Ever since I got home, I have been locked inside my room. I didn't think it'd hurt breaking up with Calvin but before all of this happened, He was my boyfriend. At the beginning of our relationship, we were happy. He'd always get me small gifts and his kisses felt so genuine and passionate. They stopped feeling like that this summer. If I do the math correctly, that was he conceived his baby around that time. God, how was I so clueless? I could have prevented all of this pain if I had just dumped him earlier or called it quits the second he put his hands on me.

I think my floor will be flooded with tissues by tonight. My eyes feel droopy and I can barely breathe through my nose. I feel completely drained. I thought last night with Grayson would've changed everything. But I feel all the heaviness in my chest sink in as soon as I stepped into my room. My head is just filled with thousands of questions.

How could he do this to me?

How could I have been so clueless?

Why does this hurt so bad?

How long will it take until I feel better?

How could he cheat on me? Especially with my friend.

I blocked him and Gaby off of everything. Genevieve has been blowing up my phone but I've ignored all. I don't want her to see me in this state. She'd yell at me. Yelling at me for crying over Calvin like that. I hear a few knocks at my door and I sniffle.

"Who is it?" My voice sounds stuffed up, I barely recognize myself.

"Scarlett."

My eyes widen and I start clearing my throat.

"I'm warning you Scar, this is a very bad sight of me." I walk over to the door and slowly open it.

She walks in and when I close the door the room goes dark again.

"Is it ok if we turn on the light?" She asks. I take a deep breath and flip on the light switch.

I squint when the light turns on and Scarlett sucks on her teeth when she sees me. She gives me one of her comfort smiles. She holds out a gift bag. I furrow my eyebrows and she says, "I'm sorry for dropping all that news on you. I didn't even remember until Genevieve called and told me everything. I had found out a few hours before the party. I overheard them talking and went off on them. I scolded them like kids. I was so pissed off and I wanted to tell you sober but as soon as Clarissa handed me the vodka bottle, I drank away everything I found out that night."

"You don't have to apologize for that." I sigh. "It's not your fault."

"I still feel bad about it, though." She shrugs. "Plus, my hangover is a killer!"

I chuckle and she takes a deep breath. "I should get going but I'm really sorry about all of this again, Sel."

I try my best to smile at her and she just nods. She switches off the light and walks out of my room. I tell out a 'thank you' and look down at the bag in my hand.

I open it up and pull out the first thing I touch. An envelope. I rip it open and find a fifteen dollar gift card to my favorite coffee place. I feel myself smile and I dig my hand into the bag again.

I feel some clothes and I dump it all on my bed. I start to feel my eyes tearing up when I see all the familiar items again.

My burgundy cardigan. My gray beanie. My berry scented spray. My black knit sweater.

I had left all of them at their house and always told myself I'd get them next time.

The burgundy cardigan is the same thing I wore on the day I had my first kiss with Calvin. He gave me the gray beanie for our two months. Calvin worked at a bath and body works during Christmas season last year and he got me the berry scented spray with a matching lotion and body wash. I think I left the black knit sweater in his car and just forgot to get it back.

I cover my mouth with my hand and feel the hot tears stream down my face. I shove the stuff onto the floor and crawl into my bed. I wrap the blanket all over me and only leaving a small gap open for my face.

This sucks.

I shouldn't be the one crying over him. He should be crying over me. Instead, he's happy with my friend - - ex-friend - - while they start planning their future for their baby.

I haven't told my mom about my breakup but I'm hoping Cora told her or she just caught on. If I even try to talk about it I know I'd just break down into tears.

My eyes are burning and I know they're puffed up like balloons. I look over at my tv and start scrolling through the many shows on Netflix.

I click on Friends and next thing I know, I'm on the breakup episode.

When I see Rachel slowly burst into tears it makes me cry even more. She's not real but yet we're going through a similar thing. God, and it hurts like hell.

I thought all those breakups on tv were being overdramatic and didn't think it'd hurt this much. Reality check: it does.

It does when you truly loved him. Then one day he wasn't the same guy he was when you first met him. He became colder and his kisses and hugs grew cold. He only wanted to have sex with you. He brought it up all the time no matter how many times I reminded him about our one year. I should've never kissed him.

I should've never stayed behind in the kitchen making popcorn while the girls were up in Scarlett's room. He should've never snuck in a few flirt comments. I shouldn't have flirted back.

I shouldn't have texted him back when he texted me the night after. I should've never said yes to being his girlfriend. God if I never made all of these dumb mistakes I wouldn't be going through pain.