It feels like I'm living through the worst hangover I've ever had.

But the second someone runs their hand through my hair and I feel a kiss being placed on my temple the slightest smile lights up my lips, I take a deep breath in through my nose before slowly opening my eyes.

"Hey hermosa," he whispers, tucking a strand of hair behind my ear. The sound of his voice alone fills me with comfort and warmth, I look up and for what seems like the first time in days I meet eyes with him.

Before I could speak a ache ran through my head and I forced my eyes shut while resting my face on his bicep, fuck that hurts like hell.

I can feel him helping me to sit up but the only thing I can register in my head is how much it hurts. I let out a small groan whilst grabbing onto his arm when he tries to pull away.

"I'm right here Abby, open your mouth for me." He assures me, I comply quickly and as soon as I do there's a small pill placed in my mouth.

Opening my eyes slowly as he brings a glass of water towards my lips, my free hand grabs the glass over his hand as I take a few sips.

He puts the glass back onto the night table when I lightly tap on his hand before he kneels in front of me, placing his hands on my thighs and lightly rubbing up and down.

"Did he hurt you anywhere else?" Seb asks and I shake my head, reaching down and placing my hand over his before he turns it around and interlocks our fingers.

I finally look at him properly and my eyebrows furrow slightly, hooded and bloodshot red eyes, and looking at how he's not drooping around or the fact that there's no smell of any drug on him I know he's not under the influence.

Moving my hand from the bed and leaning down slightly to run it down the side of his face, "are you okay?" I ask him lightly and as soon as the words leave my lips he lets out a small, exhausted laugh.

Leaning down as he places a kiss on my bare thigh, "you were the one that was kidnapped, sweetheart." he mutters while placing soft kisses along both of my upper legs. I run a hand through his hair and sigh.

"You didn't answer my question," of course he's not okay and he's allowed that. He knows who did this, he knows that his own father did this to him even after all he's done to hurt Seb. And now his father is on about ruining mi amant's life.

He stays quiet when I speak again, this is what he does, he's always done this. Even three years ago when something or someone was bothering him he'd stay quiet about it and deal with everything himself.

I hated and still do hate it.

But he has to know he's not and never will be alone.

Seb avoids my questions as he keeps kissing my thighs, but the second he stopped and placed his forehead on my skin and took a deep breath I froze.

"I'm supposed to be strong Abby," he starts off in just a whisper but the way his voice shakes breaks my heart, I take a deep breath and reach down before forcing him to meet eyes with me.

I see those glossy eyes of his and motion for him to come up on the bed, he sits down and leans his back against the backboard before I throw a leg over him and settle myself onto his lap.

He wraps his arms around me as if his life depends on it and buries his face in the crook of my neck, "you are baby, you're so fucking strong" I whisper while running a hand through his hair, his body shakes as he lets out a small cry.

"He-He killed her." He whispers, those three words stop my heart as every single bad scenario runs through my head.

My eyebrows furrow as I pull back and forced him to look at me, the bloodshot red and glossy eyes of his just continue to worry me, I use my thumb and wipe his tears away, leaning forward and placing a kiss on his forehead as his eyes shut and his grip on me tightens.

He did it, he killed her.

And the worst part was that he made me watch, he made me watch as my abuela told me to close my eyes and it would all be fine.

My own father killed the woman that gave him birth to hurt me, her life is gone because my father wanted revenge for god knows what I ever did to him. I never wanted anything from him or my mother, I wanted them gone.

I hold onto Abby tighter, afraid that he'll take her from me next. He's already tried, who's stopping him from doing it again?

I let out a sob as I buried my face against her neck, he took the woman that raised me like her own. He had people hold me down with countless guns to me, I tried running to her, I swear I did but every time I did something they'd throw me back to the ground and we'd be back to square one.

I saw the fear she tried to deny in her eyes when her son forced her on her knees and held a gun to her head, 'this isn't goodbye mi hijo' she told me with one of her beautiful smiles, but the fear it hid behind it ruined it. Those turned out to be the last few words she'd ever say to me.

My abuela is gone and it's all my fucking fault.

"Seb sweetheart, what's wrong?" she whispers lightly into my ear and my jaw locks as I take a deep breath through my nose, I need to tell someone, I can't keep this with me forever. Although telling my cousin might just be the hardest part of all this bullshit.

"My dad killed Abuela," is the only way I can think of phrasing what just happened to her. I heard her breathing stop, she froze as if she doesn't believe any words that just left my lips. I wish they weren't true.

Her hand lightly runs through my hair as she speaks, "Seb-" or well as she tried to speak but I cut her off before she could say another word.

"It was my fault, and he even made me fucking watch him kill the only mother figure I had," I can't help the sob that leaves my lips at the end of the sentence, saying this out loud is a whole different level of pain, it feels like when I said it out loud it finally registered to me that she's gone because of me.

Nico is going to hate me...

"This isn't your fault, none of this is your fault, Seb." She forces me to look her in the eyes and I scoff, her hazel eyes glossy as she warns me not to say another word of blaming myself. I knew she'd say that, but it doesn't change the fact that it is.

"He told me it was my fault," she goes to say something but before she could I spoke again, "he said that he wants to ruin me and he knows that to do that he needs to kill everyone I love, that this is another reminder that I don't deserve the love I have."

My grip subconsciously tightens on her waist and I pull her as close as I possibly can, I'm not letting him hurt anyone else I love.

Her mouth tips open as if she's disgusted by the words he spoke, but he's not wrong is he? I always hurt people, this is another example, I love my abuela and she loves-loved me and now she's dead for it.

She's gone because she chose to love me even after the warning my father gave her years ago.

I'm snapped out of my thoughts when she grabs the sides of my face and leans forward, resting her forehead against mine. "He's a psycho that wants you to believe his stupid words, he just wants for you to hurt. Amor, you deserve all the fucking love in the world." She whispers and my eyes flutter shut when I feel her thumb slowly stroke my cheek.

"He tried hurting you too," I mutter and she sighs. "Abby, he won't stop trying until he succeeds." I try explaining to her.

"As long as you're with me, you have a target on your back." I open my eyes to meet her and I watch her jaw tick as she takes a deep breath. I don't let her speak, "I can arrange for you to fly back to New York safely, your whole life is there anyways, just go back to living it like you were the past three years." I blurt out the words, keep her safe Seb, stop being fucking selfish.

She needs to leave me and then he'll see that chasing her is useless.

My mind flickers back to how I was these three years without her and wince when I see my old self, I fucking hate being that me.

She lets out a small laugh, one without a drop of humour. I take a deep breath to compose myself, "I'm serious," I pause and tilt my head back before closing my eyes. I can't let him hurt her. "You need to go back home and-" My words are cut off in an instant when she grabs the collar of my shirt and yanks me forward.

My eyes snapped open but before I could say anything her lips were on mine. Any thoughts that I had saying that I should be sending her back and keeping her safe, that I could live without her again and anything including her leaving fly right out of my head when her tongue slides into my mouth and she kisses the shit out of me.

Her arms snake around my neck and she pulls me even closer while parting for maybe a second and slamming her lips back onto mine, my eyes roll to the back of my head and a small groan leaves my throat.

I have to tilt my head up to kiss her properly and every second this goes on the harder I know it is to convince myself that letting her go is best for her.

Fuck this, i'm a selfish bastard and I have no idea what I was thinking when I thought I'd let her leave. I can't live without this woman and I love it, love her.

Goddammit Abby Ximena Madden, I'm so fucking in love with you.

She pulls away from me and before I could speak she slams a hand over my mouth, glaring hard at me. "You need to shut the fuck up, if you think I'm leaving you the second there's a problem in your life you're damn delusional."

"Abuela would kill you for being this...for being this much of a stupid mother fucker!" she shouts in my face and I don't think she notices when she switches to spanish, shouting at me in spanish as she breathes in heavy breaths.

"I knew you were dumb, but not this dumb to think I'd actually leave once you asked. Especially at a time like this, instead of honouring abuela and giving her the funeral she damn well deserves you're sitting here trying to cut me out of your life," when she shouts at me in her native language it feels like she's actually pissed, she takes a deep breath at the end of her sentence.

She stops for a second before scanning my face and scoffing in disbelief. "You dumbass, you are my fucking home!" she shouts in my face as if she's trying to shake her words into my brain and keep them there, "screw new york, fuck modelling, I don't want it if it comes down to choosing you or the other."

She moves her hand slowly from my mouth and places it on my chest as I just stare at her in shock, her glare gets harder as she waits for me to say something. Anything at all but I can't, she said I'm her home.

Three words that have my heart doing flips

Finally she takes a deep breath and closes her eyes, resting her forehead against my shoulder. "You're my home amor, we'll get through this together." She says switching back to english probably not even noticing her switch, her arms wrap around my torso and I nod.

"I'm sorry, I was panicking." I whisper, running a hand up and down her back but she only lets out a small laugh. "Don't apologise, I know what was running through that head of yours." she sighs.

We just sat like that for a few minutes, I tilted my head back and rested it against the backboard. Just staring at the blank white ceiling, twirling strands of her soft blond hair around my fingers.

The silence is thick, although it's anything but uncomfortable.

"I'm sorry about abuela, I know she meant a lot to you." She speaks lightly and places a kiss on the side of my neck, I hum closing my eyes when I feel tears come up to the surface.

I miss her already.

"Want to tell me about her?" she offers, I feel the corners of my lips tilting up from her words and nod, sitting up straight a bit as I think of all the crazy things I can tell her about the woman that raised me and Nico.