Emily

These hormones are driving me crazy. I can't even make dinner without tearing up and it's not because of onions. When I'm not crying, I'm like 5 minutes away from throwing something.

Braxton just rolls with it, but he is getting on my nerves too. He refuses to let me do anything!

The spotting stopped and the baby is still doing good, but he wants me to just sit down and do nothing when I get home. I may be scared to death for our baby, but it's so frustrating. I took Cora to the park yesterday and he had a conniption fit.

I'm going to lose my mind.

"Em, go sit down. I'll finish making dinner." I take a deep breath and go upstairs to get Cora.

"Baby girl, let's wash our hands for dinner." She looks up from her dolls and then walks with me to the bathroom.

She sings the ABCs twice then we wipe our hands off. I never realized how much easier it is to wash your hands without one in a cast. I finally got it taken off and I couldn't be more grateful.

"Hey guys, dinner is ready." Braxton calls us. I roll my eyes, dinner was almost ready when I was making it, he didn't need to step in at the last minute.

I sit down and start making Cora's plate, then my own. I made spaghetti and there is a tossed salad as well.

"How was your day at school, buttercup?" At least he is still being reasonable with her.

"It was soo much fun! We pwayed with pwaydough and read a book. Then I played with dolls during centers." She radiates joy and it's so nice to be around. I'm still worried about my son and her happiness gives me something else to focus on.

"Who did you play with?" She changes friends constantly and I love that she is so friendly.

"Luna and Ben!"

We continue to eat while listening to Cora talk about everything else she did and how much she likes her teacher.

When we finish I start on the dishes and Braxton gets Cora started on a movie. She begged for a movie night and I relented, she is too cute to say no to sometimes.

When I finish, Braxton is getting ready for bed and I see Cora fell asleep on the couch.

I scoop her up and walk up the stairs to her room. When I get to the top, I stop and catch my breath. That is getting to be a lot harder than it used to be. She is getting so big. My baby is already in school and soon I won't be able to carry her anymore.

When I get to her room, I flip the light and carry her to bed. She wore a dress today, so it's not too hard to get her into pajamas.

I'm sweating by the time she is tucked in. On my way to my bedroom, I run into Braxton. He doesn't look happy either.

"Where is Cora?" His voice is hard.

"She's in her room. Why?" I'm still a little confused as to why he looks so angry.

"How did she get there? Did she wake up?" So that's why he's mad. He didn't want me to carry her again.

"I carried her, she was asleep. Lower your voice before you wake her up." The look on his face is terrifying.

He motions for me to follow him down the stairs and I do.

"Why did you carry her, Emily? Why? You know you shouldn't be."

"It's completely fine for me to carry her! She only weighs 30 pounds." I'm trying to keep my voice down, but I can't because he is just so frustrating.

"Are you trying to hurt the baby? Seriously, do you actually want to harm my child? Why don't you ever think about that? It's not just your kid! He's my son!" I take a step back from him. I don't even know what to think. How could he say that to me? How could he accuse me of trying to hurt the baby? I know he is our son, but there is a connection Braxton will never have with him, he doesn't know what it feels like to have a baby inside your body. To know you are responsible for not only yourself, but a whole other person. It's amazing and terrifying. If something would happen, I would never forgive myself. When I started spotting, I was scared out of my mind.

It's my job to protect him.

"I don't know why you just put both of you in danger like that! Are you planning on keeping him from me too? It wasn't enough that I missed out on the first 3 years of Cora's life? Now you want me to never get to meet my son at all? You aren't the only one that cares for him. Ever think of that?"

"You need to go." I'm not surprised when I feel tears dripping off my face.

He steps toward me and I take another step back.

"I don't know how you could ever accuse me of that. But right now you need to go." I'm sobbing so hard now that I can't even see, but I hear his footsteps walking away. Then the door slamming shut behind him.

It only makes me cry harder to hear him leave. I can't go to bed though, I can't lay in the bed that we made this baby in or where he talked to my belly for hours.

I go to Cora's room when my tears quiet down. I don't want to wake her, but I can't stop the quiet tears trickling down my face.

I climb in bed behind her and wrap my arms around my little girl. Right here, I have my family. My son and my daughter.

When I wake up, I see Cora is still asleep, so I climb out of bed and walk to the bathroom.

I check the clock on my phone and see that we still have some time before we normally get up, so I hop in the shower and start getting ready. Maybe I'll make some breakfast, get my mind off Braxton. God, just thinking about him makes my heart hurt. I don't know how he could say that stuff to me, but I'll have to get past it. Regardless of my feelings, Cora and the coconut deserve to grow up with a father. I want them to have a good relationship, Cora will need him for father daughter dances and to walk her down the aisle one day. My little boy will need him to tell him about girls and to make sure he grows into a gentleman.

As much as it will kill me to be around him, I'll do anything for my kids.

When I'm dressed in scrubs and my hair is pulled back, I wake Cora.

"Honey, it's time to get ready for school." I know she absolutely loves it, but it still hurts to drop her off everyday. Her first day was practically unbearable, she was ready to let go, but I wasn't.

For once, we actually aren't rushing through our morning and I even have time to make bacon and eggs.

Maybe this morning won't be all that bad.

***

It was worse.

Everything was fine, until I got to work. There was an emergency and I had to scrub in on an 8 hour surgery. Thankfully the boy made it through and is looking good, but being on my feet for 8 hours was exhausting. Plus, it gave me time to think about Braxton. I was just confused earlier, but now I'm furious. He had no right to say any of that. Also, when I got out of surgery my phone had four missed calls from him. Four!

Since I had such a long surgery, I just spent the rest of the day doing paperwork and rounding on my other patients.

During my rounding, a woman tried to visit one of my young patients that she hadn't been approved to visit and when the nurse told her she wasn't allowed she insisted on talking to the child's doctor. I came down to talk to her and when I explained I couldn't tell her anything about the patient, she started screaming in the lobby.

Thankfully one of my favorite nurses heard the screaming and called security, who then escorted her out of the building, kicking and screaming.

I was doing okay though, despite my rage at Braxton and rough day, when Julie called me to let me know that Ethan was planning on asking Braxton to be his best man. She thought I would be happy and if I had this news yesterday morning I would have been, but now, not so much. My own brother is now besties with the man that basically said he thought I was trying to cause my unborn child harm and that I selfishly thought the baby was only mine. Oh and did I forget to mention he also blamed me for not knowing Cora? Yeah, totally my fault he accidentally knocked me up and never told me his last name. I'm the one who has provided for her, he thinks he can just come into our lives and start throwing blame around. 

I'm exhausted and starving, but now I get to deal with that too. As if I don't have enough on my plate currently.

I finish the paperwork, then go pickup Cora from my parents.

I think the universe is really against me today because guess who is already there, Ethan.

Ethan is holding Cora up in the air as Julie talks to my mom about the wedding.

"I think I like the idea of the Christmas theme since it's going to be in December. Maybe some poinsettia." I walk into the kitchen and grab Cora's backpack.

"Hey Emily, you look exhausted." Julie is alway honest.

"Ummm, thanks? I am really tired though." She laughs.

"I didn't mean it like that. Of course you are, you are caring for two now. Look at that belly." She walks over and places her hand on my stomach.

"Any kicks yet?" That comes from my mom.

"Nope, not yet, but I'm sure I will soon. I felt the first kick with Cora at 24 weeks and they say it happens earlier with your second baby, so it should be soon."

"Twenty two weeks, right?" I nod. I really can't believe it, time goes by so quickly.

"Hey, little sis. You hear Braxton is gonna be my best man?" Of course he has to bring up his new BFF. I didn't tell anyone about the fight, so I get to have fake enthusiasm.

"Yeah, that's great." My voice is flat, I hope they don't notice, but I'm not that lucky.

"What's wrong? Why does she look so tired?" I assume the last question is for Julie, but I really don't know.

"Nothing, I'm just tired. I really need to get Cora home, is she outside with dad?"

"Seriously, you're acting weird." Why can't he just let it go?

"I'm fine. Is she outside?"

"She's with dad, now spill."

"I'll go check on her." I nod to my mom and she heads to check on my girl.

"What happened? Is everyone okay?" I'm not really sure how to answer that. I really don't feel okay.

He pulls me into a side hug and the tears build behind my eyes.

"We got in a fight, Braxton and I. I told him to leave and he did. I can't even believe he would say some of that stuff. It was awful." I feel my brother stiffen, he pulls back and I can tell he's going into his big brother protector role.

"What did he say? Emily, what happened?" They don't know about any of it.

"A few weeks ago, I started spotting. We went to the doctor and everything was fine, but he started acting crazy protective. He wouldn't let me do anything! Then last night, Cora fell asleep on the couch." I'm crying even harder now.

"Breathe, Emily. In and out." I take a deep breath and continue.

"I carried her upstairs and put her to bed and when he found out I carried her, he went crazy. He started accusing me of trying to hurt the baby and saying that it was his baby too. He asked if I was planning on keeping him away like with Cora. He blamed me for not knowing her. He asked if I wanted him to never meet his son." I'm sobbing so loud, I can barely hear myself think.

I don't understand why he would say that, I want my son so badly. I love him so much already. I would never do anything to harm him.

"I need you to breathe, Emily. Come on. Focus on me. Breathe." I start to slow my breath and breathe in and out. When I stop crying, he pulls me into another side hug. I wish I could have a regular hug, but my bump is too big now.

He says something to Julie, but I don't hear it, I'm too busy playing the fight.

She comes over and takes his place. When I hear the door shut I look up.

"Where did he go? Julie, where?" She gives me a sympathetic look. That means he's going to hunt down Braxton. Great. Just when I thought this day couldn't get any worse.

My mom walks back in and rubs my back.

"Honey, you should probably stay here tonight. You don't have work tomorrow and Cora doesn't have school. You look exhausted. Why don't you let your father and I help you with Cora tonight? I can go check on Lilly too." Lilly is what we named the golden retriever Braxton got for me.

"Did Ethan tell you?" She nods and I sigh, of course he did.

"It's fine, I should get her home."

"Come on, Emily. Please let me help. I don't have much time left with just Cora." I don't know what to do. I am really tired, but staying feels like giving in. I can't sleep in my own bed though, not with memories of Braxton.

"Okay."

"Go rest. Cora and I are going to make cookies!" I do as she asks and head to my childhood bedroom. I fall asleep quickly and dream of the man I thought Braxton was.