This isn't good. I've never had to puke at school before, usually just at home. But I couldn't stop my feet under me I was running so fast. I stop at the first bathroom in the hall and shove open the door. There's two girls standing in front of the mirror gossiping and applying make up and a third in the corner who's vaping.

I make my way to the wheelchair stall at the end and hold off as long as I can. I didn't want to unload my guts while other people were in here. Unfortunately, I didn't have much of a choice as the nausea starts to really take effect.

I hear the two girls at the sink leave and that's good enough for me. I pray the toilet isn't too disgusting as I lean over the bowl and throw up. I've barely eaten today so there's not much to give up. I cough and spit as I continue to dry-heave.

"Sash?" I hear someone call and I know it's Nate. I hear what sounds like him checking the bathroom over for other people before coming over to my stall. "Sash?" He says more quietly with a knock on the door and through my coughing I lean over to unlock it. There's tears in my eyes and I'm practically hiccuping. "Aw, Sasha." He says quietly sitting down next to me.

He leans over and flushes the toilet and then wraps his arms around me. "Just breathe." He says and takes one of my hands, placing it on his chest. "Just like this, in and out." I nod and sniffle a bit breathing with him. "Are you alright?" He asks and I nod.

"I'm fine." I say quietly. "Glad I made it to a bathroom."

"Just feel a bit sick?" He asks and I nod. "Alright, well I'm not going anywhere. Take all the time you need." I wrap my arms around him a bit tighter and he runs his fingers through my hair.

"I-I don't know why." I say. "I haven't eaten anything other than toast today."

"You could just be under a lot of stress." He whispers and I nod. "I'm sorry for what Jake said, he's just making things up. I swear I've never said anything and I was careful that no one would find out because.....well I didn't want people to make that assumption. And between you and me, it's not about sex." I nod and take a deep breath.

"No, I know." I say quietly. "Jake just makes me angry."

"I think your brother scared him pretty good." He says and I nod with a small laugh.

"It's a serious benefit of having older brothers." I admit and he nods, kissing my forehead.

"I'm glad you're alright." He says quietly. "I love you."

"I love you too." I whisper. "So much."

For a long time we sit on the floor in the bathroom and oddly enough nobody comes in. Nate just whispers nice things to me that make me feel warm all over and I resist the urge to kiss him, knowing how gross that is after just puking a few short minutes ago.

Eventually I pull myself off the floor and go to the sink in the washroom, first getting a drink of water and then touching up my makes up and popping a piece of gum into my mouth.

"You know you're already gorgeous.....you don't have to fix up your make up." He says standing behind me and wrapping his hands around my waist.

"Stop distracting me." I tease and he laughs.

"I'm not even distracting you yet, Sash." He says quietly and my stomach ties into knots.

"Stop it." I say with a laugh and pull his hands away from my waist. "It's a bathroom, anybody could walk in."

"But I locked the door." He says quietly, grabbing my waist again. "And I put up the cleaning sign so people wouldn't even try to come in." I watch as his hands travel down my waist to the hem of my skirt at my mid-thigh. "You're very pretty."

I feel like I'm holding my breath, this isn't a good idea right now despite what my hormones are telling me. Nate was hard to stay away from.

"Nathan." I say turning around to face him. "How about we pick this up later alright?" He laughs a bit and nods. I wasn't feeling particularly beautiful at this moment knowing I'd just thrown up a few minutes ago.

"I'd like that." He whispers and I nod. A bathroom was definitely not on the list of places I wanted to get hot and heavy.

But at the same time my breathing was getting heavy and out of control. The walls felt like they were closing in around me and the air was getting harder to breathe. I didn't know what was wrong with me anymore, Nate had become addictive.

Suddenly the bell snaps me out of my daze and the two of us scramble to get out of the bathroom together before anyone sees us.

"I'll see you after class." He says quietly and I nod, trying to calm down.

"Bye." Is all I can get out before heading off in a different direction.

All afternoon, all I can think about is how intense the bathroom was. How much I felt out of control these days and how much my want for Nate was starting to override my fears of personal intimacy. But could we sleep together when we weren't in a relationship?

I knew the answer was we could, tons of people did it all the time. But it was the same reason I didn't want to kiss him when he was with Sabrina. I wanted Nate to be with me, as selfish as it was. I wanted it to be when we really had the time to take it slow and hopefully enjoy it.

Suddenly the last bell of the day rang and I shot out of my seat heading for the lobby where I'd find Nate. He finds my eyes and gives me the same look I'm sure is in my eyes. We exchange a few pleasantries but it's really to make sure neither of us let our imaginations get the better of us.

Once we're back at his house we rush to the door giggling and smiling. We get inside and toss our backpacks off to the side. He closes the door and presses me against it and I sigh when his lips are on mine again.

He reaches around and yanks my jacket from my shoulders and I do the same thing to his. We kick off our shoes and then he picks me up. I wrap my legs around him as he carries me up the stairs.

I feel my back hit the mattress of my room and he smiles leaning over me. Suddenly he rolls me on top of him and my skirt hikes up exposing my tight-covered thighs. He slowly runs his hands up the backs of my thighs pulling my skirt up in the process.

I reach over and pull his shirt off of his body. I reach my hands out and run them over his chest feeling my heartbeat pick up. Nate was gorgeous, completely perfect in every way.

He pulls off my own shirt and I feel my heart explode when we end up skin to skin. It was this feeling of harmony, like this could take away any problem or issue. I reach down to the space between us and undo his pants, unzipping them and feeling him under me again.

I sigh and throw my head back as we move against each other. There isn't much between us now, just his boxers and my underwear and tights. I just let my instincts guide me and they seem to be working.

"Sash." He breathes against the side of my neck and I feel my insides clench. His hands roam over my back until he lands on my bra clasp and I groan just thinking about it. I feel it go slack a second later as my bra comes away from my body and gets added to the pile of clothes on the floor.

He runs his hands over them and I press my lips together. He hadn't touched me this way yet, but it felt like my skin was absolutely on fire. He goes slowly driving me crazy, then he brings his head down and takes one of my breasts into his mouth.

I feel embarrassed by the small moan that comes from me and he comes back up a second later. "You're so beautiful." He whispers in my ear, then flipping me over and pulling his pants off. I reach behind me and unzip the skirt, he helps me pull it down my body. Next are the tights and then I'm essentially naked.

I bring my arms up to cover my body a bit, feeling exposed. He climbs back over me and I sigh, enjoying his body weight on top of mine.

I wrap my legs around his waist and he pulls them up even higher changing the angle of our bodies. I groan, feeling him push up against me.

I couldn't decide if I felt like I could breath more now than before. I felt overwhelmed but in the best possible way, I was hot, frantic. Suddenly I feel him slide his fingertips under the edge of my underwear and I break the kiss.

"Wait." I whisper and he stops completely, pulling back and looking upset.

"Sorry.....I should have asked you first." He mumbles and I clear my throat.

"It's alright." I say quietly, knowing the moment had passed. That I just broke the happy energy in the room. "I-I'm sorry too, I'm-um.....I'm trying to-"

"No." He says quietly sitting up and pulling me up to settle me into his lap. "Baby, no." He says quietly running his fingers through my hair. "Don't rush it."

Baby. I never thought couple names were for us but there was something that felt sentimental about it. Something that I loved.

"I know.....I just-I don't even want to be so stressed out about it. I'm not just seeing how far I can go for you, but for me too. I know every time we go a little further." I admit and he nods.

Then I get a quiet sentimental kiss instead of a rushed one. This kiss was longer and had overwhelming emotion running through it. It made my heart burst.

"I know all of that was kind of fast." He whispers and I nod wrapping my arms around him.

Suddenly my phone starts ringing from the floor and I pick it up seeing Alex's number running across the screen.

"Hello?"

"Hey Sash." I hear him say over the other end. "I was just looking to check in after everything today at lunch." I smile a bit at that and start looking through the drawers for some more comfortable clothes.

"I'm fine, Jake and Sabrina are just assholes." I mutter pulling on a t-shirt and a pair of leggings.

"And the thing in the bathroom....." He says quietly fading out.

"I was fine, just stress I think. Nate was there so I was alright." I say looking back to him sitting on the bed.

"Sasha be honest with me.....how are you?" He asks and I'm slightly caught off guard. I feel tears form in the back of my eyes that I can't even explain.

"I like being at Nate's." I answer truthfully. "Because I'm allowed to be a normal teenager here. Truth be told I miss home a lot Alex. I miss you and Nik and getting to talk with you every night." I say feeling the tears run over my cheeks. "I miss mom's dinners and I miss having my own bedroom and not feeling like a burden to somebody else."

"Do you want to come home?" He asks suddenly and I cry more.

"I don't even know how I could." I mutter. "Yes is the short answer to that question, but after everything......I don't know what to do."

"Would you meet with mom one day this week?" He asks. "She's been asking about you, crying a lot. I think if anything it would give her peace of mind."

"Are they going to make me skate again?" I ask and he sighs.

"I seriously doubt it, I think they just want you home right now Sash." He says. "But don't you like skating? If Kate and Johnathan taught you without dad.....you'd love it wouldn't you?" I sob practically falling to the ground now.

"Of course I would." I cry through the phone. "I loved skating, dad just made it so awful I stopped loving it. I just don't want to be forced to do it somebody else's way. I feel like there's this big missing piece in my life now, like I'm missing out." I admit knowing the hell my body was going through from not stretching or going to practices.

"I'm sorry, I didn't want you to cry. It's hard to listen to when I can't be there." He says and I sniffle.

"Alex, it's time to come home." I tell him in a weak voice. "I know I don't want to, but I need to."

"I'll talk to mom about it alright? Just try and relax, me and Nik can even come too. We all miss you Sash, and I mean all. Even dad misses you." He says and I nod. "I love you, call me if it gets to be too much, alright? I'll come by for a visit."

"Alright." I say quietly wiping the tears off my face. "I love you too. Bye Alex."

"Bye." He says and I watch the screen go black. I continue to cry now, feeling all of it hit me. I'd just admitted those feelings to someone else, feelings I didn't dare admit to myself even. I look back and see Nate's completely dressed again and he's wiping a tear off his own cheek.

"Come here." He says quietly and I collapse into the bed next to him, crying more now. He wraps his arms around me and I continue my crying. "Shh, it's alright. I'm here." He says and I nod feeling him run his fingers through my hair again. "I'm never going to let anything happen to you."

In a few minutes we'd gone from happy and excited, rolling around in bed together. To sad tears and wrapped around each other. Nate was sometimes the only person who could glue me back together when I broke.

"I love you." I manage to get out.

"I love you more." He whispers and I feel him hold me tighter.