Braxton

My footsteps echo in the ICU, I'm walking to her, but it doesn't seem fast enough.

After I got off the phone with Leo, the doctor informed me that she was out of surgery and that I could come see her. He told me to prepare myself. I don't know what that means, but likely nothing good.

I walk into her room and see her lying in the bed. But it doesn't look like her, Emily's hair is matted with blood, her skin has a grayish tint and there is a machine breathing for her.

I pull up the chair and grab her hand, the one not in a cast.

The sound of the machine helping her breath is the only noise in the room. I squeeze her hand and let out the pain of the day. Tears drip down my face and I don't bother to wipe them off because they are quickly replaced by new ones. I cry for her and our baby. I cry for Cora, who doesn't have her mom or dad.

"I need you, Em. Cora needs you. The plum needs you. Fight for us, baby. I love you and I can't survive without you. Please. I need you to get better and wake up. I love you, Em."

I sleep in the chair when exhaustion overwhelms me, because there is no way I'm leaving her.

I wake early to the sound of people talking, my hand is still clasping Em's.

"Baby's heart rate is still good."

I take a minute to fully wake up, before standing.

"What's going on?"

"While Emily is in the medically induced coma we want to do daily checks on the baby and how her brain is healing. We were just about to do an ultrasound, if you'd like to stay.

"Yes, thank you." I take a seat again and watch quietly as they finish whatever they were doing. Then she brings the ultrasound machine over and pulls up Emily's gown. She has a blanket over her lower half, so no one can see anything and I'm grateful.

She squirts jell onto Em's belly and then places the wand over the bump. Once again I take Em's hand and listen to our baby's heartbeat.

The whooshing sound is very calming, which I so desperately need right now.

"Everything looks good, dad." I release a breath I didn't know I was holding. I needed confirmation that nothing had happened to the plum and that if Em was okay then our baby would be too.

"I do want to take her for another CT. I assure you it's perfectly safe for the baby and we can check on the brain injury." I nod and watch as they push her bed out of the room towards the imagining wing.

I walk to the cafeteria and get a cup of crappy coffee, then walk back to the waiting area. When I see Jo and Leo, my head jerks up and I walk toward them.

"Where's Cora? Is everything okay?" My voice is frantic and I can't help, but wonder if something happened to Cora.

"She's fine. She's with your parents, they discharged her last night. They took her to Emily's house and she's completely okay. We are here to check on Emily and to bring you some clothes. I assume you're staying?" Leo helps calm me down, but I swear these past 14 hours have been one thing after another.

"Okay, and yeah. Nothing could drag me away. You said you brought clothes? Thank you. They did an ultrasound this morning and the baby is okay. But they wanted to take her for a CT, so they kicked me out." Jo passes me a bag of clothes and I take it.

"Be ready when you see her. I won't sugar coat it, she doesn't look the same." I give each of them a hug then take a shower in the bathroom, before switching clothes.

When I get back to Em's room, Jo and Leo are in there with her, but on the other side of the bed than my chair. I walk in the room and kiss her forehead before sitting down. I lace my fingers through hers and watch as her parents comfort each other. That could be us one day. Leaning on each other, but I need Em for that. I need her to be okay.

***

It's been 6 days since they put her in the medically induced coma and last night they said they were going to bring her out of it. She hasn't woken up yet, but they mentioned the medicine can take a while to wear off.

I haven't been home yet and I don't think I can go home without Emily.

Cora has been with the grandparents and her aunt and uncle. She even came to the hospital on Day 3 and saw Em. It was really hard for her to understand why she wasn't moving and talking.

Watching day after day of Emily not being herself has killed me. I don't think I can take much more of it.

All I can do is talk to her and hold her hand. All her internal bleeding is better and she hasn't had another surgery, but the brain injury is the worst part.

The baby is doing good and is the size of a lemon now. I thought about calling him or her squirt, but I can't give the baby a new nickname without Em. I can't really do much of anything without her.

It's kinda crazy, but her bump has even grown this last week. Everything is moving along, without her and I can't bear the thought that she might actually be gone forever.

"I love you." I press my lips to her forehead once more and wait for a sign that she heard, anything at all.

Not yet, but I'm not willing to give up. She's fighting for us, so I need to fight for her.

More time passes, that's the thing about the ICU. It could be 2 a.m. or noon and you don't know the difference.

The same nurse passes by the room twice and I wonder what is going on.

I'm about to get up to go see when I see Em's eyelashes flickering. I squeeze her hand and run my other hand down the side of her face.

"Em, baby, can you hear me?" She nods a tiny bit and I press the button for a nurse.

Her brown eyes open and blink at me. She even squeezes my hand back.

Emily's main nurse walks in and I feel tears streaming down my face.

"She's awake!" I shake as I say the words. The nurse calls for someone at the table outside of the room to page the doctor, then walks over to the other side of the bed.

Not even a minute later, the doctor walks in and sees Emily awake.

"Welcome back Dr.Shaw, You have a tube in your throat to help you breath, so don't try to talk. Just nod if you can." Em gives a small nod and I smile widely.

"Okay, do you know where you are? Or what has happened?" She shakes her head. I decide that it would come better from me, so I start from the beginning.

"You were driving home with Cora." Her eyes widen and she looks at me expectantly. "She's okay. Cora's fine. You got hit and had a lot of injuries, so they careflighted you here. You are at Baylor Scott & White Health. Cora had a minor concussion, but she's okay and you had a head injury, so they put you in a medically induced coma." I let her absorb everything I said before continuing.

When she nods again, I resume my explanation.

"They also performed surgery on your lungs and removed your spleen. You have been out for 6 days." She looks down at her belly then back up at me.

I squeeze her hand and look back at her.

"The baby is okay. Officially 13 weeks, so no longer a plum, but a lemon." I smile again.

"When can she have the ventilator removed?" I turn my attention to the doctor.

"We will wean her off slowly, so that we are sure she can breathe on her own. But if she can then it could be removed in the next 3 days. You should make a full recovery."

She nods again and the doctor tells her to rest for a little while. She closes her eyes again and I call everyone to tell them the good news. I suggest they wait until she is off the vent because it will be easier for everyone when she can talk, especially for Cora.

All I can think is thank god. I wouldn't have made it without her.