I knew this would happen. I knew she wasn't really as alright as she was pretending to be. Alex just unintentionally shattered her by asking her those questions, and now a very broken Sasha was laying in my arms.

Now I just felt guilty. I was her distraction, I was the reason she wasn't dealing with her family stuff properly and I was the one making her so confused. I had unintentionally put my own selfish interests before Sasha's feelings again.

I didn't dare say anything I just let her cry laying in my arms, knowing this was really all she needed all along. What had I done to her?

I started crying just hearing her talk to Alex over the phone, I didn't know she was hurting that bad. I suspected she'd been covering it up and trying her best to forget about it but it just wasn't possible. Now it had become overwhelming for her.

"Why is everything s-so messed up?" She breathes followed by more sniffling. "I-I don't want to go home....but I do.....what's wrong with me?"

"There's nothing wrong with that." I assure her bringing her close. "Just breathe."

She nods and wipes her tears away, I watch her lower lip wobble and I lean in to kiss her forehead.

"I know it hurts." I whisper. "And I know it isn't easy, but we'll sort it out. I'll make sure you get home, I'll do whatever I can." She presses her face into my chest and I feel my heart break. "Alex and Nik are going to help you too. They want you home."

"This is going to be so hard." She mutters.

"Don't think like that." I whisper running my fingers through her hair. "Tomorrow's a new day."

She starts crying again and I almost can't take it, I feel so defenceless when she's broken down. I didn't know what to say or what to do. I didn't want to let her down or say something that just made her feel worse.

After a while, her tears begin to slow down and she's just holding me tight. I hear her soft breathing, breathe in the lavender scent from her hair.

"Will you call me baby again?" She whispers and I'm almost caught off guard by hearing her voice for the first time in ages. And to hear that nonetheless. It slipped out earlier, it wasn't something I was planning on saying to her, I thought it might sound a little possessive. But she was so special to me, she was somebody I cared for.

"If you want me too." I whisper running my hands over her back. I resisted the urge to tease her about liking it, I was just happy she did. "Baby." I whisper quietly continuing to rub the same circles over her back. I repeat it over and over again feeling her breathing even out and her slowly start fade out. She's asleep.

>

I open my eyes and slide out of bed being careful not to disturb Sasha. I decided to go downstairs and try to figure out what I could do to help her.

"Nathan." I hear and turn to see mom sitting in the living room. "Come here please." I hold my breath knowing what she most likely wanted to talk to me about.

"What's up?" I ask sitting on the other end of the couch.

"Would you care to explain to me what's going on with Sasha?" She asks and I furrow my eyebrows. "I came home and called out but neither of you answered, I walked upstairs and I saw the two of you asleep."

"Mom I know what you must be thinking...." I say shaking my head.

"Are you involved?" She asks and I sigh. I didn't want to say no, I loved her. But if I said yes she might make Sasha move out now. "Just tell me the truth."

"We're not....technically?" I answer. "I really care about her mom, I do. She's one of the reasons I dumped Sabrina, I went to her competitions to support her but we know the situation that's going on. We know we're here together and she doesn't want to get into it until she's sorted her stuff out at home."

"But you do like her?" She asks and I nod.

"Mom, I love her." I say putting my face in my hands. "More than anything, and she's really upset right now. She wants to go home but she's scared.....I want to help but I don't want her to get hurt again."

"You love her?" She asks and I nod. "Aw honey." I nod knowing what was probably to come next.

"But she's staying here because I want her to be safe, not because I....well you know.....not because the two of us are-"

"Alright." She says raising her hands. "No need to fill in the gaps. Sweetheart I think it's great that you feel that way about her, you know I love Sasha. But why did you feel the need to keep it from me?"

"Because I didn't want you to think that I wanted her here for selfish reasons." I answer truthfully. "We're also not really together."

"I think the two of you are making the right decision with that. But you can't lead her on Nathan, it isn't fair to be like that with her if you're not together." She insists and I nod, knowing how true that probably was.

"I was just trying to keep her company, she was about to fall apart earlier." I admit and she nods like she'd like me to explain a bit. "Her brother called and she told him how much she missed being home. Mom, she wants to fix things with her family but I think she's just slightly overwhelmed by it."

"That's awful." She says shaking her head. "I really fell for her sometimes. Home should always feel like a safe place and the fact that she doesn't know if she wants to go back is truly upsetting."

"She loves her brothers." I answer. "Her mom loves her, she just doesn't show her she does. And I honestly think.....as messed up as it is, that her dad loves her too. He just does it in the wrong ways." She shrugs like that could be possible and I nod. "I mean he loves figure skating so much, he tried to share it with his kids to connect with them over it.

"But I think he just pushed them too hard to love it. And when Nik and Alex quit it most likely felt like a serious betrayal. I'm not saying it makes it alright but-"

"No, I understand what you mean." She says.

"And when Sasha was all that was left he forced her to carry the weight of his dream on her shoulders. I think he started to blur the line between his love for her and his love for skating." I sigh, knowing how messed up that truly sounds. "She was so lost when she quit, she didn't even feel like she knew who she was."

"I think it would really benefit them to sit down and talk about that." She says and I nod knowing how true it was.

"Yeah, right now I think she just wants to go home." I tell her honestly and she nods.

"You said she missed her brothers?" She asks and I nod.

"She misses them a lot. They were there for each other all the time." I tell her and she smiles.

"Why don't you invite them over?" She suggests. "I'm sure she'd like to see them, and I'm tired of having meals with only the three of us."

"I think she'd like that." I say and she leans forward to give me a good hug.

"You're good to her." She says. "Sasha's got a big heart."

"She does." I admit. "I'll see if they'd want to come over before dinner tonight."

"Sounds wonderful." She says. "I'm very proud of you Nathan, it's sweet of you that you're willing to help her." I smile and she rubs my back in that aggressive mom-like way before letting me go and heading to the kitchen.

I go upstairs and grab my phone off the nightstand in Sasha's room seeing she's still fast asleep. I go to my room and look until I find Alex's number. It rings once and I hear him pick up.

"Carter? What is it?" He asks frantically.

"Nothing serious, take it easy." I say and I hear him sigh in relief. "Look Sasha's had a really rough day, she was pretty broken up after your phone call and I know she misses you and Nik a lot. I was wondering if you'd both be up to coming over to see her tonight before practice?"

"Really?" He asks.

"Yeah, I think it'd be good and she'd really like to see you." I say.

"I'll ask Nik but I'm sure he'd really like that. Are you sure this is alright?" He asks.

"Of course it is." I assure him. "She misses you. Just let me know if you can make it over."

"I'll definitely be there." He says and I laugh a bit. "Thanks for this Carter, and for looking after my sister. We'll see you soon."

"Cool see you then." I say and hang up the phone going back across the hall to join Sasha. I turn on the lamp on the nightstand and sit on the edge of the bed next to her.

She's so gorgeous when she's asleep, she looks peaceful. I reach my hand out to her arm and rest it there, dragging my thumb back and forth until I watch her stir.

Her eyes open slowly and she reaches out to me in a half-asleep daze. She smiles and I smile too.

"Hey." She says slowly sitting up.

"Hey." I whisper quietly. "I have a surprise." She smiles weakly and reaches out to hold the side of my face. I pick her up and sit her in my lap.

"What is it?" She asks and I smile tucking a piece of hair behind her ear.

"Alex and Nik are going to come for dinner tonight." I tell her and she smiles.

"Really?" She asks, face lighting up and I nod.

"I asked Alex if they'd like to come over. That you missed them and you've been feeling a little homesick." She leans in and gives me a hug so strong she practically tackles me to the bed.

"You're the best." She whispers, giving me a quick kiss. "I love you."

"I love you more." I whisper and she smiles.

"Look I'm sorry for earlier......I don't know why I was acting like that." She says and I smile sitting us both back up again.

"It's alright Sash, you're allowed to cry. I'd rather you didn't keep all that stuff to yourself." She nods and sighs.

"Not just for that but for the whole kissing thing-"

"We already talked about that remember?" I ask and she nods. "I don't mind."

"You're too nice to me." She says looking away, almost as if embarrassed. "You know nobody understands me the way you do, or listens to me the way you do. That's the reason I feel so safe with you."

She's saying everything I wanted to hear everything I was hoping to give her. I wanted her to be safe with me.

"You don't know how much it means to hear you say that." I whisper. "You give me everything, Sasha."

"So do you." She says quietly and I smile.

I knew how important feeling loved, listened to and safe were to Sasha, somehow I'd managed to make her feel that way and the idea of it excited me.

"So level with me." I say quietly and she leans her forehead on mine. "How do you really feel about me calling you baby."

"I love it." She answers immediately and I laugh a bit. "It makes me feel like I'm yours."

"You always will be." I whisper. "I'm here whenever you want me, I'm not going anywhere."

"Say it again." She whispers quietly and I smile.

"Baby." I whisper and she laughs giving me a kiss. "My baby." I say even quieter and she nods giving me a longer kiss. "I love you."

"Sasha! Nathan! Your guests are here!" I hear mom call and I immediately get off of her.

"That's them." She gets off the bed and grabs her bra from the floor, doing it up under her top and adjusting it.

"Figured I should be decent." She says quietly walking over. "I love you too, now let's go."

I laugh and follow her out of the room shaking my head, Sasha wanted to be mine just as badly as I did. One day soon, hopefully she could be.