Braxton

"Your son is doing great! Everything looks good." Dr.Davidson just finished our ultrasound and is trying to reassure Em. She's been really worried about him lately. We are at 21 weeks, so just halfway through, but she started spotting a few days ago. We got the soonest appointment they had to check on our son.

"Are you sure everything is okay?" Emily's voice is desperate. I can tell he is helping, but she still looks terrified.

"Yes, you should have a very healthy baby boy in a few months. Already halfway there, everything is going as it should. Any more questions?" I shake his hand and he walks out.

"Em, he's gonna be perfect." Tears fill her eyes again and I can't believe this is happening again.

Why do I always say the wrong thing?

"Em, baby, what's wrong?" I pull her into my arms around her bump. I can't bear to watch her cry. It's heartbreaking.

"He has to be okay. I can't lose him." I can feel her tears dripping onto my shoulder.

I pull back, but keep her in my arms. The look on her face guts me.

"He will be. He will be because we can't lose him. I love you. I love Cora. I love our little boy. Everything will be okay." I swipe her tears away with my thumb, but they are coming too fast.

We stand there for a few minutes and then her tears start to slow.

I squat down and pull up her shirt. She has a pretty big bump now. I run my hands over it and just hold them. The skin there is so soft from all the shea butter we rub on at night. Cora even helps sometimes.

We made it a nightly thing, we get ready for bed, then it is baby time. I spend the time talking to our little boy and rubbing her belly, Cora loves to talk to him too. I can tell Emily loves that time because she smiles the whole time, it seems to be the only time she can just relax.

I press a kiss to the top of the bump and pull her shirt back down. I stand and grab her hand.

"Are you ready?"

"Yeah, it's just-" I'm not sure why she paused.

"What is it, Em?" My voice is gentle, I'm just trying to make sure she's okay.

"I'm just really scared, Brax." I kiss her temple. I can't fix this for her. I would give anything in the world to be able to guarantee that our little boy will be okay, but I can't. I also can't promise her.

The thing is I'm terrified too. I'm scared to death that we might lose our son and if that happens I already know that means I'll lose Em too. We wouldn't be the same people after that.

We walk out of the office and I get Em into the car before turning it on.

"I'll be back in a sec." I run back inside and walk back to the receptionist.

"I'd like to schedule our 24 week appointment." She smiles and books the appointment for 3 weeks from today. We are getting closer and closer to winter. After all, Halloween is coming up too. Cora has been going on and on about her princess costume.

I hurry back to the car and get in.

"I booked our next appointment for the 10th, is that okay?" She nods and rests her head against the rest.

I wish I knew how I could make this better.

I reach my hand over to her thigh and squeeze, at least she knows I'm here.

We pull out of the parking lot and I take her to the new mexican restaurant by the hospital where she works.

It was kind of funny how things worked out because we are both doctors for kids. She works as a pediatric neurosurgeon and I work at a practice as a pediatrician. I love my job so much, working with little kids is amazing. I get to play with them all day while making sure they are healthy.

I just wish I could make sure my son is healthy.

I pull into a spot close to the door and shut the car off. Once I get out, I open her door and help her get out. We go inside and get a table for two. There is almost no one here because it is past lunch, but not yet dinner time. I took off the rest of the day for the appointment and I know she did too.

"Baby, you have to talk to me. I don't know how to help you." I don't. I really don't. Not being able to give her what she needs is crippling.

"You can't though. I can't help you and I know you're scared too, but you don't know what it's like to carry him. He's a part of me and I can't lose our baby. I can't be responsible for my baby dying." She looks broken.

"You are not responsible for anything that happens to him. You have given me the greatest gift anyone can ask for. You have given me Cora and you've promised to be my wife. Anytime we have with our son is another gift you've given me. Em, did you hear what the doctor said? He said he's okay. He said there is nothing wrong. I don't know what it's like to have him in my body, but I need you to know that whatever happens it's not your fault." I can't believe she would think that it is her fault. That is the farthest thing from the truth.

"Okay, can we talk about something else?" She needs change and I can give that to her.

"Yeah, did you hear about Ethan and Julie's wedding?"

"What about it? How did you hear something before me?"

"They set a date, December 15th. Em, Ethan and I talk pretty often, he told me yesterday." She looks at me like I'm crazy.

"Wow. I was expecting him to still threaten to kill you at family gatherings and now you know what's happening with his wedding before I do!" I laugh. I really like Ethan, we have a lot in common and now he realizes how much I love Emily. He knows that trying to warn me away would do nothing anyway.

Emily is the one. She is everything and I just need to make sure our son is okay.