That is the quote I've been living by for days, weeks, and months. Today makes exactly 6 months since I left my Chicago life behind and came to Vegas. I hadn't planned on staying this long, but every time I wanted to go back home; I couldn't make myself do it. My life is so much different here and I've actually been happy. It took me a while to adjust, but I decided that I would spend the time given to me in a better way than I did in Chicago. Within these 6 months, I've formed a better connection with my sister, niece, and nephew. I've bought myself a car, found a job, and a man that loves me dearly. I'm just not ready to be with him in that way, yet.

"Milani, girl, what the hell is wrong with you? You've been staring into space since you sat down at the table." Kimora says as she waves her hand in front of my face.

"Oh my bad, I was just thinking. Thank you for breakfast. It was delicious. I would help you clean up, but I have to go get ready for my doctor's appointment. Nolan is coming to pick me up soon."

"Mhmm, you ain't never helped with the dishes anyway. I'll give you a pass since you're damn near about to pop."

Looking down at my huge belly, I smile and thank my child for getting me out of chores once again. Walking back upstairs to my room, I turn on the shower and let it heat up while I look in my closet for an outfit. It's pretty hot today and I already know Nolan is going to make me walk this baby down so I decide on a grey dress with pink buttons and Nike slides. I also grab a white bra and panty set. My boobs have gotten way too big to go out without a bra. Damn, I miss being apart of the itty bitty titty committee.

Just as I grab my purse, I hear Kimora telling me to come down because Nolan is outside. Walking downstairs, I tell everyone that I'll see them later. A smile comes across my face when he gets out of the car then pulls out his phone, snapping a picture of me.

"Mmm my baby looks good." He says as he kisses my cheek while I snatch the phone from his hand.

"Nolan! That picture is terrible! I look huge, my bra is showing, and my mouth is open! DELETE IT!"

"I'm not deleting it. You look good, love." He says as he helps me into the car, closing my door for me.

Walking around to the driver's seat, he cranks up the car and finds a song on his phone; deciding to play He nods his head to the music and I do the same, mouthing the words as I look out of the window. Vegas is beautiful. I could never get tired of it.

"How are you feeling today, beautiful? The baby isn't hurting you too much is he?" Nolan asks as he brings the back of my hand up to his lips, kissing it softly.

"I feel fine. I'm just ready for all of it to be over. This baby is heavy and makes me look like a pig."

Nolan laughs at how dramatic I am. "It'll all be over soon. Have you been thinking about names?"

Biting my lip, I think about whether or not I want to tell him the truth. "Yeah, I have. I don't know if I want to name him after his dad or if I want to go another route. Every time I think I want to name him after his dad, I think about how things ended and it just stresses me out."

"I understand. Have you talked to him about the names? and since you're stressed, I wanna relieve some of that for you. I'm taking you out on a date tonight."

"Nah, I haven't talked to him since the day I left. I feel like if he really wanted to be apart of his child's life then he would have tried to contact me, but he hasn't. Do you think I should call him?" I sigh as I rub my temples.

Nolan thinks for a minute as we pull into a parking spot. "Honestly, Milani, I think you should call him. You can't be upset with him for not calling you when you told him you needed time. He's respecting your wishes."

I just nod my head as Nolan helps me out of the car and stands next to me while I wobble into the doctor's office. As soon as we walk through the doors, I hear my name being called and head to the back with Nolan following me.

"Doctor Duncan will be right with you, Milani. You know the routine by now so I won't repeat it to you. Nice to see you again, Nolan." The nurse smiles before leaving. She's always been my favorite. She feels like a friend I've known for years.

Nolan takes a seat while I take off my clothes and try to put on my gown, but he stops me. He pulls me towards him and softly kisses my lips then trails his lips all the way down my body; stopping at my stomach. "I can't wait to meet you little man." He smiles softly then lets me go.

I slip on my gown and allow Nolan to help me onto the bed. Almost 10 minutes later, doctor Duncan walks into the room with a huge smile on her face. "It's always a good day when I see my favorite patient. How are you doing today, mama?"

"I'm doing very well. Ready to get this baby out." I smile as she prepares the tools to give me an ultrasound.

"I bet you are. How are you doing today, Nolan?"

"I'm fine. Ready to see the baby." He smiles.

Moments later, Doctor Duncan is all set up and is showing us my baby on the screen. My eyes tear up when I see how big he's gotten. His small hands cover his face as she tries to get him to move them.

"He's doing exceptional. He's so healthy and is the correct weight for a 7 month old. He's being pretty stubborn today and won't show his little face." The doctor says then starts cleaning up. "I'll be right back with pictures of him. I'll schedule you another appointment so that maybe we can get better pictures."

"Thank you, Doctor." I tell her as I clean myself up and get dressed. "I really wanted to see his face today."

"I know you did, babe. Hopefully she'll get better pictures of him next time."

We spend a little while longer at the office until we get the pictures then Doctor Duncan discusses some things with me about labor and delivery. Once we're finished at the office, we head to the park like we always do then stop at the ice cream cart. I get two scoops of sherbet and Nolan gets one scoop of vanilla ice cream and one scoop of chocolate ice cream. This has become our after appointment tradition.

"Nolan, I know I don't say it enough, but thank you for everything. You've been so helpful ever since I met you and I really do appreciate it." I smile as I lick my ice cream and slowly walk the long trail.

"You're welcome, Milani. So about that date tonight, is there anywhere specific you'd like to go?" He asks, interlocking his free hand in mine.

I think for a minute before answering. "Not really, I just want a stress free night."

"Good, I have something up my sleeve."

Once we finish our ice cream and walking the trail, Nolan takes me to get my favorite pregnancy food combination which happens to be creamed corn drenched in mustard, street tacos, chocolate cake, a spinach salad, and mango lemonade then drives me home.

"I'll pick you up at 7:00, Milani." Nolan says as he walks me to the door.

"What should I wear?" I ask as I sip from my lemonade. "Where are we going?"

"You can dress however you'd like. You look beautiful in anything...Just know we're going to a fancy restaurant."

Nolan kisses my forehead instead of my lips because he's allergic to mangoes then goes back to his car. Walking into the house, I pick up my nephew and kiss his little cheeks then sit down on the couch; eating my food.

"How's my nephew doing, Lani?" Kimora asks as she starts combing my niece's hair.

"He's doing great! He wouldn't show his face today, but here's the pictures from the ultrasound."

I hand Kimora the pictures and start back eating like my life depends on it. By the time I'm finished, I'm too full to move.

"Milani, you really need to think of a name for him. I'm tired of calling him "the baby" or "my nephew" all the time. I want to put a name to his little face." Kimora tells me, giving the pictures back to me.

"I know that, mora. I'll have his name together before I give birth. I'm just trying to take my time to decide so I won't make a decision that I'll regret."

"Girl, stop lying. The real reason you haven't decided is because you want Drummer's input which makes sense, he's your baby daddy. I know you still think about him so just call him. Maybe that'll make you feel better about everything."

"I don't have time for this conversation. I have to go get ready for my date." I say as I carry my empty food and drink container to the garbage can then walk upstairs to my room.

Once I'm inside, I take off my clothes and put on my robe then turn on the shower. While it heats up, I look through my closet until I find the perfect dress which happens to be a white body con dress with fur across the breasts that I'm going to pair with my clear heels that strap up the leg. After laying out my outfit, I take a shower then get dressed. Relief rushes over me when I realize that my dress fits without being too tight on my belly. I'm glad I ordered up a couple sizes when I got this dress.

I spend about 30 minutes doing my hair and makeup then check the time and it's 8:00. Pulling out my phone, I call Nolan because he's never late.

"Nolan, do you know it's 8:00? Where are you?" I ask him.

"Come downstairs." He says then hangs up.

I grab my purse and stuff it with flat shoes then head downstairs and smile when I see Nolan standing there wearing a nice suit and holding a bouquet of roses.

"You look amazing, Milani and these are for you. I was purposely late so that you wouldn't have to rush getting ready." He smiles and gives me the flowers, kissing my cheek.

"Thank you, you look just as amazing." I smile back and put the flowers in water then tell Kimora that I'm gone.

Nolan escorts me to the car then drives us to a well known restaurant. Funny thing is, I've never heard of it. As soon as we walk up to the door, Nolan tells them about our reservations and we by pass the long line of people waiting to get in. After being seated, the two of us look over the menu then order our drinks and food.

"Nolan, you look so handsome tonight, like always and this place is beautiful. How's the food?"

"Thank you, baby. The food is damn good. I think you'd really enjoy it. I was wondering if you'd like to spend the night with me tonight? I know you've never spent the night before, but I think it's time we start doing that."

"You're welcome and okay, I'll spend the night with you." I smile, not really sure if I'm ready to spend the night.

Our conversation is cut short when the waiter brings out our food and drinks, apologizing for having them come out at the same time. The two of us talk about life, our plans for the night, and Drummer.

"Milani, can I ask you something?" Nolan asks seriously.

"Yeah, anything."

"Are you over your ex? I want you to be honest with me because I feel like he's the reason you're holding back with me. I know you have love for me, but I don't think you're allowing yourself to actually be in love with me."

My heart starts racing as I think about the question. I know the answer, but I'm not ready to admit the truth so I do what any person would do, I lie.

"Yes, Nolan. I'm over him. I apologize for making you think those things. I just want to take it slow because I am carrying another man's child. I wouldn't feel right fully giving myself to you while I'm still pregnant."

"I can understand that. Thank you for the reassurance." He says and motions for the waiter.

The waiter walks over to the table with a plate of chocolate cake that has the words, "Will you be my girlfriend, Milani?" written in red frosting. Once again my heart starts racing and no words form. Getting up from my chair, I quickly walk out of the restaurant as my chest heaves. As soon as I'm outside, I take in deep breaths and feel someone's hand on my shoulder.

"Are you okay?" Nolan asks, leading me to the car. "I already paid so we can leave now."

"I'm fine, Nolan."

"You're not fine, Milani. You nearly passed out when you saw that plate. I've never seen you walk that quickly. Tell me what's on your mind."

"I just think we're moving too fast. I'm not ready to be in another relationship because I have my own issues that I need to get over. I don't think being in a relationship is the best thing for me right now. You're an amazing man, Nolan, and I hope you can understand where I'm coming from." I explain with tears in my eyes.

Nolan doesn't say anything. Instead he cranks up the car and drives me back home; remaining silent the whole time. Walking around to my side of the car, he opens the door for me and walks me to the house then turns to walk away.

"Nolan, wait.." I trail, but not having anything else to say.

"Milani, I know you're probably thinking I'm pissed at you, but I'm not. I respect your wishes and I'll still be there for you. We can take it as slow as you need. Just know that I do love you and want to be with you. Until then, I'll continue to love you while you work through your issues." He tells me then kisses my forehead.

"I thought you wanted me to spend the night?"

"Maybe another time. Goodnight, Lani."

"Goodnight." I say as I walk into the house.

"Damn, Milani, what the hell did you do to him? I've never seen him that sad over anything. What happened?" Kimora asks me, clearly eavesdropping on Nolan and I's conversation.

Sitting down on the couch and taking off my heels, I start to let tears flow down my face as I let my hormonal emotions take over.

"Kimora, I hurt him tonight. I could see it all over his face. You know the saying "hurt people, hurt people"? That's definitely true. I'm so hurt to the point that I keep stringing Nolan along which is hurting him. He's so amazing and I want to love him, I really do, but I can't. I can't make myself love him because I'm still in love with Drummer. For some reason, I can't get him out of my head even after all these months and this baby inside me, is a constant reminder of him. How am I supposed to move forward with Nolan if I can't leave my past behind?" I explain, pouring my heart out to my sister.

"Bout damn time, you finally admit that you're still in love with Drummer. Everyone knows that including Nolan, he's just too in love with you to admit it. Milani, take it from me, you need to let Nolan go and go back to Chicago. You have unfinished business there and it's holding you back. Until you solve that shit, you'll never be able to move forward with anyone else. I know you're still upset about Drummer and Chanel, but you can't let that mistake continue to hold power over your life. You've got a hard decision to make. I just hope you make it before it's too late... goodnight, Milani."

"Thank you for the advice. Goodnight Kimora." I say as she walks upstairs to her room.

I walk upstairs to my own room as well then drop my shoes down by the door. Taking off my clothes, I change into pajamas and send Nolan a text, apologizing about tonight. Just as I expected he doesn't reply so I spend the rest of the night; crying myself to sleep.