"Are you sure you don't want more to eat than that?" Nate asks as I take two pieces of toast from the toaster.

"No, this is what I eat everyday." I tell him with a shrug. I know it's not much and it really isn't enough either but dad's diet restrictions had rung true after years of pushing. I never had an appetite, my eyes were always bigger than my stomach.

"Sash, you didn't eat last night or yet today." He insists looking through the fridge. "It's past noon, you need to eat something else."

"I-I really don't.....I don't want to." I tell him quietly. "It usually just makes me feel sick." I was determined not to spend this day feeling like garbage. This was the first day we were going to go out into the world and hang out, and I didn't want it to be overshadowed by me feeling like I might puke every five seconds.

"Okay." He says giving up and closing the doors on the fridge, pulling out a few things. "If you change your mind at any point, tell me." I nod and take my dry toast and stand on the other side of the island. He starts cracking eggs into a bowl and I smile at the look of concentration he has on his face.

"You eat it dry?" He asks looking at my toast and I sigh.

"Would it put your mind at ease if I ate something else?" I ask and he stops what he's doing and looks back at me.

"No, sorry." He says shaking his head. "I-um, I just worry. But I won't prod anymore, it isn't my place."

"You worry about me?" I ask and a smile pulls at the edges of his mouth.

"Of course I do." He says quietly without lifting his eyes. I feel warm all over and press my lips together, then taking a bite from my toast. "I missed having you around."

"Well that makes two of us." I tell him very honestly and he nods coming around the island to my side. Before I can react, he picks me up and sets me down on the island so he can stand between my legs.

"Can I tell you something?" He asks and I nod feeling unable to speak. He's so close to me now it's like he's sucking up my air. "The first day back at school after I quit, when I didn't tell you I was leaving.....and then I was so mean to you-"

"It's okay." I tell him shaking my head. "We already talked about it."

"I know." He says quietly putting his hands on my waist and I feel myself jump again. He smiles slightly and kisses my forehead making me smile. "It's just something I feel awful about. I didn't tell you I was leaving because I didn't want to face you. I was mean to you at school because all of the new people I was becoming friends with were mean to you. I....hate myself for that." He says quietly and I reach out to hold onto his forearm.

"Sasha, you were absolutely everything to me when we were younger. And I ruined that relationship because I wanted to fit in. Because I thought it would be better to hurt you then let you in and keep you close. I also knew there was a good chance you wouldn't be around to hang out with anymore, so I made a choice.

"I made myself stay away from you because I couldn't handle not being able to be your friend anymore. I wanted to, but it just wasn't possible and I couldn't let myself be stuck between two worlds." He whispers and moves one of his hands up to my face.

"But I made the wrong choice. I pushed you away and hurt you because it was easier, and I regret it. I regret it so much, I kept getting hung up on you and I forced myself to let you go. That's why I dated Sabrina, because I thought it would help me move on and take on a good spot in my new group of friends."

I almost can't handle all the things he's throwing at me right now, they're making my head spin.

"I've been miserable with her for as long as I can remember, I wanted to end things all the time but I knew if I did there was a good chance I'd be cut out of my group of friends. I liked being that popular, I was glad to be in my spot at school......but everything always felt off. Because you weren't with me."

"I used to wonder what happened a lot." I mumble lowering my eyes. "I used to ask myself why everything changed, why you wanted to be so mean to me." He looks at me sadly and takes a deep breath.

"Nothing changed, I just pretended it did." He says quietly. "I only did it to fit in, I didn't want to. I used to tell everyone to knock it off all the time, but then they'd just tease me too. The other week when they threw the ice at you....I wanted to kill them."

"I got pretty good at pretending none of it bothered me." I admit. "I became so....cool towards everyone. Part of it was because I didn't have you around anymore, so I wouldn't let anyone see how I was feeling. I was really messed up for those four years, it was like I didn't know how to feel anything. I got so tired of fighting with my dad that I gave up and let him yell at me. It was a really lonely time." I whisper feeling tears sting my eyes.

"I'd probably still be exactly like that right now if you hadn't forced your way back into my life. I didn't want to let you in because quite honestly, I thought I'd get hurt again. I thought maybe it wasn't genuine, and of course I had a lot of misdirected hostility. Some of it was to you, but most of it was about everything I couldn't control around me."

"I figured as much." He says quietly. "I know it hurt you a lot, I know I left you and you needed me. I'm sad that we lost each other for four years, I'm even sadder it was my fault. I hate that you went so many years feeling so alone all the time, but I want you to know I didn't stop thinking about you."

My heart absolutely stops when he says that. I knew what he meant, whenever I'd let my mind wander I'd think about Nate. If we'd still be friends if I'd quit skating too. When he went through his crazy growth spurt at fourteen. I'd wonder how many push ups he could do. But I forced myself to let go of all of it.

"It was hard growing up without you." He whispers and I nod feeling the tears starting to leak from my eyes.

"Try impossible." I tell him grabbing his shoulders. "I'm glad you're back." He nods and moves his thumbs under my eyes swiping away my tears.

"I'm also really sorry for how you hurt when we started hanging out. How I'd still sit with all of those people when you were alone. I'm sorry I wasn't just straight up with Sabrina, because if I'm honest Sash, I just wanted you." He says and I feel nothing but emotion wash over me.

He really did care about me? Was it in the same sort of way that I did? I have overwhelming feelings for Nate, they never stopped. They slowed down for a while but the second he came back into my life they became this unavoidable explosion.

"W-wanted me how?" I ask quietly feeling nervous and he sighs.

"Are you going to make me say it?" He pretends to whine and I start to get excited.

"I'll tell you how I feel afterwards." I tell him. Or maybe never if he doesn't say what I hope he will. "Or first." I tell him immediately. "Maybe I'll just go first incase there's a chance that I'm just crazy and-"

"Sasha." He says cutting me off and I stop rambling, feeling mildly embarrassed.

"Right, sorry." I say quietly and he laughs a bit. "I-um.....I've liked you since we were eleven." I say quietly. "And not just in that friendship type of way." I pull my eyes away. I can't have him look at me, it's just too intense. He takes my face in his hands and I keep my eyes on the floor.

"Look at me." He says quietly and I take a deep breath pulling my eyes back up to stare into his. "I started liking you when we turned twelve. At least that's as soon as I can remember, I'm sure I did before that but, that's when I remember starting to think about you a lot." He says and I laugh a bit feeling overwhelmed.

How could we have felt like this when we were that young? Surely crushes you had when you were that young couldn't possibly be strong enough to hold up now. But it's ten times worse now than when I was little. It's constantly wanting somebody, like an itch you can't scratch.

"I used to go crazy when I sat behind you in class." He says quietly. "You were right there and it was like every time I saw you you changed. You got prettier every single day." He whispers and I feel my cheeks heat up. "It drove me crazy, especially because you wouldn't talk to me." I just don't know what to say now, I just smile a bit. "Please tell me you used to think about me, that I wasn't crazy."

"Of course I did." I say quietly. "I tried not to, because I didn't think you wanted anything to do with me anymore but I noticed everything. Like when you became freakishly tall at fourteen, like the day you suddenly had a jawline and an Adam's apple. I remember seeing you smile to your friends, I remember when you started growing facial hair. I remember seeing you tower over me instead of being just an inch taller. It was like I blinked and suddenly you were.....a man." I say and then cringe at my words, I must sound insane. "Even if you are still a two-year-old on the inside." I tease and he laughs.

"I'm hardly a man." He teases back and I laugh a bit. "I hated that growth spurt, I became a giant. Nice to know that people are catching up to me now though." He laughs pulling me closer to the edge of the counter and I feel my breath catch in my throat. "I remember when you started to get these curves....." He whispers and then trails off running his hands over the sides of my body and I start to feel warm all over. "They used to be really distracting, they still are if I'm being honest."

"I think you're thinking of someone else." I tease and he shakes his head.

"You're the only Sasha I know." He whispers back. "You don't give yourself any credit."

"You can only give credit where credit is due." I tell him. He's definitely just being nice, I know I don't blow anyone out of the water with how I look. I'm thin, my body has zero softness it's just covered in muscle and I rock a solid A-cup in the boob department. Hardly impressive.

"Well in my opinion it's long overdue." He insists. "I love your hair, it's gorgeous it catches light and it's got this natural highlight to it. I love your eyes, I could stare at them for hours they've got this icy sort of blue in them, and I think it's beautiful. Most girls would dream of being thinner than you are, of having abs and of having a physique like you do." He tells me holding the side of my face. "Stop hating the way you look when I love it. I know you don't believe me but I promise you.....Sasha you're beautiful. That's why Sabrina's a bitch to you, because she knows it."

I feel like I can't breathe, I'm floored right now. He really thinks all of that? I always thought Nate was absolutely perfect, he was good looking with this friendly charm about him. So why would he think any of the stuff he just said about me?

"You are." He says quietly as if he can read my mind. "I'll tell you everyday until you believe me." I smile and wrap my arms around his shoulders. "I want you Sash, I don't want anyone else."

"Then I'm yours." I tell him quietly tracing my thumb over his lip. "I missed you." I whisper pulling him closer so I can give him a hug.

"I missed you more." He says over my shoulder. "I really, really like you." He whispers after a while and pulls back to look at me. "But I get that your life is....possibly a bit out of control so....whenever you're ready, whatever you want, I'll be here."

He's too good to me, he understands me in a way nobody else does. Someday we'd make an amazing couple but right now....I had other things to sort out. He had feelings just like me, feelings he couldn't ignore and that were starting to take over his brain. I of course wanted to tell him that I didn't want to wait and I wanted to start now, but I knew better. He also needed time after Sabrina, but we'd do what we always did. Help each other with our issues.