《Ice Queen》Chapter 16 ~ "Deep breaths"
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"Carter." I hear somewhere off in the distance. "Carter!" I hear and I'm snapped awake seeing my worst nightmare standing over me. Alex Petrov. "Jesus wake up, I need to have her home in ten minutes, your mom let me in."
I look and see Sasha wrapped around me, blonde hair fanning out every which way. We must have fallen asleep talking. I know she's tired and I haven't slept right since the other night. I was overwhelmed with guilt about the situation. Knowing I'd used Sasha inadvertently. Knowing I should have just been straight up with Sabrina and ended it.
"S-sorry, I-um....I didn't mean-"
"I know it's fine just get up." He huffs and I slowly slide away from her making sure she doesn't wake up.
"I didn't know when you were coming or if you were. If I had, I promise I would have had her downstairs ready to go when you got here." I defend feeling words spill out without me being able to stop them.
"Whatever, I'm just glad you're decent." He says shaking his head.
"No, it's not like that I swear. We haven't-we aren't.....doing anything like that." I tell him and he sighs.
"Do you have a thing for my sister?" He asks and I swallow the lump in my throat.
"Um no-"
"Carter just be honest with me." He says shaking his head. "I know how my sister feels about you even though she denies it almost as much as you do. I know you're really important to her and I'd just like to know what's going on."
I take a deep breath and sigh it out looking at the beautiful girl I fell asleep with. "Yeah." I say so quietly I need to clear my throat and say it again. "She's amazing."
"You can't....." He starts and then shakes his head. "You can't jerk her around, alright?" He asks quietly. "I know you haven't broken up with your girlfriend yet. Sasha is one of those people that's all or nothing. She latches onto people she trusts thinking that they have all the same feelings and love her just as equally as she does them.
"She'll pretend she doesn't need anyone but that's just not the truth. She needs people in her life and if she's willing to trust you and let you in, it means she really cares about you. You can't use her Nate, she won't understand that you're split between what you want and what you can't have." He says and my stomach starts to churn.
"That's not what.....well that is what was happening for a while I guess." I admit sheepishly. "But it's not anymore, I haven't slept since we stopped seeing each other. I need her really badly and I care about Sasha more than she cares about me." I say and stop when I feel the lump returning to my throat.
"Are you coming on Saturday?" He asks quietly and I nod.
"Yeah I told her I would." I assure him and he nods with a smirk.
"Good, she'd want you there." He says and I nod.
"I really care about your sister." I tell him quietly. "She means so much to me, we haven't talked yet about anything because she wants to deal with this competition."
"You two have a rough road ahead." He remarks and I nod.
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"I know, but she's worth it." I tell him and he nudges me with his elbow. He kneels down next to the bed and grabs her arm shaking her a bit to wake her up.
"Sash." He whispers. "Sash!" He says and shakes her a bit harder. She groans and rolls over to look at him.
"What?" She asks angrily.
"You're coming home from the 'gym' remember?" Alex asks and she sighs getting out of bed.
"Right." She says shaking her head. "Sorry Alex."
"See you this weekend Carter." He says and I nod as he walks Sasha out of my room. But before they can make it there she turns on her heels and walks back over wrapping her arms around me.
"Thanks for the chat, I'll call you later." She says and I nod giving her a good squeeze.
"I'd like that." I tell her and she smiles. "Good luck."
>
This is the day. I know she's probably freaking out but I can't see her, I'd probably just add onto her stress and I want to make sure this goes as well as possible.
She skates at eleven for her short and at two again to finish her program. I'd have to sit through a ton of girls I didn't care about just to watch her for a few minutes. I didn't even mind though, Sasha was a beautiful skater, she was at a level at sixteen that most professionals were only now starting to achieve.
I was terrified to go, I didn't want to distract her or god forbid have her dad see me. I'd managed to stay away last time and avoid him and this event would be much bigger so I was hoping that would help me hide in the crowd.
Sectionals was two hours away at a bigger rink which meant two hours there, two hours back. But she was worth it. I made a promise to support her today and I was going to stick to it. So I got in my car and drove until I got there.
I picked a seat in a section far away from Sasha's family and tried my best to stay hidden. I really hope for her sake that she does well today. I don't know what's going to happen to Sasha if she can't pull this off. Nothing good I'm sure.
"....Our next skater today is Sasha Petrov." I hear the announcer say and I turn my focus to the rink. She skates out and goes all the way around the rink. I look at her pink costume, the way the skirt flows, the way the straps fade into invisible material. She looks proud and I watch her take a deep breath.
This used to be the part I couldn't stomach, performing. It always felt like you could hear a pin drop, like everyone in the room was looking at you and waiting for you to mess up. Sasha used to feed off of it, she has no problem performing in a room full of people. That's why I was so worried a few weeks ago when she told me she felt nervous.
She starts her routine and moves around the rink gracefully. The music was the same sad classical type it always was, and she does her best to perform with matching emotion. She looks cool and calculated before she does jumps or difficult spins.
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Soon enough the short is over, the music cuts and she's ended in a strong pose. I smile as she bows and waves as the crowd erupts. Even when she's miserable Sasha still skates wonderfully. It only proves the point that she'd be unstoppable if she was happy.
I watch her step off the ice and immediately her father is on her, I can see how angry he is as they walk back away from the rink. Her coaches follow close behind and I sigh feeling truly awful for Sasha. It's honestly no surprise that Sasha doesn't believe she's good at anything when her father tears her down constantly.
I leave the rink seating and drive to find lunch during the break between her programs. I'm back just in time and send her a good luck text. I'm sure it's very welcome with the way her father is acting.
Then she's back and I sigh seeing her smile and skate around again. I watch her complicated jumps and spins, but I know what she was talking about after her qualifier. The program seems inauthentic and is missing that extra something that would allow Sasha to stand out. I know how wonderful she is but there's so many skaters here today I'm sure it's very difficult judging-wise.
Nonetheless, she finishes strong and didn't make a single mistake. I really hope it's enough, I don't know what her father will do to her if it isn't.
After not much longer it's the award ceremony and I hold my breath knowing I needed to stay this time, maybe I could pass my hope on to the awards and she'd place first. I hold my breath as they get ready to announce the podium. She needs first or second, first or second.
"In third place......Sasha Petrov." I hear and tune out the rest of the announcer's speech. She looks pale as she receives her awards but she's trying to keep a brave face.
She comes off the ice and looks mortified. I feel so bad for her, especially when I know all the hard work that went into this. I watch in horror as her father gets up from his seat and walks away. Her face falls even more then and I watch her disappear from the edge of the rink.
I get out of my seat and weave my way through winding hallways knowing she needs somebody right now. I eventually find the dressing area for the skaters and pacing outside the dressing room, I see a tiny girl with a polished bun.
"Sasha." I say and she whips her head around. I can see the tears in the back of her eyes, her face is starting to get red and she's pressing her lips together.
"I was awful." She whispers and one of her tears does escape her eye. I rush over and wrap my arms around her.
"No you weren't, you were wonderful." I tell her and she starts to shake.
"He's going to kill me." She says quietly, the sound being muffled by my shirt. "I did all this work for nothing and it's not enough. It never is."
"Deep breaths." I whisper rubbing my hands over her back. "I thought you did absolutely amazing."
"Thanks." She sniffles. "I really tried. I did the best that I could."
"That's all anyone can ask." I remind her. "All sports are really about going out there and doing the best that you can."
"My best isn't good enough." She says quietly shaking her head.
"Stop that." I say quietly, holding her face in my hands. "You listen to me, I don't know anyone who has as much talent as you, at sixteen. I know how hard you work, everyone knows how hard you work. Your best is always good enough, you don't give yourself enough credit."
"What am I going to do?" She asks suddenly seeming very panicked. "I-I didn't do it. He's probably going to enter me into a different sectionals somewhere else. Dad doesn't give up."
"Then take it as it comes." I tell her and she looks down at the floor.
"Nathan, he's pulling me from school to go to nationals." She admits. "It'll probably be sooner now in order to work double-time."
"What about your future?" I ask quietly. Skating is only going to get her so far, she needs to finish high school.
"I don't want to." She defends instantly. "Dad won't budge though and mom refuses to talk about it with me."
"We'll sort it out, alright?" I ask and she furrows her eyebrows.
"We?"
"Yes, we." I tell her running my hands over her arms. "I'm here. I'll help you sort things out, that's a lot of stress to take on alone, and I want to help you."
"Why?" She asks. "I don't want you to put yourself in the middle and make things harder for you."
"I want to Sasha." I tell her quietly. "Because I care about you. Because it hurts me to watch you hurt so much, and so often. Because.....because you're special to me." She leans into my chest and wraps her arms tighter, I lean down and kiss the top of her head. "And I'm not going to lose you again."
For a while we simply stand in the hallway and I keep running my hands over her back trying to help her calm down. She looks terrified and horribly worried, I know nothing good waits for her tonight.
"Hey!" We hear and I see the worst thing coming at the two of us down the hall. Nik Petrov. The scarier and angrier of the two Petrov boys. "Get your hands off my little sister!" He says angrily and yanks me away. "Carter you have some nerve being down here right now. Trying to pray on Sasha."
"What?" I ask feeling completely overwhelmed as he slams my back into the wall.
"That is my sister. The same sister I'm always defending, the same sister I'm always trying to comfort because you feel the need to pick on her. The same sister I watched cry for hours after you refused to talk to her at school after you quit the club." He right up in my face now and I swallow the lump in my throat. "You don't get to come back and mess with her head. Not when you're the biggest asshole I've ever met!"
"Nik stop it!" Sasha says pulling at his arms.
Then I see more bodies getting closer. Alex, Sasha's coaches and worst of all: her dad.
I think Nik Petrov just became the second worst thing to walk down that hallway.
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