Dear Self,

I never understood why the people of my generation decided to live a #YOLO life. Yes, you do only live once, but does that mean to be reckless and do insanely, stupid things just because you only live once? Why would you jump off a cliff, risking breaking your skull open if you hit the rocks, just for the fun of it? It never made sense to me and I often felt like my peers were stupid and I must belong to a different generation.

Then I met Issac.

I never thought I would get the chance to experience a love like the one I have with Issac. Everyone in my family has never had a happy ending. My grandfather died alone at 76. He had 5 wives in his lifetime and each and everyone of them, he pushed away and treated them like utter crap until he divorced them, leaving them emotionally crippled. My mom was left with 3 children to raise on her own because my father left her. She dated a drug dealer, a male stripper, a business man who was just a dick, and anything else under the tree of bad people. Lets not even touch the man who is unfortunately my father. It was never different for any of the others in my family, so why would I be any different?

Why was I the one in the family to actually find true love? A love that doesn't want to make you push it away?

I was taught from my father at the young age of 9 that love is a gamble. You could either win or epically fail. Simple. There is no half way, medium, or exception. Love, marriage that is just a game. I never experienced warmth, affection, the feeling of comfort in your own home, etc. Unless it was from my sister or sometimes my unruly piece of crap brother.

My life was an everyday routine. Wake up. Go to school. Hate school. Go home. Write letters to dad. Shower. Eat. Sleep. Repeat.

Then, I crashed into Issac Evans, literally.

He made my life unpredictable, making me do things I never would have thought like skydiving, bungee jumping, skinny dipping, you name it.

But through all the crazy adventures we went on, I never would have thought I would fall in love with him, become attached to him. That was the last thing I wanted to do, but it happened.

We went through ups and downs like any couple, but we got through them and came out stronger. Through everything, I always found my way back to him. Love was simply a word I used when writing, when talking to someone, or whatnot, but when Issac came along, he gave meaning to that word and I find myself waking up just to live for that type of love I will get from him everyday.

So self, don't screw it up. Don't push him away. Issac is something of a rare being and guys these days are Class A douchebags. Issac loved me for me. He loved broken me. Broken me that didn't smile. He loved all parts of me, even the parts I hated about myself. He showed me that there is more to the world than just darkness and sadness. He showed me that there is more to me than just the broken girl whose father left her. There is more to Bay Stewart beside the scowl on her face. Behind that scowl is smile and it took a special someone to get that out of me.

He really is the golden sun to my dark world and I couldn't have gotten a better partner to love than him.

So self, in the future, you will be tempted to end things with him for various reasons, but don't because deep down you know that you cannot live without Issac. He is the best thing that has ever happened to me and leaving him or pushing him away will not only hurt him, but it will crush you. You may not realize it at first, but you will slowly start to feel lost, empty, confused, and hoping that you will bump into him on the street or see him at the mall or something. Your heart, your mind, and your body will slowly start to yearn for him, but when it dawns on you that you can't get him back this time, it will break you. Hell, it will shatter you.

Issac's mother, Sarah, once said to Issac to find someone who makes your heart beat faster than the speed of light and cherish them for the rest of your life.

Cherish him for the rest of your life because he is the only one who makes your heart beat faster than the speed of light.

Sincerely,

Bay Stewart