"I have an idea and it is probably a bad one, but I have to try. He has been ignoring me for a month Zo. I feel like I am being turned inside out and I feel so lost. Anyway, the idea, he could either hate me or love me again. I hope it's the latter"

"Asher staaahhpp" Zoe moans out and giggles.

"Are you seriously doing stuff with Asher while I am on the phone with you?"

"I'm sorry, but in my defense, he is very....persuasive and..uh....skilled...with his mouth" she says and giggles.

"Ew." I say with my nose scrunched up.

A few weeks ago, Zoe decided to give Asher another chance, one last chance. They have been going at it strong since. He hasn't talked to any girls.

How do I know?

One: Zara told me.

Two: I may or may not have stolen his phone. In my defense, he did leave me in his car for a good few minutes.

EVERYONE at Eastside High knows that THE Asher Stevens has settled down and he has settled down with my sister. I am proud of her. She is happy and she deserves it.

"Well, you two continue. I have to get the plan together."

"OK. Good luck. ASHER!" Deep chuckling from the background tells me to immediately hang up the phone.

I pocket my phone and head to the 99 cent store around the corner from my house. I trudge through the harsh January snow. It has been snowing all day, but I know I have to do this. My determination is getting me through this.

I feel like I deserve this. I should be hurting. Imagine how much he was hurting when I left him in that crowded hallway?

I don't blame him for ignoring me for a whole month. I would ignore me. This is all my fault entirely. I jumped to conclusions too fast and in the end, I hurt the one thing important in my life. The one thing golden in my life.

I open the doors to the 99 cent store. I specifically like this store because cards, like note cards that you would put in envelopes, they let you specially design them. I walk to the cashier desk where a guy in dirty blonde hair and bright blue eyes is sat, scrolling through his phone.

I ring the little bell on the desk, catching his attention. When he looks up, his eyes widen. His eyes trail down my body, making me feel uncomfortable.

"I would like to specially design a note card to put in an envelope.

"U-um" He scrambles to fix up the counter and then looks back at me. "Um how many and what design?" He says and passes me a sketch pad with an outline of a note card on it.

Hmm

Issac and I had our first kiss on October 18. He asked me out for the first time December 15.

18 plus 15 is 33.

"33" I tell him and start sketching out the design I want for the note cards. I push him the design. He looks at it surprised, probably because I could draw. Thanks to Zoe.

"OK, what colors?"

"On this part." I point to the design at the top of the card. " NEEDS to be purple, blue, green, and black. Right here, needs to be red....and these two eyes, one needs to be grey and the other hazel. Like my eyes. The girl needs to obviously look like me, color wise. Light brown skin, same hair color. The boy needs to have porcelain like skin, grey eyes, and almost jet black hair. Okay? And make sure the top comes out looking like the Northern Lights.

"Ok" He mumbles and goes in the back. I walk over to the envelope aisle and pick out 33 red envelopes.

This has to work. I am all out of ideas. I just want-

No

I need him back

When I walk back to the front, irritated at the sloshing sound on my boots that are drenched in water now, the guy has all the 33 cards ready.

"OK, this is all of them" He says and hands me one of the 33. I look down at the card in amazement.

"This is beautiful" I say with a smile on my face. It looks exactly like Issac and I. He even got the type of grey correct and the Northern Lights are perfect.

"How much is it?" I ask, still holding the sample in my hands.

"$110" He says and puts all the rest of the cards in a Ziploc looking bag.

I take out my credit card and swipe it on the machine. The guy hands me a receipt. I look down on the receipt to see a set of 10 digits scrawled on the bottom of the receipt. I look back up at him and he has a smirk on his face.

You have got to be kidding me.

I take out one of the cards out the bag and show it to him. I point to Issac on the card.

"This guy right here is my boyfriend and the love of my life." I say with a tight smile on my face. I rip the guys number off the bottom of the receipt and hand it back to him. His face has fallen and he looks quite sad. I would feel bad, but I just...don't.

Sorry not sorry.

I take up all the cards and envelopes and walk out the store. I walk out the store and head to a cafe 10 minutes from Issac's house. As soon as I step into the cafe, the rich smell of caffeine wafts into my nose and my tense shoulders instantly relax. I find a booth near a window and I get straight to work.

This will definitely take a while.

...

Just knock on the door Bay!

Just do it!

I lightly knock on the door and the padding of quick footsteps is heard behind the door. The door swings open, revealing Francesca.

"He isn't here?" I ask.

"Yeah. You have about 20 minutes. I sent him to the far market for thyme." she says and laughs at the irony. I hurry upstairs and into his room. Of course, his room is neat and cleaned. I take out all the envelopes that have written note cards in all of them. I set them up on the floor around the bed. I set up the glow in the dark lights around the room so we don't need any light.

This whole idea is probably corny and it may just upset him, but I am hoping he doesn't hate me too much.

I take out the letter I made for him and turn off the lights, causing all the lights to light up the room. The glow in the dark lights in the jars and bottles burn the brightest.

Thank you science.

The opening and closing of the doors downstairs and the 3 taps at the door lets me know that Issac is there. I told Francesca to tap on the door when Issac is here. My heartbeat speeds up and I contemplate if I should just jump out the window and forget about all of this.

I don't get the chance to act on it when the door of the room opens. In walks Issac wearing basketball shorts and a tank with a basketball and a duffel bag in his hand. He looks at the room that is lit up with lights. It's almost as bright if the lights were on, but instead the dark and the light mingle together giving the room a galaxy effect.

"Leave the lights off" I mumble, hoping he hears me.

"What is this?" He asks, his deep voice filling up the room.

He drops his duffel and ball on the floor.

"It's my 'I am sorry and I miss you' gift." I tell him and and look at his grey eyes that's is staring at me. His eyes hold a look I haven't seen in his eyes in a while: surprise.

He walks over to the envelopes on the floor and picks up the first one. He looks at me before opening up the envelope and taking out the card. He reads the letter, mumbling the words under his breath. He looks at me and I gesture for him to take up the next envelope.

For the next 15 minutes, he goes around the bed reading all the envelopes, each containing cards telling him half the reasons why I love him. I have more than 33 reasons why I love Issac Evans. What I did to Issac, it completely questioned whether I truly loved him, or loved him enough. I need to reassure him that I love him.

"There are 33 letters. We first kissed October 18th and you asked me out on December 15th. The math equals to 33." I say. "I mean just in cased you wanted to know" I mumble and play with my thumbs, feeling nervous.

What if this whole thing was stupid and he still hates me in the end.

He finishes all the letters and he holds them all in his hand, with a small smile on his lips.

"You can really draw." He says gesturing to the art on the card.

"Uh" I fix my position on his bed and I tuck my feet under my butt. "OK. I have something to say." I unfold the letter and start reading.

"OK." I look up at him, leaning on the bed posts looking at me with a little amusement and curiosity in his grey eyes.

"I didn't know what love was until I met you. I believed love was something I just wouldn't experience or just wasn't real. My grandfather was a miserable old bat who spoke harshly to his wives and treated them like utter crap. My mom had a mentally abusive relationship with a drug dealer who just wanted to get into her pants. My mother didn't show me the love that a normal parent should. She would brush me off basically or blame me for bad things happening in her life. And last but not least, my father. He left me, my mom, my sister, and my brother alone to fend for ourselves while he was out here creating a new family, marrying someone else and having a new kid. My father believed love was a gamble. A game. It could either work out or not. It would most likely not and you would lose. There was no emotion behind his words. Just dark, no emotion there. I never experienced love, warmth, appreciation, compassion, passion, etc. You treated me with respect and like a queen in your world. I don't think love is a gamble with you. Love can't be a game with you. I don't want to lose with you. I don't want to lose you. I have never opened myself up to people before. I closed myself off because it was better to feel no emotion than feel even the slightest of emotion or caring or affection toward anyone that wasn't my sister or brother. You were like this golden sun that lit up my entire dark, cold world. I wanted to feel warmth, but at the same time, I felt like I couldn't deserve it. You showed me that I do deserve good in my life. You healed me mentally and emotionally and I am indebted to you. I wouldn't be the me I am today without you Issac. Without you helping, teaching me to be happy and smile. And I love you for everything you have done for me. I love you so much it hurts, but it's good pain if that makes sense. It probably doesn't. I usually don't make so much sense. I shouldn't have left you there, confused and hurt in front of a crowd of students who just wanted the next scoop about your life. I should've been there for you, understood you even with the shock and confusion going on in me because relationships are about being strong for the other even if it hurts us. Love hurts, but with you, I am happy to be hurt if it means that I get to love you and you get to love me. Being loved by you is a gift and I took it for granted a month ago and I am truly sorry. By hurting you, I hurt myself. My whole world came crashing down when it truly sunk in that I hurt you terribly because Issac, you are my world. You snuck yourself into my life and made yourself important in my life now I have to just put up with you and I don't want to let you go. I can't. I am so sorry Issac. Please forgive me." I finish and catch a breath, feeling breathless.

I feel stripped. Vulnerable.

I feel like he can see me, see me completely.

A broken girl who needs the love of this one person.

A broken girl who had love, but stupidly walked away from it and now wants it back.

A broken girl who just wants to be pieced back together.

A broken girl who is slowly chipping away without her glue. Her golden glue who just so happens to be the boy standing right in front of her.

Isn't that what love is though?

To be stripped, so your significant other can see you for who you really are and love you despite all your faults?

I look away from my paper and look up at Issac, afraid to find that he really doesn't care and just wants me to leave.

But again, I always misjudged Issac Evans.

His eyes hold a raw emotion that I haven't seen in his eyes for a whole month: love. Love is the most raw emotion you could see in his someone's eyes. It's either there or it isn't. You just have to know whether its real or not. And everything about Issac is real including his emotions. He walks over and sits next to me on the bed.

"Please don't hate me. I understand if you still want to stay broken up, but please just forgive me. I-I am so sorry."

"You thought I broke up with you?" He whispers out, with a crease in between in eyebrows.

"I mean you didn't talk to me, you ignored me, avoided me, brushed me off for a month. Anyone would think they were dumped."

"God, no. Bay I didn't I would tell you something like that. I could never bring myself to do that. I- I wanted to hate you, but I couldn't. I love you too much. I just- I wished you had more faith in me. I needed you Bay. I always understood you. Despite you being so cryptic about your life and stuff, I stood by you, i understood you or tried to and the one time I needed you to at least try...you didn't. It hurt like hell. I may have or had a kid and my girlfriend doesn't want to talk to me. I felt like I was drowning."

"He feels like he is drowning right now and eventually he will need to come up for air. You are his oxygen. Remember that." Armani's wise words ring through my head.

I take Issac's hand in mine.

"I am here and I am not leaving. I promise you. I promise Issac. I am not walking away again."

"Promise me one thing." He says.

"Anything" I promise.

"Don't let go. Please say you won't let go." His voice breaks in the end and he holds his head down staring at the Nike symbol on his basketball shorts. My heart squeezes. It's almost as if I could feel how hurt he is right now.

Issac Evans is just as broken as I am. He needs me just as much as I need him. It never dawned on me how much Issac needed me. He may be the golden sun in my world, but maybe I am the golden sun in his.

How could I not have realized this sooner?

"I won't let go." I promise and he gets up and puts the envelopes on the table beside him.

"Bay, I am serious. This relationship needs to have communication. No running."

"OK." I agree and get up and walk to the balcony of his room. He has the second biggest balcony in the house. Obviously, his father has the biggest one. I sit on the couch and use a pillow to rest my head on. Soft padding nears me and Issac walks into the balcony area and sits next to me on the couch. I rest my head on his shoulder, and look out at the sun setting out in the distance, tucking behind the evergreen trees and leaving behind a dark blue glow in the sky.

"Are we going to be okay Issac?"

He doesn't answer back right away like usual. We just sit down, listening to the crickets chirping and the rustling of the trees due to the night breeze.

"We are going to be more than okay." He says and kisses the top of my head and wraps his arm around me, bringing me closer and I nestle into his body for warmth.

Home.

He is home.