You know those moments, those special moments, where you finally realize your whole life has changed?

Well, that moment for me happened, the minute I met Bain White.

Then again when he kissed me the first time.

Then again when he touched me like no one else has before.

Again when we schemed plans, when he made me miserable then happy again.

And now, when he kissed me the way he never had before. When his lips touched mine it was like the stars in the sky exploded and my body broke out in tingles wherever he touched me or kissed me or how tightly he held me.

Something clicked. Since that moment only two hours ago, I haven't heard my inner self. The voice inside my head, the one that used to control my life completely, had gone silent. It's new i'll be honest, but I can't say that I miss it.

Because I don't.

Now at this very moment I'm sitting in the living room with Ryan on the couch while Bain and Trip are setting up the fire outside in Trip's brick fire pit on his back patio. I'm telling Ryan everything that happened while they were out and even as I'm saying it? I still can't believe it.

"Wow." Ryan sighs and runs her fingers through her long blonde hair.

"Yeah." I nod.

"So, how do you feel?"

I bite my lip. "I feel different. Like his kiss did something to me. He changed me. During the kiss I felt like my heart was released. Like he made me open up, I was totally exposed but," I shake my head, "I wasn't scared. I wasn't scared to show myself to him. He felt safe, Ry."

Ryan smiles making the Cheshire cat reappear. "I'm sure his shirtless state made it all that more exciting."

I sigh leaning my head back remembering how amazing it was to feel his body and more so being pressed against it. "You have no idea."

Ryan and I laugh and suddenly the back door opens revealing something totally supernatural.

Bain and Trip.

Laughing.

Together.

I'm sure If I could hear my inner self right now, she would say something along the lines of.... Huh?

Bain and Trip approach the couch, Trip walks to his girlfriend and pecks her lips gently. Ryan blushes and they link hands and walk off outside to the back without another word. Suddenly I turn my head to see Bain sitting very close next to me and wraps his arm around my shoulders and lifts my legs onto his lap. He smirks that sexy cocky smirk and touches down the side of my jaw gently turning my head so I face him and I suddenly feel his hot minty breath against my lips and those deep green eyes looking into mine and down at my lips.

Bain smirks and kisses the corner of my lips gently. Without my consent I purr half moan with the touch of his hot lips against my skin. Bain's smirk deepens making a dimple appear on his left cheek.

I'm officially a puddle of hot raging hormones .

Bain chuckles, "I guess Kitten was a good nick name after all."

I blushed and open my mouth to reply only nothing to come out because Bain interrupts my speaking process with his lips massaging mine kissing me deeply his hand slowly moving up my thigh and squeezing gently.

Bain groans softly then breaks our heated kiss, but doesnt move his face away from mine and I bite my lip to keep myself from whimpering with loss and wanting his lips back on mine.

"Do you hear that?" He whispers his lips gently brushing against mine like a feather.

"No." I reply breathlessly.

"Shh... Listen," He smirks and first there is silence, but then when he moves his hand up my thigh and squeezes gently i gasp softly and hold my breath for a second only to hear the now rather loud sound of something beating rapidly.

My heart.

I blush and Bain smirks again lacing his fingers in my hair. "I love that sound." He peppers kisses across my jaw and I close my eyes in complete ecstasy.

God the things this boy does to me.

"Guys?" We both hear Ryan's voice call out and suddenly I'm cold. I open my eyes and see that Bain is on the other side of the room some how and I'm left with my arms outstretched where I had them around Bain's neck and my legs in an ackward position my body slightly leaned back.

I look like I was making out with an Imaginary person.

Damn you Bain White.

"Oh, um," I clear my throat and quickly sit up normally fixing my hair and stand up. "C-coming..."

Ryan smirks and winks at me, "I'm sure you were." Then to my horror she walked out.

My blush spreads to my neck and I'm officially twins with a tomato.

With raging hormones for a boy named Bain White.

As soon as Ryan walked out Bain bent over and laughed so hard I felt his pain.

I glared at him and when he walked to me, still laughing mind you, grabbed my hand and laced our fingers together.

"I hate you." I say and he winks at me making me both love him more and me mad at him more.

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It's been years.

Years since I've been this... happy.

It's been such a long time and so much has happened that I even forgot how to be happy or what it felt like.

Now the girl I never noticed, the girl I made feel so bad the one I've put so much through, is sitting on my lap in a huge fold out chair sitting by the fire. I haven't said one word in an hour. I watch her talk to her friends. The way she smiles makes something inside of me get warm. The way I feel about this girl is something I've never felt in my life for anyone.

Sometimes I touch her thigh softly just to feel her. To make sure she's really here. She's nothing like the others. She's sexy, but haven't a clue. She blushes with softest slightest touch from me no matter how innocent. She, her body, her heart, reacts to me so well it's ridiculous. This girl is perfect. She's never been touched the way she deserves and I'm so fucking glad she hasn't because I want to be the only one to touch this angel.

Lately I've started to believe in God. For the first time in all my life, I prayed last night. When this girl was in a miserable ball in the backseat shaking not saying a word because I let someone else hurt her, I was panicking. Something inside me burst and suddenly I'd do anything for this girl. I prayed to God, or whoever is up there, to help her. That if he'd do me this solid I'd change my life.

And in a way it all came true.

Look at the smile on that beautiful face. The melodic song that is her laugh. Everything about her has changed and she's incredible. This girl that everyone thinks is so weak, their so wrong. She's stronger. God helped, I saw that, when she called my name and asked me to lay down with her. When I cooked the next morning and she woke up her skin beautiful and tan and alive instead of the sick pale white she was before. The way her long hair swayed with life again with every step she took.

So I did something. I had promised God I'd change my life in exchange for her happiness. So I kissed the hell out of her.

And damn was it a good kiss.

She told me she didn't hate me. She blamed herself for some unknown reason that is completely stupid because it's all my fault since the beginning. And I never realized it before, but I do now. I've realized what a monster the man I used to be was. I realized who is the man I am now, and the man I'm hoping I'll become.

For God.

For Ashley.

And for my little sister.

They need me to be this man. And that's who I'll be.

I prayed again earlier. While I was alone in the guest room, but this time I didn't pray to god.

I prayed to my mom.

I hope that she could hear me. I told her that I didn't know what I'm feeling, but to watch over Ashley and Isabella. That I'm trying to be better and that I hope she's not disappointed in me, that she's not ashamed of her son. That she would love Ashley. How much she adored her swings, that she was right they would become popular one day, her work.

Now i'm hoping either one God or my Mom will soon give me a sign. A sign to explain hopefully what I'm feeling. I'm so overwhelmed and I have no idea what I'm doing not even a little, but with their help hopefully I can figure it out soon.

Ashley telling a story to Trip about Ryan and her when they were little, she leans back against me and I wrap my arms around her waist.

This girl is changing me, doing something to me I have no clue what, but i'm hoping.

I'll find out soon.