There were no such things as holidays in my world, there was no birthday, or Christmas or Easter or New years. The days were like every other, nothing special or interesting. I hadn't celebrated any of them since I was seven.

The only celebration was Loki's birthday.

My Christmas consisted of pizza, writing and watching movies while Loki cuddled up with me on the sofa. I would add chicken to his food so he could have a Christmas dinner.

Morgan demanded that we exchange presents, to show our appreciation for one another and our friendship. I didn't believe in showing how much I cared for her with materialistic gifts, I thought the practice was strange and unneeded. I showed I cared for her by retreating from my apartment once a month to spend a day with her and she showed me she cared for me by not pushing me to spend more than our allocated time with each other and understanding that.

Our friendship was, probably what many would call weird, but it was needed. I was better alone with Loki, that day last month with Alex proved that.

She knew if she did ever need me then she could call and I would be there, even if it meant seeing her more than once a month and I knew if I needed her, I could go to her.

She was the most important person in my life. Loki wasn't technically a person so he couldn't be first on that list.

It was Christmas Eve and Alex was bringing Zeus round for the last day before Christmas and I was saddened to know that I wouldn't be spending the day with Zeus tomorrow but I understood. He should spend it with Alex.

Alex and I hadn't really talked since my panic attack last month. I knew he found me strange and didn't understand what happened but he never asked about it, which I was grateful for. We were distant but I was okay with that.

It was better that way.

The door knocked and I rushed to open it, letting Zeus pull Alex in before he let him off the lead. Zeus bounced on me, his front paws hitting my shoulders and knocking me backwards. I fell, like usual, my backside hitting the floor painfully and I groaned.

"Zeus!" Alex exclaimed, helping me up while I rubbed where I fell, soothing the pain that exploded there. "I'm sorry about him. He's just excited."

"It's okay." I shrugged, laughing while I watched Loki jump up at Zeus. "Not the first time it has happened."

"Why is it... so plain in here?" He asked looking around.

I stared around my apartment. Natural colours were everywhere, the only colour was Loki's dark red lead that sat on the coffee table. Looking back to him, I tilted my head in confusion. "It's always been plain in here."

"I know but it's Christmas." He explained briefly, a crease forming between his eyebrows. "It's not like I decorate loads, the staff decorate because my dad, my younger sister, her husband and her kids come to stay with me over Christmas. I have to or else my sister will kill me." He rolled his eyes at the last part. "But your place has nothing."

My lips parted in understanding. "I don't do Christmas."

His eyes narrowed. "At all?"

"I buy Loki a small chicken to have with his dinner." I smiled.

"You?" He asked slowly.

"No for Loki."

He exhaled slowly. "I mean what do you have for Christmas dinner?

"I buy a pizza tonight and then I eat half and the other half tomorrow." I nodded before adding, "I watch Christmas movies while eating."

I loved Christmas movies. Elf, The Polar Express, The Nativity, Santa Clause. I had them all on dvd and I binged watched them while writing.

"Pizza?" He asked and I nodded. "Does anyone join you?" Shaking my head, I looked back over to Loki. The two dogs were on the sofa now, calmed down. "So you're all alone?"

"Yea." I smiled up at him.

"What about your dad?"

I hesitated for a second, images flashing through my mind. My heart raced, my palms became clammy and my throat tightened.

The few seconds of silence, of hesitance, of anxiety, felt like the lonest few seconds of my life. Every deep breath drew so much energy, every rub of my sweaty hands on my leggings burnt the muscles in my arms, every image and thought made my head throb painfully.

No. I'm okay.

I shook my head slightly, a smile lifting my lips slightly. "I'm not in touch with my father."

He opened his mouth then closed it, his face contorting slightly. He looked pained, like he had swallowed something sour. "Do you... maybe want to join us for Christmas?"

"Um..."

You can do it. Say no. It's easy.

One. Two. Three.

Say it.

"No that's okay." I smiled, walking to the sofa and sitting down beside Loki. He immediately stood and sat on my lap, his muzzle hiding in my neck while I wrapped my arms around his body, stroking softly.

Alex followed, standing at the edge of the sofa. "You should come. If my sister found out I knew you were alone for Christmas then she would kill me."

"How would she find out?" I tilted my head, staring up at him. He was so tall.

He hesitated. "That's not the point. The point is you should come."

"I don't do well around people." I explained softly, looking down as my mind wandered back to the day on the canal.

It was embarrassing, humiliating and exhausting. I couldn't control my anxiety and being around other humans was a trigger. I didn't want to embarrass myself again. It was better if I stayed away.

"Zeus would want you there." My mind forgot my previous thoughts. "If it gets too much you can lock yourself in a room with Zeus and Loki."

I could feel my non existent stubbornness disintegrating. All I could think about was Zeus and Loki.

"Loki will want to be around Zeus. Zeus will want you both there. Plus Loki would want you there with him and Zeus." Alex continued, pulling me in and persuading me. "Please."

"Okay." I whispered, tangling my fingers in Loki's fur.

Why must he use Loki and Zeus against me?

"I'll pick you and Loki up tomorrow morning. Nine am." He left no room for argument. I nodded and watched as he left, closing the door behind him.

For seventeen years I had spent Christmas alone. For seventeen years Christmas hadn't been a celebration. For seventeen years I hadn't eaten a single Christmas dinner or put up a Christmas tree or decorated my home.

Christmas wasn't seen as a holiday, it wasn't a joyous time of year where everyone should be happy and forget about their troubles and negativity because it was Christmas and Christmas was a time where families come together and show each other love by buying loads of presents.

That wasn't how I saw Christmas. I hadn't seen Christmas that way since I was seven

The thought was stupid to me but as I sat there, with Loki on my lap and Zeus' head resting on my knee while I stroked both of them, I couldn't help but worry about if I should commit to social norms and leave the house to go Christmas shopping. Would it be unacceptable to turn up to Christmas at Alex's house with his family empty handed?

What do I buy? What would I get them? How much is too much?

Before I could get too absorbed in my brain, I grabbed my phone and called the only person in my life.

"To what do I owe this pleasure? Is it a Christmas miracle?" Morgan answered on the third ring, chirping happily.

"What do I buy a man, a father, a sister, a husband and kids for Christmas?" I rushed out.

It was silent for a moment. "Did you buy a family? Or do you have one hidden in your room I don't know about?"

"Alex asked me to join him for Christmas Dinner and I said yes because Zeus would want me there and Loki would want to spend the day with Zeus and Loki wants me there and Alex said I can lock myself in a room with the dogs." I forced the words out quickly, panicking. I patted Loki off my lap and stood up while he curled up in the cushion I just occupied.

I paced in front of the coffee table, biting my nails anxiously.

"You're going to Christmas dinner... with a man you barely know... who has a family." She replayed back to me.

"Yes. I don't think they're hidden in his room though."

"But he wants to lock you in his room with the dogs?" She questioned slowly.

"Only if it gets too much for me. You know... People." I nodded even though she couldn't see me.

I could imagine her nodding as well. "Of course. People." She tutted. "Sorry. What's the problem?"

"I have been invited to Christmas dinner and I don't know them and I haven't ever been invited to a Christmas dinner before, except all the times you've invited me and I've declined because I didn't want to come." I paced forward.

"Every year." She grumbled.

I ignored her. "So I have to follow social normalities and I can't show up empty handed. What do I take? Do I offer money? A sock? A house elf might be there." I continued biting my nails as I talked.

"This isn't Harry Potter. Do not take a bag full of socks." She warned harshly. "I don't know why you thought I owned house elves."

"But when your feet got cold I was there to save the day." I remind her and she hums.

I hear her exhale before answering. "Buy some wine, tins of chocolate and biscuits. Maybe some beers for the old man."

My breathing increased. "Wine? How am I supposed to buy wine?"

"Oaklee." I hummed, pacing back. "You're twenty four. You have ID."

Right. Yes I have that. Somewhere.

"So I go now?" I ask worriedly, biting my nails and glancing at the door.

"Do you want me to get them and drop them off?"

A smile lit up my face, warmth spread through my chest. "Yes please."

I only had one friend but everything in me was thankful that my only friend was Morgan.