High school, every teenager's own personal hell.

Sure I may have it a bit easier than others considering I strive for academic perfection, but even for overachievers like me school can be jail some days. It's odd for me not to be excited about going to school. I love everything about it, the way it challenges me gives me a sense of excitement. But for some odd reason today of all days when I wake up laying in bed staring at my ceiling on the first day of school I find myself dreading climbing out of my warm comfortable bed. And as I'm thinking about why I'm so hesitant to get up I sigh and bury my face in the pillow realizing that the reason why I don't want to get up is tall, handsome, and dangerous.

I told myself that it didn't matter over and over and over again. That we weren't really anything. We were... friends? Acquaintances?

Forbidden lovers...

Ugh. What the hell am I thinking? This isn't some Nicholas Sparks film. There are no happily ever afters. Not your typical boy meets girl story. Whatever the heck this is, is new territory for me and now it's taken a twist. After all we'd been through, it's like the month he had disappeared from my life he pressed that red button on the end of the blow dryer cord. The reset button.

Now I don't know where we are or what we're doing or if there is even a 'we' anymore. All I need to focus on I guess is going back to my old routine, to what I'm sure that I know.

Better the devil that you know, than the devil that you don't.

I finally get up and successfully get my morning shower out of the way, brushing my hair I pull it up into a pony tail and away from my face. I look at myself in the mirror and sigh at my pale reflection. I take a deep breath to calm my nerves.

You don't have to be afraid of him anymore.

Maybe not, but Bain is unpredictable. And I've always only stuck to predictable, I liked it. It comforted me, the assurance that I knew exactly what was going to happen next.

With Bain White it's like night and day. Not even because you can tell when night is coming. I don't know, I'm out of analogies, but you get it.

Grabbing my bag I go downstairs and see my mom smile at me from the counter with Ryan's mom Sara. "Good morning, Sunshine."

Sara took a sip of her coffee and looked at me worriedly. "Jesus, you look awful."

Just what I wanted to hear. "Thanks, Aunt Sara. I appreciate it." Catch my sarcasm?

My mom chuckles. "Aw honey. You just look so pale. Something wrong?"

"It might just be her over excitement to go to school and be the biggest nerd in history like she's always wanted." Sammy chimes in and goes to fridge reaching for the carton of milk drinking from it.

"Samuel Christopher Airwood that is disgusting, how many times have I told you to grab a glass?" My mom sighs and I smirk.

"A pig never learns." Ryan chimes in walking into the kitchen from the living room with a cup of orange juice. "Fresh squeeze, for my main squeeze."

I smile. "I love how you always come in clutch."

"I love how you think you sound cool when you say that." We clink glasses and laugh sipping our juice.

"We better get out of here if we want to make it on time." I say and grab a bagel taking a bite out of it.

"Ugh It's 7am. We can't be early on our first day, it's social suicide." Ryan whines.

My mom smiles and Aunt Sara sighs. "If only Ash's passion for academic excellency would rub off on Ryan."

"If only her fashion sense could rub off on me." I say in her defense and I wink at her and she smiles.

"If only." Ryan grabs my arm and we head out of the door saying goodbye.

We sit down in Ryan's car and I sigh holding my book bag to my chest.

"Alright now what's going on? You look like your about to puke any second and even more nervous that usual. What's up?"

I sigh and rub my forehead. "What am I supposed to say to him? If and when I see him, because I know he's going to walk past me or my luck I run into him or something, how am I going to look him in the face knowing things aren't the same... that he isn't the same. What if the way he feels about me changed? Exactly one week, ago he shows up apologizing asking me for forgiveness and patience then doesn't talk to me for another week."

Ryan taps her steering wheel. "Maybe he has a good explanation..."

I scoff and shake my head at the thought. What could possibly be a good explanation?

"I just don't get it." Ryan backs out of the driveway. "He really loves you..."

Does he? Does he really love me? Thinking back he had said it so soon, and being the vulnerable smuck and hopeless romantic that I am, I had believed him. I really thought he fell for me.

But someone that truly loves someone doesn't lie to them. Doesn't ignore them when it suits them and also confuses them to hell. At first I had thought maybe it was something like cold feet? Maybe the bad boy just wasn't ready for something serious, maybe he wasn't ready to change. To take off the mask and be the man I fell for.

Even though the beast part of him was part of the man I fell in love with.

I hate it when my inner conscience is right. I did fall for him, even the bad parts. And if I'm going to continue to love him, I have to realize that he's a package. The good with the bad. Accept it, and love him anyways.

But to love a man that doesn't love you back? That doesn't put in forth half the effort you put into the relationship working? If there was a relationship at at all....

"Your making that face again, Ash." Ryan smiles pulling into our school parking lot. I had been so deep in thought I hadn't even realized that we were already at school.

"What face?"

"The one you make when you over think things and talk to your inner self."

How does everyone know about me?!

"I don't talk to my inner self." I roll my eyes walking through the school doors adjusting my bag straps.

"Sure." Ryan says sarcastically and smiles.

"If it isn't the two most prettiest girls in all of.... well, anywhere." Trips charming smile makes himself present and he kisses Ryan on the cheek.

"You know she's already your girlfriend Trip, you don't have to keep sucking up to the best friend." I smile and turn the combination to my locker next to Ryan's.

"I know that. I just also know that I saw a certain someone heading this way earlier and thought I'd say something nice to get you in a good mood before everything goes down."

Ryan sighs. "Here he comes..."

I look over my shoulder to see Bain in all his sexy leather clad glory. Rocking his usual messy 'I couldn't care less' look oh so well he strides over to us and I turn back to my locker hiding the heat creeping up my cheeks.

"Hey Airwood." Is it possible for his voice to be even raspier and delicious than it was a mere week ago?

Trip clears his threat and takes his girlfriends hand. "Hey Ryan why don't we head to Bio a little early there's something I want to show you."

With Ryan protesting he drags her away to give Bain and I some space. Which is not something I'm sure I wanted, some support would have been nice, but then again I know that this is something that I had to handle myself.

"Hi." I smile softly trying to keep things light hoping for the best.

"I know you probably deserve an explanation.... especially since I didn't talk to you after I was at your place last week."

I look down tucking my hair behind my hear. My hearts racing in anticipation hoping that he comes through. That he is the man I know he is, the one I fell in love with, the one that came to my rescue and made a romantic picnic on the docks.

He sighs and rubs the back of his neck. "Ive thought a lot.... the whole month I disappeared and this whole week... I just wasn't ready, Airwood. Everything I said to you last week was true." I smile but then, "but truth is I don't deserve your forgiveness. Or your patience. School time came back around and I thought how I'd been this guy, Bain White, and this is who I am. I don't know if I can be someone different. This is who people expect me to be and I can't just,"

"Wait, wait, wait," I can't believe what I'm hearing, " are you saying that your reputation is more important than I am?"

He sighs, "Airwood I just,"

"No. stop right there. You've said all I needed to know. You're the player bad boy that loves sex a-and parties and being a complete asshole and I'm just the stupid nerdy girl that spilled a drink on you and was stuck doing your dirty work, that's my reputation isn't it? That's all I'll ever be?" He stares at me not saying a word and my heart continues to pour out in front of him and the whole school.

"The bad boys toy, aren't I?"

Everyone is staring at us and I feel my eyes sting with tears. I hear people start to whisper and a hush had come over the hallway as everyone was enjoying the show.

I need to get out of here.

I'd be damned if I let him have the satisfaction of seeing me cry and embarrass myself. I slam my locker and walk away with him even trying to stop me, Ryan on the other side of the hallway sees me and catches my arm stopping me from fast walking. She hugs me and sighs. "Sorry I was ease dropping." I cry into her shoulder quietly anyways not trying to make a scene.

I feel another set of arms enter the group hug. "So was I." Trip confesses and that made me laugh a little.

Ryan and trip take me outside deciding that we would skip school for today. Even though I protested just a little, feeling this much pain and regret it wasn't hard for her to change my mind.

"It's our senior year, Ash. If we need a mental health day, so be it."

The three amigos head back to my house and we plop down on my couch.

"I'll order pizza." Trip says.

"At eight-thirty in the morning?" I sniffle and Trip shakes his head.

"It's never too early for pizza."

I walk up to my room and decide to change into my lazy sad clothes. On my way up to my room I hear giggling coming from upstairs. I follow the noise curiously and it leads me to Sam's room.

Isn't he at school?

I open the door and immediately regret it shutting it back closed. "DEAR JOSEPH AND MARY." I yell and wish I could erase the memories from my brain.

"What happened?!" Trip and Ryan come running up the stairs while at the same time Sam comes out in his boxers red faced.

"What are you doing home?!"

"Me?! What are YOU doing home?! Actually no don't answer I think I know too much already." I answer staring at the floor not being able to look at him in the face. I think I'm going to be sick.

Trip laughs and Ryan covers her mouth trying not to. "Way to go, Sammy."

"Ew don't praise him!" I smack Trip in the arm which just makes him laugh harder.

"Sh-shut up! You are all immature children! We- we weren't even doing anything! Just kissing while watching a movie Jesus...." Sammy continues to turn red and just then a very embarrassed looking Isabella comes out of his room fully clothed in comfortable looking pajama pants, fuzzy socks and one of Sammy's Artic Monkeys Band t-shirts.

"We swear we weren't doing anything! I'm so sorry don't blame Sam we just never get to spend time together I was the one who asked him to stay home so we could hang out. Please Ash, don't tell my brother.."

Ryan whistles. "Dang look who crawled out of her shell real quick."

Isabella blushes and Sammy makes an annoyed face at Ryan and she assures him she's just playing around. I pinch the bridge of my nose between my eyes and sigh feeling a headache coming on.

"Alight look, I won't tell your brother or," I look at Sam, "Mom and dad if we can agree that if I didn't see you, you didn't see me. Got it?"

"Deal." Sam and Isabella chime together and before the turn to back in the room I say, "hey! Door open, got me?"

Sam rolls his eyes and Isabella's face turns red again as they pile back in his room and I head back to my room.

Ryan falls back on my bed laughing and I change quickly in my bathroom into my comfy sweatpants, fuzzy white socks and over the shoulder white T shirt. I throw my hair up in a bun and walk out to my room finding Trip and Ryan still giggling.

"Will you two stop? I don't want to talk anymore about what just happen much less think about it anymore than I have to." I grimace in disgust.

"Who knew Sammy was such a baller. I didn't even have sex till I was-" Ryan lifts an eyebrow to her boyfriend and he coughs. "I mean never. I'm saving myself for someone special of course."

Ryan shakes her head smiling and I hear the door bell ring down stairs.

"Pizza is here already?" I head downstairs and open the door and to my surprise, "You're not the delivery pizza guy...."

"Sorry to disappoint." Ben smiles and I sigh.

You've got to be kidding me.