I wept in bitter silence, on and off, all day. I didn't come out of my room. Not that it would matter; James was out. I wanted to curl up and die. I had no job, no boyfriend, no friends period. My family had abandoned me, even James, my sister wanted me miserable, and I was tired. So tired of life...

I sat up in bed and wiped my eyes. They were swollen, puffy, and stung when I blinked. All the rubbing at them had made them raw. My whole body ached... or was it my imagination. I felt like going to sleep for the night, as the sun had set, plunging my room into darkness. But I knew if I slept, I would awaken to the same feelings. I didn't want to continue feeling the way I did.

I swung my legs over the edge of the bed and slid off, making my way over to turn the light on. My mirror sat right next to the switch, and I stared at my reflection. I touched my cheeks, ran my fingers over my skin the way Neil liked to. I had pushed him away. It was my fault he'd left me for someone else. Why couldn't I have told him I loved him? Was it really so hard to say? If I had been honest, he would have been with me in that moment.

Anger soon followed. But he KNEW I had to think things through. He expected me to tell him I loved him whether I did or not. Who did he think he was? Mr. High-And-Mighty, leader and kind of women everywhere? He thought he could toss me to the side like I was nothing! Go for another woman and then dump her too. As I'd heard someone say once, the true you is shown when you don't get what you want.

Not stopping to think, I grabbed one of the heeled shoes he'd bought me and hurled it at the mirror. The glass shattered, jagged chunks landing on the carpet, and I lowered to my knees and stared at the shards. I began to swipe my hands along the carpet to gather the pieces and hissed when one sliced my hand.

Lifting the hand to my face, I watch a long line of blood appear, and begin to slide down my arm. My anger had faded, to be replaces by sadness, loneliness. I was always going to be alone, even if I was surrounded by people. No one knew how I felt, and they never would. James and Brandi would get married eventually, and then where would that leave me? Back home, like Macyn wanted. I couldn't go home. I wouldn't go home.

I lifted a long shard of glass, saw the reflection of my eyes in it, and looked down at the blood that seeped from my hand. If I lost enough of the crimson fluid, I would die. I could escape the hell that was my life, once and for all. No more wishing for friends, someone to love me. There would be nothing to think about. Death was the release I needed. The release I wanted. No more pain; I could never be made fun of, or hurt, again.

"I just want to be happy," I said to the empty room. "But I don't think it'll happen."

The phone rang, and I dropped the glass shard. I considered letting it go to the answering machine, but decided against it. I stood, and picked up. "Hello?

"Hey... I'm going out with some friends for dinner, so I won't be back until late. Don't wait up."

He sounded blank, unfeeling. He hated me just like everyone else in my life. I should have known he could only take so much of me. "That's fine. Yeah, I'll be fine." I kept my voice cheerful; I wouldn't let him hear my resignation. My decision would remain my own.

"Neil said to tell you he's coming over tomorrow. He needs to talk to you."

"Tell him not to worry about it; I understand, and I'm over it. All of it. I..." my mouth shut. I wanted to tell him I loved him, but he would be suspicious. "I hope you have fun. Really."

"Are you okay by yourself?"

"Just fine. You should go, your friends are waiting. Bye."

I hung up without waiting for his response. That was as much of a goodbye as I could give him. I ran myself a hot bath, a sense of calm guiding me. Then I stripped from my clothes, and got in. Then I held up the shard of mirror I brought with me. It glinted, reflecting the water, and my own brown skin, as I rotated it. It was beautiful.

I brought it to the soft, wet skin of my left wrist, and pressed down. The pain registered, but so did the relief, as I dragged it across my flesh. I sighed, then repeated the action again at my inner elbow. I didn't know if it would work, but if that's where they drew blood at the doctor's why shouldn't it draw blood then? I mimicked the sliced in my skin on my other arm, and then observed the shard of mirror again. Still beautiful, it shone bright red instead of silver. Red rivers ran down my arms, painting them. The mirror piece made a light, sharp noise when I dropped it to the tiled floor, and I submerge my arms in the water. Watched red ribbons appear. Also beautiful.

There was no more pain; pure bliss engulfed me and I slid down in the tub. My eyes shut, and I turned my head to the side. Minutes earlier I'd been exhausted, but fearful of sleep. Now I welcomed it. It would be the beginning of the best sleep of my life, and the end of my suffering.