• • •

Strong arms wrapped around me pulling me into the chest that I'd become so familiar with.

I opened my eyes to see it was still dark outside, and the clock told me it was 2 in the morning. Rolling on my side, I faced Jaxon, whose face I could make out from the moonlight.

We lay quietly until he spoke, "Sorry for waking you up."

His breath wafted over my face, the strong scent of alcohol invading my nostrils, "Are you drunk?"

"Yes."

"And you drove here?"

He pushed his face into my neck, placing kisses along my jawline, "Yes. I missed you."

Yes, Jaxon drank but I'd never seen him this drunk.

He continued to line my face with kisses, eventually pausing at lips, "Can we fuck?"

I shook my head, "You don't wanna talk about what's bothering you?"

It was more than likely the family member who tried to commit suicide but I still thought talking about it would make him feel better.

"It doesn't matter." He replied lowly, "None of that other shit matters when I'm with you."

He was so clearly running from something, and I should have told him no we couldn't have sex until he told me what was wrong.

But I thought of all the times he'd allowed me to run from whatever without question, waiting until I was ready to tell him.

I just wanted him to find a fraction of the solace I'd found in him, in me.

His hands went to the hem of my shirt pulling it over my head to expose the skin that had arisen with goosebumps from a mixture of him and the cool air that poured from the vents.

I could tell from the way his mouth moved across my body that we were about to do just what he asked, fuck.

Foreplay was skipped as I rolled onto my stomach, arching my back and waiting for him to enter me.

This wasn't the usual Jaxon, the one who was in meticulous in everything, from the way he put on a condom to how we had sex.

This Jaxon was sloppy, rushed, as he pushed into me, saying something unintelligible.

"I probably won't last long." He breathed while gripping one of my cheeks, "I'm sorry."

My mind wasn't actually on sex, so I didn't care if I came or not at the moment. In fact, I wanted him to cum quickly so that maybe he'd tell me what's wrong.

"Kyser I-" He stopped talking and leaned down to kiss my shoulder, "I can't keep doing this."

Is this man trying to hold a conversation while he's balls deep in my vagina?

"Pretending that this isn't what I want." Jaxon continued in a voice that sounded like he was close to tears, "I wanna come home to you everyday, and wake up with you, I want you to have my kids, I wanna marry you Kyser."

I was frozen on the bed, unaware of what to say in response. I was still in the same position, which I would one day look back at and laugh.

"I don't care about any of that other shit. Fuck that job, fuck everybody. I just need you baby."

His pace had again quickened and I could tell he was close, "I love you."

"I love you Jaxon."

His body shuddered and he grunted, "Tell me again."

"I love you."

"Fuck." He groaned while spilling inside of me, "You feel so fucking good."

Once he pulled out, he laid on his back staring at the ceiling while I went into the bathroom.

"I don't deserve you." Jaxon said when I crawled into bed, "I want you so badly but I don't deserve you."

"Are you going to tell me what's wrong?"

He smiled at me, one that didn't reach his eyes, "In the morning. Sleep with me now."

I went to move into our usual sleep position but he stopped me, "Hold me."

The vulnerability in his voice made me pause. I'd always viewed him as the one in power, the one in control.

My arms wrapped around him, and we fell asleep that way, me awaiting the morning so that I'd find out what went wrong.

I woke up to an empty bed.

Jaxon was gone.

• • •

That set my attitude for the day since I felt stupid for yet again believing him and him finding a way to fuck up my trust.

He had the nerve to send flowers to my house with a note that said he had to meet his dad this morning.

That would've been fine if he didn't lie and say we would have the conversation in the morning.

Nasir watched me sulk through the kitchen, "You know what you should do to get back at him?"

He didn't know the major details of what happened, just the fact that he lied about being here when I woke up, and what Jaxon said during sex.

"What?"

"Make that steak and lobster for us." He replied, "That'll show his ass."

I laughed and walked to refrigerator, pulling out the steak, "Here Nas. You can have it."

"What I'ma do with some raw ass steak?"

Shrugging my shoulders, I returned to the bar stool, "Should I feel played?" I asked, "Because I do."

"I mean, he told you he wants you to have his kids then left before you woke up. Sounds like a typical drunk nigga while they in some pussy."

I see I have to stop asking questions I don't really want the answers to.

My phone vibrated with a message from Jaxon telling me that he was going to be staying with his family member tonight so I wouldn't see him.

Shaking my head, I looked at Nasir, "Wanna go to a party tonight?"

_________

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