I wake up at the crack of dawn and start to get my stuff together for school. She needs me, for the first time in years I can do something for her and I'm not going to waste the opportunity.

I really wish her practice didn't start at five a.m but she's worth it. She actually tracked me down and gave me her phone number. That was amazing, would it be nice if I could have received it without it looking like a drug deal? Yes, but that just wasn't the reality we were in.

I quietly walk down the stairs with my skates and school bag in hand. Just as I pass the kitchen I see mom putting two slices of bread in the toaster. She turns and jumps a bit seeing me and then catches her breath.

"You scared me." She says and then furrows her eyebrows. "What are you doing up?"

"Oh I-um-"

"And why do you have your skates, I know full well you don't practice in the morning." She says.

"It's hard to explain." I admit.

"Try me, it's four-forty-five in the morning Nathan. Where are you going?" She says and I sigh.

"Can you promise you'll keep it to yourself?" I ask and she nods. "I'm meeting Sasha-"

"Sasha?!" She asks excitedly. "Oh I miss her, do you still talk with her?"

"No, not really. But I'm trying to change that." I say and she smiles.

"You know you two used to be amazing together. She really liked you if memory serves, too bad you lost touch when you quit." She says and I nod.

"I know, I wasn't thinking straight." I sigh. "But she wants my help, she's trying to work on her skating and I miss having her around."

"Her....her father, is he still-"

"He's pushing her now more than ever. I watched him yell at her last week, he said she was messing something up in her turns and was going to make her bus to school after practice. She got second last week and he was really awful to her about it." I tell her feeling sad for her. "I don't understand how she takes it, eventually I feel like I'd just break under all that pressure."

"Look I love Sasha and I know you want to help her but don't put yourself in the middle." She warns and I nod. "It isn't fair to distract her and put her in an uncomfortable position. And you know how Andrei used to feel about all the time you two spent together."

"Don't worry mom." I tell her. "I won't, I just know how stressed out and lonely she is. I want to help her, I quit for a good reason, she doesn't get to do anything anymore." She smiles and gives me a hug.

"Well you'd better hurry, she'll be waiting on you." She says and I nod leaving out the front door.

I drive quickly and see Sasha walking over from the bus stop. I can't believe she's supposed to arrive at these practices alone. She gives me a tense smile and walks over to the doors opening them and saying good morning to the rink attendant.

I follow her down to the boards and she starts getting ready. She starts to stretch and sit lacing up my skates.

"I don't know if those skates will do for jumps." She teases and I smile as she moves into the splits and leans forward.

"Well I wasn't planning on it, I'm here for moral support. I'm a little rusty." I tell her and she smiles.

"I'll bet you've still got it in you." She says and I laugh.

"So what's the plan today?" I ask and she sighs starting to lace up her skates.

"I want to work on my layback position, my hyper extension in my Beillmann and Kerrigan, I need to work on spinning left and finally, I want to try my triple axel. I hate doing it with dad, he just yells at me." She says and I nod helping her to her feet and we both step onto the ice.

She skates around getting a slight feel for it and turns on some background music. She does a few easy spins. She always spins right, I remember that. Spinning on your bad side is kind of like writing with your non-dominant hand. It takes a lot of focus to get it right.

"You remember this one?" She asks and slowly starts bringing her leg up behind her head. Most skaters simply held it like that but she completely straightens her back leg as she picks up speed. That was incredibly hard, most skaters needed ungodly flexibility to perform it.

"What did we call it? Candlestick?" I ask and she nods.

"Candlestick." She confirms and then starts to skate along and slowly brings her leg up next to her holding it straight and skating perfectly along the ice.

"Y stand?" I ask and she laughs.

She works on her positioning in her turns for a longtime and then takes a deep breath.

"Alright, now the really hard part." She says and I laugh.

She runs through the motions a few times without leaving the ground. An axel jump was the only one that took off facing forwards making it difficult to master when all the others didn't.

"Just take it easy." I tell her seeing her worry. "It's just me and you, if you fall I'll help you up." She smiles appreciatively and nods.

"Alright, I'm just going to try." She says and skates around and then gives it her best go. She falls but gets up and dusts the ice away and rolls her eyes.

For a while longer she's either falling at the end or landing with wobbly footing and then falling. I can see her getting frustrated and I decide to make a choice. I skate over to her and hold her shoulders.

"Breathe." I say and she nods keeping her eyes on the floor. "I know it's hard, it's the hardest jump to master."

"I just feel like I should be getting it." She sighs.

"Only you could build Rome in a day, Sasha Petrov." I tease and she laughs. "These things take time."

"I don't have time." She says and I sigh skating over and playing a fun song instead.

"Let's skate a bit, clear your head and then give it another try." I tell her and she presses her lips together.

"I should keep trying." She says and I roll my eyes grabbing her hands and pulling her along with me. She tries to fight me but ultimately gives up and starts to smile going around the rink with me.

"Show me a trick." She says and I laugh shaking my head.

"I can't, I've literally lost all my skill." I say and she laughs.

"Skate with a leg up, I know you can do it!" She says and I laugh leaning forward and bringing my leg up parallel with my body she claps and I can feel myself wobble. I stop before I fall and she laughs.

"Spin with me." She says and grabs my hands spinning the two of us around and I laugh.

"Take it easy." I say and she slows us down and lets me get my balance back. "Alright, give it another try." I suggest and she smiles skating away and I skate back to the boards.

She takes a deep breath and skates forward with a new determined look in her eyes. I watch as she doesn't hesitate this time like she had been and leaps into the air I watch her spin around and around before coming out of it, landing perfectly on her back foot and skating out of it.

She turns and looks at me with this 'did I just do that' look and I smile raising my eyebrows.

"Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god!" She screams and skates a small circle. She skates over to me and tackles me into a hug. I laugh falling back with her and I give her a good squeeze.

"I knew you could do it." I tell her and she smiles sliding off me and getting back to her feet. She reaches out to help me up and I just pull her back down again.

"Nate!" She yells and I frown looking at her.

"Why'd you call me that?" I ask and she furrows her eyebrows.

"That's your name.....isn't it?" She asks with a small laugh.

"You always call me Nathan." I say pathetically and she laughs with a shrug.

"Do you want me to call you Nathan?" She teases and I laugh seeing her smile.

I take the second of comfortable silence to observe the way we were, she was right by my side laying on the ice next to me.

"I missed this." I tell her and she nods quietly.

"Me too." She says quietly and then slides away skating back to the music to turn it off.

I always wondered if there was something more between Sasha and I. As much as she pretends not to need anyone and to be tough, I know there's some part of her seeking out approval from others.

There was an age when our parents declared it to be inappropriate to continue to stay in the same bed at sleepovers. I understood why but, I liked being close to Sasha. I didn't think of her as anything more than a friend until I turned twelve.

Then every year after that she just got more beautiful. I was watching her now grow up without me and I thought dating Sabrina would help me forget about her. It was when we were fourteen and she sat in front of me in English class. I was starting to see faint curves, that was when I learned just how distracting curves could be.

There was time we'd lost of course, but it was nice that we seemed to have the same flow now that we did four years ago. It was like no time had passed but of course there were conversations I wanted to have, things I wanted to know.

I get up and skate over to her, she smiles doing another slight spin.

"Yes, I want you to call me Nathan." I tell her and she raises an eyebrows with a smile.

"Alright." She says with a small laugh. "Well thank you Nathan, for accompanying me to practice this morning." I laugh and skate closer grabbing her hand and she tenses up.

"Anytime." I tell her and she nods looking at the ice. "I mean it alright, you call me and I'll come. I miss watching you skate."

"I-um...." She says and pulls back letting my hand go. "I'd better change, I need to catch the bus."

"I'll just take you with me." I tell her and she shakes her head.

"No, Alex saw me with you last week and I told him I wouldn't get involved with you." She says shaking her head. "You're lucky nobody caught you coming in or you would have been teased all day."

"No I don't care-"

"You say that Nathan, but I know I'm your dirty secret." She says shaking her head and looking hurt. "I know you have a reputation you need to keep up, that's fine. And I don't mind that we hang out but....it's a lot."

"I know, it's a tricky situation." I say and she nods.

"It's a lot to have you here with me one day and have you as my friend, but pretend I don't know you at school. It's hard because I know there's no way for this to work." She skates back to the boards and steps off the ice. "But I'll see you around."

"Sash it's just for now, I promise. You're still really important to me." She nods and pulls on her shoes wiping off her skates and putting the guards on.

"I miss you." She says quietly. "And I shouldn't after what's been going on recently, but having you around is nice. I think we can both agree that it's a little too nice." I nod not interrupting her again. "I don't know if this is a good idea."

"What? No, no, no. Come on we just got here, we can't go back to square one." I say and a single tear runs over her face. "I don't expect anything from you."

"Nathan, I want things from you that just aren't possible. Like going to school in the same car, like having you walk up to my house. Like being able to tell someone that you're my friend." She says and sighs. "But those things aren't possible."

"That doesn't mean I can't be there." I tell her and she sighs. "You can call me, text me, I can meet you for coffee, I'll break into your bedroom. You're not the only one who wants those things, I promise. I hate my life without you, and it would really hurt to not see you again." She stands up and wraps her arms around me pressing her face into my chest.

"I'm scared." She says and I wrap mine around her pulling her close. "What if I don't make it this weekend? Dad won't let me stay in the house-"

"Then you can come live with me." I tease and she laughs. "I'll be around as much as I can." She nods. "I know it's not the way you or I want but we'll do what we can alright?"

"I'm sorry." She says and I shake my head. I didn't know what she even had to be sorry for, but I didn't feel like pressing her on it.

The girl who everyone believed had no real emotions, was breaking down in my arms. The only person she'd show this side of herself to was me, and I was thankful.