I can tell she has not been doing well for the last few days. She tells me she is fine, but the constant nightmares, fake smiles, and few words spoken during the day, she is nothing but fine. I knew this would happen, minus the witness of a suicide, and I don't know how to help her.

"Lilly, what do you want for lunch?" I didn't receive a response, which has been a normal thing recently. "Lilly?" I exit the kitchen to see Lilly sitting on the couch, staring at a blank TV screen. I call for her again and a visible flinch comes from her. "I'm not hungry but thank you." she whispered without looking away from the screen.

Deciding I have had enough of this, I slam my fist against the nearest wall. "Lilly you need to talk to me." I grit through my teeth. I've been trying to hold in my anger so I wouldn't take it out on her, but it was becoming a struggle. "I said I'm fine Jason." She finally looked at me with eyes ready to spill tears. "No you're not! Now fucking talk to me!" She removed herself from the couch and stomped over to me with angry tears spilling down her cheeks. "I SAID I'M FINE! OKAY?!"

I took a deep breath to calm myself down. In my line of work, no one but Anthony would yell at me. Those that dared to raise their voice, or even argue with me, would most likely die. So, having the women I love just scream in my face sent a wave of mix emotions through me. Mainly a mixture of anger and sadness. Deciding that it was best to leave before I did anything stupid, I left the apartment, not without slamming the front door.

I stomped to the parking lot while trying to light a cig at the same time. Once I took a few puffs and I got myself to calm down, fear instantly went through me. This was our first real fight as a couple and I was scared she would want to leave me. I grabbed another cig and walked back and forth in the parking lot for another good half hour.

Before I could throw out my third cigarette bud and run back to the apartment, I was interrupted. "I never got to talk to you about your smoking." Standing ten feet from me in the parking lot stood a red and tear faced Lilly. She glared at the stick in my fingers with annoyance. "I only do it to calm myself down." I mumbled and then took another drag to prove my point. I didn't know she moved closer to me until I felt her grab the stick from my hand. She threw it on the ground and stomped on it.

She continued to stare at the now smooshed cigarette and I stared at the top of her head."I-I'm sorry." An involuntary sigh left me. No matter what this girl does, if she says sorry, I return to putty in her hands. I lightly grab her chin to look at her face. "Angel. I need you to talk to me. I can't stand on the side lines while I see you suffer with your own thoughts and memories." Instantly her arms wrapped around my waist in a tight grip. "I don't want to be a burden though. You warned me Jason, and I didn't listen. I am so sorry."

I ended up having to carry her back to apartment since she wouldn't let me go. "You will not be a burden." I said once I got us both seated on the bed. She loosened her grip and stared right at me. I pecked her lips to reassure her and a small look of calm passed through her.

"I could of saved them." she whimpered after we just sat on the bed for awhile in silence. She slowly proceeded once a gave her a nod to continue. "I could have jumped in front of the bullet for my mom and answered the door for my dad. But I just sat there and did nothing. I even did the same thing for Maria. She told me about a man she was in love with but he didn't really requite her feelings. I told her she should still try to pursue him. Now she's dead too because I sat there and did nothing!" I quickly enveloped her in a hug and soon felt her body quiver in sobs. "Lilly none of their deaths were your fault. You just have to accept that they happened and remember them as they were before their deaths."

We sat on the bed for over three hours. She stopped her crying an hour ago, but her grip on my shirt never loosened. "Lilly if you ever need to talk or cry, I am here for you. Okay?" She nodded while her face was resting between my shoulder and neck.

We chose to have an early dinner and go to bed before eight. While I was getting ready in our bed, I looked over and saw fear in her eyes. "Lilly if you have a nightmare, please wake me up." She nodded her head hesitantly and cuddled up into my side.

"Jason? Are you still up?" she whispered a few minutes after I turned off the lights. I flicked the bed side lamp on within seconds. "Yes. What's wrong?" I blurted. A blush bloomed on her face and her eyes didn't meet mine. "Um you can say no."

By now I am sitting up against the headboard confused since I thought originally she was scared. "Angel you can tell me." I grabbed her hips and sat her down to straddle me. "Well I wanted to know if you wanted to be my boyfriend?" Her response was a fast-ly spoken squeak.

So unprepared for the question, I bursted into laughter. "What?!" I hollered. She tried to remove herself from me but I went in and hugged her. "I'm sorry!" I laugh out, still trying to control my laughs. "Why was my question so funny?" she mumbled into my bare chest. "Lilly, we have told each other we love each other, have done most things any couple has done, and you literally gave me a blow job last week. It's pretty obvious that I'm your boyfriend." I rubbed my head into her tendrils of hair and sneakily took a strong sniff of her vanilla sent. "But you never verbally asked me. So I thought-"

Before she could finish, I removed her from my lap and got onto the floor on one knee. "J-Jason what are you d-doing?" I grabbed her hand and smiled at her. "Lilly Anne Devon, will you please be my girlfriend?" A giggled escaped from her while she tried to pull me back onto the bed. "Yes I will be your girlfriend."