• • •

After that completely embarrassing turn of events, I laid on the floor, wishing a hole would open up and swallow me.

Twice I've been rejected by him. Twice.

I know I'm not the only one in this... whatever, that feels like that, which I'm sure is why I said it, yet he acts like he's deathly afraid of relationships.

How could he call me immature, but he's not even mature enough have a conversation about his feelings?

The arrangement probably wouldn't work anymore unless we only met for sex and that was it. I knew that I would struggle to do that but I also knew I didn't want to go back to my old clients.

My mind was in a thousand places, mainly returning to the news that my mom had been around more than I thought, and the fact that I was in love with a man who's scared to be in love.

I didn't want to think about this shit.

Sitting up, I reached for my phone and called Josh.

"Wassup?" He answered, "You need me to come lay some pipe?"

"What time are you going out tonight?" I asked ignoring the second part of his question.

"Aww shit. Kyser finna turn up witcha' boy."

If I wasn't sad as hell I would've hung up and found something else to do.

"We not going til like 9 though." He continued, "You got a lil minute."

It was only 6, so I did have a while.

"Well come get me before you go. I'll send my address."

"Yes ma'am."

• • •

I held the little white ball in my hand, aiming for the cup of water at the other end of the table and ignoring the attempts at distraction by my opponents.

When I threw it, the ball landed into the cup with a splash, causing Josh, who was my teammate, to massage my shoulders, "You got this."

"Nigga I just made it." I laughed loudly, "It's your turn."

We were playing beer-pong for the second time, and I was having the time of my life.

I was also drunk as hell.

From the moment we got here, I was taking shots, accepting cups of whatever from Josh who told me I looked sad and needed to not look sad.

His exact words.

So a couple shots and drinks in, we started playing games. I'm guessing I didn't look sad anymore since he hadn't felt the need to say anything.

I watched as he missed his shot, making it their turn. The ball landed in one of our cup and I held my nose while I took the straight shot of Jack.

"Who the fuck decided to play with Jack?" I slurred, "This shit is not it."

"Damn Josh you brought a rookie with you."

"Yeah, she don't get out much." He replied, making all of us laugh.

Once we lost, I pulled Josh's arm, "I gotta pee."

He had to be as drunk as me since he had consumed the same amount, if not more alcohol than I had, yet he was acting like he hadn't touched shit.

"You good?" He laughed while walking towards the back.

I nodded and focused on the floor in front of me so that I wouldn't fall.

After locking the door and using the bathroom, I stared at myself in the mirror, "I'm so fucking drunk." I mumbled while making faces.

"I do not need a damn Jaxon." I continued to talk to myself, "Jaxon needs me."

After finishing my pep talk, I used the bathroom again and opened the door looking at Josh leaned against the wall with his eyes closed.

So maybe he was a 10 instead of a 8.

I wonder can he fuck like-

Shaking my head, I tried to get that thought out of my mind. I put my arm through his, leaning against his body on the wall, "Are you drunk too?"

A lazy grin appeared on his face, "Yeah, I'm lit."

He pushed off, keeping his arm around me and led us back to the party.

"We can go whenever you ready."

I was having fun so I wasn't ready at all right now, "Let's take more shots."

The rest of the night was a blur as we laughed way too much, drank way too much, until we ended up at iHop.

The waitress looked annoyed and I couldn't even blame

her since we were loud as hell. "Can I get strawberry?" I asked excitedly.

She rolled her eyes, "Strawberry what?"

"You tell me. Isn't this the international house of pancakes?"

"Ma'am she's just drunk." A guy laughed, "Please don't spit in our food."

After finishing our order, she walked away mumbling under her breath while I checked my phone for a message.

Nothing.

I don't know if I was actually expecting him to text me, or if I was just hoping that he would. Either way, I was disappointed.

Josh was reading my message, "Who you texting?"

"Mind your businesssss." I said dragging the 's'.

"My bad, my bad."

While we ate, my phone remained silent, though I knew Jaxon was awake and had seen it.

I'm not about to try to be with somebody who doesn't want to be with me.

That was my thought process when I told Josh to come home with me.

"I was gone make sure you got home anyway." He replied.

"No." I said stepping closer, "Come home with me."

He wasn't Jaxon, but he was doing a good job so far of making me forget all the other shit in my life.

"Okay." He nodded

When the Uber came, we sat in the back, him fiddling with his hands and looking at the floor.

"Are you nervous?" I asked.

Josh shrugged, "Nah."

I slid to his side of the car, "Don't be nervous."

He looked up at me, licking his bottom lip, "I just said I wasn't."

Our eyes stayed connected, only breaking the gaze when I leaned in to take his bottom lip into my mouth.

_______

yikes. thanks for reading 💕