~~~Spencer~~~

The blaring, obnoxious noise of my alarm rouses me from a fitful sleep. I'm so exhausted. I finally fell asleep around 12am, it is 4am now.

Groaning, I roll out of bed and get dressed. Jay shouldn't be awake for another two hours. I lock his door and put the long-range baby monitor in my pocket. I really need to find a roommate or someone to help me. It kills me to have to leave him like this until he wakes up.

I rush downstairs and flip on the coffee maker before forcing my feet into my boots. I throw on a light jacket and head out to the barn. I need to feed the animals before Jay wakes up. Thank god the cattle are grass fed right now.

I scoop some grain into a bucket and spread it for the chickens and ducks before refilling their water. I mix up a bucket of grain with a special mineral mix for Daisy, my milk cow and Jenny, my milk goat. I feed Daisy first and sit on the stool by her side. Gently wiping of her teats with baby wipes, I milk her until I have about a gallon. My fingers and hands are aching and cramping but I can't stop yet. I still need to milk Jenny. I repeat the process with her before filtering the milk into containers. With the milkers done, I head over to throw a few flakes of hay to each of the three horses. I will let them out to graze later.

I listen to the baby monitor to confirm Jay still hasn't risen, before starting to muck stalls. Shoveling mounds of dirty straw and manure into the wheelbarrow.

My grueling routine has been killing me lately. It would have been fine if not for having a 3-year-old and no one to watch him. Sleepless nights and the worry of having him alone have been eating me. I take him with me wherever I go on the farm unless it's this early in the morning. After finally nailing down a routine with him, he sleeps until 6 most mornings giving me two hours to do chores without worrying about him being trampled by animals. I've looked into babysitters but no one around was willing to do the hours I needed.

After mucking the stalls, I head to the sheep barn. They have a large paddock and can go in and out of the barn freely. Most are out grazing or sleeping in the fields. I clean their pen and refresh the water.

I use them for wool, and they are due to be sheared as I was about a month late. I usually do it in the beginning of May before it gets hot. Since I couldn't get my act together, I created a tent like structure to keep them cool out in the field when they don't want to come in the barn. I'll have to figure it out.

Before heading back in the house, I stop to collect any eggs. They usually don't lay overnight, but I've gotten the occasional eggs. This morning there were four. Not many considering I have over 40 chickens and 6 ducks.

I trudge inside, the smell of fresh coffee invading my nose. My pot has a 4-hour warmer which makes it a little easier to have warm coffee after morning chores that I don't need to wait for. It's a godsend in the winter let me tell you.

I open Jay's door and peek in. He was just starting to shift around. I plant a kiss on his cheek.

"Time to wake up baby. It's breakfast time and then we have to check the cows." He blinked his eyes open and rubbed his fists against his eyes.

"Hungry momma." I chuckle and usher him to the bathroom.

"We will eat when you finish. You need to potty and get dressed and brush teeth."

We finish his morning routine and I put him in his booster seat. I give him some apple juice to tide him over until I'm done making the waffles and eggs. It's Jay's favorite. He loves adding ketchup to his eggs.

I plate his food, leaving mine on the stove as I cut his waffles into bite size pieces. I drizzle a little maple syrup on the waffles and a little ketchup on the eggs before putting it in front of him.

"Thanks, momma." I smile at his good manners. He's such a good boy.

"You're welcome baby. Eat slowly." I eat with him, sipping my coffee and relishing the caffeine my body desperately needs. After my second cup, we are both finished, and Jay is cleaned up. I leave the dishes for later as I need to get out to check the cattle and fencing before it gets hot.

"Baby go get your gear bag." Jay darts out of the room before running back with his gear bag trailing behind him. We head out to the barn where I leave him in his chair by the end of the aisle.

I grab my most mellow horse, ironically named Demon, and hooked him to the cross ties. I keep my eyes on Jayden while I brush and tack Demon. I've taught Jay to be respectful of animals and he knows how dangerous they can be. He's a smart kid but he's just that. A kid. They can have lapses in judgment or have a last-minute temper tantrum. I'm always keeping one eye on him while doing my other job.

I leave Demon tacked in the cross ties while I help Jay in his gear. I have a protective vest, knee and elbow guards and his helmet. Having no sitter, means he comes on the horse with me. I can't leave him alone and I do everything I can to keep him from danger. I've been searching every day for a sitter or daycare that would take him. It's to the point where I may have to downsize the farm. Preschool doesn't start until September.

Once he is suited up, I lead Demon out of the barn and have him halt. Once he is steady, I lift Jay in front up the saddle before I swing up behind him. I keep him secure to my chest as I wrap one arm around him and use my other one to hold the reins.

We spent most of the morning riding through the fields checking fences and checking on the cattle. The biggest chore is ensuring the calves recently born were thriving and no late comers were born. I do head counts every day.

Jay and I spent the rest of the late morning and early afternoon cleaning around the house and doing activities to enrich his learning. It was about 3pm when my cell began ringing. Helen's name popped up on my caller ID causing me to sigh.

"Hello?"

"Hey, Spencer. We have a foreign body we need you to come in for. Probably shouldn't be more than 3-4 hours." Yeah, that's what they always say.

"Ok. I just need to make a call and I will be in." I hang up and dial Pops.

"Hey Pops, it's Spencer. I hate to ask but could you watch Jay for a few hours and just throw hay to the horses? I got called in." I sigh. I'm so exhausted but I'm too nice a person to say no when I know they need help.

"Sure kid. I'll be over soon."

About 30 minutes later he pulls in. I thank him profusely, which he waves off like always, before I head out. I make sure to tell him before I leave that only the horses need fed and I will do the rest when I get home.

It was about 8pm when I pulled back into the driveway. It was still light out and I dragged myself from the car and into the house.

Pops was sprawled out on the couch and Jay, I'm assuming, was in his room.

"Hey, Pops." I collapse on the love seat opposite him. He gives me a long look before shaking his head.

"You can't keep doing this sweetie. You'll burn out and then what?" I sigh. I deeply appreciate everything he does for me. He's like another father to me, since I lost my own. He's been telling me for months I need to make some changes.

"You've done this for three years. I'm proud of how you have managed your life and job with Jayden coming along. But you need to figure out something. If you keep running yourself ragged something will happen."

"I know. I don't know what to do." I run a hand over my face wearily. "I haven't been able to get him in a day care since everyone is full and no babysitters are available. I've even listed a room to rent for free in exchange for childcare!" I started to choke up.

The situation had been weighing on my heart since Jayden arrived. This had always been my dream, running my own farm. But Jayden is more important. I may have started this all before he came but now, he needs my attention. "I think I'll have to start selling off the animals." I smile sadly towards Pops who looked as distraught as I felt. He knew what this meant to me.

"We will figure something out. Talk with us before you make any decision. Maybe Judy knows how to help." I nod before bidding him goodbye and heading back out to the barn.

I check the birds first and became extremely confused when I found no eggs. Not even one. I head to the sheep and find hay already down for them.

He didn't.

I head over to the horses.

He did.

All the chores were done. All the mucking and feeding was done. That man, I swear. He's going to be hurting tomorrow. I hate myself for asking him to help. I'll deal with it tomorrow at the party they are having to welcome Nick back.

I didn't really know Nick. We had never truly met. I was friends with his sister in high school and he was already in college and moved out of the house.

It will be interesting to meet him.