• • •

I wasn't in a rush to make it to the hospital since my grandma told me Paisley was already dead.

Sad to say, I wouldn't have been in a rush even if she was alive.

It may have made me a bad person to think like this, but she got what she deserved. I'd long since stopped thinking of Paisley as my sister, but rather someone who I tolerated because she was always around.

Sometimes I'd compare her to a stray dog who kept coming back because someone kept feeding it.

My grandma being that someone.

Walking through the doors of the hospital, I made my way to where my grandma told me she would be waiting.

There I found she and Veronica crying like the world had come to an end. I'd cried like that when I found Jr, but the difference was he didn't deserve to have his life taken.

I stood there against the wall, waiting for them to stop acknowledge me.

My grandma looked up first, "Oh Kyser." She sobbed.

Oh brother.

I'd always had a soft spot for her though, so I walked closer, leaning down to envelope her in a hug.

"How could she do this?"

That line confused me, but I didn't care to ask, staying in my position of hugging her.

Veronica scoffed, "Probably all the guilt that this one made her feel."

"Yeah because she shouldn't feel guilty for allowing her son to die right?"

"You wouldn't understand until you've had kids." She replied dismissively, "No matter how hard you try, something's gonna go wrong."

It wasn't like he fell and got a concussion, he was beaten to death by somebody his mother probably barely knew.

"Please tell me what would you know about being someone's mama. I'd love to hear parenting advice from the deadbeat who threw her kids away for some unknown reason."

"Kyser that's enough!" My grandma yelled.

My eyes went to hers as she continued, "You always find a way to kick people when they're down, hold them accountable for their mistakes for their entire lives."

"Because I tell the truth?" I asked, "You're the reason they act this way because you enable them."

It felt good to finally tell her that she was the root of the problem. Always a slap on the wrist and a 'do better next time'.

The next time never came.

"If I were Demetrius, I'd be mad enough to kill too."

Veronica chuckled bitterly, "Demetrius didn't kill her. She killed herself."

And I still didn't give a fuck.

I searched for the tiniest inkling of sympathy, and still couldn't find any.

"Her suicide letter mentioned you, she killed herself in your room." Veronica listed, "Because you look down on people and can't get off your high horse for a second."

"It's not my room. I moved out because she stole from me."

"What happened to make you so cold?" My grandma asked sadly, "When did you begin not caring about anyone but yourself?"

The irony of her saying that was that I cared about her. So much so that I'd have done damn near anything for us to to live better than what we did.

I was tired of her not understanding that.

"This entire situation is above me now." I told her feeling instant relief, "I refuse to continue to let you make me feel like less of a person because your judgement is clouded."

She looked surprised as I kept going, "I'm forever grateful to you for raising me grandma, but there's nothing else for us to say until you climb from under that rock."

We stared at each other before she finally spoke, "I guess I've lost two granddaughters in one day."

It would've been harsh to tell her that she was the reason for both losses, so I kept it to myself, leaving her and her daughter to finish grieving for someone who didn't deserve it.

• • •

After leaving the hospital, I didn't want to go home. Jaxon was with Brad, doing whatever it is that brothers do, and it would just be me there alone.

I called Josh, but he said he wasn't going out since he had a paper he needed to finish.

That's how I ended up going to visit Nasir.

We hadn't talked since our argument about me outing Eric, even though I'd tried multiple time. He wasn't returning my calls or texts even after I apologized, so here I was.

Knocking loudly, I waited to see if he'd answer. I gave him a minute or so before knocking again.

His car was outside, so I knocked the third time, not stopping until Eric sharply pulled the door open, "You must cant take a hint or some? You see he ain't comin' to the door."

"You're opening the door like it's your house." I replied with disgust plain on my face, "I'm looking for my friend. You know, the one I'm not ashamed of?"

Nas had made his way to the door by then, "Move." He told Eric.

Eric followed his instructions, shooting me a hateful glance before stepping away.

The door was opened slightly as Nasir came into the hallway, shutting the door behind him.

"Am I not allowed inside anymore?" I asked.

"It's just to keep down confusion. Eric's not your biggest fan."

My brows furrowed, "And? It's not his house:"

Nas sighed and leaned against the wall, "Ky why'd you come over here?"

At this point, I realized it may have been a mistake to show up trying to mend fences.

"I wanted to apologize in person since you seem to not see my calls."

"I'm still pissed off forreal." He replied, "What you did was fucked up."

At first I bit my lip to keep from saying what I wanted to, then decided against it, "You're holding a grudge against me for defending you, yet he's opening your door like he didn't do shit wrong?"

"I didn't nor will I ever need you to 'defend me'. Kyser, you did that because you were mad at your family and wanted to take it out on someone else because for some reason you seem to not be able to keep that bad ass energy you have with the rest of the world, with Paisley or your raggedy ass grandma."

Had this been any other time, I would've laughed at him calling my grandma raggedy.

I wasn't afraid of Paisley, she just always seemed to know just what to say to leave me speechless. As for my grandma, I didn't voice my opinion towards her out of respect.

"The hurt I saw on your face was why I said what I said Nas." I replied, "Next time I won't care."

Someone opened their door, smiling as they walked by and effectively ending our conversation.

________

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