I'm practically running down the stairs knowing who's waiting at the bottom of them. I see my brothers making small talk in the living room and I run over just feeling excited to see them again.

"Hey Sash." I hear Alex say and I give him a hug when I feel Nik practically crushing me from the other side.

"I can't breathe." I tease and they let me go with a laugh.

"I missed you." Nik says and I smile giving him his own hug. "Alex told me he had to put that asshole McMaster in his place today?" He teases and I laugh with a nod.

"He was just trying to pick on me." I remind him. "I try not to take any of that stuff too seriously."

"Good, you shouldn't." He says and I smile. He pulls me over to the side as Alex and Nate start to talk. "Alex said you want to come home." I nod, running my hand through my hair.

"I do." I say quietly. "I miss you guys."

"Don't just come home because you miss us, I'll just come see you." He says and I smile, flattered by his words.

"No, I know it's time." I say quietly. "I want to be back in my room, with my stuff and........I want to fix things at home. I do. I don't like what's been going on with dad and mom and I'd really like to lay out ground rules, try and repair things." He just gives me an odd look and I furrow my eyebrows. "What?"

"Nothing.....I just don't know when you got so mature." He says and I laugh. "Good for you, Sash."

"Do you know what mom and dad are like?" I ask and he nods.

"They're worried." He insists. "They ask me and Alex where you are all the time. They want you home but they don't want to admit they were wrong. Especially dad."

"I'd just like to sort it out, see if we can agree on anything." I say and he smiles.

"I can set something up with mom, Alex and I can be there with you. We can meet at home, or if you'd rather we can go to a coffee shop. I just want you to know that you have the advantage, they want something from you Sash, so use it. Tell them you'll only come home if you get what you want." I nod feeling guilty, knowing how awful that sounds.

"And I know how selfish that must sound, but you've gone you're entire life trying to bend over backwards for them. It's important you're happy." He reminds me. "I know they don't expect you to go back to skating."

"Are you sure?" I ask and he nods.

"Positive." He says and I sigh.

"H-how soon do you think I could see mom?" I ask and he smiles.

"Tomorrow." He says and my eyes widen. "They've been waiting for us to crack for over a week and tell them where you are. They want to talk to you."

"And you and Alex can be there?" I ask and he nods.

"I promise." He says and I smile. "After school, at a coffee shop. I'll bring you with me after school."

"Thank you." I say moving to give him another hug. "I love you."

"I love you too." He says and I smile. "Please tell me these rumours about you and Carter messing around for almost two months aren't true."

"They're full-fledged rumours now?" I ask and he nods. "Sheesh, word spreads fast. No they're not true. Why is everyone so concerned if I've slept with Nate?"

"High school isn't without it's challenges." He says and I sigh. "I'm just looking out for you."

"I know and I appreciate it, but I've never 'looked out' for you, so I'd appreciate it if you didn't look out for me unless I ask." I tell him pointedly. "Nik, I love you, but let's keep some mystery between us alright?" He laughs a bit with a nod.

"Alright, I'm sorry." He says and I smile. "I'm glad you asked us to come over, I miss seeing you every night. You were really one of the only things that was good about being home."

"Same here." I tell him, really meaning it. "I miss you all the time."

I desperately wanted things to work out and for me to be able to go home. I loved being with Nate, but I always felt so awkward here. This wasn't my house and I didn't feel comfortable with making myself at home. I felt awful when I asked Nate if I could do a load of laundry. He of course just asked me why I hadn't said something sooner and showed me how to work his washer and dryer.

This wasn't my house and as much as Nate loving me made me warm inside, I wanted to patch things up at home and at least get back on speaking terms. It wasn't fair to make Nate responsible for my emotions and for him to be the sole person to deal with me. He was young and I couldn't stay here and weigh him down like this.

"Come on everyone, let's eat." His mom says from the kitchen and we all head out to get a plate for dinner.

For the first time I felt hopeful that things would really change.

>

"Just tell her how you feel." Nik encourages. "She'll do anything for you right now."

I was almost too nervous to go through with this, what if she refused to listen to me or invalidated my feelings? I'd be more hurt than I am now.

"Me and Alex will be there the whole time alright? We're in your corner." I nod knowing how true that was. I was also just dealing with mom, not my aggressive father. There was a chance I could get through to her.

He pulls into the lot and I watch Alex's car pull in just a few spots down.

"Ready?" Nik asks and I nod seeing mom's car parked just a few feet away.

"I-I think so." I say quietly and get out of the car taking a deep breath of fresh air. I walk to the door before I can change my mind and feel a lump build up in my throat when I see mom sitting at a table alone, four coffees sitting about the table.

Everyone said I looked like my mother, she was quite petite and had given me her blonde hair. She looks nervous as she fiddles with her hands at the table and then our eyes meet. I freeze and she slowly stands up from the table. She just looks sad, I don't see any anger or resentment in her eyes and I see real emotion from my mother for the first time in years.

I walk closer and she walks around the outside of the table coming over to me. She smiles slightly and gives me a hug that I accept very awkwardly. This was the first hug I was getting from her in years and I almost didn't know how to feel about it.

"Sasha." She says quietly and I smile a bit feeling her give me a tight squeeze. "I'm glad you're alright."

"Of course I am." I tell her and she pulls back to smile at me.

"Well let's sit, talk." She says and I nod. Alex and Nik join us and I sigh. I hold in my 'are you going to listen if I talk?' comment and just take a deep breath. "Thank you for coming to see me, your father and I have been worried sick."

"Why didn't you call me then?" I ask, feeling a bit like I didn't believe that they were worried period.

"I wanted to give you some time. I know you were upset-"

"Upset is an understatement mom." I inform her. "I was hurting for years. I felt so alone, like I had no where to turn other than Alex or Nik. Why did you let him do any of that to me?" I ask feeling the tears starting to well up in my eyes. "Mom, I didn't feel like I could come to you. I feel like I don't know you because we don't have any real conversations."

She starts crying now which only builds onto my own sadness. She nods and wipes her tears away from under her eyes.

"I know." She says quietly. "I'm sorry. You just know how your father is."

"I know how he is mom, but I was expecting you to know where the line was." I answer, sniffling a bit. "I thought you'd be there for me."

"Oh Sasha." She says quietly and reaches for my hands, I let her take them but I just feel uneasy. "What have I done?" She asks rhetorically and I press my lips together.

"I've been in a world of hurt mom." I tell her very honestly. "I don't feel like you or dad listen to what I want. I used to like skating a lot, but now I'm just so sick of it that I only associate it with bad memories. I don't want you two making decisions that for me that are going to directly impact my life and my future. Like pulling me from school?" I remind her and she nods.

"I tried to talk to your father about that, but he was adamant that you were made for more than just school." She says. "He really did believe in you Sasha, he knew you had talent and he didn't want you to waste it."

"Despite whatever he may have thought, it's not up to him." I say shaking my head. "Don't you understand that I need school?" I plead with her. "School is the only place where I feel normal, where I can get away from skating and just be myself."

"I didn't want him to pull you, I know you need an education and it should be your choice. But your father refused to listen to me. He hasn't been listening to me much in the past few years." She says shaking her head. "I wanted to reason with him and I knew everything wasn't right but I was so busy keeping the peace.......I lost sight of what was important to you." I nod and I feel her squeeze my hands a bit more.

"I'm so sorry." She says quietly. "I knew it wasn't my preferred way to parent but I didn't know it was hurting you so much. Some of the things you said a week and a half ago were things I was only hearing of for the first time."

"I couldn't tell you." I answer. "I didn't feel like I could tell you anything."

"I know I've done just as bad as your father in being a bystander. But I thought he really was just pushing you, he'd come to bed at night and talk about how you were doing at practice. He seemed so proud of you I didn't think there was anything wrong."

"If he's proud of me mom, he's never told me that." I tell her and she nods.

"Your father is a special type of man." She admits. "One of the reasons I married him was because he became infatuated with things and they became all-consuming. Figure skating was unfortunately one of those things, and in the effort to make you a winner he did many unethical and unjustified things.

"But he does love you, I promise you that. He hasn't been the same since you left, he barely talks to anyone and sits watching videos of the three of you learning to skate."

"Mom, I don't feel loved." I tell her honestly and her grey eyes fill with tears. "I feel like the love I receive from you two is measured on a scale of how I perform in competition."

"That's not true." She says quietly. "I love you very much, so much I just.....I've clearly been turning a blind-eye to everything going on." She sniffles. "But it was never my intention to make you feel unloved. I haven't been there enough, I thought your father had it under control but.....clearly I was wrong."

"Did you know about the food thing?" I ask and she sighs with a nod.

"When I found out I was horrified, nothing's more important for a young girl than to have a good relationship with food. I lectured him about it and made him quit it but it was too late, you were gone." She says and starts crying again.

"I'm sorry I let him put you on a diet, I'm sorry I let him run all of your practices, I'm sorry I haven't been there for you when you needed me." She says running her thumb over the back of my hand. "I'm sorry I took you to start getting your shot without asking you about it first, and for the laser hair removal. I'm sorry you felt like you weren't perfect." She whispers and reaches her hands up to my face. "You're perfect Sasha, just the way you are." I nod listening to her apology and wipe away the tears. I knew this relationship wouldn't be rebuilt in a day, it would most likely take years but the apology was a good place to start

"Thank you mom, that means a lot." I say and she nods.

"I'm sorry you felt like you needed to leave." She says and I nod. "But I'd like you to come home, I want all my children under my roof again."

I stayed as strong as I could when she said that. Of course I wanted to come home, but I couldn't agree if nothing would change.

"Mom, I can't come home if everything's going to carry on the way it has been." I tell her and she nods.

"It won't." She insists. "You tell me what you want, I'll make sure it can happen."

I take a moment to really gather my thoughts on that. I remember what Nik said about having the high ground in this situation, she'd most likely agree to anything that I wanted. But I picked out the things that were most important to me.

"First of all, no skating." I say and she nods. "I need time without it and adjust to being home."

"Absolutely." She says with a nod.

"Number two, I'd like for all of us to start going to family counselling and trying to fix these issues. I'm tired of family meals being awkward and of Alex and Nik feeling caught in the middle. I want to be a family again." She nods along and I take a deep breath.

"Number three, I'd like dad to give me some space. I'll come to him when I'm ready. He needs to understand that he crossed a serious line and we're not just going to pick up like nothing happened."

"That's fair." She says and I sigh.

"Number four, I want my life back. I want to be able to do things with my friends and eat the food I want. No more only letting me out sometimes to certain places, I'm not saying I want to disappear all hours of the night to god knows where but I just want to be normal."

"Of course." She says.

"And there's something you should know." I tell her and she nods. "Nathan Carter.......mom he's really special to me. It's not some screw-you to dad, he loves me." I tell her and her eyes widen and I feel my brothers who have been listening patiently by my side tense up. "And I love him."

"You do?" She asks and I nod.

"He cares about me mom, I need him around." She nods at that and gives me a small smile.

"I was wondering what your dad meant when he was talking about Nate." She says and blinks away a few tears. But she doesn't look sad, she almost looks.......happy. "You know I think Nate's wonderful, that's all very exciting." She tells me and I smile hearing the best reaction to my secret that I could have. "Are you going out?"

"No, I told him I wanted to take care of things with my family first. But I want you to know that if I come back, I'll be taking him up on that offer." I tell her and she nods. "I want to be able to spend time with him. For him to be able to come over and see me and for me to go over and see him. Within reason of course." She smiles and I almost fall out of my chair seeing mom genuinely happy.

"I'm sure that'd be alright." She says and I nod.

"If those five things can happen.......consider me home." I tell her and she nods.

"They will." She says wiping more tears away. "The counselling might take a while to sort out......but everything else I can promise you right away. I want you to be happy Sasha, I'm tired of the yelling and the misery. I want you to come home."

I nod and she gets up to give me a hug that I gladly accept. She holds me like I'll disappear if she lets go and I smile through my tears knowing this hug is long overdue.

"Please come back." She whispers and I nod.

"I will."