BELLAS POV

A/N: quick note, I wanted to include another one of Bella's povs instead of switching for reasons in which you will see. Also sorry for such a short chapter. Anddddd, MERRY EARLY CHRISTMAS!!! I probably won't update before than so I want to wish every single one of you all a merry Christmas. And to those who don't celebrate Christmas or Hanukkah, I hope you have a happy holiday!

I woke up breathing very heavily. My hearts beating a lot faster than it usually is. I look at the time on my phone and see that it's 4:05am. Millions of thoughts are running through my mind and sit up and bring my knees up to my chest. Safe to say I haven't had one of these in a while.

More thoughts pop into my head. He doesn't like you. What are you doing with your life? You're failing your classes. Everyone probably thinks you're just some lonely, dumb girl. You're not going to graduate high school and then what are you going to do? Live with your mom forever? And what happens when she dies? Huh? What are you going to do then?

I feel the wetness on my cheeks as I bury my sobs in my pillow. I'm useless.

"Bella!" I stare at my wall as my mom barges in. "School start 10 minute ago!"

I turn to face her and get out of bed.

"Sorry mama," I quickly get out of bed but she puts her hands on my cheeks and brushes her thumb gently across.

"What's wrong?" She sits me down back on the bed and holds my hand.

"I can't do it mom." The tears burn in my eyes and she quickly wipes them away.

"Do what?" She asks.

"Everything." My answer is short and sweet but describes it perfectly.

"I be back." She walks out of the room and I sit there and wait.

"Me, you stay home. I give you this." She hands me a picture frame with my dad in it. "We are so proud of you. Even though baba is not here, I know he is."

Just those few words make me feel better already. She takes me into her arms and it feels good to hug her. I don't know what I would do without my mom.

A few hours go by and me and my mom are watching movies on the couch when I see my phone light up.

I look to see who's calling and I see all of the missed text messages.

"Mama, I'll be back." I answer the phone and close the bathroom door.

"Bella?" Matt asks in slight panic.

"Hi." I reply starting to feel some of the anxiety come back.

"What's wrong? You didn't answer my good morning text like usual, and I didn't see you at school at all." I look in the mirror, seeing the bags under my eyes, the red rimmed eyes.

"I'm sorry. I just slept in." I can't tell him what happened. He'll just worry more then he needs to.

"You can talk to me you know? I'm here for you whenever you need." I can hear the panic in his voice as he says it.

"I know I know. I gotta go, I'll talk to you in a bit."

I head back to the couch and snuggle back up next to my mom and she presses play.

Not 5 minutes later and there is a knock on the door.