Here I am in the middle of another crazy week. I don't know when I suddenly started to give so much of myself away to other people. My life had exploded like wildfire and had become twice as hard as it was before I quit. Well I shouldn't say hard......I just never stopped anymore. I had so many people I was trying to help and I didn't want to let anyone down.

Poor Nate looked so lonely and sad on Sunday. I knew how much he wanted to see more of me, and I'd let him down by replacing our time together. This was what I was worried about deep down, I didn't want to ruin the relationship Nate and I had with skating and family counselling.

And poor Micheal was texting me day and night about all of his fears and worries. It made me sad because I knew there was absolutely nothing I could do. I just had to comfort and tell him everything would be alright.

I knew his parents and I knew that as much as they loved Irene and thought she was wonderful, they loved their son more. They cared about him and made sure he was happy growing up, they wouldn't turn their backs on him. Irene, despite how uptight she was only wanted the best for Micheal. He was doing damage to himself and those around him with trying to keep his secret. I hopped that if he told the people closest to him, he'd at least feel like he had someone to talk to and he wouldn't feel alone.

I was struggling with this because I couldn't tell anyone other than the therapist we were seeing. My new appointments alone were on Tuesdays, working around my workouts and physio, in order to keep Thursdays open for Nate. But the she'd just listen and it didn't make me feel any better, I still felt like I was keeping secrets. 

Nate had asked me a few times about it but I just kept telling him I couldn't talk about it. If Micheal wasn't even telling his parents I knew I shouldn't be telling anyone either, even though I knew Nate wouldn't tell a soul. I couldn't even tell him who it involved, he'd already drawn the conclusion once about Micheal and I didn't want him to connect the dots so quickly. 

But I felt so guilty, I'd text Micheal and I couldn't tell Nate who it was. Keeping a secret almost felt worse than lying, I just couldn't believe he was being that understanding about it. I felt as though I treated Nate unfairly, he tried to stand by me in absolutely everything I did and I wasn't around enough for him.

"Sash let's take a break!" Kate calls over the rink and I sigh, skating over to the boards. Nate was sitting close-by, looking tired after his own practice. "Are you alright tonight?" She whispers and I sigh. "It's like you're being weighed down, what's wrong?"

"Did you ever date anyone when you skated?" I blurt out and she gives me this endearing look. 

"Trouble in paradise?" She asks nodding to Nate and I shrug.

"Not trouble.....I just-"

"Don't know how to split up your time properly?" She asks and I nod. "Aw Sash."

"I feel awful about it." I say stepping off the ice and putting on my guards.

"Let's take a walk." She suggests and I nod. She walks me down the hallway until we find a nice bench to sit on. "To answer your question, yes I did date someone while I skated.....a few someones actually." I laugh a bit and she gives me a nudge.

"But.....you didn't last." I conclude and she sighs.

"Honey, we didn't last because they couldn't handle the fact that I had other priorities. They dated me thinking I was a normal girl with tons of free time and when they found out the truth, they didn't want to put up with it. They weren't serious about me, your guy is serious about you." She says in a reassuring tone.

"I really care about Nate." I say quietly. "I don't have enough time for him anymore, he's getting lost in my hectic schedule. I feel like he thinks I don't care-"

"So show him you do." She says quietly. "Did you give him those dog-tags we talked about?"

"Yeah." I say quietly. "He really liked them."

"Just do small things, text him you love him, find the gaps in your schedules so you can find out when you can get together and I know this is hard," She starts and puts her hands on my shoulders. "But do not have sex whenever you see each other, just enjoy spending time together. Doing that is going to make you miss each other more when you're not together and associate having sex with getting to see each other."

"Don't worry, I think we're fine." I say with a laugh.

"You still didn't do it?!" She asks and I shake my head.

"No, because we keep getting interrupted or side-tracked and I don't want to rush through it." I tell her and she sighs.

"Well that's probably a good idea." She admits and I laugh. 

"But you're right." I say quietly and look away. "It is hard." She just laughs and gives me a nudge.

"Alright I know it's not just Nate, what else is going on?" She asks and I sigh.

"This family counselling thing is so hard and awkward, but it's really important. I'm making time for it and honestly it's just nice to talk to a professional. Skating is going well but it's exhausting, by the time I can move onto something else I'm wiped-out. And....." I say and take a deep breath, trying to decide if I should tell her about Micheal.

"And what?" She asks calmly and I sigh.

"One of my friends is going through something really serious right now. But it's really personal and they begged me not to tell anyone, which means I can't tell Nate." 

"But he knows the whole 'it's serious' part right?" She asks and I nod. "Well that should help, my advice is make time for Nate, only deal with your family problems as advised by your therapist and at your actual therapy sessions. Whoever this friend is....I know they're important to you, but you're going to get crushed. You can't be responsible for this person's issues, and I know that sounds mean, but you are incredibly busy. Help them find a support system to take some of the pressure off of you."

I just smile and lean in to give Kate a hug, once again Kate never fails to give me an amazing pep-talk. It's nice to have her look me in the eyes and give me a no-nonsense plan, all laid out with no grey areas.

"Does that help?" She asks and I nod.

"Thank you." I tell her and she laughs.

"I'm glad." She whispers. "I'm happy you're skating again Sash, you're doing incredible."

"You're sweet." I tell her. "Thanks, it's nice to be back."

"Alright." She says pulling away. "I need to talk to Johnathan about your layback combination, why don't you take Nate and have some time together."

I nod and she laughs a bit, pulling me up off the bench. She gives me a suggestive look and I laugh knowing how she would suggest spending our break together. I get back and see Nate's eyes meet mine, he smiles and stands up coming to meet me while I wave goodbye to Kate.

"Hey." He says and I smile back.

"Hey." I say more quietly. "Come with me." 

I take his hand and lead him out into the hallway. "Is everything alright?" He asks and I nod.

"Yeah just a Kate pep talk, I swear that woman could cure cancer by convincing cells to stop replicating." He laughs a bit and I smile.

"So where are you taking me?" He asks in a teasing voice and I smile seeing the service hall up ahead.

"To my favourite spot in this rink." I tell him and he chuckles, shaking his head and following me down the hall. "This is kind of fun, it's like the old days when we used to sneak around." I tease and he laughs, grabbing my waist. "I have five minutes." I whisper, running my hands up the front of his chest. "I want to spend them with you."

"Really?" He asks and I nod.

"Make them count." I say quietly and he smiles, picking me up and pressing me back against the wall of the hallway.

"You drive me crazy Sasha Petrov." He whispers and presses his lips to mine.

>

"Seems like you had a good practice." He says and I nod, trying to keep my smile under control.

"You too." I tell him remembering the rather intense hockey practice that took place just before my own. "Looks like you guys are in good shape for regionals."

"Let's hope." He says and I reach over and put my hand on his knee.

"I know it's not that much fun going to each others practices, and I know it means you have to stay up later, but it means the world to me. I like watching you play, it makes me smile." He smiles and grabs my hand giving it a kiss.

"I love watching you skate." He says and I nod. "You're so amazing, it's like....what you were meant to do. And thank you for coming to my practices, I know it means you need to show up extra early but it feels like time we get to spend together."

"It is." I assure him and he nods, pulling into my driveway. 

"This is it." He says, turning off the car and I nod.

"Are you tired?" I ask and he shrugs. 

"Not really."

"Is there any chance I could convince you to come in for a bit?" I ask and he nods with a smile.

"I'd like that." He says and steps out of the car taking his schoolbag with him. 

I lace my fingers through his and take him up to my house, holding my finger to my lips.

"I don't think anyone's up but just be quiet." I say and he nods, watching me slide my key into the door.

He follows me in and we both laugh quietly as I lead him to the stairs. Just as we start to go up something unexpected happens.

"Stop." I hear and I know it's mom's voice coming from the living room. "Come here." She says in a knowing tone and I poke my head around the corner.

"Hi mom." I say and she smiles.

"Hi, how was practice?" She asks and I shrug.

"It was alright." I tell her and she nods.

"Who did you bring back with you?" She asks and I sigh as Nate pops his head around the corner.

"Hey miss Petrov." He says and she laughs.

"I didn't know if I'd ever see the day you tried to sneak a boy into the house." She teases and my cheeks turn a bit pink. "You're lucky your father's downstairs." She says in a motherly tone.

"In my defence, we didn't sneak." I say and she nods.

"Alright, not too late yes?" She asks and I nod.

"I promise mom." I say and she smiles.

"Have a good night, nice to see you Nate." She says and goes back to the book she was reading like nothing happened. I just smile and pull him up the stairs, taking him to my room.

"I have to get changed, I'll wait until after to shower. I just want to talk to you." I whisper and he laughs, grabbing my arm. 

"Don't get changed." He whispers and I feel chills work their way through my body. "Just take them off."

"Easy big guy." I whisper and he laughs more. "None of that."

"You're right, sorry." He says leaning his forehead on mine. "You're very pretty."

"And you're very handsome." I tell him and he laughs. 

"Tomorrow's our afternoon right?" He asks and I nod. "I can't wait."

I wrap my arms around the back of his neck and immediately fit my lips to his. He smiles against them and I'm instantly reminded of him shoving me up against the wall at the arena a few hours ago. That was fun, it made me smile and helped me forget about everything else going on around me. I unzip the sweater I have on leaving me in tights, a leotard and a simple dance skirt over my other clothes.

I feel him run his hands over the sides of my body and I sigh pulling him closer. I untie the thin skirt and then I grab the straps of the leotard and pull them down with my tights, leaving me naked except for a pair of underwear.

He picks me up and walks me over to the bed. I pull his shirt over his head and he lays back while I run my hands over his chest. He just smiles, letting me do it and I feel my heart race when I see the dog-tags I gave him. I trace my fingers over them and he smiles, holding my hips and gently caressing the sides of my body.

This felt intimate, it was absolutely perfect. Eventually he rolls me over to lay down next to him and I gladly do so.

"I love you, baby." He whispers, kissing my forehead and I smile, wrapping my arms around him.

"I love you more." I whisper back but he shakes his head.

"Not possible." He mumbles and I laugh.

"It might be a tie." I tell him and he nods, pulling me closer.

"You might be right." He says. "I want you to know, whatever happens I'm with you."

"I'm with you too." I tell him, tracing the chain resting over his chest and he smiles, running his fingers through my hair.