I turned off my phone and kept it like that for the rest of the night. I didn't even get a second of sleep tho. And I didn't keep myself busy with anything. I just sat there in the darkness completely broken, trying to stop the pouring tears and finding it absolutely ridiculous how he succeeded to make me cry once again. I almost never cry, and when I do, at least I have self control to stop when it gets too much. Not this time tho.

Has he always been this toxic? But I was so happy with him..?

Wasn't he happy with me? Was I toxic to him? The amount of times he said I fucked him over but I ignored his words..

I hurt him. But he hurt me more.

He has issues, he's manipulative, he's toxic, he's jealous and possessive.

And what am I? I'm egotistical. My issues are stronger than his.

He respected mine, while I told him that he needs help.

He was so good to me. So fucking perfect. Everything I could've asked for. Yet what did he do? Ruin it all in one night. Shatter everything. He broke me. We're bad for each other. We're so bad for each other.

Why did he say he loves me?

Does he love me? He just said it to break me more, right? He doesn't love me.

Wait.

What is wrong with me? Why am I blaming myself?

No really, what's wrong with me? He fucking manipulated me, that's all. He made me blame myself and succeeded.

Not anymore. I'm not that weak.

Over. It's over.

I didn't even notice how the morning came. I was so scared to turn on my phone, I already knew what was about to come. But keeping it off would be too egoistical-

God, I hate that word.

I had 9 missed calls from my friend. The one that waited for me to show up, but I never did. I texted her that I'm okay and muted the notifications for the chat.

I had 3 from my mom, and also a lot of texts from her too, asking if my phone died again. I texted a simple "yes, sorry" to her and muted the notification for that too.

The rest of the notifications were a mess.

I had 18 missed calls from Nick, 20 from George and.. and 43 from Clay. And all of those were fresh from the past 2 hours.

There were too many texts, there's no point even looking at the numbers. There were obnoxiously many.

One by one. I'll read them all and be strong. I promise.

sorry was in a call

not you getting salty and leaving🙄

I CAN SEE YOU'RE ONLINE WHY WOULD YOU IGNORE ME

Those messages were from the evening, during the time me and Clay were still texting. And then there were also messages from 8 a.m., which was two hours ago.

Lizzy pick up

Clay called

Lizzy please pick up

I told him everything, he got it all wrong, I'm so sorry

it's all my fault I'm so sorry you should've told him, the surprise wasn't even worth it I'm so sorry

I let go of an annoyed grunt from seeing George putting the blame on himself.

he apologized for blocking me, we have it solved now

and me reading your texts wasn't a glitch, I forgot that him and Nick had my password

Wait-

He didn't hack it? I knew he wasn't smart enough.

Not the time, Liz. Collect yourself.

he wasn't okay please talk to him or just call me so we can talk idk I fucking hate this I'm so sorry

Is George really just going to forgive Clay like that? After all the temper tantrums he threw and ended them by messing with his account? What is wrong with them?

I was so mad that just opened Nick's chat without replying to George. The atmosphere in there was the complete opposite.

giirrll what in the badly written soap opera is going on there lol

aren't you gonna pick up?

rude

alright I guess I'll just rant here

so George calls me early in the morning sounding fucking devastated lmao

mans was seconds away from shitting his pants from fear

he didn't tell me what happened but apparently cleo went feral on him💀

or should I say he went dreamon👹😈 LMFAOOO

anyways, none of them are picking up and you're not picking up too which makes me think you're involved

text me or call me when you get the chance to👁👄👁🍿

I sighed, pissed that they didn't tell Nick. He was the one I felt the most comfortable talking to about the situation, yet he had no idea about the details. So I closed his chat, with the plans of coming back to it.

Now the hardest part. Clay's chat. All of his messages were recent, in the period of the last 2 hours. He probably just slept the whole night like nothing happened and just woke up.

I spoke to George im so sorry for thr accusations I had no idea and you difnt tell me

please pick up we need to talk

I didn'y hack I had his password and wanted to makw a stupid story that said subscrive to dream on his account to make him laugh andn clear the ajr between us but you texted and I coudn't help myselfm I'm sorry I'm such a dick

I didn't tell you that I didn't hack beause I thought you were the one who needed to do exolaing and you didn"/ do it so I git even more pissed

I fuckednup

I'm so sorry I fucked up

I know u don't wanna talk but pleae at least let me apologize properly

why did u turn odf your ohone

are you okay?

I fucjing blamed u withohut tryinf to explain myskef first im so sorry

you did nothibg wrong its all me I'm sorry i fucked up i made u cry I didn mean to

i cant drive right nownbut i will when Im bettwr and we'll sort this out right?

His typos gave me a headache.

Yeah, let's just blame it all on the typos.

But he was always so neat with his texts? He didn't even leave a single comma behind whenever we texted. What is this mess?

Why can't he drive? Is he okay?

Why do I even care?

He didn't hack and didn't switch to George's account with the plans of reading our texts.

But that doesn't change anything. He still went through our texts, and that's all that matters.

The amount of times he left his screen unlocked beside me and left the room. I never even looked at the screen.

I was about to close the chat without replying but I saw him typing something. Great, he was here.

you're here

you're reading

please read till the end please

I sighed, putting my phone down and leaving the chat open. I preferred staring at the wall over the screen, cause him typing and deleting gave me anxiety. At least he'll take his time to fix the typos.

It took him a while to finish the paragraph he was writing, and during that time I figured how to treat him. I'll read every single message he sends and won't reply. I won't answer his calls. I won't talk to him if he shows up.

I'll just ignore him but make sure to remind him that I still exist.

I don't care of it's cruel. He deserves it.

there are so many things wrong with what I did. I don't even know where to start. I don't recognize myself recently. I'm not like this usually. At least I know I wasn't. I think I went insane over the uncertainty of things. It's one of my biggest fears. The things I didn't know were dominating the ones I knew. I'm starting to think I even forgot who I was from how uninformed and uncertain I was about everything. There's no point in trying to explain myself. I can't explain myself. I understand how fucked up I've been now. But I didn't realize what I was doing yesterday. I didn't hack, I would never do such a gross thing. I still did a fucking gross thing. I saw the text and my brain stopped working. It went back to all the thoughts and worries of George liking you and you liking him back. You never said how you felt about me. I tried to not pay attention to that and succeeded, but with all the George thing it just got too much. I lost myself completely. I'm scared that I'll lose myself again. I hurt you enough and I hurt my friends. I doubted my best friend, that's how fucked up my mind was. I hurt myself more doing all of that. I just want to apologize. It's not gonna fix it, I don't think it's fixable. I know I crossed all the lines but I need to apologize in person. I need to talk to you. I get if you don't. I won't force my presence on you. Reply with something if you want to see me. I'll leave you alone if not. I'm sorry. For everything. I'm so sorry.

My eyes were finally dry. Before I read this. Now they're burning again. Even more, cause they were damaged from the last night to start with.

A teardrop fell down to my screen, messing up the keyboard and typing a single letter. He probably had his hopes high from seeing that I was typing.

But I wiped the screen, deleted the letter and closed the chat. I didn't hear from him for the rest of the day.