after so long..

"I am fine Sania.. how are you..?" he asked..

"I am just living physically Rizwan.. mentally I am completely dead.." I said and cuckled sadly..

"Sania you are not like my sister.. You are my Sister.. I wanted to ask your whereabouts and also if you need my help financially.." he said and I felt like crying.. he is like my brother which I never had.

"No Rizwan I am totally fine here.. I dont want you to send me money, as you know I work here..And as you have told me that you are my brother I request that if you have called me to come back then you are wrong, because I dont want to see Rehan..My self respect comes first for me.." I told him.

"No Sania, I did not called you to ask you to come back.. I really was worried for you and after so many attempts I finally found out your number.."he said

"Dont worry I will not tell Rehan that I have contacted you.. It is between brother and sister.." he said assuring me..

"Thankyou soo much Rizwan, Now please tell me how is my Sierra Jaan..?" I asked sounding desperate..

"Sania, Sierra is with me only, she has become so lost and is not like before when you were present..

She only calls again and again Mumma.."A tear escaped my from eye on hearing him

"Sania after you left everything has changed.. Reh.."before he could speak further I interrupted him and said, "Rizwan, what is Sierra Jaan doing.." I changed the topic because I dont want to hear anything about him.. I only want to talk about my daughter and not about the person who never valued me...

"She is sleeping, Actually Sania she is not at all eating properly.. today also she slept without dinner.. She does not eat from my hand and only says that her Mumma will come and feed her.." he said sadly...

"Rizwan, actually I have some important work.. I will talk to you later.." I said and hanged up the call.. I could not hear more..

"My betu had to go through so much at such an early age, already she was lonely because that Sonia never treated her like her daughter.. And when she got me as her Mumma, Then Rehan pushed me away from her"... I thought and a tear escaped my eye..

Its been so many days since Sania is not with me. I dont even know how many days have passed..

I have become mentally ill and depressed.. From the day I got to know about the whole truth, The day when Cindra revealed that Sania was innocent, since that day I am sitting on the floor in Sania's room.

I dont go to my office. I dont go anywhere out.. I dont meet anyone not even Rizwan.

Sierra is in Rizwan's house and

My brain is not being able to take such a big shock.

And Regret is eating me alive. I just think about my Wife My Sania.. And just sit in one place. My brain and heart have stopped giving commands to my body. I am living just like a body without a soul..

Many time Rizwan came and insisted me to go and meet a doctor, but I always rejected him as I dont want to meet anyone. The doctor will ask me all the questions related to my sudden shock and I will not be able to bottle up my emotions anymore.

I sit in Sania's room with lights closed and just think all my moments with Sania.. Her vanilla and chocolaty smell is still present in this room. I can feel her presence beside me.

I removed my phone and started talking to her photo which I clicked when she was smiling at Sierra..

" I was talking with myself.

"

I thought and started crying.

"

I cried louder as the pain was unbearable..

"

I was talking and complaining to her photo as if she can listen to me..

"