• • •

"How you gon' invite me to sombody else shit?" Nas demanded as he watched me apply a layer of nude lipstick.

I was going for a natural look since I felt like the dress I was wearing would do a lot for me.

"Like I'm doing right now." I answered, "And why you got on that wide ass tie? I know you have a skinny one."

"I know the bitch who was finna wear a corset on top of a leather dress ain't giving no fashion advice."

He followed my instructions though, walking out of the room to go switch ties, "My grandma gave me this tie."

"What should I do with my hair?" I yelled after him, tilting my head and pushing it away from face.

"Lemme see your dress again." He replied while tying his tie.

"It's on the bed."

Nas was quiet while looking at it, "Pull most of it back from your face."

"That's what I was thinking."

Heidi said the dress code was semi-formal, but I didn't even know what that meant.

Either I'm under-dressed or over-dressed. There's no in between.

Nasir left out while I changed, coming back in to zip me, "Side boob and leg. Bitch I'm getting my life."

The dress was actually a gift from one of my former clients who said they saw it and thought of me.

I'd never worn it, and had forgotten about it until I was digging through my closet so I wouldn't have to go buy a dress.

It was off white, embroidered with pearls and complimented by a thigh split and plunging neckline.

As Nas said, there was side boob, as well as some of my back exposed, but I didn't think it was too much.

I laughed, turning to the side to look at myself in the mirror, "You see that lil' poke?"

"You always going too far."

• • •

The Uber ride seemed to take forever though it was just a 20 minute drive to the address I was given by Heidi.

My stomach was in knots, and I wracked my brain trying to remember if there was something I had to be nervous about.

"What the hell wrong with you?" Nasir asked after hearing me sigh for about the 10th time.

"My stomach hurts." I complained, "I feel stressed but I don't have anything to be stressed about."

"Probably Jaxon. Him showing up drunk and shit is messing with your head. When we get here, have a few glasses of wine, calm your nerves."

I nodded, thinking he was likely right in his assumption.

Even though he treated me like a random fuck, I was still worried about what he was going through. Whoever the family member was must've been close to him for him to be so broken up about it.

It couldn't have been Cheyenne since she was the one who was talking to him in the hospital that night when he went.

I doubted if it was Brad too and I didn't know anybody else besides his parents.

My line of thinking was disrupted when we finally arrived at the venue, the outside of it lit by what seemed like a thousand tiny lights.

"Damn who is the party for?" Nasir asked as we slid out of the car.

"I have no idea. Free food and alcohol is all I know."

"That's all that matters my good sis."

We snickered together while walking into the building, only to be stopped by a man in a suit, "Name?"

I stared in confusion, "I'm sorry?"

"What is your name?" He waved a clipboard, "Are you on the list?"

Heidi hadn't made it seem like it was that type of party, "Kyser. Kyser Moore."

The guy flipped through the pages, "I don't see your name."

"I know that damn woman ain't invite you here and you can't even get in."

I was wondering what her purpose in doing that was, when another man stopped alongside him, "What's wrong?"

"Her name isn't on the list."

He looked me up and down, "Kyser?"

"Yes. Would you like to see my I.D.?"

"No it won't be necessary." He replied with a chuckle. He then looked to his counterpart, "She was added to the list late, friend of the family."

What damn family?

They stepped aside and allowed us to enter. Upon doing so, we ran directly into Harry who appeared to be leaving.

His eyebrows rose in confusion, "Kyser?"

Raina, who was in her usual spot behind him, looked up at me as well before placing her eyes back on the floor.

"Hi."

He looked around, stepping closer, "You were invited to the party?"

His tone wasn't rude, simply curious, "I'm here aren't I?"

"By who?"

Now he was starting to annoy me.

As if on cue, Heidi walked out of the ballroom, "Kyser, I'm so glad you could make it."

Realization dawned on Harry's face, and his expression turned angry, "Heidi, do you have a moment?"

"I don't." She replied, not even sparing him a second glance, "Kyser come have a drink."

It was more so a demand than a suggestion, so I followed her, eager to escape the tension between the two of them.

Nasir leaned to whisper in my ear, "What the fuck was that?"

"I wish I knew." I whispered back.

The inside of the ballroom was filled with people, all smiling and mingling about. We didn't know anyone here besides Heidi so we stuck to her side at first, smiling and adding to conversation when appropriate.

After a while though, that became boring, so Nasir and I drifted off to ourselves, drinking champagne and talking amongst ourselves.

I still didn't even know who the party was for, but the feeling of anxiousness I had before coming here went away after my second glass.

"This shit is boring." Nasir said in my ear, "The boys are stuck up under their wives and don't wanna play."

I snorted, "You'd sleep with a married man?"

"That marriage is between them and God. I'm just here to have fun."

"Karma's a bitch."

"And I'm an even bigger one."

The sound of someone speaking into a microphone caught our attention, "May I have everyone's attention please."

His voice sounded oddly familiar, when I looked, I saw Garrett on stage speaking, "We're here for two reasons tonight."

People started clapping but I wasn't concerned with that shit, I grabbed Nas' hand, leading us to the front where we would have a better view.

"The first, but not nearly important as the second reason, is to celebrate my son Jaxon's accomplishment in completing his Master's degree."

So the party was partially for Jaxon.

Nasir looked down at me but didn't say anything as that earlier feeling crept back into my stomach.

I could understand why I wouldn't be invited here with him since his family didn't like me. What I couldn't understand was why he would lie about it.

It felt as if someone were watching me, and I made eye contact with Heidi who gave me a sad smile.

That smile spoke volumes to me. It wasn't a 'sorry you weren't invited by the man who claims to love you' smile, but rather a 'keep watching because it gets worse' smile.

I kept watching.

And it did in fact get worse.

Once the second round of clapping ended, Garrett continued to speak, "We're also celebrating his upcoming anniversary of 5 years to his beautiful wife, Rachel."

I'd always wondered how those women felt when they found out their husband was being unfaithful to them. When they'd walk into a room and have to look in the face of the woman who their husband had deemed worthy of ruining their marriage.

In that moment, I felt it. The humiliation of being in the same room with the woman who sleeps with the man you're in love with.

And he was her husband.

Everything fell into place for me then.

When he was on the phone with who I thought was Cheyenne, it must've been Rachel, which was why he asked for the threesome right after.

His voice was nonchalant as he told whomever, "It's Kyser."

"She stayed here last night."

A sigh, "I'll see what I can do."

When he spoke about someone loving him enough to allow him to find women who like his kind of sex.

"Regardless of her race, is it that bad that she loved me enough to want me to find someone who enjoyed the same things as me?"

When he told me that Rachel wanted to be all that he wanted.

"Rachel wants..." He trailed off to collect his thoughts, "To be all that I want."

"What do you want?"

His gaze locked with mine, his eyes piercing, "Not her."

The warning to be careful from Heidi. When his mom told him he should be ashamed.

Everything was a lie. Every kiss, every time he claimed to love me.

All of it was fake, and I was the only one not in on it.

Jaxon had made his way onto the stage then, Rachel in tow with her hand tucked into his, I'm sure as it had been so many times before "Thank you all for coming out to celebrate with us." He began with a smile.

Even if someone paid me, I couldn't tell you what words were coming out of his mouth but like a switch being flipped, I caught the ending of his speech.

"Finally, I'd like to thank my wife, who has sacrificed so much to make our marriage work, crawling beside me in my lowest moments and soaring with me in my highest. Only those closet to us know how much our love means."

Clapping resumed as they embraced, kissing each other. At some point or another, his family, and what I'm assuming was her family had joined them on the stage.

Melissa, Jaxon's mother, some how found me in the crowd and was staring directly at me. She mouthed words that I made out to be "I'm so sorry."

She wasn't being malicious, her words were genuine, though I would've preferred had they been fake.

My vision became blurred and Nasir pulled me into his side, "I'll be damned if you let these people see you cry."

I tilted my head back, running fingers under my eyes and willing the tears not to fall. When I looked back on stage, Jaxon was staring at me. Melissa was beside him so I knew she told him I was here.

That time, I couldn't stop myself from crying.

I made a beeline for the bathroom, hoping that no one would be there to see the downfall of Kyser. Luckily for me, it was empty so no one could witness the way I held

my aching stomach and covered my mouth to muffle the cries that left my body.

I felt so weak. So stupid.

The bathroom door swung open and in walked Jaxon, looking contrite, "Please let me explain."

"How could you say all that shit about trusting you when you were lying Jaxon?" I asked tearfully, "You made it seem like I was crazy but you were lying the whole time."

"I never lied about loving you." He responded while walking closer to me, "I wanted to tell you but I couldn't risk you leaving me."

To me, that sounded like he wasn't going to leave his wife.

"I gave you christmases, the moments that mattered, those were with you."

"I don't give a fuck about any of that. You still gave her a ring and lied about it. I gave you the opportunity to tell me from the beginning and you still lied."

"Let's be adults about the situation and acknowledge that you knew. There's no way you didn't at least suspect."

I ignored him, trying to put more pieces together, "So the family member in the hospital?"

"Was Rachel."

"And she tried to kill herself."

"Yes."

My eyes closed in either defeat or acceptance, and Jaxon reached for me, "Don't touch me." I snapped, "Don't ever touch me again."

"Kyser, she means nothing to me compared to you. That shit is a front and you know that. I told you're the only person I'm in love with."

I stared at him then, wondering how he could say that about a woman he'd married. The answer was either because he meant what he'd said or he was lying again.

In the back of my mind, I knew that this was my fault for falling for him when I'd seen all of the signs. Jaxon was right in saying that I suspected something was off, but I purposefully chose to ignore those signs because he was what I wanted.

He was my escape, bringing me so much comfort, so much happiness and joy. He was everything I could've hoped for and more.

I wanted him more than I'd ever wanted anything in my damn life.

So I did something I never thought I'd ask a man to do,

"Leave her then."

The tightening of his eyes should've told me then that he wasn't going to, but I still waited for his answer.

"It's not." He paused, "It's not that simple."

Of course it wasn't.

I directed my attention back to the mirror wiping my face and attempting to look as normal as possible in preparation to return to the party.

"Kyser just give me some time." He pleaded.

"If you'll excuse me." I said with my eyes behind him on the door, "If you want, I can put you in contact with other escorts who'll be happy to meet your needs."

"I want you. I love you"

His words made me angry because they were clearly a lie.

"Don't say that to me." I spat, "Not when I gave you everything and you won't do the same for me."

I pushed past him, going back onto the floor to stand next to Nasir.

He smiled but said nothing, handing me a glass and allowing me space, time, to process my thoughts.

Shortly after me, Jaxon came out as well, walking back over to stand with his wife and family.

Where he belonged.

My eyes were on the floor until I felt someone watching me again. I lifted my head to see Rachel staring at me with a knowing smile on her face.

There was nothing I could do, nor say to her in the moment. Jaxon was her husband, her confidant and friend, everything I'd wanted him to be for me.

And I was just the escort.

Rachel lifted her glass, in a sign of cheers, and i lifted mine back.

Kyser would've cried because that woman took something from her that was never really hers in the first place.

But that's who Kyser was,

Not Desire.

______________

author's note: wow, my third book i can mark as complete 🥳

this was easily my favorite book to write, i fell in love with these characters even the ones you guys hated lol.

i don't intend on doing a sequel bc i always imagined the book ending with her finding out he was married.

thank you guys for reading as well as commenting and voting. i love and appreciate you all more than you'll ever know.

i hope to see you all in any future books i decide to write

💕🙏🏽