I look at myself through the bathroom mirror and hope no one walks in. I fluff out my cardigan and fix my hair. I walk towards the table in the back of the library and see Grayson who's concentrated on his textbook. He kind of purses his lip when he's concentrated.

"Hi." I smile at Grayson, pulling out a chair and sitting next to him.

He smiles back at me. I look and see he already has

a textbook set up and a few worksheets. I rest my backpack on the table and pull out my math folder and notebook.

"So what exactly are you struggling with?" He asks.

I look at my homework and blow a raspberry. "Number seven."

"Really? I love those types of equations." He sets a notebook in between us and starts writing down the problem.

"Letters shouldn't belong in math," I mumble.

"It's fun once you understand it." He says reassuringly.

After an hour I still haven't understood everything but I just said I was to get out of there. We decide to work on other homework while we're there and we just sit there in silence.

"Have you been going to Greenview since freshman year? Because I swear I've never seen you and I'm pretty sure I know a good majority of people in our grade." I ask him.

He shakes his head no. "I moved here last year. I'm originally from Georgia but my dad got a better job over here last year."

"Was it hard leaving all your friends?"

"You're acting like I had a bunch of friends. I had a few and yeah I miss them but it's not that serious." He breathes out through his nose.

"You didn't even have a girlfriend?"

He shakes his head no and his cheeks slightly turn pink. That's kind of a shocker. He's attractive and he seems like a nice guy. Why wouldn't a Georgia girl date him? Oh, shit unless he's-

"No, I'm not gay, if that's what you were thinking." He chuckles.

I silently smack my forehead and look down at my English paper. "I'm sorry."

He shakes his head no and smiles. "There's nothing to apologize for. Don't you have a boyfriend though? I think I've seen you two around the halls."

I nod. "Calvin and I have been dating for eleven months."

"Isn't he that basketball player?"

"Yep and don't even bring it up because he will tell you his whole life story about basketball and how much he loves it." I giggle.

"He can talk about his love for basketball and I can talk about my love for math." He jokes.

☆

"All we did was solve math problems, Calvin." I chuckle.

"I don't know, Selena. I don't feel comfortable with the whole idea. I mean why couldn't Riley give you a female tutor? What about me? I'm pretty good at math."

"You're not jealous are you?" I ask, shoving chow mein into my mouth.

"No." He scoffs. "He knows he never has a chance with you. You are way too out of his league."

"Don't say that! You know I don't like judging people's looks. Maybe their personalities but not their looks." I warn him.

"Sorry." He slurps down his noodle and I cringe at the sound it makes.

He laughs and puts the plate down. He leans in to kiss me and I stop him by putting my fork against his lips. "I don't want to smell Chinese food breath while we're making out."

He hops off his bed and takes a box out of his backpack. He hops back on and pops open the small metal box. I look inside and see mints. He picks two up and pops it in his mouth. He holds out the box and I laugh.

"Calvin you can't be serious."

"But I am." He chews down on the mints.

"I thought you're supposed to suck on them. Chewing them won't do anything." I take a mint and place it in my mouth.

After five minutes of us giggling and sucking on mints he sets everything on his desk and smashes his lips on mine. I chuckle and place my hand on his chest. "Calm down." I smile into the kiss.

His breath is definitely minty. But it also feels cold. I've been more of a passionate kisser while Calvin tries to get as rough as he can get.

He starts to lean more forwards and I lay down on his pillow. He slowly starts moving down to my neck and I feel the butterflies in my stomach again. There's a mixture of excitement and nervousness. He knows I don't want to lose my virginity just yet.

My virginity is something I have always planned out since I was thirteen. I imagined it with a guy I totally love and trust. I couldn't care less if there were roses or but it'd be nice if there was. I always felt like a late bloomer when Genevieve, Gaby, and Scarlett talked about losing their virginities.

First, it was Scarlett, then Genevieve and Gaby lost it this summer. They all said it felt very uncomfortable and they talked about bleeding? I cringe at the thought of me bleeding from losing my virginity. It looks so painless and romantic in the movies, I just hope it's like that in real life.

Calvin starts to move his hands up to my boobs and the feeling of discomfort starts to wave in.

The "dirtiest" thing Calvin has done to me is probably grab my butt.

I press my hands against his chest and gently push at him. He stops what he's doing and looks at me confused. "Did I do something wrong?"

I sit up and wrap my arms around myself. "You know I'm not ready yet, Calvin."

"I wasn't going to go that far right now. It's just that if you do want to have sex for our one year you should probably start getting comfortable with the thought of me-"

"Stop." I squirm. "Maybe another night, just not tonight."

I hope off his bed and grab my bag.

"I'm sorry, I should've asked you first, Selena." Is the last thing I hear before walking out of his room.

Maybe I'm overthinking all of this. I don't know. Calvin's been acting strange this last month. I think he's starting to get impatient or something. But he's known about this since we first started dating and he knows how important it is to me.

I wanted to wait a year so I really knew he was the one I loved and he wouldn't just leave me after the first month. I love Calvin, I really do. It's just that the love I had for him when we first started dating and the love I have now is different.

He's pushier about having sex nowadays. All he wants to do is make out and never wants to just go on fun dates like normal couples. Genevieve has been acting off about him too. Lately, she's been saying to dump him and just talks shit about him.