***

I was gone from school for three days.

Three days of Joey and Charles coming to my door, and knocking, ringing the doorbell, doing everything in their power to try and talk to me. My mother opened only once, but she was flaming drunk and screeched at them.

I got another bruise for that.

She's became increasingly worse, and I know why. It's less than a month till the anniversary, an dim just worried she's going to finally snap completely. She's breaking before me, and takin her frustrations out on me, and I don't have the heart to stop her. I still love her, and that's where I was going wrong.

I wore a huge sweatshirt and leggings to school, my hair down to hide my face. I had a fading bruise along my jaw, but my eyes, they finally broke. I looked hollow, and I felt numb. I couldn't even put up much of a front at school, but I tried.

As soon as I set foot in the hallway to get to my locker, it was as if there was a huge neon sign above me that said LOOK AT ME. Eyes turned to stare, and I swear I could feel the burning heat on my cheeks blazing through my entire body.

It didn't help how unnaturally hot it was in the middle of October, but I had to keep everything covered. Especially the burns, but god, did they still hurt.

I opened and shut my locker as fast as possible, making my way through the crowd of teenagers. I tried to keep my head down, not wanting to draw much attention to me anymore. She won, my mom had finally won. It felt awful to say that, but it was true.

"Fern?" I turned slightly to see Summer standing against the wall, her eyes wide as she looked at me. I know I looked strange, I had always been for wearing tight clothes and being loud as hell. The sweatpants and shirt screamed quiet, which certainly wasn't me.

"Hey Summer." I gave her a weak smile from underneath my hood, her eyes softening at the tone of my voice.

"She didn't..." I just shrugged and turned, making my way into my English class. I found the seat in the back corner, away from the warm sun and into an area that no one was as likely to notice me.

I sat down and watched as the bell rang, the bodies of my teenage counterparts filling in quickly. No one noticed I was there, instead grazing over my body while on the way to their seats. I watched as Joey and Charles walked in, both of them looking a bit more glum than they usually would've looked.

Not that Charles really smiled much, but he wasn't scowling at every passerby.

It wasn't until halfway through the incredibly boring lecture my English teacher was giving, and I looked up and accidentally locked eyes with Charles, did my heart practically fall apart. He looked at me stunned, before his expression turned to pain, complete and utmost pain.

He hit at Joey before pointing over to me, my eyes down casting themselves so I could avoid their knowing gaze. I'm sure they could tell how awful I looked, but I just hoped they wouldn't be able to see how numb I felt.

When the bell rang I practically bolted from my seat, not turning when I heard their shouts of my name in the hallway. I just had to get through my day and pretend I wasn't dreading seeing Damien, pretend I wasn't freaking out over my third period. It was my study hall where I pretty much stayed in the library, but Damien knew that and would visit me almost everyday.

I don't think he will anymore.

I walked into my math class quietly, eyeing the goons that Damien had once followed me with sitting on the wall. I sat in the corner again, eyeing them silently throughout the class. I'll be completely and utterly honest, I missed Damien.

I need to get out of this, tomorrow I'll be back doing pranks and causing trouble.

But today, I think I'll let myself sulk.

-

I hid like a coward in the art room during my study hall, in a small private room through the corner. The canvas before me filled quickly with Damien's face, his features prominent and detailed. One canvas became three, three became seven.

Soon, every canvas around me was filled with the man I longed for. I skipped lunch to paint, and was soon practically covered in streaks of paint. I chuckled as I looked at myself in the girls bathroom mirror, I looked like a complete mess.

The door swung open as Courtney walked in, her eyes cold as stone. She turned and locked the door right behind her, her eyes boring into me. "I thought I told you to stay away from him."

"He doesn't want me anymore, so calm the fuck down." She practically growled at me, her face turning a bright shade of scarlet.

"Really, because he's looked like shit since you stopped coming to school. Before he would've fucked me and let me sit on his lap at lunch, now, he won't even touch me. All because of you!"

I rolled my eyes as I turned to walk to the door, before I felt her hand grab my shoulder and wrench me back. She flung me against the wall and dug her hands into my forearms, directly onto my burns. I gasped in pain, causing her face to screw up in confusion before she shook it off and set her cold look back.

"I'm sorry, I haven't spoken to him in a long time."

"I could ruin you, you know? Tell this entire goddamn town about what happened to your family. How do you think he'd react to finding out a gang killed your father and little sister, and practically tortured you? Or how your mother is so fucking drunk all the time she can't walk?" She creeped closed to my ear, her lips directly before it so only I could hear her whisper. "Or just how pathetic you truly are?"

She let me go as I slid down the wall, turning and unlocking the door. She walked out silently as the bell rang, tears falling down my face so fast it generally surprised me. I wiped away at my face as fast as I could, grimacing as the fading bruise became noticeable on my jaw.

I clenched my jaw as I looked up, willing the tears to stop. It wasn't until the second bell rang when I could finally pull myself together and walk to art, praying to a god I really didn't believe in that I could get by unnoticed.

I flipped my hood up before I opened the door and walked in, my head down as I tried to make my way towards the back. "Ms. Donnelly, you're late."

"Sorry." I muttered as I sank into my chair, feeling the stares of my classmates. I winced as pain radiated from my now reopened burns, my eyes glancing up to see Courtney looking at me with a smug smile on her face.

"Hoods off Ms. Donnelly." I sighed and flipped it off, looking out the window to my side so no one could notice the bruise on that side. The teacher continued to lecture, my face turned the entire time so no one saw my jaw, and so I didn't see any of Damien's stares.

I could feel him, both his stares and his actual body. I felt a buzz off of his body, practically alerting me that he was there. It was like he had lights all around him, big arrows pointing to him and flashing right before my eyes.

God I was pathetic.

I finally looked directly to him, my eyes trailing over his face and body. He hadn't shaved, and his hair looked flatter than usual. His eyes weren't sparkling like dark diamonds like they usually did, and his skin looked completely dull and lifeless. But he was still completely and irrevocably beautiful.

I looked down when he felt my gaze and shifted his eyes up, making my hands busy by mixing pain. I was against a wall so no one could see my canvas, and was painting him as the angel he truly was. Chatter spread through the room while I remained painting in silence, finally looking up when I felt a chair in front of my canvas move.

Charles sat and stared at me, his eyes soft and hollow. "I told everyone."

I gave him the biggest smile I could muster, leaning my head to the side so he didn't see my jaw. "What happened?"

"Everyone was find with it, I even have a date this weekend." I smiled a bit bigger at his excited expression, using my index finger to blend the colors of his hair.

"With Damien?" Charles snorted at me, before looking to his phone and texting quickly on it.

"God no, I kinda figured out he wasn't right for me, he's perfect for you." I grit my jaw, turning to fully stare at him.

"He left and didn't want me Charles, go after him, maybe he'll end up being gay?" His eyes hardened and burned cold as he looked at me, my eyebrows furrowing as my nose scrunched up.

"What's that?" I immediately looked down and pulled my sleeves down, checking to make sure my burns didn't show.

"What's what?"

"Your fucking jaw Fern." My hand went up to brush against my skin, causing me to wince slightly.

"Nothing, it's absolutely nothing." The bell decided to ring and cut off whatever Charles was about to say, my body moving on it's own as I grabbed my canvas and brought it to the drying racks. I set it in the back so no one could see it, angling it to face away from the light.

Charles was gone by the time I finished at the drying rack, a relieved sigh leaving my lips as I put all my books away. "Ms. Donnelly?"

I turned around to my art teacher, paint smeared all over their skin and their hair in a tangles mess. "Yes?"

"You need to take home all the canvases you worked on during lunch and your study hall, they're redoing the private rooms tonight so they need it cleared out. Unless, of course, you would be okay with me hanging a few up? They're quite wonderful portraits."

"No!" I shouted quickly, spinning around them to get to the closet. I grabbed almost all of them, not being able to carry the largest one.

It was at least four feet across and three feet wide, and was the silhouette of Damien dancing. Flowers were sprinkled around him, the only color against the harsh white background and his black silhouette. I left it there since you couldn't even tell who it was, handing it over to the teacher hesitatingly.

"I don't want anyone to know that's my work, okay?" She nodded briskly to me, giving me a grin while I walked out of the room.

I quickly made my way home, dropping all the canvases into my room. Should I burn them? Or should I hang them all up on my walls? I painted him almost constantly, maybe I should just get rid of them before he finds them.

Good god that would be embarrassing.

I piled them out into my yard and took one of my moms vodka bottles, soaking the canvases before guzzling down the rest of the bottle. It was only about a quarter of the bottle, so I just felt my blood warm as I took my packet of matches out.

I flicked it open and lit one, tossing it over the portraits of the man I missed. I saw his painted eyes practically watching me from the flames, guilt eating me alive from my stomach as I tried to not sob.

I heard a crash come from inside my house as I turned around and left them flames, deciding to deal with the devil now, rather than later.