. [edit]: okay the comments in this chapter are really starting to get to me. if you've never experienced a miscarriage, if you've never been put in a similar situation or even witnessed a similar situation, you don't have the right to tell Areum how to react or to feel/grieve. [tbh even if you have witnessed a similar situation you can't tell someone dealing with trauma to deal with it the same way, or in a way you'd prefer]

I, myself, have never been in such a situation but have done extensive research to know that a miscarriage is traumatic (obvious even without having done any research) and has lead to expecting mothers feeling suicidal and has led to relationships being strained. I absolutely hate seeing comments on how Areum is being selfish or that she is to be blamed for the situation when miscarriages in situations like this are nobody's fault. I've written that Areum blames herself because that is a very common reaction for women who have experienced a miscarriage. Feeling like their body has failed, feeling like maybe if they would've done something differently, the outcome would've been different. Areum is young and is completely new to this whole situation. Obviously I have dramatised this portion of the book because this IS a book nevertheless, situations like this happen more often than you know and it's alarming to see how many of you are pinpointing Areum's flaws when it's so obvious she is going through a psychological torment. Not one person reacts the same when going through trauma so for you to expect her to act rationally is unfair. I really hope you guys treat the women in the real world with more empathy and I wish that your frustration in the following chapters is only because these characters are fictional.

⋅•⋅⊰∙∘☽༓☾∘∙⊱⋅•⋅

I stood in the living room, staring at it as I convinced myself that this was the right decision. The need of punishing myself getting stronger with every breath I took. The negative thoughts now at it's peak, everything from my past being used against me.

Reminding me how I've been nothing but a failure. As a girlfriend to Jae. As a sister to Aera and as a daughter to both my parents. And now not only a failure to Taehyung but a failure as a mother to my babies that could never be.

Taehyung came home, getting a little surprised upon seeing me in the living room but his expression goes dark the moment his eyes land on the ground. "Areum, what's going on?" His eyes trailed up my form as they found mine.

"I'm moving out." I let out, my eyes downcast as I avoided his gaze. I stared at my bags on the ground, feeling my eyes sting and I try my best to hold it back but fail the moment a pained expression crosses Taehyung's face.

"What? No, Areum-"

"I'm sorry, Taehyung." I whispered. "I can't keep failing people." Tears pooled around my eyelids as they threatened to drip. "That's all I've ever done and I need to stop. I need to leave."

"Areum," he sighed but I raise my hands up, motioning for him to stop.

"I can't stay in this relationship and be constantly reminded of how I went wrong. I can't do it." I gasp for a breath and Taehyung approached me.

"You didn't-"

"No, tell me that I don't deserve good." I cut him off, placing a finger on my chest. "I don't deserve people understanding me. I don't deserve you understanding me." I say but he shook his head, trying to walk closer to me. "Tell me that I don't deserve you, Taehyung!" I pushed against his chest and he moved back, a little taken aback.

Tears ran down my face but I wiped it away instantly, not wanting to give myself the chance to feel. "I don't deserve you, Taehyung." I uttered weakly, "and I'm sorry for putting you through this." I take in a deep breath. "I'm sorry I couldn't give you the family you wanted." I shrugged, another tear escaping my eye.

"Stop, please." Was all Taehyung could plead as he approached me once more, holding either sides of me. "The only thing I want right now is you," And I try to get out of his grip but he fights his hold. "And for you to be happy because that is what you deserve." He asserted, his eyes clouding with a certain sorrowful look.

"That's what you deserve, Areum. Being happy." He choked up a little, "so stay. At least let me be here for you until then." And I stop trying to fight his hold, sinking slowly to the ground where I sat and he followed my actions, sitting in front of me.

"How did we get here?" I whisper, looking at how everything was falling apart, or at least how I was falling apart. "Everything was supposed to be alright, Taehyung." I place a hand on his chest and he nods.

"I know," he breathed out a sigh.

"But it isn't. It's far from okay. I feel like I'm losing my mind." I look to him. "And I don't know how I'll come out from this." I say and the tears stop, every part of me all cried out. I blink, feeling the puffiness of my eyes as they start getting weary.

I drop my head onto his chest. "I can't do this, Taehyung." My voice barely reaching a whisper.

Taehyung's arms automatically encircle my form as I laid on him. "All I wanted was to be happy with you." I feel myself getting drowsier, the sleepless nights over the past couple of days catching up to me.

As Taehyung's grip around me tightened, every muscle in my body relaxed as a sense of security blanketed me along with his warmth. I was too tired with everything. Physically and mentally exhausted, in desperate need of rest.

Taehyung rubs my back in comfort, noticing my groggy form. "I just want to be happy." I breathe out, drifting off into my mind as I fell asleep.

『⋅∘➶∘⋅』

My eyes pry open as I wake up, studying how the sun's light dripped into the room. Confusion engulfs me the moment I realised it was still bright out.

I sit up, looking around and caught an eery silence ringing through the entire apartment. I walk out of the room and found Taehyung seated on the couch, staring intently at my bags that were filled with my things.

"Taehyung?" I called out and he jerked a little.

He massaged his temples as he stood up, facing me. "If you really want to leave, I-I can't stop you." His voice gets strained as he looks at me. "I've been sitting here for the last hour trying to come up with something to change your mind but I couldn't. If leaving is what makes you happy, I don't want to get in the way of that." His eyes redden as his body shakes a little.

My jaw slack's as a breath escapes my lips. There was so much going on in my mind that I couldn't bring myself to say anything.

"But I need you to know that none of this was your fault. None." He stated firmly. "And I love you and I always will and I really wished you wouldn't-" and he choked up, trying to swallow a cry, "you wouldn't leave." He started getting teary but I could tell how he was fighting his tears.

I was torn and lost. I didn't know what to do. I knew leaving would be the biggest mistake I'd ever make but I didn't see how staying would benefit him. Watching me break was killing him slowly inside and I couldn't let that happen.

"Say something, please." His eyes pleaded with mine as he reached out to hold me.

Words still didn't work for me. In that second, my mind was bombarded with thoughts, leaving me unable to fish out something to say. I was falling apart, more by the second and I didn't want him being collateral damage. If I stayed, he was bound to be caught in the fallout, getting dragged down with me.

I simply walk into him, wrapping my arms around him weakly as I pressed myself against his chest. Without hesitation, he entangles his arms around my form.

This was the first time I felt distant in his arms, it was an unusual feeling. I felt detached from everything. I press myself further into him, trying to feel something but I couldn't. My mind only focused on how I'd ruin him. "I'm sorry," I finally whispered and his grip around me tightened.

"I'm so sorry, Taehyung." I try pulling away but he wouldn't let go as he collapsed onto me. I hear him breathe out a cry, holding me as close to him as possible, not showing signs of letting go.

He doesn't speak as he clasped onto my shirt, almost falling to his knees. He pressed his head onto my chest where he sobbed unceasingly. My shirt dampening with his tears as I feel his body tremble against mine and my legs start growing weak.

"Taehyung," I coughed out a cry that came out of nowhere. I thought I had been all cried out, but the tears had burst forth like water from a dam and I lost all control of my body. I couldn't bring myself to say anything else, his state rendering me speechless.

I hadn't seen him break before. He was always there for me in my times of need that I had gotten used to him be the anchor in my life. Seeing him in such a low state threw my off completely.

His arms embraced me harder as the cries punched through him. "I take everything back," He lets out through ragged breaths. His hands clutched at my clothes as he fell onto his knees, his head now pressed onto my tummy. "Don't go." He shook his head, eyes closed shut as he refused to look at me. "I'll help you find happiness, I'll be here." His body goes weak.

"Just don't go, please."