After Spider gave her the news, it was difficult to clearly gauge Scarlett's reaction.

All of the other girls in the room sat with their mouths open, in shock of what Spider had said. I was afraid to make eye contact with Lilly, knowing that she knew damn well what it felt like to be betrayed by at least one of your parents. I wasn't sure how this news would sit with her knowing that we would have to deal with taking down someone's parents again.

"Please tell me you're kidding," Scarlett whimpered. Her voice was a lot more fragile than I had heard it before. She sounded as if she was going to break down at any given moment. However when looking at her, the look in her eyes wasn't surprise. Just betrayal and pain.

When Spider looked at his sister, I could see a similar pain reflecting in his own eyes. "I wish I was Scar."

Scarlett looked all around the room and I could see she was about to lose her composure. She was blinking more rapidly and her breathing was starting to pick up.

Before anyone could respond fully, Lilly was up out of her seat and in front of Scarlett.

"Scarlett, look at me," her demand was soft and gentle, but stern. Scarlett's eyes shot to her and I could see them well up with tears. "We will get this taken care of, I promise. You're safe here and you have nothing to worry about. If I didn't trust these people to help you I would've told you girls to leave already. Everyone in the club has barely even met you and they're already willing to go on a man hunt for you. I know it's hard, trust me I know, but you have to stay strong okay?" Lilly told her. Despite everything that she had been through she was still willing to help others when they needed it.

Scarlett nodded and moved her hands to grip Lilly's, seeking comfort. It took awhile in order for Scarlett to calm down completely, but when she did she pulled Lilly in for a hug.

"Thank you," she whispered. Lilly rubbed her back and gave her a small smile before moving away. Scarlett turned to face us again. "Why would they bail them out? More specifically why would they bail out my ex boyfriend?" She asked. I could see that she was a bit desperate for answers.

"We don't know," Ripper answered. Scarlett's expression dropped.

"We asked all of our contacts to look into it for us, especially after we explained why," Spider said to try and comfort her. Although, it didn't seem like it worked very well.

While we were at the station, after we had received news that their parents were the ones who bailed out the men, Spider explained everything to us. He told us about how their parents kicked them out when Scarlett was 15 and he was 18. They were homeless for about a week before one of their friends parents took them in and gave them a place to stay. The people that took them in actually ended up adopting the two of them even though Spider was already 18.

"Are they still living in Minneapolis?" Scarlett's voice sounded a lot more stable than what it did before.

Spider nodded. "They were seen actively shopping in Minneapolis just earlier today. That was another thing that we made sure of when we found out it was them."

"Are those men that they bailed out going there too? Is there any way to track their movements and see where they're going?" Scarlett asked.

"Hacker is working on trying to figure that out," I told her. The sight of her containing her tears stirred something up inside of me that I didn't like.

What was happening to me?

________________________

"Want something to drink boss?" Smiles asked as I walked past the bar. I shook my head.

"No, I'm going out for a ride. I'll probably be gone for awhile but if you need me then call," I told him. I didn't wait for anyone to respond before I walked out and got on my bike.

I needed to clear my mind from what I was feeling towards Scarlett. I barely knew the girl! And yet I felt an overwhelming urge to protect and cherish her. Having these feelings while I was still grieving the loss of the woman I used to love was not a good mix.

Of course, I wasn't grieving the loss of the psychotic side of Bethany. I was grieving the loss of side of her that I had known before she left, the side that I fell in love with. If I could turn back time and somehow save everything from going wrong I would. Not only because I would've had the love of my life, but Lilly wouldn't have gone through the pain from Bethany's abuse.

I rode beyond the abandoned warehouse building, and continued on. I made sure to stay in our territory as to not cause a war, but I rode until my thoughts were no longer circling through my head. Once my thoughts were more clear, that's when I started to ride back towards the clubhouse.

The sun was starting to set again when I pulled up to the gate. It just then occurred to me that I wasn't sure how Lilly was able to get past my guards the day she walked into the bar.

"Hey Joker!" I called out as I pulled up. Cutting the engine to my bike, I climbed off of it.

Joker came up to me. "Yeah Alpha?"

"Just wondering, how was Lilly able to get past y'all the day that she arrived at the clubhouse?" I asked.

"Well you know how we let hangers in and out?" He asked. I nodded. "I thought she was one of them as she came walking up, but I realized that she wasn't as soon as she asked if there was someplace warm she could be. The girl looked like she was about to freeze to death, so I told her to walk though the main big door of the building and she'd encounter a bar area where she could warm up. I knew you wouldn't mind, and I guess it worked out just fine," he laughed.

I smiled and nodded. "Yeah I'm not mad about it at all, but it had just occurred to me that I completely forgot to ask her is all. Thank you, when are you due to switch your shift?" I asked him.

"In a few hours. Jason and Butcher are supposed to come out here then."

"Alright, let me know if you see anything suspicious!" I called as I climbed back on my bike. He opened the gate for me and waved as I passed.

Joker was another person that could relate to the loss of someone he loved. He knew that we hadn't killed Raine yet, but he also knew that we had hurt her. Joker didn't show how upset he truly was about his old lady betraying the club that saved his life, but I could see it in his eyes that he was suffering. Having your own sorrow let's you be more aware of others. When you know pain you're able to see if others are in pain, even if they're trying to hide it.

I pulled up and parked before walking into the main area yet again. This time everyone was more calm when I walked in.

"I see no one chose to call, so that means that y'all weren't too worried this time," I joked.

Spider shook his head. "We knew that you'd come back. Sure we were a bit worried, but the fact that you hadn't really drank before you left put our minds more at ease than the last time," he explained. I nodded slowly. Out of the corner of my eye, I could see Scarlett staring at me, as if she were trying to analyze something.

I hugged Lilly before I walked upstairs and into my room. I didn't want to be around people right now, especially Scarlett.

Whatever I kept feeling around her needed to go. Developing a stupid crush on someone did not mix well with the grieving process. It only seemed to make matters worse in the long run.

I doubt she was even interested in me anyways.

_______________________

"Babe come on!" Bethany yelled as she ran away from me. I shook my head while laughing but followed after her and into the field. My father had wanted me to stay back and do some club work but I snuck out with Bethany instead.

Giggling, she plopped down and rolled around in the flowers that graced the field, giving color against the vivid green of the grass. I laid down next to her and pulled her into my arms.

Neither one of us felt the need to speak as we stared up at the clouds. This was one of our favorite activities to do in our free time; just stare up at the clouds and enjoy a moment of silence with each other.

Bethany turned to me and laid her head on my chest, her face still turned up to stare at the clouds.

"Do you ever wonder if Heaven is real?" She asked, her voice full of wonder and curiosity.

"Sometimes," I admitted.

She turned so she was facing me with a bright smile. "I like the idea of it. That after we die we go somewhere peaceful to live out the rest of our days, watching the ones we love from afar. But it's scary too," she added as she turned back over.

"Scary how?"

"Like, if Heaven is real, does that mean Hell is real too? What happens if you go there then? Would you be tortured for eternity like in the books?"

I shrugged gently. I wasn't religious by any means but I always had that 'what if' spark of curiosity in me too.

I checked the time on my watch. "We should head back before my dad makes us wash all of the bikes as punishment," we laughed together and stood up.

Fear consumed me as the woman I used to love, the one I fell in love with, turned into the woman who ruined me altogether.

"You should've just let her die," the new Bethany snarled. Her teeth were as yellow as they were when she was alive. Her hair was knotted and her eyes wild. "The bitch would've been better off dead!" She screamed as she advanced towards me.

I backed away and went to go pull out my gun, only to find it wasn't there.

"Oh, looking for this?" She taunted as she waved my gun around in her hand. Her laugh was hysterical and crazed as she glared at me.

"I'm going to do something I should've done a long time ago."

Lilly was in her arms now, struggling to breathe as Bethany had her arm wrapped around her neck, the other holding the gun against Lilly's temple. I went to go move forward but couldn't. My feet were glued to the ground.

"Dad! Help me!" Lilly cried as she gasped for breath. I struggled to get to her but didn't move an inch.

"Dad! Help me!" Bethany mocked. "Say goodbye to your precious daughter Bryan."

*BANG*

I jerked up and scrambled out of bed.

My body was covered in a light sheen of sweat and I struggled to get my breathing under control.

It took me a few minutes to calm down when I realized that it was just a nightmare.

Sighing, I sat back down on my bed. Looking at my alarm clock I saw that it was barely past four in the morning.

"When will these nightmares end," I whispered to myself. I clutched my head in my hands as I willed the thoughts to go away. Ever since Lilly was taken and tortured, at least a few nights a week I would have a nightmare about losing her. The ones that involved Bethany just happened to hit me the most.

She tried to kill her daughter. My daughter. I'm trying, but I need to find a new way to move on. I'm going to go insane sooner or later if I don't do something about it.

______________________

I walked downstairs later that morning after I had a major pep talk with myself.

I was going to cut down on the drinking and finally start getting my life back together again.

When I walked into the main area a lot of my guys looked up at me as if to make sure that I was okay. They had been doing it since the incident. It was as if they were making sure that I hadn't gone off the deep end yet.

I walked up to the bar where Smiles and Miranda were already serving people. Scarlett and Kali were already at the bar too but no one else out of the usual group was.

Smiles went to go hand me a whiskey when I held my hand up.

"From now on cut me off. Don't serve me any alcohol unless it's for a celebration. I want to start cutting down on how much I'm drinking," I explained. Smiles and Miranda looked at each other with grins forming.

"What made you wanna quit?" Kali asked.

I was brought back to my nightmare last night. "Alcohol doesn't get rid of grief, it only dilutes it until you can't hold it back anymore. I need to find another way to get over my grief because if I don't then I don't know what will happen," I told them. My voice was getting quieter the more I spoke but it was still loud enough to where they could hear me.

"Bought time!" Spider laughed as he came up from behind me and smacked my back. "I was wondering when you would get your shit together old friend."

I chuckled. "It took me longer than it should have. But I will need help from you guys to help keep me away. There will be some days where I crave it and get angry about not having it because I'm so used to it. So just bare with me and help me through this please," I asked them. I wasn't stupid, I knew that as soon as I started to go through some form of withdrawal that I would be unbearable to deal with.

"Sure thing boss," Miranda grinned. I smiled and sat down at the bar.

"So, what would you like Alpha?" Smiles asked.

"A meat lovers omelet please."

"And to drink?"

"Water."