BELLA

I didn't like it. I don't like seeing anyone from school, out of school. It just feels so weird. So when I saw Devin, my social anxiety took over.

Then to make matters even worse, Matt asked me out! What in the actual crabby patties was I supposed to do?! Of course I said yes because otherwise that would just be rude. But I can't do that!

Oh my god! I'm so doomed.

"Right mate, I've gotta go. See ya later?" Devin says getting up from the couch.

"Yeah we got football tomorrow." Matt says back.

"Bye Bella. Bye Liz." Liz and I both wave him goodbye as he walks out the door.

"Liz, aren't Carrie's parents supposed to be coming to pick you up?" Matt says.

Suddenly Liz jumps up from the couch and retrieved a sparkly pink bag.

"I forgot!" She scrambles her shoes on and then puts her hair in a ponytail. "George is supposed to be there." She slightly blushes.

"George?" Matt questions.

"My boyfriend." She says like it's obvious.

I let out a little laugh and Matt smiles.

"A boyfriend, huh. Well you guys have fun." He shakes his head and laughs.

Liz opens the door and then turns her head back to us.

"She's here! Bye guys!" She races out the door before we even get to say goodbye.

There is a few moments of awkward silence before Matt turns of the tv and faces me.

"So, I guess I should start. I really like you Bella. I guess I have for a while now, and I know you're probably silently judging me at this very moment but I just wanted to let you know." I stare dumbfounded at what he had just said.

No. No. No way!

I'm going to cry. This has got to be a dare. He's lying.

"I-um-well..." I stumble to find the right words and he laughs at my current state.

"See, you're so cute." He smile at me and I can feel myself blush.

"I'm not." I retort.

"Yes you are. Everything about you is cute."

"Are you lying." I press my hands tightly tighter as I wait for a response.

"Why would I ask you out if I don't actually like you?" He raises an eyebrow.

"I don't know. Guys do a lot of dumb things. Not that you do any dumb things because that's not what I meant-" he cuts me off.

"I also kissed you. Did you not feel what I felt?"

"No, I did. But still-" he cuts me off once again and I want to smack him.

"There is no but. You don't need to tell me you like me right at this very moment. But just think about it?" I nod my head and then he takes out his phone. "So, pepperoni pizza?"

"It doesn't matter to me." I say.

"Last time I saw you eat pizza it was pepperoni and bacon, so that's what I'll get."

"You don't have to. I'm fine with whatever." He rolls his eyes at me.

"You're my guest. Plus it's my new favourite anyways." He shrugs with a little smile playing at his lips.

He sets his phone down and then looks at me.

"So tell me more about yourself." He suggests.

"There's not much to know."

"I find that hard to believe. You are the most interesting person I've ever encountered." He smiles and I smile back.

"So, how are you doing in school?" He changes the topic.

"Pretty crappy if I'm being honest. I'm failing most of my classes." I respond.

"I bet you're not." Does he have to disagree with every damn thing I say?

"Nah I'm really not."

"Well I am doing worse. I've gotten 35% on both of my math tests. Shit isn't going so well." He sighs.

"That sucks." I reply.

"Yeah it does. Anyways the pizza should be here any minute now because I ordered a fresh one and it's literally right around the corner." As if on time, the doorbell rings.

And guess who was at the door.

"Bella!" Dylan exclaims as he gives Matt a slight side eye.

"Hi." I wave awkwardly at him.

"It's been a while." Not that long. I have pizza nearly every day.

"Yeah." I cancelled on our plans together so I feel bad talking to him right now.

"Well I've got to go, but tell me if you're ever free again. I'd love to take you out somewhere other than a house and ordering pizza." He takes a look at Matt before leaving the house.

The shade was thrown.

Although I do much rather eat at home than eating anywhere else. I just don't like leaving my house in general. It may be boring sometimes, but at least I get to stay away from socializing.

"So that was the guy." Matt looks like he is in physical pain. His eyebrows are creased together and he is wearing a tight lipped smile.

"Uh, yeah." I mumble.

"Would you like me to take you out somewhere?" He questions and I shake my head.

"Really I'm fine with just being here."

"That's not what I asked." He replies.

"Well I do prefer it." I say.

"You prefer staying here?"

"I like it better at home. It's comfier." I shrug.

"But this isn't actually your home."

Just give me the damn pizza!

"Ha, yeah." I mumble once again.

"I'm sorry. I'm just nervous and you aren't necessarily making the conversation starters." He says.

"Maybe I should go. I've got homework." I bite back.

"No, listen I'm sorry. Can we start over?" He pleads.

"Okay." I sigh and then sit down at the table.

A nick on the door springs me out of zone and then Brian invites himself in.

"My mom wants her home." He says yanking me out of the house.

"What the shrimp balls?!" I half yell at him.

"It's been like 4 hours. It's almost 10." He mutters.

No way. It can't be 10. I was only there for like 1 hour.

: I probably won't be posting until Christmas because of recent events. A guy in my school was found dead this morning after having been missing since Saturday night. He commit suicide from jumping of a crane at Walmart. He has so many friends and knew so many of the people I know. They played on his team, and were good friends with him. i would see him in the hallways and walking around school. I would see him smiling and happy.I honestly can't believe that something like this would happen. I don't even know him yet I feel so bad to the point where I just want to curl up in a ball and cry. The pain that his family must be going through and just seeing the girls in the hallway break down in front of my eyes is so hard to see. I can't even imagine loosing someone I love, let alone them killing themselves. With that said, if anyone reading this ever needs to talk about a problem, please talk to someone. Don't keep it all in until you just can't take it anymore. Texting a friend or talking to parent, will make a difference. I know what it feels like to feel like you're not wanted in this world and it can be so overwhelming. Anyways I just wanted to get that off my chest.