《Psycho》Day 15
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"Morning," I heard a soft whisper along with some creaking. I furrowed my eyebrows as I slowly opened my eyes, rubbing the sunlight out of them. Once I adjusted, my eyes landed on Jason who was standing next to the bed. "Sleep good?"
"The best I have since being here actually," I answered, now realizing I actually slept well; peaceful even.
Jason gave a small grin. "Good to here. Ready for breakfast?"
I nodded, sitting up and letting out a yawn. "Yeah, where is it?"
"Downstairs," Jason replied.
"Oh. Why are you up here then? You usually come in after or with the food," I questioned.
Jason hesitantly responded, "That's because the food is downstairs..." he trailed off, making me raise an eyebrow as it still didn't answer the question. "At the table...which is set..."
I stared at him now, unsure if I was hearing correctly or just assuming. "Are you saying..."
Jason motioned his head towards the door. "Let's go."
I slowly swung my legs over the side of the bed, cautiously standing up and following Jason out the door. As we walked downstairs, the scent of hash browns became overwhelming. Sure enough, the table was set and multiple plates of food were set out to be dished up. There were two empty plates at each end of the table, one for me and one for Jason. A worker saw me and rushed to pull out a chair for me. I hesitantly sat down, still taking everything in.
As Jason sat across the table, I could feel his eyes locked on me. "Everything okay?"
I slowly nodded. "Yeah, it's just...a lot...especially for breakfast," I answered, another worker coming over and placing my pill beside my cup. "And the fact that I'm even down here for breakfast instead of in my room is just...strange..."
"I told you this would become home. I think it's about time it started feeling like that, don't you?" he questioned as he started dishing up his food.
I stared at him, at a loss for words. "Yeah..." I trailed off. I know I spoke to him about changing my attitude and wanting to just walk around and even talk to him more, but I never imagined him taking it to this length and actually...treating me as a guest rather than a prisoner.
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"Are you going to start dishing up your food?" he asked, breaking me away from my thoughts.
"Oh. Uh, yeah. Sorry," I chuckled, reaching out for some fruit.
As I dished up my food, Jason started to speak. "So, after we're done eating is there anywhere in the house you want to go to?" I raised my eyebrows, surprised once again. Jason noticed my reaction and commented, "Is something wrong?"
I shook my head. "No! I'm just...you're so...this is strange," I searched for the right words.
Jason chuckled. "I told you, this is your house too. I'm starting to give you more freedom. Isn't that what you wanted?"
"Yeah, of course but I didn't really expect it, or at least not this much so fast," I explained, now reaching for the orange juice. There was some silence as I thought about somewhere to go. I wanted to go outside more than anything, but I wasn't even going to bother to ask because I didn't want to push. I'm thankful to go anywhere other than my room. "Could we go to the...the music room? The one with all of the instruments?"
Now it was Jason's turn to look surprised, but he nodded. "Sure."
"What?" I questioned his expression.
"Nothing! But...I never thought of you as a musical person."
"Why not?" I asked, finding it almost comical. Of course he knows me, but he doesn't know all of me and he seems to think he can read me.
Jason shrugged. "I don't know, you're a very logical and 'everything needs an answer' person. Music is very open and creative, there's no explanation for everything."
"I know that...but I can be open and creative. I just prefer answers," I defended myself. Jason grinned a little, and I even caught myself smiling a bit. "Besides, I never pinned you as a musical person either."
"Well, I'm not the most musically inclined, but my mother was and she taught me a bit before...things turned for the worst," he explained.
I nodded, looking down. "Well I guess we can both test our skills today," I said as I took a bit of pancakes.
"So...where shall we start?" Jason asked as we walked into the room.
I immediately walked over to the grand piano that looks as if it's barely been touched if at all. "The only thing I really know how to play," I sat down.
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Jason chuckled, following me. "Of course it would be the piano," he shook his head, sitting beside me.
My heart raced at how close he was, but I gulped and focused on the piano. I started pressing down on the keys, getting a feel for it. I then started playing Fur Elise, a classic and one of the first and only pieces I knew. I tried to completely focus on the keys and the sound produced, but I could feel Jason intensely watching me. Or at least it felt intense because that's how I was feeling at the moment.
"You weren't kidding when you said you knew how to play the piano," Jason commented once I finished.
"My parents had me take lessons from when I was five up until I was maybe fifteen when I graduated high school. I haven't played since though because I've been focusing on my career," I explained, just staring down at the piano. I got the same feeling I did when I was younger, and I even missed it.
"How could I have not guessed that. Of course your parents would make you take piano, and of course an overachiever like yourself would excel. Another part of your perfect life."
"I've told you before it may seem perfect but...it's really not. It's lonely...even as an adult it was lonely. It was almost like I was always succeeding for attention, but since I was always doing well my parents just expected it and were never really...amazed. They barely acknowledged me..." I recalled, the feeling returning. I stood up and walked away so I wasn't facing Jason. I took some deep breaths to remove the rising anxiety.
After a moment of silence, Jason spoke up. "I know you've told me this before, but...I guess I never really processed it until now. Being lonely is one of the worst feelings in the world...specifically because you have no one there to help."
I nodded in agreement, turning to face him now. "We all have some kind of darkness in our lives, Jason. Some more than others, but my life has been far from perfect. I mean, look what ended up happening to me! I got abducted, I almost killed myself, and I'm still here trying to make amends with my abductor?!" My voice started to rise, the anxiety returning as I recalled these past couple weeks. I slowed my breathing to calm myself once again. "I wouldn't be surprised if my parents still hadn't noticed my absence, or if there isn't even a search for me..."
Jason looked down, and part of me felt bad for saying those things, especially with how kind he's been lately. But they were all true...
"I'm sure they're out there looking...and I'm sure you know that too," he finally said.
I walked back over to him, sitting on the piano bench. I thought about what to say, how to convey my feelings but my feelings were still mixed. "Staying here hasn't been terrible...part of me wishes things could go back to being normal but...another part of me is starting to feel...comfortable here," I told him, making his eyes meet mine. "These past couple days specifically...I'm not lonely."
"I want you to feel comfortable here. I'm trying...I hope you know that," he said.
"I do." There was a moment where we just sat there, staring at each other. At a loss for words, but okay with it. I let out a breath and looked back down at the piano. "You want to play something now?" I changed the subject.
"If I can," he chuckled, playing some chords first before starting a piece I recognized at Moonlight Sonata. I smiled as he played not only because it was one of my favorite pieces, but because Jason was very into it. It made me feel something...I couldn't explain it but I liked it. I wanted more of it.
Jason slowly stopped, turning to me. "It's all I remember. I didn't have proper lessons, but this was a simple piece that I liked, I think it was my favorite."
"I guess we both have a thing for Beethoven," I joked at our choice in music. "You played beautifully though, from what you knew."
Jason grinned at me before looking back at the piano. "I might remember some of Fur Elise, at least the beginning. Every kid learns it, right?"
I chuckled. "Yeah, I can help you," I offered. He gave a nod and started playing what he remembered, and that's how we spend nearly the whole day in that room. Just playing, acting normal, having fun even. And that feeling...the feeling I loved but couldn't explain...stayed the whole time.
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