Don't kill me, I apologize for this future chapter. It may not be as good as I wanted it to be, but its emotional to me. Spoiler alert – she's still alive.

***

Art is such a strange thing. It can't be defined in one simple category, yet it means so much to every single person in the world.

Music.

Painting.

Dance.

Theatre.

Whether you deny it or not, art means something and has a special little spot in your heart. Problem of mine was it had too big of a spot.

It was the anniversary, and it took it all in me not to collapse under the weight of the world today. I had missed school for another week after the date, all because of my dear old mother. I know it's because of the date, what today is and everything leading up to today.

I've had to help her function almost everyday. I had to help her shower, help her change her clothes, even help her eat. She became a shell of nothingness, something I'm completely familiar with, but she still managed to hurt me in her drunken stupor.

That was the only time she'd move or speak, when she was all liquored up or high as a kite. That was the only time she would show me any emotions towards me, even if it's anger and resentment. Resentment over my younger sister dying and not I, resentment over my father dying and not her.

In a sick and twisted way, I was glad my sister died. I wouldn't want her to feel the way I felt right now, to go through the pain currently radiating through my blood like electrical currents, pulsing and quivering in shocks.

I held the canvases close to my body, one of me and one of Damien, making my way to my art class. I was early so I could avoid anyone, especially Courtney, because of the fact she knew what today was. I couldn't be angry today, no, instead I was a shell.

I had a black eye and busted lip, burns running along my forearms and my stomach. My mom learned to spell while being drunk and wrote her initials, as if she was branding me her personal pet or something. It was disgusting, and I wanted it off more than breathing air.

"Fern?" I numbly turned to Damien, his eyes staring at me. I couldn't take it, I couldn't take the love and concern shining clearly on his face. I didn't deserve any of it, I would never deserve any of it. "Baby girl, what's going on? You're missing weeks at a time and you barely look alive anymore."

He took a step closer to me, causing me to instinctively take one back. I stared at him blankly, trying to wipe away any remnants of longing or sadness from my own eyes. It didn't seem to work though, because he just stepped closer and closer to me before he stood right before me, his eyes narrowing onto the black eye and my lip.

"Answer me truthfully, is someone hurting you?"

I couldn't answer him, I couldn't bare to lie, so I just turned and left the room as the bell rang, not letting myself feel.

***

Lunch is menial and dumb, besides the whole eating food part. That's pretty cool.

I walked in slowly, making my way through the lunch line. I grabbed a bottled water and an apple, not sure if my stomach could even handle much food today. I sat at my table and watched as Summer and Max sat down in front of me, completely caught up in one another.

I hadn't gotten to hang out or even talk with them both in the past month because of everything going on, but I could still tell how much they truly loved one another. They finally grew some and got together, the phone call I had gotten from Summer when he asked her out still playing fresh in my head.

Let's just say, it was a lot of squealing and curse words.

"Are you coming to stay over tonight?" I shrugged to Summer, moving the food around on my plate.

"I don't know, she's worse this year. I don't really think I should leave her alone." Max looked at me confused, only to be returned with small forced smiles from both of us.

"Okay, now I need you to catch me up on what the hell is going on with you and Damien." I gave her another shrug, watching as she flung her dark blonde hair over her shoulder. "That's bullshit and you know it, especially with the way he's watching you right now."

I looked up to find Damien studying me, his eyes trained on my own. I stared right back at him, not breaking away until Courtney comes up and pretty much throws herself onto his lap. I felt my heart sink as I looked back to Summer and Max, both of their eyes watching me back.

"I like him, love him even, but he doesn't." She shook her head at me, rolling her eyes as Max snorted.

"I seriously doubt that, especially with the look he gave you. He looks like he loves you just as much." Now it was my turn to snort and roll my eyes, my face falling as I just continued to play with my food.

"Doesn't matter, he's with Courtney now." I stood up and threw away my uneaten tray of food, before stalking out of the lunch room.

-

I bit my lip nervously as I sat in the art room, my canvases leaning up against the wall so no one could view it. Damien and I were going last, and we were only after the people already presenting right now. I kept glancing over to where he sat with two canvases of his own, and I almost always caught his eyes already staring at me.

We finally stood up when it was our turn, my eyes glancing over to him as I walked to the front. I bit my lip as I waited, looking up to find him staring at my lip intently. He stood before me, blocking me from the line of sight of everyone in the room. His thumb pried my lip from my teeth, before gently stroking over my cheek.

He turned around briskly and picked up his canvas, flipping both around. I couldn't see, but everyone before us had wide eyes and was staring intently at both of them. I stepped around and looked over, my eyes staring intently at both of them.

"I am weird, and messed up. My head isn't always there, actually, it isn't most of the time; but it's still warped when it is. I painted myself this way because I generally don't fit into society, and I don't really like myself. So that's why I painted myself this way.

I painted her this way, because she's simply beautiful. I know we were supposed to get to know them and paint how we saw them, but that's how I see her. Beautiful, strong, with wild curly hair and a gorgeous curvy body; but she doubts herself to such an incredible extent. She's constantly curling into herself and desperately trying to protect herself from the world, she's almost always afraid to show anyone the real her."

The class stared at me, my eyes adverted from his. I could feel him watching me, blood seeming to rush to my cheeks and up my neck as I twisted my own canvases around. Everyone had seemingly the same reaction to Damien's, wide eyes and open mouths.

"Damien's right, I want to protect myself from society. I don't like who I am, I wear too much makeup and I'm never myself around others. I keep myself protected to avoid being hurt, but I let myself out recently and I got hurt, horribly. I shut down, and that's how I am the way I am."

Damien looked heartbroken, his eyes soft and his face filled with longing and self loathing, the emotions raging in his eyes.

"Damien's practically a puzzle I was lucky enough to try and solve, and he's unfinished it seems. He's stronger than he believes but arrogant and cocky, a fault that many others have. He's also brave, and takes care of his family and those he cares about before himself. Within this month and a half, I had the fortunate opportunity to get close to him and his family. The problem with it was, is I found myself breaking from my walls and letting him see the true me. I figured out I-"

"Fern Donnelly?"

I turned my head with my mouth open to find the principal standing in the doorway, his eyes wide and face pale. "Yes?"

"Your mothers at the office, demanding to take you out of class."

I felt the blood drain from my face, as I dropped my canvases and ran out of the room. I left all of my things there, scolding myself as I sprinted to the office for getting way to caught up in the moment and almost blurring out my feelings.

Stupid stupid stupid.

"Mom?" I asked once I reached the office, her small body spinning around to me. Her skin was ghastly pale and her eyes completely bloodshot, tear stains on her clammy cheeks.

"Come on, we have to go." She gripped my arm painfully, her long fingernails digging into my skin and drawing blood. She dragged me out the front door as the bell rang, throwing open the passenger door to throw me into the torn seats of our old SUV.

I saw Charles run out with a confused looking Damien through the side mirrors, Charles shouting at him while my mom sped out of the parking lot. "Mom! What's going on?"

"Did you forget what today was? Did you forget what happened?" She screeched as she drove, swerving into other lanes as she surpassed the speed limit.

"Mom! Pull over! Let me drive mom, please!" I pleaded as tears fell down my face, the side of our car scraping along the edges of the lane. Lights flashed behind us as she flew over the freeway, her eyes widening while she nearly hit a car in the other lane. "Mom, there's cops behind us. Pull over!"

"No! They'll take you from me! You can't leave!" She cut across the lanes and through the border, falling down ten feet onto the road underneath us. I screamed as our car lurched forward and began to roll down a grass hill, before landing into another freeway.

Cars plowed into our own, glass shattering and metal grating against my own skin. I heard screaming, constant screams of pain, foul screaming that I didn't even realize was coming from my own throat. Blood was everywhere, my heart was almost at a constant beating, and I didn't know what not having pain felt like at the moment.

I didn't know if I was dead or not.

I didn't know whether I was still in my car or in the middle of the street.

All I saw was blood all along my body, all I knew was pain and fire erupting upon my skin.

All I knew was the simple fact, I loved Damien, and I regret so much. I regret not telling him, not kissing him one last time.

I regret not leaving my mother sooner, not eating that last bite of ice cream.

Hell, I regret dying a virgin! As pathetic as it was, I had so much I wanted to do and here I was dying, in an eruption of blood and glass and bent metal.

I regret everything, I regret not living.

I regret not loving Damien, like he properly deserved.