Fern Donnelly up top

***

I tried to keep my head down in the hallway the next morning. I scolded myself long into the early hours of the morning, cursing myself for even letting Damien Asher know who the hell I was. I made it this far through high school without drawing attention, and that's how I needed to keep it.

I'm almost always late in the mornings, the occurring nightmares I got made me sleep later than I meant, and this morning was no exception. I was running down the hallway, the bell having rung three minutes earlier.

"Shit shit shit." I muttered, turning the corner, only to crash into a body. Now, everyone would expect it to be Damien Asher correct? To have his strong arms wrap around me and protect me from the harsh ground?

Wrong.

It was one of his best friends, Joey Ryder, one of the pranksters of the schools and rumored gang member. But my luck seemed to run out because of the fact Damien was standing right next to him when I barreled into Joey, my things flying everywhere.

And it seems like that was the perfect time for a butterfly knife to fly out of my bag.

I mean, don't get me wrong; I keep knifes and the occasional gun most of the time on my body, but for some stupid reason I tossed one in my bag this morning. It slid to Damien's feet, where the entire hallway was silent as he crouched down and picked it up.

He looked at Joey before looking back at me, his gaze harsh and cold. "You kidnap me and keep weapons on you, I'm still doubting that you don't work for one of the rival gangs in this area."

His accent came out as he spoke, causing my inner Dan girl to swoon and practically throw herself at his feet. Me on the other hand, the rational bitchy side, wanted to seriously kick his ass.

The irony of his words though, because I had done work for Damien's gang. Of course, I did it under my hacker name, F.D., so it amused me he was questioning my loyalty to other gangs.

"I keep weapons on me for protection, where as last night if I didn't have the gun I'd probably be dead. I have class now and I'm extremely late, so if you'll excuse me." I picked my bag up from the ground, my eyes catching Joeys. He looked at me with a boyish grin, his eyes twinkling with amusement. No one speaks to Damien Asher the way I was, hell even I don't usually speak to Damien Asher the way I was or at all, but I really couldn't afford to be late to math again.

I hurried down the hall with my hair falling down my back, my heart racing as I thought of his dark eyes. I couldn't get the arrogant jerk out of my head, and I knew that was bad. I made rules for myself along time ago, and falling in love would break almost all of them.

***

I groaned inwardly at the rain, cursing it and adoring it all the same. It was currently lunch time, and the library was closed. Instead of going outside and going to the tree I usually hid under, I was forced to the cafeteria, where everyone I hated would sit.

I wish I was joking, but I wasn't.

I had about two friends in total, Max Schwartz and Summer Mortimer, and they were the only ones that could deal with my crazy antics and mood swings. It wasn't my fault I got diagnosed with bipolar disorder when I turned 16, but it was my fault I didn't medicate myself.

Having bipolar disorder didn't make me crazy, it just made me become insanely hyper at times, other times I go through maniac episodes. I steal cars and drive fast and paint everything in site. Although that's another thing, I'm way too artistic for my own good. I mean, not to toot my own horn or anything but —

Toot toot.

I also have depression, although they called it manic depressive. By they, I mean the hundreds and millions of doctors I've had to see since the incident. I put up a facade the best I can, a smile to let everyone know I'm okay, but I'm not. The bruises sometimes show, along with the burns I give myself, and they work as a reminder for me. The only one that knows anything is Summer, and that's because she was there one night when mom got to drunk.

I told her everything, from my dad to my bipolar disorder to my mom and her love for her wooden spoon. She gives me a bed when it gets really bad, which only happens once a year. The day we got taken something broke inside of mom and was never the same, and every anniversary it seems to break even more.

It's in one and a half months, and I'm terrified.

But again, I don't let it show. I plop on a smile and walk into the cafeteria, grinning wickedly at those who stare and whisper. I'm known for being crazy, doing insane things and pranking the teachers. Today wasn't any exceptions, I was just waiting for the principal to sit in his chair at the end of the table.

He seriously thought of himself as a god or a king, constantly belittling those below him, including me. Because of the fact my house isn't on the good side of town and the fact my police profile is a mile long makes him think the worst.

I catch the eyes of Damien and his little group, his dark eyes staring right at me. I made my way to the table Max and Summer sat at, both their eyes widening a bit when they saw me. Max glanced to the windows before nodding, scooting a bit so I could sit against the wall.

"Rain ruining your meditation time?" I rolled my eyes at him, pulling my legs up to my body. I clutched onto the hem of my jeans as I watched the principal make his way to his seat, Summer turning to see what I staring at.

"You didn't,"

"I did." I grinned when he sat down and a pie exploded from the table onto him, drenching him in white cream and a crust.

The lunch room erupted in laughter as I shrunk back a little, using Max's big body to hide me slightly. Principal Young shot up, his hands wiping at the pie on his face while he tried scanning the room. His eyes stopped on me, his hands shooting out as he began walking to me.

"You!" I gave him a soft smile, standing up to meet him halfway.

"Me!" His hand shot out and gripped my arm, causing me to flinch away. He didn't notice but just kept his grip as he dragged me from the room, his breathing labored as he drug me down the hall.

I squirmed in his grip, his fingers clutching my skin harshly. "Can you let up just a bit?"

He tightened his grip even more, before he shoved me into his office. He sat down behind his desk, still covered in the pie with a red face. "Do you mind tell me why you did this!?"

I shrugged, relaxing a bit into the seat, while inside I was screaming. I wanted out of his small office, away from his too close body. I'll be honest, the principal creeps me the fuck out, and being in a small room with him was not on my top list of things to do.

"Why do you constantly do this? Is is because you need attention? I know you don't get any from home since your father is dead, but that gives you no excuse to pull these kind of stunts at school!" I shut down at his words, pulling away from him. I tried to shrink back into my seat as he screamed, his spit practically spraying over me.

"Say it don't spray it dude." I muttered, watching his face grow even redder.

"You are such a pathetic girl! If you keep this up, you won't even get into any colleges. You'll stay at home, and become a drunk like your damn mother!" My eyes widened at his words, his face immediately becoming slack as he realized what he just said. The bell rang minutes ago, and it left us in silence. Complete and utter silence.

"I will never be like her."

I gritted my words out before I grabbed my bag and began to bolt out of the room, not able to stand the stuffy air in the room anymore. I flung open the door when my eyes began burning, the same familiar panic closing in. I ran into the hall and almost crashed in Damien's gang again, who had been chatting animatedly before all dying down when they saw me.

"Fern wait!" The principal shouted from behind me, memories assaulting me as I tried to get through this gang of friends that blocked my path. "I didn't mean that about your mother, I'm sor-"

He turned the corner where I was with Damien Asher's group when I finally got past them, his eyes catching my face. He took in a breath at how glassy I'm sure they were, my chest heaving. I looked up to find Damien's face full of concern, along with his friend Joey that I crashed into this morning.

I turned and bolted out of the front doors, slamming them shut behind me. I ran as fast as I could, running until my lungs screamed and until I couldn't take it anymore. I fell to the ground as tears came from me, pouring down my face.

I couldn't breathe it seemed, my chest burning as I clutched onto myself. Everything spun as I lay on the dirt floor, trees standing over me as to protect me. That's when it hit me, it truly hit me.

This was the first time I had cried in over four years.