"Where's the fire Carter?" I hear Malcolm say as I start pulling on my clothes rapidly.

I was desperate to get out of this rink as fast as possible knowing Sasha was waiting for me to come see her tonight. I was like a madman getting dressed and packing up my gear.

"I-i just have to-"

"Go see Sasha?" Adrian teases and I roll my eyes.

"Maybe." I tell them, pulling my shirt over my head.

"So you're the real deal now then huh?" Malcolm asks and I nod, blowing out a breath.

"Yeah we are." I say with a smile and they both elbow and tease me.

"So big plans tonight with the ice queen?" Adrian asks in a teasing voice.

"Not really we're just going to stay in, talk." I say, pulling on my shoes.

"Oh, talk." He says putting air quotes around it and I shove him.

"Yes talk." I say, starting to feel defensive. "I miss her."

"You just saw her today." Malcolm reminds me and I nod. "You're so in love with her it's disgusting."

"I can't believe you dumped the richest chick in school for the hot outcast." Adrian says. "It's a nice little coming-of-age story isn't it?"

"Yes, it's all very Disney Channel." I mumble, only half paying attention while I pack up my gear.

I can see Jake giving me the stink-eye from the other side of the change room but I just ignore it. That was really the one thing that I was having the hardest time with, not that I broke up with Sabrina, not that she cheated on me, but that she cheated on me with him. Jake was my best friend for years, we did a lot of stuff together and he was the one I was most pissed about.

He'd even taken her side now, he wouldn't even speak to me unless it was to heckle me. He did wrong by me and still insisted on sticking with Sabrina. I did have it on good authority though that as much as him and Sabrina were parading around together, they weren't in a relationship. Sabrina wouldn't have it apparently, she was too heartbroken.

I felt good about a lot of things when it came to me and Sasha, but one of the biggest was that I was proud to say she was my girlfriend. I didn't feel trapped or like I was doing something I didn't want to do, I felt happy to be with her.

"I'm heading out, see you around." I say and they both wave and mumble something along the lines of a goodbye. Someone yells something along the lines of me 'enjoying myself tonight' and her brothers' heads whip around, shooting daggers at me.

"I'm down the hall Carter, you'd better keep it in your pants." Nik threatens and I nod walking out of the change room, practically seeing my life flash before my eyes.

I walk through the lobby, past a scantily-dressed Sabrina. I wasn't sure why she was dressing like this now, it was bordering on trashy and reeked of desperation. I didn't bat an eyelash and left the rink, walking to my car.

The whole ride to Sasha's I felt like I had tunnel vision. I had one place to be and one place to go, Sasha.

It almost feels wrong to walk up to her doorstep now, like I'm doing something illegal. I hold my breath and ring the doorbell, seeing it open just a few seconds later. Sasha's mother opens it with a smile and I feel myself relax.

"Hi Nate." She says opening the door fully so I can step in.

"Hi Miss Petrov." I say and she nods closing the door.

"Sasha's upstairs, she's having a hard time right now." She says quietly and I furrow my eyebrows.

"Do you know why?" I ask feeling worried and she sighs.

"She's been approached to compete in Nationals this year, unfortunately Andrei spoke to her without talking to me first about it, so I think she's a bit shaken and overwhelmed." She whispers looking up the stairs with a worried gaze. "She's been pacing around up there for ages, she needs to make the decision soon."

"How soon, do you know?" I ask, wanting to walk upstairs and hold her, tell her everything was alright.

"Tomorrow." She says and I sigh.

"I'll talk to her." I tell her and she nods, giving my arm a squeeze.

"Will you take her dinner up to her? She hasn't eaten." She asks and I nod, following her to the kitchen. "I.....I know what you must think about me and her father but-"

"No it's alright." I say waving my hand. "I was really glad when you approached Sasha about coming home. It's not my place to think anything."

I didn't think anything of her mother, I think she just ended up being a bystander by the end. Her father was the one I really had a lot of nasty feelings for. I'm sure he didn't like me much either, but I'd seen what he'd done to her and it was ugly.

"Well you're too kind." She says spooning some type of weird looking soup into a bowl. I watch as she puts a few dumpling-looking things into a small bowl and sets both dishes on a tray. She sets a glass of water down too and smiles. "Did you eat, are you hungry at all?" She asks and I shake my head.

"No I'm alright I went to dinner with my parents just before practice, but thank you." She smiles at that and slides the tray over.

"Thank you for helping Sasha, she loves you very much." She says quietly. I almost faint from hearing her mother say that, she knew?

"I love your daughter very much." I tell her and she smiles.

"Well you should take this to her, I've wasted enough of your time." She says and I nod grabbing the tray, saying goodbye.

I take my time making sure not to spill hot soup on anything. I always felt impressed by Sasha's house, it seemed particularly large compared to my own. Her parents were quite well-off, I know her mom was a translator and her dad did some type of business job. This was what people probably pictured when they thought of the American dream.

I walk down the long hallway until I end up in front of her door. I carefully hold the tray in one hand and knock, opening the door. I see her looking out the window, when she turns to me I can instantly tell something's wrong. Her pupils always dilate when she's worried or anxious, her wide eyes kill me every time.

"Nathan." She says quietly and I smile setting the tray down on her dresser right next to the door. She quietly makes her way over to me and gives me a hug.

"Baby." I say quietly, running my hands over her back.

"I'm so glad you're here." She whispers and I nod kissing the top of her head.

"I heard the news." I say quietly and she nods, squeezing me tighter.

"I don't know what I'm going to do." She whispers.

For the first time she didn't seem upset or like she was on the verge of tears. She seemed genuinely afraid, terrified and stressed-out.

"Why don't you eat something alright?" I ask, pulling her face back to look at me. "Just try and take it easy about it, nobody's asking you to decide right now."

"I just feel like....I'm damned if I do, damned if I don't." She says quietly. "If I do I risk putting everything on the line and ruining my life just for skating. But if I don't I've given up the only chance I have to really do what I love in the future."

"I know there's a lot to think about." I tell her, holding her face in my hands.

I didn't know what to do, I didn't want to sway her decision I just wanted her to do what she wanted. I didn't know what I could do to help her make up her mind about it. I always feel better about stuff like that if I've had time to properly step away and come back to look at a situation like that with new eyes.

"How about you sleep on it alright?" I ask. "I'll even stay if it makes you feel better."

"You'd do that?" She asks and I nod with a smile.

"Number one I get to spend the night with you." I tell her and she laughs, giving me a nudge. "But number two it gives you the chance to take a step back and hit reset before you make a big decision like that."

"You're right." She sighs, moving her hands over the front of my chest. "You're so smart."

"I try." I tell her and she laughs a bit.

She seems completely different than she was just a few minutes ago, it's like she's lighter and visibly let off tension.

"Now would you please eat your dinner? I only watched you eat an apple today and I'm willing to bet it's fifty-fifty if you even ate toast this morning." I tell her and she shrugs. Sasha's food really did stress me out, I didn't know what to do anymore. I could tell she was underweight and it made me worry for her well-being.

"Alright." She says and I nod, pulling her closer and giving her a good squeeze.

"Go sit and I'll bring it to you." I whisper and she leans her head up to kiss me.

She smiles and walks over to sit on her bed, I pick up the tray again carefully and walk over to her.

"What is it?" She asks and I furrow my eyebrows setting it down next to her.

"I....have no idea." I tell her and she laughs. "Looks like weird soup and....pirogies?" She laughs a bit as I settle on her other side and ruffles my hair around.

"Pirogies are Polish." She says with a laugh. "They're similar I guess? These are Varenniki, cheese, potatoes, cabbage, that sort of thing. Mom makes them when me, Alex or Nik have a hard day because she knows we like them."

"What kind of soup is that?" I ask and she smiles.

"Shchi." She says quietly. Just listening to her say these words with Russian pronunciation makes me smile. "It's a pretty old Russian soup, a national dish if memory serves right. It's like a take on a cabbage soup I guess? But it's warm, nice."

"Lots of cabbage huh?" I tease and she shrugs.

"I guess so." She says, stirring the soup around in the bowl to cool it down.

"Do you guys eat a lot of Russian meals?" I ask and she shrugs.

"Mom makes them a lot because it's what she knows best, she has this special notebook that goes back five generations on her side of the family. It has all these recipes in it, I think cooking this sort of stuff makes her feel closer to her family. She likes sharing it with us too, I think she hopes we'll cook it one day with our families. But of course we've broken out a box of chicken fingers and a package of Kraft Dinner too, she just prefers to make this."

"Do you like it?" I ask and she smiles with a nod.

"Yeah, it's like my version of comfort food I guess." She says quietly.

I look at the odd bowl of orangey-yellow soup with a glob of sour cream and dill floating on top. I can see cabbage and carrots floating inside. It seemed so odd to me that someone could really find something like that comforting.

"Why are you looking at my dinner like that?" She asks with a laugh and I snap myself out of my deep dissection of her food.

"Like what?" I ask, clearing my throat.

"Like it's radioactive." She says crossing her arms.

"It just seems.....odd?" I say and she laughs.

"It's only odd because it's foreign to you, mister white-bread." She teases and I laugh. She scoops up a spoonful making sure to get some of the sour cream in it. "Try it."

"I-um-"

"If you hate it I'll gladly eat it alone." She says and I sigh, not feeling particularly overjoyed by cabbage soup.

"Does the sour cream make it better?" I ask and she nods.

"Yeah it cuts the acidity." She laughs and I take a deep breath. "Come on, do it for me. Your girlfriend who you love." She says and I laugh a bit.

"Using all the best tactics huh?" I ask and she nods.

I sigh and open my mouth letting her feed it to me. I brace myself for a strange flavour or texture but it ultimately never comes. It's strangely enjoyable, simple but balanced and warm.

"See? It's good." She insists and I laugh.

"You've got me there." I surrender, holding my hands up.

"Mom does this weird thing to it that she won't tell me about. But it makes it so much better than something you'd find in a restaurant." She says and happily tucks into it on her own. "It's really nice after today."

"I'm sorry about all that." I tell her, putting an arm over her shoulders. "I know it must have been hard."

"It wasn't amazing." She says quietly, eating another spoonful of soup. "I just worry if I do this.....does that start everything over again? Does it erase all the growth I've done as a person? Will everything really change or am I just lying to myself?"

Sasha was always capable of asking hard questions, she was good at separating herself from situations and seeing both possibilities. Where she struggled was then using that information to make an informed decision.

"Look, the way I see it. You could turn this down because you don't want to get hurt. Which is understandable, but then you'd also be giving up something you care about. You'd be losing something you worked at, that you enjoyed, and you had so much more drive and natural skill than I did when we were little. Sasha you're really amazing at this, I know you love it. You used to talk to me all the time about how you were going to the Olympics one day." I tell her.

"But if you're really upset about this and you just don't think this is right, don't do it. But I know if you didn't love skating you wouldn't still be deliberating. You'd have said no already."

She nods with what I'm saying and sighs, aggressively eating on of her dumplings.

"Kate told me she thought I shouldn't waste my talent, that she and Johnathan would be ready to help me if I wanted it again." She says quietly and suddenly a lightbulb goes off in my mind.

I remember her telling Alex over the phone that if Kate and Johnathan taught her alone she would've loved it. She didn't want to quit, she just wanted her dad to be less involved.

"Well.....what if you did it without your dad?" I suggest and she looks up to meet my eyes, looking intrigued. "Tell him you're going to accept but only if he let's Johnathan and Kate coach you alone. Tell him you don't want him coaching you."

She seems to stop and really contemplate that for a second and nods. "It's not a bad idea." She says with a shrug. "I just don't know if he'd really do it."

"All you can do is see what he says." I tell her and she nods finishing the last of her soup.

"I'll talk to him tomorrow and make a decision." She says getting out of bed and putting the tray down on her dresser. "I don't want to think about it anymore tonight."

"Fair enough." I tell her and she smiles, walking into the bathroom where I hear the water running for a few seconds. "But if you want to talk about any of it we can alright?" I hear her spit and then the water turns off.

I watch her come back through the doorway and nod. "I'll let you know." She says quietly and walks over to shut her bedroom door. "But thank you for talking it out with me, I was going sick thinking about all of it."

"That's what I'm here for." I tell her, getting out of bed and starting to close the curtains on all of the windows in her room. She walks over to me when I close the last one and reaches up to wrap her arms around the back of my neck.

"I love you." She says quietly and I smile.

"I love you too." I tell her, leaning down and resting my forehead on hers.

"I know we talk about me a lot-"

"Sasha I don't mind." I tell her and she nods. "I don't have much of anything to talk about." She laughs a bit and I smile too. "Let's get ready for bed." She nods and leans up to kiss me. Immediately I can taste toothpaste and I pull back to look at her.

"Did you brush your teeth?" I ask and she nods.

"Yeah, dinner was good but it leaves you with pretty bad breath. I knew I'd probably kiss you, so I figured I'd spare us both." She says and I laugh pressing my lips to hers again.

I feel her reach for the hem of my sweater and I help her pull it off with my shirt. I then reach down and pull off her shirt, running my hands over her smooth skin.

I feel her hands push down to my belt and I feel electricity shoot through me when she starts to undo it. Then she's on to my pants and I tense up trying to keep my mind clear. We're going to bed, we're going to bed.

Before I know it I'm pulling down her leggings and undoing her bra. Things feel like they're escalating as my breathing starts to get out of control and I can feel Sasha's nails grazing my skin. We really were good together, it was like we'd feed off of each other's energy. We were quickly approaching the point of no return and I knew I had to stop this. This was not what Sasha needed right now, and it would be wrong of me to do this to her.

"Wait, baby we should probably-"

"I want to." She whispers and my eyes widen. Oh my god, those words.

"What?" I ask, feeling unsure if I heard her correctly.

"I want to do it." She says quietly. "With you."

"I don't know." I say shaking my head. She almost looks disappointed and I quickly try and recover. "Not because I don't want to. I do.....I really do, but your entire family's here right now. I don't want to rush it, or have something go wrong. I also don't want to get the shit beat out of me by your brothers." She laughs a bit and I nod running my hands down her back.

"I want it to be special, really special." I whisper and she nods. "But if you're really sure...."

"I am." She says quietly. "I want you."

"I'll sort it out." I tell her. "But not right now." She nods quietly and kisses my cheek.

She then walks over to her dresser and gets one of those evil slips out of the drawer, pulling it over her body. "You're probably right." She whispers. "Will you take me to bed?" I nod and walk behind her picking her up, she wraps around me and I walk over settling us between her sheets and turning out her light.

"I love you." I whisper quietly and she smiles.

"I love you more." She whispers as the two of us start to fade off to sleep.