I'm convinced I can't stop smiling, it's just not possible. Today's Monday and still every time I close my eyes I feel my cheeks get red and I think about it all over again. That was so incredibly special to me, Nate had been good to me. I didn't think I'd be sleeping with anyone, let alone Nate three months ago, but here we were. And I wouldn't change a thing about it.

It hurt more than I cared to let on, I think the fact that I'd never even used a tampon certainly didn't help. I know it wasn't an issue with being into it or wanting it, which meant, as Kate predicted, it was purely a size thing. And there wasn't anything that could be done about that, other than gritting my teeth and getting through it.

I still felt it today, not as bad as yesterday but if I sat the wrong way or shifted around I could feel a dull ache. That just made me smile, it reminded me of that night and what the two of us did together.

I had unfortunately made the mistake of falling asleep at Nate's that night and I was thankfully able to slip through my bedroom window before anyone noticed I was missing. I would have gotten chewed-out by Alex if he found out. Just because my brothers accepted my relationship with Nate did not mean they stopped being my brothers. They were still over-protective and drove me a little crazy sometimes.

I couldn't move without feeling it on Sunday which was certainly not good for my skating practice. I had to jump and spin, pulling my legs up in odd directions. I couldn't really walk without limping a bit. I kept it under control so Mom could take me to practice without too many questions.

She asked me if I was feeling alright, that I looked flushed and that I looked like I might be in a bit of pain. I just denied it and walked through the doors of the rink like nothing was wrong. As soon as I got inside I practically limped to the change-room.

Then Kate came in wanting to know how my date went and I limped over to the bench to sit with her.

"Why are you limping?" She asked furrowing her eyebrows. "You're not hurt are you? Are you sick? Your cheeks are all flushed."

"I'm fine." I answered and grimaced, sitting down.

"What did you do on that date last night? I swear if that boy made you sick.....oh my god." She said and started hitting the bench over and over again. "Oh my god! No way, no way, no way!"

"Way." I sighed and she squealed giving my shoulders a shake before promptly stopping when she saw how much pain I was in.

"Jeez, that boy messed you up so good you can't even walk?" She whisper-screamed and I hit her, making her laugh.

"Ew Kate!" I said, laughing to myself even.

"Oh my god, I'm so proud!" She said excitedly. "Was it worth it?"

"Totally worth it." I told her and she smiled.

"Well you can't skate if you can't walk, take a Naproxen or two." She said, giving me the bottle from her purse. "They're amazing, way better for pain than a Tylenol."

"Thanks Kate." I said and she gave me a hug.

"No problem, now get dressed and take a few minutes to really warm up." She said and left the room with a wink.

And after a while I was alright, once I really got moving it was easier to ignore. I dare say having sex might have improved my skating, I was so relaxed and I went with the flow, I felt more.....artistic. Kate made a few jokes to me about my boyfriend needing to, quote-on-quote, 'screw me' again before nationals.

Nate was coming to get me in a few minutes and bring me to school. I hadn't seen him since Sunday morning when he raced me home after we realized we felt asleep in bed together. But he texted me all the time about that night, how much he loved me, how perfect it was. I'd just get warm all-over and hide my phone from anyone around me.

*I'm outside beautiful*

I look at my phone seeing Nate's name and race down the stairs ready to head out for the day.

"Sasha!" Mom calls and I zip over to the kitchen. "Remember after ballet-"

"Ballet at three, family stuff at four-thirty, hour off for dinner, I go with Nate to his practice at six-thirty and he stays with me at the rink until eleven-thirty. I know mom, I won't miss family therapy." I tell her and she nods.

"Do you have lunch?" She asks and I shake my head. "Did you eat breakfast?" I shake my head again and she sighs. "Here's a salad, you need to start eating more." She says, passing me a container and I sigh.

"Alright, I'm late I'll see you later this afternoon." I tell her and she waves as I run out to Nate's car.

"Hey baby." He says quietly and I smile, leaning over to give him a quick kiss.

"Hey, I missed you yesterday." I tell him and he smiles, reaching over and putting his hand on my knee.

"Missed you more." He says quietly. "Getting packed for Boston?" He asks and I sigh.

"Not really." I admit and he nods, turning out of my subdivision. "I wish I could be with you this weekend."

"Me too." He whispers and I smile weakly. "But you'll do amazing."

"So will you." I assure him and he squeezes my knee. I jump a bit and then feel a slight ache, making me clear my throat. Then I thought about it all over again, him white-knuckling the headboard with the dog-tags hanging in my face, the way I held onto him when it stopped being painful. It was a day-dream I got ripped from constantly.

"What are you thinking about?" He asks and I shake it off.

"Me? Oh nothing! Just....skating." I say and I immediately want to kick myself. Real smooth Sasha.

"I think about it a lot too." He says, staring out the windshield.

"Well it was pretty amazing." I whisper and he nods, pulling into a spot in the parking lot.

"Definitely." He whispers leaning over and giving me a kiss on the cheek. "Well come on, time for another day of hell. I mean school." He says and I laugh opening my door.

He wraps his arm around me and pulls me into his chest as we walk up to school. I think I liked this new, overly-affectionate Nate. Everything was falling into place, I finally had my life worked out and I really felt happy for the first time in months.

All of it falls away when I walk into school this morning, posted everywhere are flyers with my picture on them. There's posters hung up and the same thing runs over the televisions in the lobby. It's a picture of me.....from three weeks ago running to the bathroom. The day Alex threatened Jake McMaster.

The head-line, if you will, was 'Ice Queen: Skating On the Brink Of An Eating Disorder'. I instantly felt angry, I wasn't even upset or sad. I was just mad because I knew exactly who was behind this.

I pick one of the flyers up off the ground and read it aloud to Nate who stands next to me, holding me close.

"What is Sasha Petrov trying to hide? Ever wonder how she's managed to maintain the physique of an eight-year old girl into her teenage years?" I start and feel the tears well up in my eyes. Now I was upset, this was personal. "Her secret is puking her guts out into the school toilets everyday after she eats. Think about it.....have you ever seen that.....freak-" I start and feel my voice break. "Have you ever seen that freak eat a full meal?" I repeat and Nate pulls it out of my hand.

"Stop it." He says and I pull it back, wanting to read it.

"Oh great." I mumble reading the next sentence. "Lord only knows what her boyfriend sees in her, I didn't realize Nathan Carter was into-" I feel my breath catch in my throat and I gulp. "I didn't realize Nathan Carter was into skinny, social-challenged, flat-chested, virgins with daddy issues." I say and start to cry, feeling attacked in every way possible. How did she even know about the problems I had with my dad? Suddenly Nathan's words rung true in the back of my mind, 'everything you think you keep secret, she finds out eventually'.

"Just be on the lookout the next time you see miss Elsa rushing into a bathroom, she's probably ready to blow chunks so I'd stand clear." I sob, barely able to see the paper through my tears. "We can only hope she gets the help she desperately needs, clearly she's struggling and it's causing serious flaws in her judgement. It's a good thing.....there's no weight classes for figure skating.....otherwise I'm sure she wouldn't even qualify."

I rip up the paper in my hands wishing I could do it to all the others in the lobby. I put my hands over my eyes and lean into Nate's chest, sobbing violently.

"Shh, I know." He says, running his hands over my hair. "Come on we're going to the principal's office." I walk with him and sigh when we aren't even asked to wait, we walk right into the office.

"Hi miss Petrov." He says and Nate sits me down in one of the chairs in his office, taking the one next to me. "We're very sorry this happened, can I get you anything?"

"Why is all of that stuff still up in the lobby?" I ask, feeling angry. "Which teachers walked in this morning and didn't do anything about it?"

"We're in the process of cleaning it up." He mumbles and I just shake my head, slumping back into the chair. "We're not sure exactly who did this, the cameras around the school were hacked early this morning and we're looking into it.....this will take time-"

"We all know who did this." Nate says next to me and he sighs.

"I'm sure you have your suspicions mister Carter-"

"It's not a suspicion principal Barnes, Sabrina Carmichael and Jake McMaster did this." He says.

"You have to understand Nate, the Carmichaels are a tedious family. I can't outright claim their daughter did something without looking into it." He says and I feel more tears rolling over my cheeks.

"So Sasha can suffer and get publicly humiliated?" He asks getting more angry. "This is at least being looked into by the police is it not?" Principal Barnes seems to get iffy on that, fiddling with his hands.

"Well we're not.....sure how to proceed." He says and I shake my head.

"You think it's alright for someone to say I have an eating disorder?" I ask.

"Well no-"

"This is....ridiculous." I mutter, feeling completely helpless. They weren't even going to do anything about this? I was just nothing to them, it was worth me hurting so they didn't have to go after a privileged, stuck up girl who had too much power.

"I'll give you the day off school." He says and I roll my eyes.

"Thank you so much." I tell him sarcastically.

"Is there someone who can bring you home?" He asks and I nod.

"Yeah, thanks a lot." I mumble, getting out of my chair.

"I'm sorry miss Petrov." He says and I huff, leaving the office before I got anymore angry.

When I get out I see Sabrina and Jake standing not far away. Sabrina was wiping away fake tears and laughing with Jake, waving at me and giving me a fake pout.

"Come on, I'll take you home." I say and I walk directly into someone. When I look up I see my brothers standing in front of me and they give me a concerned look.

"Sash what is all this?" Nik asks and I feel my lower lip wobble. I fall into Nate's chest and start crying again.

"Let's talk outside." Nate says quietly and they lead me outside.

"Who did this?" Alex asks and Nate sighs.

"Who do you think?" He answers and I start to feel weak, upset.

"C-can I go home?" I ask through my tears. "Please take m-me home."

"Alright come on." He whispers, picking me up and I wrap around him, crying more.

"I don't have an eating disorder." I cry and he nods, carrying me back to the parking lot.

"Baby I know that." He says and I nod. I look up and see my brothers following us, I knew I couldn't convince them to stay at school right now.

We drive away and I curl up into a ball on the front seat. 'The physique of an eight-year-old', that line kept repeating in the back of my head.

"Do you think I'm too skinny?" I ask quietly.

"What?" He says and I look at him through my tears. "No of course not, you know I love the way you look." I nod and sigh pulling up to my house. I just wanted to crawl in bed and pretend none of this even happened.

He walks around and carries me up to my door, I see my brothers coming up after us and I sniffle as Nate carries me to my living room.

"Sasha? Nate?.....Boys? Why are you all home it's a Monday." Mom says rushing into the living room.

"Somebody at school said Sasha has an eating disorder." Nik says quietly. "They printed these flyers." She takes it and looks it over before crumpling it up.

Nate lets me down and mom gives me a hug that I gladly accept. "O moya doch, I'm sorry." She whispers. "Does your school know who did it?"

"Yes, but they aren't pursuing it as near as I can tell." I mumble. "The girl who did it is affluential and they don't want to ruffle feathers."

"That won't do." She whispers. "This is America, we picked this country because things are supposed to be fair here. If the school won't deal with it, we'll deal with it ourselves." She pulls back and walks to the basement door. "Your father will throw a fit when he hears about this."

"You think dad's going to do anything?" I ask, walking back to Nate.

"Sasha your father loves you, problems aside he hates being publicly shamed or harassed. Why do you think he was upset when he found out people teased you for skating?" She says. "Your father knows what's it's like to feel powerless when the people around you taunt you. He won't stand for it." I sigh knowing she was talking about after his big tryout with figure skating all those years ago.

"He's working from home today, we'll sort this out." She assures me. "We will deal with it. Did they send you home?" She asks and I nod.

"They thought I could use the day to recover." I tell her and she nods.

"Alexi and Nikita, I'll call and excuse you, Nate I'm sorry I can't do anything for you." She says and Nate smiles.

"That's alright." He says and she disappears into the basement with a brief wave.

I collapse on our sectional, crawling into the corner and pulling my knees into my chest. Now everyone thinks there's something wrong with me, no one will ever believe that I'm fine. I'll always be 'the girl with the eating disorder' just like Alyssa was 'the girl with the drug problem'. The only difference is Sabrina isn't going to scare me away.